Excruciating pain runs through my body, as the obnoxious fluorescent lights sting my eyes.
The blur of the room is thick enough to make me believe I'm in a dream, or part of the world unknown. My head spins, as my thoughts swirl in the puddle that is my brain at the moment. How did I get here? What happened? Hell, I don't even know. I grasp my head with my hands, and slowly run my fingers through my hair. That's when I notice the blue black shade, and the extra length I didn't have previously. That's also when everything comes rushing back to my mind.
Ashley, my new hairstyle, Michael...
Michael.
"Michael was found not guilty Ellana." Ashley's words echoe through my mind.
I shoot up in what I now realize is a hospital bed. My heart is racing, and I swear I might pass back out. I snap my head in search of a familiar face, frantically. I grip the sheets, and squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the tears. I choke, and gasp, trying to get a hold on my breathing and anxiety.
I'm such a mess. I'm the liquid spilled on the floor that always feels like an eternity to clean up. No matter how hard you try to fix it or clean it up, there will always be a stain. I'm the shattered glass, that you harm yourself only trying to put the pieces back together. Those shards have jagged edges, my past, or my fears.
A tear streams down my face, as I sit there in silence. Soaking in my sudden realization, accepting the truth for what it is.
I hear heavy footsteps enter the room and I'm terrified to even take a glance
.
To my surprise, it's Zayn.
Holding two paper cups, of what I assume is coffee.
His gray hoodie, and black sweatshirt make him look so warm and inviting. Although I have much bigger things to be focusing on right now.
"Wha- how-.." I fumble for words, confused yet comforted by his presence.
"Your best friend isn't one to keep anyone's business private, that should sum it all up." He states.
"You didn't have to come though" I whisper, my voice is in no shape to fully speak.
"I know but I wanted to" he glances down at me, holding my stare.
In that moment, I lose all sense of reality and absorb the image of the beautiful man in front of me.
"Ella," Zayn waves his hand in front of my face and my cheeks flush.
"Sorry! I was just thinking about something." I ramble, and I notice the smirk on his lips as he listens to my lie.
"Mhmmm, I could've sworn you didn't like me." He keeps his eyes focused on the television against the wall, and chuckles.
"And I could've sworn you weren't an asshole a minute ago." I retort, giggling.
He turns toward me, shooting a glare. "I can leave." He shrugs, and points toward the door. His sudden shift in attitude was unexpected and uncalled for, considering I was clearly sarcastic.
"Be my guest," I spit, "it's not like I've only known you for two days."
It's not like I haven't been walked out on all throughout my life. My mom wasn't murdered, or my sperm doner isn't the one who killed her in the first place. It's not like I haven't been through this before. And it sure as hell doesn't mean, he's going to be the last person to hurt me.
I consider my thoughts, before deciding not to say them out loud. Truthfully, I'm afraid of the outcome. I don't want him to walk out the door. To walk out on me. Sadly, my fear becomes a reality.
"I feel more than welcome out there than I do in here, so if you would excuse me."
He snatches his cup off the counter next to me and yanks the door open, slamming it behind him. Leaving the deadliest, loneliest, most uncomfortable silence I've ever felt.
~
"This isn't you...This isn't you." Images flash through my mind, of the night my mother died. A blur of colors fog my mind and I can't make out the face or voice inside my head. Sobbing, screaming, and choking terrorizes me and I snap awake, sticky with a thin layer of sweat covering my body.
"This isn't you." I look up to the television, and see Tyler Posey step out of the way only to see Dylan O'Brien rush to the sink. Covered in what I would think is blood. The screen goes black, the words Lose Your Mind appear in a haze.
At this very moment, I consider the fact that I just might be.
I mute the tv and sulk in silence. My sulk session is interrupted by a sudden shift and grumble. I look to my right towards the window and see the beautiful, yet rude, man sleeping on the green leather chair. His hair is carelessly tousled, although this time his fingers never purposely styled it that way. The stubble running down his jaw almost seems unfitting for him, because the man in front of me resembles a sleeping child. Especially, with his superhero sweatshirt and black sweatpants. If it weren't for the facial hair, and emotional barrier he seems to have built extremely high, you would never think he's a grown man.
I take in the sight in front of me, because I have a feeling I may never see it again.
He shifts once more, and slowly opens his eyes.
"Hey sleeping beauty." I smirk, and I notice how sincerely I mean those words.
"Hey" he groans.
He turns his head toward me, and peaks one eye open. I recall what happened last night, our sudden argument replaying in my head. My smile falls, as I begin to grow irritated by the second.
"Can we talk?" I whisper, trying to keep my voice soft and inviting.
"Ella, we have plenty to talk about so I'm glad you asked." He rubs his eyes and sits up straight.
"Last night, the doctor said you'd be ready for discharge soon, but if you felt the need for fresh air then you could be taken for a walk outside or around the hospital."
"Nothing like the smell of medicine, and sound of beeping monitors to relax me." I shake my head, but honestly it did sound better than sitting surrounded by these depressing gray walls.
"Ashley brought you some clothes to change into whenever you're ready."
He sets the bag down on my bed, and walks toward the door. "I'll be right outside." With that, he softly shuts the door, leaving me in silence once again.
~
The elevator ride down was nothing less than excruciatingly awkward. The silence continued to build, and I was ready to kill it.
Suddenly, the elevator beeped, and he guided me out to the first floor. The lobby was gorgeous. A grand piano in the corner, with patterned polka dot chairs surrounding it. String lights hung from the ceiling, just above the front desk, right in front of the glass staircase. I began to question whether or not this was a hospital lobby.
"Do you want something to eat?" Zayn interrupts my thoughts.
"Yes please, could you get me a bagel?" I kindly ask him, hoping he will stop being so cold to me.
"Yeah sure, wait here." He walks away, and I stroll over to the window running all the way down the wall. Sun light casts in, lighting up the entire hallway, and for the first time I welcome it.
"Here you go" his rough hand brushes mine as he places the bagel with a small cup of cream cheese in my hand.
I chuckle, and see him stare at me confused.
"What?"
"Nothing" I giggle, and keep my eyes focused ahead of me.
We sit at a metal table, and I can't help but glance around and enjoy the rare warmth being given to me. I close my eyes, and inhale deeply. Only to be greeted by icy brown eyes, waiting for me to come back down to earth.
"Ok so what do you want to talk to me about?" I ask, hoping he'll give more than just a one word answer.
"I should be asking you the same thing."
I sigh, and run my hands over my face.
"I just want to know what your deal is. One day you're so nice to me, then the next day you're a complete as-" I look up and he raises his eyebrows, anticipating my rude remark.
"Jerk."
"Ellana, I've tried being nice to you, really I have. I even did you a favor by covering your identity. Which nice hair by the way. But you continue to treat my harshly, when I've done nothing wrong to you. Ever." He pauses and I stare at my hands, unwilling to meet his eyes.
"Sure, I've only known you for a few days, but people get to know each other. Unless they treated you wrongly, I don't think it's fair to push everyone away." The quiet birds chirping in the distance tell me he's done, and I force myself to meet his gaze.
"Okay look, I'm sorry." I twiddle my thumbs, only to be interrupted by a large hand lying on top of mine.
"I'd rather you make eye contact... I like looking at you." He whispers and I'm greeted with a warm smile. A smile I haven't seen in what feels like forever.
I start again. "Okay I'm sorry, I have a lot going on in my life right now in case you and the rest of the world couldn't tell." I shrug, subconsciously hoping that wasn't too much sarcasm.
"Technically, all I know about you is what is shown on tv and what you allow me to know." He gazes at me and I find it hard to concentrate on what I want to say.
"That's true" I chuckle. "But my past is pretty ugly, I'm not sure you'd want to know about all of it."
He stands abruptly, brushing invisible dust particles off his sweater.
"Ella, the way I see it, you shouldn't let your past affect you, or anyone around you. It'll only come back to bite." He smiles, and holds his hand out to me.
I look up at him, perplexed. "Where are we going?"
"For a walk, around the lake." He tilts his face towards the sky, the sun illuminating his skin as he closes his eyes. "I'd like to get to know you."
I place my hand in his, and stand from the metal table. "I've been wanting to do the same."
I grin contagiously, hoping, sincerely hoping nothing could go wrong.