Chapter 17
Confessions in a Cozy Bed
“Your mom was far from perfect,” Alyssa had said to me before. I never thought she was perfect… she had depression. I never thought I could say that Alyssa was right about something until now. I’d always pictured my mom as perfect despite her depression, I mean, she couldn’t help that. But now she did do something she could help, she cheated, and that was her decision.
I felt my phone vibrate and reached through my bed and looked down at it. I had three missed calls and five texts, all from Sam.
Shit.
I heard the door slam and knew Alyssa was back.
I looked at the clock and with surprise I realized it was eight. Where did the time go? I stood up and pulled open the door quietly and crept down the hallway to listen to what my dad was going to say.
“Alyssa, sit down,” he demanded for what sounded like the umpteenth time.
There was the loud sound of a chair being pulled out and pushed back into the table.
“What? You can’t tell me that you were going to keep it from her for forever?” Alyssa said, breaking the silence.
“It wasn’t your place to tell her anything… you knew not to tell her. I let you stay here for the weekend, you shouldn’t be barging in here like you own the place. You should be thankful but instead you are acting like a spoiled little brat.”
Whoa, I can’t believe my dad went that far. I don’t think he actually meant to go that far, he’s just really, really, angry.
“I’m sorry, alright?” she said, annoyed.
“You aren’t. I know you aren’t, but I don’t care about your opinions. I just don’t want you here messing up my family.”
“Your family basically consists of you and your daughter, here. You shut everyone else out. My parents said that you never talk to them or any of your brothers and sisters. She said the only people you talk to is your wife’s parents, who aren’t even your family.”
That felt like a slap in the face. Now I was angry. You see, Alyssa can mess with me but she cannot mess with my dad or talk about my mom. She has no respect, it literally amazes me. I stormed into the kitchen; I didn’t even care if they realized I was listening to that whole conversation.
“Actually, we decided that we didn’t want to talk to your crazy family. How does it feel having parents that constantly try to get you to change yourself, Alyssa? First it was about losing weight but now I heard they want you to go to some fancy college and become a lawyer.”
She stood up, her face turning red.
“At least I have both of my parents.”
“At least both of my parents actually cared about me,” I retaliated.
She stormed off into my room and slammed my door behind her. I hurried after her and stood in front of the door even after she slammed it in my face.
“You do know you’re in my room, right?!” I yelled at her.
“Eff you!” she shouted.
I turned around to look at my dad who was standing down the hall. At that second I made a split decision.
“I’m going out, don’t worry, I’m going to a friend’s house. They’ll help me through this or something,” I said to dad.
“Honey, I don’t think you should be going out this late.” he sighed.
“I’ll sleep over,” I lied.
I don’t exactly think I could sleep over at Sam’s house…
“But-“
“Dad, I can’t stand to share a room with her.”
“She can sleep on the couch for all I care,” he said. “I’ll make her sleep on the damn porch.”
“No you won’t. I can’t stand to share even the house with her.”
“Alright…” he said, looking stressed.
I walked over to him and reached my arms out, bringing him into a hug. He sighed, patting me on the back.
“Sorry dad, you’re probably really stressed out not with all this stuff about mom.”
“Oh, it’s fine honey,” he breathed.
I pulled out of the hug and said, “Alyssa is awful.”
“I’m going to call her parents right now and talk to them about all of this, don’t worry. Maybe they’ll come back early tomorrow, but I doubt they really even care.”
“Sometimes I feel bad for Alyssa because her family is so bad to her. But I guess it’s too late and she’s already turned into one of them.”
He nodded and said, “I remember Victoria was always... crazy.”
I turned to the door and said, “I’ll be back.”
He watched me grab my keys and cell phone. Then I let the door slam behind me as I walked to the car. I sat behind the wheel and pulled out my cell phone, looking at all the missed calls and texts from someone who cared.
It was weird… that someone cared. Because why should anyone care about me? This is how I see it; I’m not doing anything for this world. I sit here and take up space, thinking about my mom, about life. I don’t know, the way I see it, I should be trying to change the world. I should be trying to inspire others; I should be trying to do something.
But I can’t.
I dialed his number, my arm wrapping around my stomach like I was trying to hold myself together.
“Quinn?” I heard him breathe on the other line.
“Sam…” I managed to say.
“I thought you wanted to hang out? What happened?” he asked, confused.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…” I started to choke up, thinking about my mom again. How many problems can I freaking have?
“Just what?”
I felt the tears sliding down my face again and quickly wiped them away.
“Sam, can I just come over?” I asked him, my voice cracking.
“Yes,” he said.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said, hanging up.
***
I parked in front of his house a few minutes later. He came walking out of his house right after I got out of my car. He took one look at me through the dark and could tell right away that I had been crying.
I must look pretty bad if he can tell in the dark after just a glance.
He hurried over to me and said, “Are you alright? What happened?”
I shook my head, “I can’t talk about it right now Sam, I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
He reached out and grabbed my hand, leading me into his house. I couldn’t think straight, all I could think about was our intertwined hands and my mom.
“Let’s avoid my dad for today. I’m guessing you don’t want to meet him with everything that’s going on.”
“Thank you Sam,” I sighed.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered reassuringly.
We made it into his room and he shut the door behind us sneakily. I stood there, taking a good look around. The walls were painted blue and a few band posters were stuck upon them. He had pictures sitting around of him and friends, his life back in Massachusetts. It was really messy, his bed was unmade; the covers on the ground. There was a good pile of clothes shoved into a corner of his room and there were books, mugs, CD’s, and other things strewn all around. He still had his suitcases out and they were open, but empty. I could see that he was making an attempt to turn his room into his place, but his real home was back in Massachusetts.
It hit me then that he was going to be gone in a year.
I already was too attached to him.
“Go ahead, sit down,” he said, motioning to his bed. He stopped though, taking a long look at it, before hurrying over and pulling his blankets off the ground and laying them neatly back across it.
“Sam?” I said, smiling.
“Huh?” he said, looking up from his messy bed.
“Your room is perfect,” I managed to say.
He gave me a goofy grin, “Sorry it’s so messy.”
“It’s alright. I think that I like it… if that makes sense?”
He laughed and I walked over to his bed, sitting atop it.
“Look at all those clothes, though,” I said, pointing to them all shoved in a corner.
“What?” he asked innocently.
“Are those all dirty?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.
He blushed a little, “Maybe.”
“You know, there’s such a thing called a washer and dryer. You put your clothes in them so they’re clean…”
“I don’t know how to use one,” he sighed. “And I don’t want to bother my dad or Susan.”
“I could help you if you want…” I said.
He gave me a look.
***
Ten minutes later I found myself stumbling down his hall carrying a gigantic pile of his clothes with me. He was behind me laughing as I tripped, but I stopped and glared at him.
“Where am I even going?”
He walked around me with his gigantic pile and led the way down the hall and into the laundry room.
“Alright, you have to make three piles. One of darks, one of whites, and one of brights,” I said.
“This is more work than I thought,” he complained.
“Trust me,” I said, rolling my eyes.
He sighed and started sorting with me. Finally we managed to make three piles and I stared at them open-mouthed.
“How did we even carry all that down in one trip?”
He simply laughed and picked up the white pile to load it into the washer.
“Wait!” I exclaimed a bit too loudly. I covered my mouth in fear that his dad or Susan would hear. We both stood there, completely silent, and Sam set the pile back down on the floor.
“False alarm,” he said, walking over to me and nudging me in the ribs.
The small gesture sent me falling to the floor, laughing hysterically. I lay there, holding my side, and peaked up at him. He was looking at me with an amused expression and a raised eyebrow.
“I’m ticklish, okay,” I said defensively.
His expression turned from amusement to what could only be described as evil. He took a step closer to me and my eyes widened in fear.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I said.
He took another step.
And another.
And another.
And the next second he was killing me. When he was done he left me laying on the floor, gripping my sides, as he started to load the clothes in again.
“Sam,” I gasped.
“What?”
“I was going to tell you that there’s a red sock in your pile of whites. It’ll turn all your clothes pink…”
“Oh,” he said, unloading the clothes again only to pull out the sock and throw it at me before putting all the clothes back in.
“You’re cruel. Here I help you and you repay me with torture,” I sighed, collapsing on the floor with the red sock in my hair.
I explained to him what to do next and showed him how to put the soap in. Then I showed him what buttons to press and how to use the dryer before we headed back up the stairs and into his room. I collapsed on his bed, a little tired. He walked over to his stereo and put in some CD. There was some guitar strumming and a girl and a boy singing.
“This is nice… what band is it?” I asked.
“The World’s Wrong, We’re Right.”
I hadn’t heard of them before, but they sounded pretty good. He walked over and collapsed on his bed next to me.
“I’m sorry for probably screwing up your day,” I said, tracing my hand across his covers.
“Oh, you didn’t. I didn’t have anything planned anyway.”
We didn’t say anything then. It was weird sitting in complete silence; and I found myself starting to cry again. I didn’t want him to see though. I couldn’t let him see me like this, I’m already annoyingly emotional. He can’t see my cry. I gulped, trying to blink the tears away and look away from him.
Of course he noticed, Sam notices everything.
“Quinn,” he said, rustling the covers and coming closer to me.
I was sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall, and he sat against the wall next to me, clasping my hand in his. His hand was so warm and perfect.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me.
I looked at him, knowing I had to give him the truth.
“First, I hate knowing that you’re here, so wonderful and great, and I’m nothing like that. You have so many things going for you and I just have nothing to offer. I know that I don’t deserve any of you.”
“God Quinn, you have to realize that you’re so much more than you think… and I’m so much less!”
I shook my head and then let it lay on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry for not being what you were probably hoping for. When you started talking to me, I mean.”
“You’re everything I hoped for,” he said. “And more.” I laughed a little and he said, “I don’t know why you’re laughing.”
“Because you must be joking.”
He sighed yet again.
“Are you okay? What happened today?” he asked me lightly.
I looked down at our intertwined hands and knew that Sam and I could be something more than friends. I mean, that would be if he liked me too. But he probably won’t after I tell him this.
“It’s about my mom. I guess there’s more to her death that I didn’t know about until Alyssa told me.”
He squeezed my hand so I would elaborate.
“I found out she had cheated on my dad way back when they were engaged. I guess she cheated with Alyssa’s uncle or something, it’s really weird. And he was married, although she didn’t know until after.”
“Alyssa told you this?” he asked me.
“Yes.”
“And you’re sure she isn’t just messing with you?”
“My dad explained everything to me. My mom had left a note about it. I didn’t know she’d left a note until today. I want to see it, but… it wasn’t meant for me, of course. It was meant for my dad.”
“What does the note say?” he asked quietly and uncertainly.
“It says that she’s sorry that she’s going to leave us. She said that she felt really guilty for cheating on my dad and never telling him… and that she loves us.”
My tears were falling fast now and he turned me around so he could hug me. I breathed in his scent, it was so comforting.
“I’m really sorry, Quinn.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Alyssa told you?” he asked me, pulling out of the hug so he could look at me.
“Yeah. I guess it’s sort of ironic that I would get the news from one of the people I hate most. She hates my mom for messing up her uncle’s family. They’d gotten a divorce.”
I decided then that I wanted to lie down. I was tired from the whole day, and his bed was so inviting… he was. I lay down lightly, not going under the covers because I knew I couldn’t stay.
“Alyssa still talks about my mom like she was Satan or something.”
Sam lay down next to me so that we were looking right at each other, lying on our sides.
“Your mom might have made a mistake, that’s okay. She’s only human, you have to accept that too.”
“I know, I’m trying to. But I just never thought that my mom would do something like that. I always pictured her… I don’t know… helpless or something. She couldn’t help her depression and-” I stopped talking, looking down.
I know how that feels.
“What?” Sam asked me.
He still doesn’t know that I have depression too.
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head.
He gave me a look and I shook my head again. His room was silent then as we both started to think about things. After a few minutes I had to ask him something that had been on my mind since the moment I walked in his room.
“Are you leaving after school ends?” I asked him sadly, I tried to hide the evident disappointment in my voice, but it was hard.
I’ve only known this boy for a month and I’m already looking into, what, seven, eight, months from now?
“Yeah,” he said. “My mom wants me back for the summer and school next year.”
I looked down, thinking.
“Do you miss it up there yet?”
“I always have,” he confessed. “I miss my mom now. But I also missed my dad before.”
“It’s not fair that you can’t have both at the same time,” I said.
“It’s not fair that you only get one.”
I blushed and looked away from him.
“Sam?” I asked him a few minutes later of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for everything. You’re really nice to talk to.” He smiled at me and shrugged. “I should go, though.”
“You look tired though,” he said.
“I’ll be fine. Just a few minutes’ drive till I’m home.”
“You could sleep over,” Sam said.
I cracked a smile, “I don’t really think my dad would approve.”
“You know, you don’t have to tell him.”
He reached down and pulled his covers over both of us and I couldn’t help but give in to their comfort. I felt so much better with him by my side. I never thought that I would be able to confess so much to Sam. He gave me so much hope. Hope that maybe the world isn’t so bad. That maybe it’s worth living; because not too long ago I wanted to not be here.
*****
Authors Note
So how are you liking the story? The added drama of her mom interesting? Theres more to come of that(:
Sam and Quinn are cute, huh?
And what about when Sam has to leave? D: They only have 8 more months together before he has to go back.
Is it just me, or do you want to give Alyssa a nice punch? How about Quinn's self-worth...
Will Tessa and Caleb finally break up? And will she open her eyes and notice that Ethan should be hers all along?
What about Ali's mom's lymphomia?
dun dun dun.
Building up the suspense here.... is it working? lol
<3 Nikki