"I can't do this."
"Yes you can, you've got this," Lauren smiled briefly at her through the mirror, continuing to straighten the brunette hair.
Camila didn't say anything else because she didn't want to ruin Lauren's good mood.
She studied Lauren's face through the mirror, how her tongue was stuck out slightly in concentration through her perfectly applied coat of red lipstick. How her eyes looked even greener than usual with the thick coat of mascara and eyeliner. How her hair fell effortlessly in short waves, framing her face.
She was snapped out of her daze by the feeling of Lauren's lips pressed to her neck, at the top of her spine.
"You're all tense baby," She told her and Camila tried her best to give her a reassuring smile. "Your outfits is laid on the bed, you should get changed."
Camila nodded wordlessly, leaving the ensuite.
She didn't know why she didn't say something, tell Lauren how much she was dreading the party taking place later tonight.
She wanted to, she even turned back but Lauren was applying a fresh coat of lipstick, puckering her lips that spread into a wide smile and Camila decided that she looked happy.
Too happy to ruin it for her.
Her outfit was nice.
A white flowy romper that had a band of lace cut outs around her waist, exposing her tanned skin.
And her bruises.
She slipped into it nonetheless, her straight hair falling down her back like a waterfall.
She looked at the mirror hung on Lauren's wall, picking apart her reflection.
Her outfit looked pretty, too pretty for her to be wearing. It looked out of place on the girl staring back at her. The girl with the bruises and the sad eyes and the large cut on her forehead. The girl with the troubled past. The girl who couldn't keep herself out of danger. The girl who couldn't keep anyone she loved in her life.
She didn't know she was crying until she felt a tear hit her lip. She saw Lauren make her way into the room through the mirror and quickly wiped any following tears away.
"Camz?" She questioned and Camila turned around, only to sink to the floor, curling her knees into her chest. "Camz what's wrong?"
Lauren rushed towards her and Camila fixated her eyes on the black pair of heels she was wearing. Lauren crouched in front of her and Camila was surprised that she never fell because the heels really were quite tall.
"What's wrong?" She asked again. When Camila didn't answer she tilted her chin up to connect their eyes.
Another tear fell.
"I can't do it," Camila whispered, shaking her head.
"Okay, we aren't going, you can't take this," Lauren said, taking ahold of her arms.
"But it's yours and Dinah's birthday party joint with the Fourth of July, we can't not go," Camila sniffled.
"But you can't, Camz look at you. You're freaking out and you aren't even there yet," Lauren told her, looking her in the eyes.
"I can't do this, you were wrong, I've not got this," Camila whimpered.
"Are you upset because of the party or because of another reason?" Lauren pressed and Camila collapsed so she was sat on her knees, bursting into tears.
"The party and... not like everyone else... bruises... hate the way I look," Was all that Lauren could make out as Camila sobbed, hiding her face in her hands.
"Okay baby, I've got you, it's okay," Lauren pulled her girlfriend into her arms, wrapping an arm around her head and resting her chin on the brunette hair.
Camila was crying too hard to talk and Lauren was making little shushing noises to try and calm her down but they weren't working.
"I ruin everything Lauren! Everything becomes worse when I'm around," She declared and Lauren changed position so she could hold Camila's shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet.
"Don't even go there!" Lauren exclaimed, "you've changed my life Camz, in so many ways. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm so glad I met you, even if it's under the worst possible circumstances ever. Everything becomes so much better when you're here."
"You have to say that because you're my person and you're too nice," Camila cried, wiping her eyes with her arm.
"That's not true. I mean it when I say that you're the best person in my life. And if you ask Dinah or Mani or anyone, they all love you! So much. Dinah loves you more than Mani, for fucks sake," Lauren told her.
"I'm not like everyone else," Camila whimpered, turning away from Lauren, embarrassed.
"But that's what makes you so special Camila. I don't understand, why do you want to be like everyone else so badly when you're you," Lauren said softly, reaching out to tuck a strand of brunette hair behind her ear. "You're extraordinary, you're unlike anyone else I've ever met. You're funny and you're sweet and you're caring and you're everything anyone else would dream of being. Your smile could light up an entire fucking room and it's so beautiful, you're beautiful. You're absolutely mesmerising in everything you do and everyone sees it except you. Baby, you're perfect."
"I'm not perfect," Camila whispered, her shoulders shaking as she tried to stop crying.
"You're perfect to me," Lauren paused from tucking hair behind Camila's ear and the younger girl turned to face her.
"I love you," Her voice trembled and Lauren dropped her hand to squeeze her shoulder.
"I know, I love you too," She smiled.
"I will go to the party," Camila announced after a moment of silence.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Lauren questioned and Camila nodded.
"And-and if I'm not we can go home?" She asked shakily and Lauren pulled her close so she was knelt on Lauren's thighs, placing a kiss on Camila's bare shoulder.
"Of course. You're my main priority babygirl. Always," Her lips tickled Camila's skin and the younger girl bit on her lip as the last hot tears fell down her cheeks.
"I've ruined your top Lo!" Camila's voice was distressed as she ran her hands down the wrinkled material in an attempt to smooth it.
"Hey, it's fine, I'll just change," Lauren shrugged but Camila looked horrified at the damage she'd caused. Lauren caught her hands, looking her directly in the eye, "it's just a t-shirt Camila, it's not important."
"But you looked pretty," Camila's wailed and Lauren smiled.
"I'll get a new one, stand up," She patted her back and Camila stood up, allowing Lauren to put on a new top.
She was wearing a pair of white frayed shorts with a white bralette, a black, thin cardigan over the top.
"Still pretty?" Lauren checked, twirling around and Camila nodded.
"Very pretty," She confirmed softly and Lauren smiled. "Will you do my makeup please?"
"You don't like makeup though?" Lauren remembered and Camila's hand lifted to cover the cut on her forehead.
"It is ugly," She frowned and Lauren lifted her top to reveal the stitches on her side.
"So are these but we don't have to hide them. Anyway, nothing on you is ugly," She told her and Camila ran her fingers over her scab gingerly.
"But yours is hidden so hide mine please," She offered a small smile and Lauren agreed, pulling her into the bathroom.
"You look beautiful baby," Lauren stood behind her girlfriend, placing her hands on her waist and Camila gave her a wavering smile.
Lauren hadn't been able to completely cover the scab and it was still quite noticeable.
"Not as beautiful as you," Camila murmured.
"Oh shush, you'll be the prettiest girl at the party tonight. Don't tell Dinah or Mani," Lauren joked and Camila turned around, looking up at Lauren who was easily five inches taller than her in her heels.
"Are we going?" She questioned and Lauren nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it.
"It'll be fun, I promise. And remember, we can come home anytime you want," She reminded her and Camila nodded.
With that, they left.
The house was about a fifteen minutes walk away.
Long enough for Camila to imagine multiple scenarios of what could possibly go wrong.
There were a lot.
"What're you thinking about?" Lauren's voice broke the silence as she looked down at her girlfriend.
"Is he going to be there?" Camila asked, chewing on her lip and Lauren stopped walking.
"Do you think I would let him go anywhere near you?" She raised an eyebrow and Camila shook her head.
"Are you going to drink tonight?" She questioned, chewing on her lip.
"No, I can't drink on the medication I'm on, neither can Mani. So there's two people who've got your back. And don't tell her I told you this but Mani said she's gonna keep an eye on you to make sure you're okay," Lauren informed her and Camila smiled.
"I love Mani, and Dinah. Do they know that?" She grabbed Lauren's hand as they started walking again, tracing patterns on it with her thumb.
"Of course they know. Just because some people don't say it often, doesn't mean they don't love. You're one of the most loving people I've ever met and you rarely say it but that doesn't mean you don't show us. You show it when you hug me and when you call Dinah your funny little nicknames for her and when you let Mani take your last fries even though you pretend to be angry," Lauren looked at her and Camila smiled shyly.
"I do, I love you all. You're my favourite people. Ally is a different kind of love, she's my family love," She said and Lauren pulled her closer so she could kiss her temple.
"We're here princess," She announced to Camila's surprise. She looked up to check and sure enough, they'd arrived outside a large house.
Camila bounced on her heels, taking in a deep breath before giving Lauren a small smile.
"I will be okay, it is going to be fun. And I will stay with you," She nodded and Lauren reached out to caress her jawline.
"Did I ever tell you how proud I am of how far you've come?" She raised an eyebrow and Camila shook her head. "I'm so fucking proud of you," Lauren murmured and Camila leant up to place a kiss on the pale skin of her cheek.
It was a stretch with the heels.
"I'm proud of how far you've come too," She told her and Lauren's forehead creased in confusion.
"You are?"
"Yeah, you don't want to kill me anymore," Camila laughed and Lauren nudged her shoulder.
"Get inside, dork," She rolled her eyes, opening the door.
The amount of people in the dark house was insane.
Lauren walked in first, knowing people were more likely to move out of the way for her than they were Camila.
She felt a hand grab her back and turned around sharply to see who it was. Her face softened when she saw Camila's scared expression.
"They're touching me," Her voice was nearly a whimper and Lauren reached out, pulling her in front but keeping her hands on her waist to reassure her.
"They're just people Camz, normal people like you and me. I'm right here," Lauren comforted her as they made there way through to the kitchen.
"Camren!" Dinah called, her voice louder than the rest as she walked over to them. Or, stumbled over. "You look cute tonight."
"Where are the others DJ?" Lauren questioned but Dinah didn't reply as she shoved a drink in Camila's hand.
"You're drunk Cheechee," Camila shouted over the music, laughing.
"And you aren't," Dinah shrugged.
Camila caught sight of Normani over the many heads and waved. The African-American's face broke into a smile as she saw her friend, making her way over.
"I'm going to fucking kill myself," She nodded at her girlfriend who turned around to scowl at her.
"It's my late birthday," She reminded her.
"That's all she keeps saying," Normani informed the two Latina's who both shook their heads.
"Dinah Jane, you fucking lightweight," Lauren shoved her shoulder, expecting the Polynesian to stumble but instead she leant back, bouncing right back.
"You ain't slick Ralph, it takes more than that to catch me out," She smirked proudly.
"I'm going. To fucking. Kill myself," Normani repeated, her face deadly serious and Camila pinched her cheeks.
"It's her birthday, Mani," She laughed, grabbing onto Lauren's arm to resist being dragged away by Dinah who was insistently tugging on her arm to try and pull her into a different room.
They were sat in a bedroom with Keana, Dinah, Mani and a few others when a shout broke the steady sound of chatter and music.
"What the hell?" They were all on their feet in seconds and Camila latched onto Lauren.
"You stay here," She whimpered and Lauren wrapped an arm around her, kissing the top of her head.
"Lauren! Come here!" Dinah's voice sounded urgent from the hallway and Lauren had to tear Camila away from her.
She knew it was probably just a stupid fight but Camila was terrified.
"Stay here, you're safe here. I'll be two minutes," Lauren instructed before rushing to join Dinah.
Camila made her way to the doorway, her eyes widening when she saw who it was.
"Fuck off Lucy!" Vero struggled to escape Normani's grip as Lauren grabbed Lucy and pulled her away.
"Cut it out," Dinah shouted, standing between them and Vero stopped struggling, tears in her eyes.
"Fuck you," Lucy spat.
Normani pulled Vero over to the bedroom Camila was in and the youngest girl pulled her into her arms, holding her tightly.
She met girlfriend's eyes and nodded, gesturing to take Lucy away. Lauren offered a small smile before pulling Lucy into a different room.
Camila walked backwards until Vero was sat on the bed, her face still buried in Camila's shoulder.
Normani had gone elsewhere leaving the two of them alone.
"I hate her, I fucking hate her," Vero sobbed, "it's not fucking fair."
"What happened V, you aren't mean and you definitely aren't mean to Lucy," Camila ran her fingers through her hair soothingly.
"She's petty! She's being petty! Ever since the party she's been avoiding me because I was talking to Hailey but she said she 'doesn't like me like that'. She's knows how I feel and she doesn't like it when I talk to other girls but she's so fucking hung up on Lauren she won't give anyone else a chance," Vero looked at Camila, her eyes continuing to water. "I get it, this is awkward, I'll find someone else to vent to," She mumbled, running a hand through her hair.
"No! It's not awkward, you can vent to me. I want to help you, you're my friend," Camila stopped her quickly, "and you're upset and I don't like it when my friends are sad."
"It's not fucking unfair. How can she choose not to love and I can't, my brain just tells me to love her and it's crushing me. And she's been ignoring me and that hurts more than loving her and everyone is with Lucy and I'm all alone!" Vero rested her head in her hands and Camila rubbed her back.
"You've got me, you've always got me," She told her and Vero smiled weakly.
"You're the fucking best Mila, why have I never told you that before? You're fucking amazing," She said sincerely and Camila pulled her into another hug.
"You're pretty amazing too. Please stop crying, no ones worth your tears, not even pretty girls who you love," Camila wiped her tears with her hand and Vero laughed slightly.
"You're the best," She repeated and Camila crawled to sit on her lap, leaning her forehead against Vero's. "Are you drunk?"
"Slightly tipsy," Camila corrected, giggling and Vero rolled her eyes.
"Camila Cabello, you are capable of many things but being capable of holding your alcohol is definitely not one of them."
It turned out Camila didn't need to be by Lauren's side all night.
She'd started off needing to but Lauren had had to make her way 'round everyone, saying hello and talking because it was her joint late birthday party so they were technically her guests. Camila had got bored quickly and wandered off to Normani who had promised to look after her.
And she managed to get very drunk in that brief time.
"Look, Lo is here," Keana pointed to the Latina who was walking over to them.
"Lauren," Camila's head shot up. She clambered onto her feet, shaking off Keana's arm and running over. "Lauren!"
"Fucking hell," Lauren muttered when she saw just exactly how drunk her girlfriend was. "Hi princess."
Camila launched herself into Lauren's arms and the older girl stumbled as Camila's legs wrapped around her thighs.
The heels made it harder for her to reach her.
"I missed you," She cooed as Lauren staggered over to the rest of the girls.
"I missed you too," Lauren said as she sat down, Camila sitting next to her. "What the fuck has she drank?"
"Blame Dinah, she thought the shots were a good idea," Lucy shrugged, significantly calmer than she was earlier.
"Where is Dinah?" Lauren noticed how quiet it was as she looked around.
"I sent her to greet people, she's not come back," Normani said carelessly.
"She's probably in a ditch, that girl is wasted," Alexa laughed. "Someone should get her."
"I'll go, that way I can say hi to anyone I missed," Lauren stood back up and Camila did the same. "No baby, you stay here."
"No, come with you," Camila whined, grabbing onto her arm.
"Don't run off, okay?" Lauren warned and Camila nodded, darting in the direction of the house. Lauren grabbed her hand, deciding it was probably a good idea to keep a hold of her so she didn't wander off.
They started walking, Camila swinging their hands happily. "Cheechee where are you? Dinahhhhhh? Dinahhhhh?"
"Oh no, you've lost your Cheechee," Lauren joked.
Wrong move.
Camila's bottom lip jutted out, "She's-she's not lost, she's just hiding."
"Don't get upset, I was kidding. She's not really lost. Let's go find her," Lauren said quickly and Camila nodded.
"Don't let go of my hand," She bit down on her lip and Lauren squeezed it reassuringly.
"Never," She confirmed before guiding her inside the crowded house.
"Do you think Dinah and Mani know I love them?" Camila repeated her question from earlier, swinging their hands as she skipped beside Lauren.
"Of course they do," Lauren said absentmindedly as she looked in the kitchen for her friend.
"I'm glad they like me. Vero said I'm the best because I comforted her and that's funny because I don't think I'm very good at that. But one time when you were sad I comforted you and you said I'm clever," Camila rambled, her words jumbled and slightly slurred.
"You are clever Camz, you're a lot cleverer than you give yourself credit for," Lauren squeezed her hand and Camila beamed.
"This is a lot more fun than the last party. You know better people than Mani," She hummed.
"I'm glad you're enjoying it, it's not really my party. Keana is hosting it," Lauren informed her and Camila nodded.
"Keana is the best. I love Keana. Does she..." She started before Lauren cut her off.
"Everyone knows you love them, I promise. You're a very loving person," She laughed and Camila smiled at her.
"Because I have lots of things to love!"
The found Dinah in the living room, dancing and singing to any song that came on.
"Okay, you're coming with me," Lauren caught her arm, pulling her from the center.
The contents of Dinah's cup split onto her hand and the Polynesian gasped.
"I'm sticky now," She exclaimed in horror. "Clean it up!"
"I can't, I've got no free hands," Lauren lifted each hand which were both holding the two younger girls tightly, "c'mon, I'll take you to a bathroom."
With her hands firmly clutching Camila and Dinah, she dragged them all up to the ensuite in Keana's bedroom.
"Hey, Camz," She caught Camila's attention as she sat her down on the bed, "stay here please, I don't want to loose you."
"Can I have a nap?" Camila questioned, looking up at her and Lauren smiled.
"Sure, do you want me to wake you up after?" She asked and Camila nodded, laying down.
"Mila is such a bore, she's gone to sleep before it's even started," Dinah complained as she was pulled into the ensuite.
"She's gonna be woke up in about two minutes, I think you can manage that long without her," Lauren scooped water onto Dinah's arm, rubbing it softly as Dinah watched.
She mumbled a bunch of indecipherable words as Lauren dried her arm, drumming her fingers against the sink.
"Right, let's go wake up Camila and then we can go outside," Lauren took her hand again but before they could move the sound of the door banging was heard.
"Shit," The unfamiliar voice cursed, followed by Camila's whimper.
Lauren left Dinah in the bathroom, rushing to the bed and pulling Camila onto her feet and into her arms.
"What the fuck, get out of here?" Lauren exclaimed, staring at the boys who had just fell in the room.
"Fucking hell, calm your tits. We'll leave you to fuck," One boy laughed as they walked out of the room.
"C'mon, let's go," Lauren called to Dinah, grabbing Camila's hand. "Dinah, come on!"
"Coming," Dinah scrambled over to them, her arm held behind her back.
Lauren chose to ignore it.
With a hold on both of the younger girls, she made their way back down stairs and through to the garden.
Camila and Dinah babbled the entire way, turning to Lauren every so often when they wanted an answer.
"Mani," Dinah screeched as soon as she spotted her girlfriend, "hi Mani."
"Hi Dinah," Normani smiled, reaching up to grab her hand and pull her to the floor.
Lauren sat down and Camila sat next to her, keeping hold of her hand.
"Why are you losers even sat down, it's meant to be a party," Lauren quipped with a roll of her eyes.
"Excuse you, we've been babysitting your girlfriend," Alexa nodded at Camila who was making faces at Dinah.
"Act sober to prove them wrong," Lauren nudged Camila who didn't respond.
"Is there birthday cake at the party?" She questioned and everyone burst out laughing.
"She's the furthest thing from sober," Lucy smirked and Camila huffed.
"I'm not drunk, I just want cake," She crossed her arms to make a point.
"Yeah, she'd say that when she was sober," Normani agreed.
"There isn't any cake Mila," Keana informed the brunette when no one else did.
Camila whined, earning the attention of the friends.
"Hey, brat. Stop that," Lauren nudged her in the side.
"That hurt Lauren," She complained, wiggling for the sole purpose of being annoying.
"Shut your mouth, it didn't," Lauren scoffed, holding her tighter in an attempt to keep her still.
"I want cake," Camila kicked her foot against the ground, her eyes widening when she realized that it was painful.
"You deserved that," Lauren told her, pulling her in for a hug nonetheless.
"I'm hungry, you haven't fed me yet," Camila whimpered.
"Go ransack my kitchen if you'd like," Keana shrugged and Lauren smiled at her in response.
"I'm not a brat," Camila wailed, butting her head against Lauren's shoulder.
"Okay then. You aren't a brat, brat," Lauren laughed when Camila whined in frustration.
"Dinah, Dinah where are you going?" Normani interrupted the conversation as she saw her girlfriend stand up and start to wander off.
"For a drink," The Polynesian blinked innocently, the action diminishing any worry that she was going to do something bad.
"Okay babe, come back though," Normani smiled and Dinah nodded, her face lacking expression. "I love you," She called as her the blonde skipped away.
She didn't get a response.
When Dinah came back, drinkless, she bent down behind Lauren to wrap her arms around her neck, nuzzling her face into shoulder.
"Hi Dinah," Lauren gave her a soft smile and Dinah giggled.
"Hi Lauren. We have to go inside so everyone can sing happy birthday," She informed them.
"Well if you get off me maybe i can move."
Inside was crowded.
It felt like every person Lauren knew was crammed into the kitchen.
Camila looked confused.
Everyone in the room had a drink in their hand as they sung happy birthday.
Lauren and Dinah were stood in the centre, one relishing the attention and the other enjoying it slightly less.
When the song had finished and everyone erupted in cheers, Camila stumbled towards Lauren and wrapped her in a hug.
"I love you," She shouted over the music which someone had put on now the singing had ended.
"I love you too," Lauren leant down to kiss her lightly and Camila's face broke into a grin.
"Camren," A voice called and they turned to see Keana with a Polaroid, "smile!"
Lauren lifted Camila onto the island because otherwise the height difference was huge and the brunette wrapped her arms around Lauren's head, smiling so hard her eyes were closed.
The flash signalled that the photo had been taken and Lauren took it off her.
"You're so fucking cute," She told Camila seriously.
The Latina was too drunk to argue.
"Are you excited?"
"Yes," Camila's eyes were fixated on the dark sky whereas Lauren's were trained on her girlfriend.
"I'm excited!" Dinah leant forward so she could see Lauren, her face eager. "I love fireworks, they're so pretty. And they smell nice..."
She proceeded to launch into a speech about fireworks that no one really paid attention to, just nodding once in a while.
The first firework shot into the sky, erupting in a burst of color.
Camila giggled excitedly, turning to Lauren and clapping her hands.
Lauren smiled affectionately and Camila looked up to her, puckering her lips. Lauren bent down to kiss them, surprised when Camila allowed it to last longer than usual.
The sound of another firework pulled them apart.
Camila felt fireworks of her own in her stomach.