Recap:
I was crying and Danny was trying to calm me down. I didn't tell him that I love Josh, but he knew, because five minutes after I finished, he asked me a question.
"You loved him, didn't you?" I shake my head, just like I had done with Catherine.
"God, I still do." I burst into another round of small tears and cry into Danny's shirt.
I leave thirty minutes later, calmed down, but not completely rid of tears. But, I'm not sure if I ever will be.
Emily McGarrett's POV
I walk into the house, finding Steve already there, working on something at the desk.
"Hey."
"He- have you been crying?" I nodded. "Why? What happened?"
"You'll find out in twenty minutes." He looks a bit confused, so I rush up the stairs before he could say anything else. Walking into my room, I went straight to the closet. I changed into a big sweatshirt that had NAVY written on it, I was pretty sure it belonged to Josh, but his smell was no longer present. I then found some old leggings in the drawer.
As I am about to leave, I stop and walk to my duffle, pulling out what I was looking for.
Walking back downstairs, I find Steve sitting on the couch, looking at me expectantly. I chuckle and walk over to him, sitting down.
"So, where were you? Why were you crying?"
"I was with Dann-"
"What did he do?" There was an edge to his voice.
"Stop cutting me off and you will find out that he was the one who comforted me. I told him about what happened on my last mission, which is exactly what I'm about to tell you." He nods. I hand him the Purple Heart that was clenched tightly in my grasp.
"Who's is this?"
"Okay." I sigh once again, and retell the story. "My team and I, we were called in to check out this boat. It had been sitting there for two days, and it seemed suspicious." I took a deep breath. "We split up, checking the entire ship. We found a man, dead, with a timer bomb attached to his chest. Smith and Jax were clear otherwise, so we thought we could leave. But, Tyler didn't answer."
His eyes lit up in recognition. He must have remembered the name from my screams at night.
"I went to the area he was supposed to search, to find him on the ground, bleeding from three different places."
My voice was quivering, but Steve hadn't said a word.
"There was the bomb, and an insurgent. I shot him and threw Tyler over my shoulder. Then I took him to the helicopter. Tyler didn't want me to save him. He said that if the bomb went off with us in it, and I died, you would kill him." Steve smiled slightly at that.
"We left before the bomb could go off and leave us at the bottom of the ocean. But it didn't matter, because Tyler was not okay. The damage was far too extensive, and he was going in and out. We finally landed on the ship. The entire length of the flight back, I was trying to keep him awake, but he-he couldn't. Almost a minute after we arrived at the ship, he died. The l-laast thing he said was that I was his best friend, and that he lo-oved me." I let the tears fall once again, for the millionth time today. Steve grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me in for a hug.
He didn't say anything for a while, I assumed it was because he knew what it was like to loose someone in the field.
"Tyler? I've never met him." He finally spoke, and I laughed slightly.
"Joshua Tyler." I whispered and his face suddenly goes even more sympathetic.
"Your best friend, Josh? Little Joshie? The kid that lived next to Aunt Deb? The same kid who carried you back home when you broke your arm at the park? That Josh?" I nodded, more tears over flowing my eyes at the memories. "Emily, I am so sorry." He pulls me in for a tighter hug, making me cry some more. "So, this is his?" He gestures to the Purple Heart he held in his hand, I nod into his shoulder.
"His parents wanted me to have it." I get out of the hug and look at the medal, deciding I couldn't take his pitying look any longer.
"You went to see his parents?"
"Yeah, they practically raised me after mom died. I rarely actually stayed with Aunt Deb."
"I'm so sorry, Em." I nodded, but instead of replying to the reoccurring pity I have received today, I told him something I hadn't told anyone except Josh's mom.
"You know, he was the one I'd break my rule over." Steve's eyes widened.
Now that I think about it, it really wasn't a rule, just a choice. But, before I could let any more tears escape my eyes, Steven pulled me towards him, and once again embraced me with force.
"I'm so, so sorry, Em. I'm so sorry." My tears flow out in a never ending stream. Steve was brushing my hair down with his fingers, his other hand holding the medal. But we were still hugging, neither of us were willing to let go yet.
We sat there for almost 15 minutes, but I was the one who pulled away. "So, you loved him?" Surprising myself as well as Steve, I chuckled.
"No, Steven. I love him." He looked at me with such pity that I had to look away again. "At the funeral, his parents, his twin brother, and his 14-year-old sister, the-they all still loved me like a sister, or a daughter. I know this is terrible, but I hoped that I would go, and they would hate me." I shook my head, more tears spilling over as I choked on a sob.
"Mr. Tyler, he asked me if I killed the man who had killed Josh. His mother just cried in my arms and scolded me for even thinking that we should switch places, because Josh could never live with himself. His twin brother, Matt. He told me about the day Josh realized he loved me, and how much he loved me."
More sobs,"And Avery, his sweet little sister, she wanted me to stand with her, to be her rock." I cried harder than I had any time I had told the story.
"Their son, and brother. He is dead, because of me. We, as a team, had the final say about the mission. I thought it would be a simple op, so we all agreed. Bu-but I, I pushed it, and now-" My bottom lip quivered as I looked up to Steve, "Now Josh is dead." Steve pulled me into a tight hug. "He's dead Steve. My best friend, the love of my life. He's dead, because of me." I sobbed louder into his shirt.
"Hey, hey." He waited for me to look up at him. "This is not your fault, do you understand?" I stared at him, but realizing that he would not leave me alone until I agreed, I nodded slightly. "Josh was a great kid, Em. He loved you so much, I knew it the first time I met him, and he would want you to move on. Maybe not right now, but in the future, okay?" I nodded. "And talk to his family more often. Your last memory of them cannot be at his funeral. Maybe invite them down here for a vacation, or go to the mainland."
"I will, but not now."
"Okay. You good?" I smiled warily and nodded slightly. He hugged me one last time, before he got up. "I love you Em, and I'm sorry about Josh." I nodded in appreciation as he handed me the Purple Heart he had held securely in his hand for the length of my story.
"Mahalo. I love you too Steven." He chuckles slightly and walks to the kitchen, probably to think about everything I just told him. Five minutes later, I had not moved an inch, waiting for him to return. When he did, he had a look of understanding pity placed on his face, to which I looked away from.
Before he could say anything, the door opened, causing the both of us to whip our head towards Catherine. Who looked startled at the sudden attention.
"Hey?"
"Hi." Steve replied, finally moving to sit next to me on the couch.
Catherine stood in the doorway, frozen, but I cleared my throat and she finally sat next to Steve on the other side of the couch. Turning to us, she finally notices Steven's sullen look, along with my tear streaked face.
"So, you told him?" I nodded, but Steve looked confused.
"She already knows?" I nodded my head in synch with Catherine. "Why? So, I was the last to know? You told Catherine, Danny, and hell, you probably told Mary, but not me?" I gave him a guilty look. He was mad. It wasn't the type where you were angry, shouting at everyone. This was the kind to where he looked heartbroken but wanted to seem normal. "You told Mary? In the four hours she was here?" I nodded.
"I already knew, Steve." He turns to Catherine.
"What the hell are you talking about? Why didn't you tell me?" She sighs.
"I only knew that one of Emily's teammates died, I didn't know that she had left the Navy, or that the incident was the reason." He nods and turns his head to me. Catherine got up and walked outside, realizing that we needed privacy.
"Today, after the thing at the airport, Danny was going to his house to eat, and do nothing. I decided I needed talk to him, so he invited me for lunch. We w-"
"Why did you need to tell him?" I chuckle.
"Well, Mary was the one who actually told me to tell him. I told her after we saw each other at the cemetery. Then I told her about my nightmares," he nodded. "And that Danny woke me up from one this morning."
"Why did Danny wake you up this morning? I thought you were awake, so I left, he called me, and asked if we had a case, but I didn't think he was coming here that early." I nod.
"Neither did I. He woke me up and I cried, just like I do every morning with you." He nods. "Mary told me I should tell him, so I thought it would have been better just to get it all over with in one day." He nodded once more, pulling me in for a long hug.
"This must have been a rough day." I chuckle slightly. He had no idea.
"I've had worst." I mutter into his shoulder, but he hears me and squeezes me tighter.
"I'm so sorry, Emily. I know I've said that a lot in the past hour, but I truly mean it." I shake my head in his shoulder again.
"I love you Steven." He chuckles.
"I love you too, Emily."
Steven McGarrett's POV
I can't believe what Emily just told me. I got up and left the living room, needing a moment to gather thoughts.
Josh? The guy who was totally in love with my sister, which apparently was reciprocated. He was a good guy, I can't believe this happened. I think about the last time I saw him.
I open the door, shocked to see who it was on the other side. "Emily?" She nods and laughs, pulling me into a big hug. She had been gone for so long. I was only back for a few weeks, at the most, and would return to looking for the Hesse brothers after checking on a hunch. After our tight embrace, I finally notice the man standing next to her. I look at him questionably and turn back to Emily.
She looks to the man, and immediately, I watch this guy's eyes turn to love. Now that I think about it, she had a similar expression. I almost choke but wait for my sister to introduce us.
"Steven get that look off of your face, this is Josh." I look at her with a shocked expression on my face.
"Josh, it's been a while. You look different." He nods and chuckles a little. I hold out my hand, which he grasps in his.
"It has. I've heard great things, mostly from this one." He gestures to Emily. "But also stories that are spread around the ship." I chuckle as he gestures to my sister, who blushes slightly.
"Dad! We have visitors!" I yell towards the kitchen. He walks out and immediately smiles.
"Emily! When did you get in Pumpkin?" She chuckled at her old nickname, along with Josh.
"Twenty minutes ago, I came straight here. We're only here for a week, and since we usually take a vacation to visit Aunt Deb and Josh's parents, we decided to come here." My Dad and I nodded. He gave Emily a hug, and once his eyes set on Josh, she received another look. Noticing his confusion, Emily spoke,"Dad. This is my best friend Josh."
Dad walks up and shakes his hand, just like I had done. We all stand back and look at each other, when Dad finally spoke, "I've just finished making dinner, are you coming?" They both smiled and we headed to the table.
I looked over to the table before shaking my head and making my way back into the living room.