Hi, guys! The special chapter, which'll be the last one for a long, long while (I'm itching to write more scenarios without poor, overworked Smirky in them, but plenty of suffering for his pathetic, loathsome brother), is coming along quite nicely. It would be unthinkable, however, not to give you wonderful folks a little dose of humour today.
Oh, and one more thing. I know that you're probably wondering why this chapter is so short. Well, you don't expect me to stick around all day, do you? These are going to be quick, juicy facts. I do apologise for any mistakes along the way. It's rather difficult to type whilst curled up in the bedsheet rack of a closet.
Without further ado:
Jeff the Killer... tried to go through a rebellious phase once in his late teens. He cut and dyed his hair, got every piercing on the menu, tattooed a Disney Princess on his buttocks and started wearing fishnets and tight chokers. The changes to his body reversed themselves by dawn, leading to a rather unpleasant morning for both him and Doctor Smiley when the latter had to surgically remove the Prince Albert piercing. No word on the tattoo, though.
(source(s): archived X-rays, old hairdresser appointment book, talkative tattoo parlour employee, a bribed BEN.)
BEN Drowned... once attended a rave in Seattle, got blackout drunk, and woke up in a pig sty in New York with an ice cream cone wedged firmly in his- ahem... pocket. This wouldn't have been so bad, if there hadn't been a crowd of fascinated people peering in and taking pictures, and a policeman attempting to arrest him for taking a selfie with a tiger amongst other things, and for carrying around ice cream on a Sunday. He doesn't like to talk about it.
(source(s): criminal records, tipsy Dark Link.)
Dark Link... was forced to go down to the basement during a blackout by Slenderman, who had ill-advised hopes about scaring away his fear of the dark. When a tentacle tickled him under the nose, the shade shrieked and punched himself in the face. He fainted into Slenderman's arms just as the power came back on and BEN opened the basement door to investigate the noise. He proceeded to scream: "HENTAI!" and slammed it shut, locking them in all night.
(source(s): a bribed BEN.)
Jack... buys his stripy stockings from the women's wear section, but often doesn't bother to explain himself to the bemused (sometimes shocked) customers and employees while doing so. That, and because he purchases black lipstick from the cosmetics counter without batting an eye, has led the workers to believe he's gay and has a boyfriend with a clown fetish. It didn't help when he dragged Doctor Smiley into the store once, loudly demanding to hear his opinion on which lipstick shade was darker.
(source(s): giggling employees behind the counter, a bribed BEN.)
Doctor Devin "Smiley"... is still a virgin, and would be absolutely mortified if everyone knew it. Perhaps it's his repulsive personality. Or because he's murdered every potential partner who showed romantic interest in him on their first date.
(source(s): common knowledge, a bribed BEN.)
The Night Phantom... forgot to put her tablet away last night. Tch. Tch.
(source(s): a bribed BEN, a bribed ghost of C/N.)
Doctor Drevon "Smirky"... can write lists too.
(source(s): April Fools.)
Post Script: This passage of text was written by Doctor Smirky, masquerading as Phantom, on the 1st of April, 2017. He, and he alone, is responsible for the mockery, lies, offence, leaked private information, and insults towards Doctor Smiley contained within this chapter.
Furthermore, Smirky would like to wholeheartedly assure the audience that these facts are, in fact, 100% truthful and were discovered through his own unethical means.
(Except Smiley's, which he claims to know because: "My brother is a coward who couldn't seduce any woman (or man) into bed to save his life.")