I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking. The only sound in the room is Calvin's slow breaths. His head rests on my chest, locking me in and keeping me from getting up and moving anywhere.
Calvin had openly admitted that he was the cause of his mother'a death. I do not blame him- nor will I ever even say that he killed her. He wanted to have his mom forever, but what he tried to do that worked for him didn't work for her.
The only thing that has ran through my mind since he had told me is- I'm such a shitty person. I pressured Calvin more than enough about changing me. He had every reason not to, because he was afraid. He has lived a life filled with only pain and regret. No long term friendships, nothing. Cal deserves to be happy, and I want to be able to make him happy. I want him to look forward to years that will come, and waking up tomorrow morning and smiling.
My fingers run through his thick hair, tingling as they do so. Slowly, I trace my finger over his jaw, down his neck, and over the muscles of his shoulder. He stirs in his sleep, and pulls me closer to him.
Every second I spend with Calvin, I fall even harder for him. Every damn second I think about it, it makes me want to get sick because he deserves so much better than me. I mean, he's so strong, and I'm...not. I didn't know what I was getting into when I met Cal, and I still don't- but I do know that what ever this is- I don't want it with anyone else.
Calvin stirs in his sleep and inhales deeply. As strong as he puts himself off to be, he does have his weak points. He had shared one with me- and that has brought me that much closer to Calvin.
"Please don't stop." Cal's voice brings me out of my trance when my fingers stop running over his skin. I continue to stare at the ceiling as I listen to the quietness of the room start again.
"I thought you were asleep." I say softly, running my nails over his shoulders. He nuzzles his head into my chest and hugs his arms around my abdomen.
"I was." He admits. Slowly, he lifts his head and holds himself up with his hand. "Why are you awake, love?" He knots his eyebrows, focusing all his attention onto me.
I drink in the way he looks at me, like I'm the only thing in the world. His hair is a mess on top of his head. His lips are swollen and his cheek is red from the way he had been sleeping.
I take my time looking at him. His chest rises and falls like an animal that has been chasing its prey. Inwardly, I want to be his prey and have him take me, but I also want him to get some rest because he needs it.
We've been together a few times, but every time something seems to get in the way of that. I ache to feel him. Every single ounce of him, within me. I want his heavy frame to crush me, and hold me down as he has his way with me.
I open my mouth to give him an explanation, but his nostrils flare when he picks up on the smell that has come from my thoughts. I exhale slowly and look up at Calvin, afraid to say or do anything that might set him off.
"I'd like that, too." He says softly with a mischievous smile dancing on his lips. I look up at him and knot my eyebrows. What is he talking about?
"Huh?" I ask, mindlessly letting my hand run over the nape of his neck. Calvin dips his head down and presses a kiss on my cheek.
"Your mind is an open book, Gray. I know what you're thinking, but you'll have to tell me what you want." He murmurs gently. I let out a sigh as his kisses trail down my neck.
"Aren't you tired?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows. He had just woken up and he's already being like this!
"Not anymore, babydoll." He mumbles, his lips briefly running over my mark. I shudder. "You smell too damn good to turn down." I stiffen when his free hand runs up my leg.
I wasn't tired before, and especially not now. My hands grip onto his shoulders as his mouth runs over my neck. "Cal, I don't think-" I start to tell him that I don't think this is what we need.
Then, I beat myself internally. This is exactly what we need. I know just how much he wants this, and I know just how sexually frustrated he is. I'm the same way. All I want is to be complete with Calvin. We both deserve this.
I sigh in defeat. My grip on him isn't telling him the same thing that's coming from my lips.
"Just... be easy." I give in. He grins against my neck and slowly brings his lips back against mine.
"Is that what you want?" He asks, pulling his head back and looking into my eyes. I don't think he expected me to give into him. Although I know he did want me to, he was still surprised.
I look into the mixture of brown and gold eyes in front of me, and I inhale deeply. "Yes, Cal." I say, squirming as his hand glides over my panties. My eyes shut and I try my best to get his hand to touch me where I ache.
"Please, I'm yours."
"Fuck," he curses, pressing his fingers over my soaking underwear. "You're driving me insane, love. No teasing this time, I promise."
His mouth roughly connects to mine, taking no time to slip his tongue past my lips and swipe it against my own. My fingers curl into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer to me. I can feel his arousal poking against my thigh, and I try my best to think of everything but the sheer size of him.
Calvin's hands spread my thighs apart and he rests between them. I inhale sharply when I feel him against my underwear. Wave after wave of need run through me.
"Pure beauty." He mutters, his lips finding mine as his fingers gently push the fabric of my shirt up. We break our kiss only briefly to get my shirt off before we're back at being tongue tied. The coolness of the room hits my nipples and before I can let Calvin pull back to look me over, I arch my back up so our chests are touching. Even as intimate as we are at this very moment, I hide myself from him.
"You're not sneaky, little wolf." He mumbles, dragging his teeth over the base of my neck. He grips my sides and brings my body back to the bed. His eyes roam my chest and a smile cracks onto his face.
A whimper falls from my lips as his mouth connects with one of the sensitive buds. He takes it between his teeth and rolls his tongue over it.
My eyes squeeze shut, and my need for Calvin only gets worse. Holy fuck this man knows how to use his tongue! Gently, he nips at the now raw skin and focuses his attention on the other one.
Slowly, he drags his fingers down my body and hooks them around my underwear. I blow out a nervous breath and raise my hips up to meet his, giving Calvin all the room he needs to tug the thin fabric from my body.
I lay beneath him, exposed and burning by his touch. "So wet," he mumbles as he runs his fingers over my sex. I inhale sharply as he pushes one of his fingers into me- as far as he possibly can. He chuckles, completely satisfied with whatever he wants, and presses a kiss against my cheek.
"Tell me to stop and I will, love." He murmurs, kissing the corner of my mouth. I carefully tug his tight boxers down as far as I can possibly reach, and Calvin kicks them off the rest of the way.
A gasp passes my lips as his hard-on rests between my legs. Slowly, Calvin's mouth connects to mine as he aligns himself up with my entrance.
Calvin had warned me time and time again that my very first few times wouldn't be enjoyable. Even my best friend had warned me about that. However, the connection that a wolf gets with its mate after completing the bond makes it all completely worth it.
I whimper in pain as he inches his way into me. My hands shoot up and grab onto his shoulders, digging into it for some kind of support.
"Fuck," I grit my teeth as Calvin's lips break away from my mouth and he kisses my cheek. A few tears of pain slip from my eyes, but I refuse to let the pain ruin it. Calvin fills me. Stretches me. He draws his hips back, only to slowly bring them back to mine.
He grunts, his fingers digging into my hips trying to keep my from squirming away from him. Carefully, his speed picks up.
A wave of pain washes through me as a pop sound fills my ears. Cal inhales deeply and presses a kiss against my mark. "I'm sorry, baby." He murmurs, his canines extending and his teeth sink into my mark.
A cry of pleasure escapes my lips, and this encourages Calvin to continue at a reasonable pace. His hips connect to mine in a way that I cannot describe, and the feeling of us makes me know that we were made for each other.
Eventually, my cries of pain become moans begging Calvin to continue his assault on my body.
A layer of sweat shimmers over our bodies, and all I'm focused on is how great he feels. My eyes squeeze shut as my climax draws nearer with every thrust he does.
My breathing turns into pants, and I'm aching for Calvin to bring me to my high. I pull his body closer to mine, and whimper when he hits a sensitive spot.
"Fuck, Cal." I whisper into his ear, "you feel so good." He growls in satisfaction, and his thrusts get harder.
Our moans mix in the now-hot room, and the smell of sex fills the air. Calvin leaves hot opened mouth kisses over my neck, whispering things to me that could make me climax on their own.
The ball in the pit of my stomach tightens, and I pull my lip between my teeth. "I'm about to-" I whimper.
Calvin grunts, "me too." I feel my body clench around him, and I explode. Calvin curses under his breath as his thrusts become sloppier.
In one quick movement he jerks himself out of me and releases on to my stomach. His lower body twitches as he rides out his high.
"Fuck," he pants, pressing a kiss against my lips. "I love you."
I look up at him and give him a tired smile. What just happened has drained all the energy from me. "I love you cal, so much."