Hello, guys!
I know these chapters take so long, it's been a month since the last one and I feel kinda bad. These take a bit more time, though. But the next one isn't long away. Drama is almost upon us! Prepare :3
Have a great week, everyone! <3
fluffie xx
Chapter 40 ~ Misty Cooper
I didn't realise how much action would be happening in one day at Vidcon. Thursday alone had been crazy. I could feel that I was making everything awkward for Ian at first, but as the day progressed I felt gradually more confident amongst all the Youtubers. Having Kristie helped: she encouraged me to just go for it, and go up and say hi. We had a fun day together and spent most of the day bantering amongst ourselves. And craziest of all, by the end of the party, I'd become friends with Dan and Phil and was in deep conversation with Phil about our love for Ikea.
But soon, my drink had been spiked and I felt unbelievably nauseous. At first I dismissed it as temporary, and just resolved to have no more drinks. But it got worse and as soon as we started walking home, I managed to vomit all over Ian's shoes. I wasn't grateful enough to Ian: he sat next to me the entire time and looked after me; just one of the reasons why I love him. And then he found out: about the texts. The texts from this...hater. Whoever they were. And I felt awful; Ian must have felt so betrayed. But I just didn't want to hurt him anymore. After what happened with the cola incident, I really really really didn't want Ian to feel any worse about our relationship, and to feel that I was being treated unfairly. I wasn't going to lie: I hated the way that some fans treated me, but at the same time I loved the life I lived with Ian. We were so happy together, and I loved him with all my heart. And the previous night, I tried to be as diplomatic as I could but, needless to say, I was still feeling very sick and I didn't know how convincing I sounded.
The next day, Friday, we woke up to torrential rain. I couldn't help but feel reminded of Gaming Expo, where Ian kissed me in the pouring rain and we hugged, kissed, played and lay around with each other in his and Anthony's hotel room.
Ian was still in a deep sleep. I checked my phone. It was 6:30am. To be honest, I was knackered and had a dull headache at the back of my head. My eyes felt heavy, but I knew it was now or never. We had to be there for 8, today, anyway.
I nudged Ian gently, being careful not to be too harsh. In the end, we'd had a bit of trouble last night, and after everything he'd done to accept my reasons for not telling him about the texts. I just hoped he wasn't too offended and saw my point of view.
'Hey, Ian, sleepyhead...' I murmured softly, tapping his back.
'Urgh,' Ian grunted in reply. 'Morning, babe,' he said huskily.
'Look at the rain!'
Ian let his eyes creak open and cast them towards the window. 'Reminds me of something,' he said, cracking a knowing smile and rubbing his eyes.
'I know, same,' I smiled. 'I still smile thinking of that day.'
'Ditto,' Ian replied, stretching out his arms. 'You ready for the day?'
'I guess I am. But once I'm out of my pyjamas.'
'Of course,' Ian laughed tiredly.
'Look, Ian- about last night...'
'Don't worry about it, babe. It wasn't your fault.'
'But-'
'Just stay close to me,' Ian said.
'I will,' I promised, and gave Ian a quick kiss on the cheek.
'C'mon then,' Ian encouraged me, pulling me up out of bed and twirling me round. We had a funny little dispute over who got first shower. In the end, I let Ian have it, even though I had the waist length hair that needed to dry. As soon as Ian stumbled out with a towel around his waist, I went in myself and got to work on my long waves with conditioner.
Today's outfit was slightly harder to decide because I'd be in front of more people. I decided to leave the smosh shirts, just in case, and wore my navy leather shorts, brown braces and lace shirt.
'You look so cute,' Ian complimented, buttoning up his shirt. 'I couldn't think of a better outfit myself.'
I looked up from my lace-tying {I'd resolved to wear the Pokémon converse again.} 'Same with yours, babe.'
'N'aww.'
I paused and looked down at my feet.
Ian took my hand. 'I promise that nobody's going to come find you,' he said, and kissed my hand. 'Not when your friends are by your side.' I hugged him tight.
'Today's gonna be just fine,' I assured him, my head in his chest.
We met Kalel and Anthony at the hotel entrance. The rain was absolutely pelting down outside. It reminded me of the Bombay Bicycle Club song which Ian had played me on the night we got together. The soft guitar strums replayed in my head as I watched the rain drizzle down.
Anthony was looking a lot better than yesterday. His eyes were bright and full of life, he stood up straight, his arm around Kalel, who also looked amazing as per usual.
'You look way more awake, dude,' Ian commented.
'Not just awake. Both you guys look great!' I exclaimed. 'It's gonna be a good day, guys.'
'I can't wait for today,' Kalel smiled. 'I got so many tweets from fans last night, saying they wanted to meet ME, not just Anthony. I always thought people just liked me because I was Anthony's girlfriend. She held Anthony's hand, which was rested on her shoulder. 'But I guess not! I actually have some fans of my own!'
'Of course you do, babe,' Anthony smiled. 'Oh, and we are so up for a party tonight.'
'Awesome!' me and Ian exclaimed in unison.
'It's at the Katrina,' Ian went on. 'Dan and Phil are staying there. We had a really good time with them last night. They missed you though!'
I'd told Ian that seeing that now he knew, he could tell them about the text situation. So as we squished into the taxi, Ian admitted that we had something to explain to them. And together, we explained the situation to Anthony and Kalel as fully and honestly as we could. It flattered me how worried they were for me, but at the same time made me slightly more nervous too. I suppose I had almost gotten used to the fact that someone was after me. Ian put his arm around my shoulder and reassured me that everything would be 'just fine' again. I seriously don't know where I'd be without Ian. My headache and tiredness faded into insignificance now that the day had really started.
It was strange: I felt more excited for today, yet more nervous since I'd been reminded of this person coming to find me and Ian.
As we drove on, the rain splattering against the window, we talked amongst ourselves.
'So was the party good last night?'
'It was until about midnight,' I said earnestly. 'Someone spiked my drink. It wasn't pretty.'
'Are you alright?' Anthony questioned me, with genuine concern in his voice. 'How bad was it?'
'I threw up a lot. But I had Ian. Thanks again, dude,' I said to Ian, leaning over and kissing his cheek.
'Are you sure you're alright for today?' Kalel asked.
'Yeah, I'm feeling better. Are you alright, actually, Ian?'
'Weirdly enough, I'm feeling fine. Usually I spend Vidcon hungover...'
'You're pretty damn good at hiding it though,' Anthony remarked. 'Unlike me. I just have to have a couple of drinks and the next day I look like Amanda Bynes.'
'Hey, she's not THAT bad,' said Kalel sympathetically. 'Okay, she is,' she admitted afterwards. I laughed.
'I think the world wants to like her, I mean, the Amanda Show was sooo good.'
'True,' Kalel agreed, as Anthony flashed our passes again and we entered the Convention Centre park. It was packed. There were people milling around everywhere, and there was a buzz of chatter, with a layer of screaming on top. Thank god we got to go to a private entrance. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to get into Vidcon at all, what with Ian and Anthony's crazy fans.
After going through two extra gates, each with Security, we finally got to our own entrance, different to yesterday's.
As we wandered in, Anthony and Ian were pre-occupied with looking at their schedule for the day, which Anthony had just pulled out of his pocket. Anthony had his finger running down the page, and Ian looked like he was memorising the list.
'Any schedule for you, Kalel?' I asked.
'Nope. I have a little signing and meet and greet thing at 2pm today, but apart from that I'm pretty free to roam around.'
'Really?' I exclaimed, surprised. 'Wanna hang out? Kristie's coming at 9:30am today, and I have a feeling she'll be spending a lot of the day meeting her twitter friends.' This was true. I'd texted her this morning, telling her that I spent the night chatting to Dan and Phil, to which she replied in mostly keyboard slams. She went onto say that she'd be a little later. As much as she insisted she wanted to see me, I wanted to let her meet her online friends too, because I knew she secretly wanted to.
'I'd love to,' Kalel smiled. 'We haven't hung out in ages.'
'That'll be really nice, you know,' I said. 'Just what I need.'
'Oh, and about this stalker, no-one will come near with these babies!' Kalel exclaimed, clenching her fists shut and making small punches in the air. 'I'll sort them out,' she nodded sarcastically, smiling with her tongue sticking out. 'Nah, but seriously. No-one will come find you, I promise. We're all here to look out for each other.'
'Aw, thanks Kalel,' I said gratefully, feeling a lot more confident. I tilted my head towards the boys. Anthony was now making fart noises with his armpit as they walked along, and Ian was doing the same in return. Kalel rolled her eyes. 'Boys. Who needs 'em?' she laughed. I nodded as we caught up with them.
'So, what's the plan of action, men?' I inquired brightly.
'Well we're beginning with a New Media Rockstars interview, and then it's a panel thing,' Anthony began, reading off the crumpled list. 'Then it's our first live performance at 11:30.'
'We'll come watch that, of course,' Kalel smiled. I nodded in agreement.
'You guys are the best. Then it's Lunchtime with Smosh live, then a signing for two hours, and Gamebang live at 3:30pm.'
'Oh, and then we have that little meet and greet,' Ian added. 'With our VIP smoshers, just a few of the ones that are so dedicated, and mean a lot to us. Not all of them could make it, obviously, but we'll make the most of those special few.'
'That's such a nice thing to do for them,' I commented. 'I'll stay out the way for that because it's personal to them and you want to keep it special. But we'll try to go to the lunchtime, eh, Kalel?'
'Yeah, of course we will,' she agreed.
'We won't bother you guys all day. It's your special day to meet the fans and I don't want to spoil it for you guys and the fans. I'm here though, remember that. Just text me if you need me at any point.'
'Same for us, babe,' Kalel said, leaning in to kiss Anthony softly.
'Hey, we're all here for each other,' Anthony said, after kissing Kalel.
'We're all on this team. We'll smash Vidcon,' Ian said confidently.
'And that person who is stalking Misty,' Kalel added. I laughed nervously.
'Aye, if we find them,' Ian said, smiling awkwardly. 'But as I was saying, we're all here for each other, right team? No matter where all of us are, together or not.'
'Damn right,' I said, putting my hand down in the centre of us. 'Team...uh... Ianthalelty!'
'Ianthelelty!' the others exclaimed, with both laughter and team spirit, and put their hands on time of mine. We flung them back into the air, still snorting with laughter.
'That was cute,' Kalel commented. 'So do you guys need to go now?'
'Pretty much. But we'll have a team Iantha-uh, thing meeting at 12, after our first performance?' Anthony asked, looking at his watch.
'Sounds good.'
'Oh, and Misty, Kalel, you'll probably both just need your friends and family pass, but just in case I'll tell them to let you in. Yeah?'
'Awesome,' I smiled.
'Well see you guys at 12 backstage of the main stage?' Anthony confirmed, cocking his head to one side.
'Yep!' Kalel said. 'See you later, babe. Good luck, you guys!' She embraced Anthony, and kissed him. I smiled at Ian, who outstretched his arms. I hugged him close, and he kissed me. I felt his warm chest and held him close.
'Good luck babe,' I whispered.
'Same to you, hun. You have Kalel, but if you need me I'm just a phone call away. It'll be fun, promise. And come to the signing later if you like?'
'If I don't get in the way. I might meet Kristie and we go meet some people when Kalel has hers.'
'Whatever you like. I'm only a text away.'
'Same for you. If you need me for anything, carrying stuff, setting up or just for reassurance when freaking out over the mainstage. Though you shouldn't worry. It was great when you practised.'
Ian held me close for a couple more seconds, so I could inhale his musky scent, and kissed my forehead. 'See you later, T. I love you.'
'I love you too,' I said quietly. 'Have a great day!' I exclaimed to them both, louder. 'You guys will be brilliant with your performance, promise.'
'You really will! You're hilarious, both of you,' Kalel said sweetly.
'You guys are the best. We'll see you later, okay?' I received a quick hug from Anthony. 'Mwah,' I mouthed at Ian, and he blew a kiss in return. How cute.
The guys exited through a separate door, and I turned to Kalel.
'It's 8:15am and I'm tired as fuck. What do we do until it kicks off?'
'Go get coffee?' Kalel suggested, shrugging.
'Perfect,' I smiled.
***
After a quick cappuccino for a caffeine buzz, it was 9 and the day was kicking off. We hadn't seen Anthony and Ian since we left them, however we did see DailyGrace, Dan and Phil again {who both looked extremely shattered, but we exchanged tired grins and waves, and said we'd meet later as they had places to be.}
'I don't really get anything after industry day,' Kalel said. 'Because usually it's business stuff. Usually not fans.'
'You seem to have a lot though, due to your twitter!'
'I guess. I love them all,' Kalel smiled. 'How's your twitter?'
Oh God. I wished she hadn't mentioned that. I hadn't checked it in a week for my own mental health. There had been hate message upon hate message which had made me feel progressively more nervous for Vidcon. After that night where I decided to go no matter what, they'd just gotten even worse and I knew that if I carried on looking at them, day in, day out, that I would do something stupid, such as pussy out of Vidcon. I knew this wasn't an option; Vidcon was something I needed to do no matter what. I had to do this not only for Ian and Anthony, but for myself. To prove that I had some sense of dignity and self esteem. Not to mention that I had a chance of meeting Dan and Phil!
My twitter, though, I had high hopes for. It was one dumb account but I wished and wished that at Vidcon, somehow people would realise that I'm not that bad, and maybe even sorta cool. Maybe the hate messages would die completely and I wouldn't end up with an army of haters, and instead finish with some supporters of me, people who liked me for who I was. But I knew this was all one big lie to myself. I doubted that people's opinions would change at all here. They'd even figured that Kristie was my friend and started sending her hate too. It wouldn't ever end.
'Hey, hey! It's okay,' Kalel assured me quietly, putting her arm around my shoulder. 'I'm guessing twitter isn't that great according to your face. It was dumb to mention it. How about we go to the common room and chat with the Youtubers?'
I nodded eagerly. 'Don't worry about the twitter thing. Let's go mingle.'
'And then....urm....merch shopping?'
'How the hell do you know me so well?' I asked, smiling confusedly.
'It's because we're twinsies!' Kalel grinned, and took my hand. She guided me towards the common room, as she'd been to every single Vidcon since the beginning: she knew this centre back to front. As we walked, Kalel started chatting.
'Hey, you know your accent has really faded.'
'Really?' I exclaimed, shocked. 'Awesome! I couldn't wait to get rid of the damned thing.'
'Nah, I loved it! You still have a hint of it.'
'Probably the reason that Dan and Phil asked whether I was English last night. But only after I'd talked for a while already.'
'Ah,' Kalel nodded. 'They're such nice guys. And frick, they're pretty hot too. Is that wrong to say?'
'I think the guys would completely understand if we decided to develop hard crushes on them,' I said.
'You're completely right. It's like, I would completely allow Anthony to have a crush on, say, Zoella or something because she's fucking gorgeous.'
'You are so right. It's official.'
'I shotgun Dan!' Kalel yelled.
'It's cool. I'll happily take Phil. I think Phil's hot too, unlike loads of people. And Jebus, have you seen PJ? As in KickThePJ? Because he's just so frickin handsome.'
'Ah, yesssss. Haven't seen him yet, though.'
'Neither. I'll have to ask Dan and Phil about that.'
'Do it! And ask where Chris Kendall is, yeah?'
'Of course. Oh, by the way, have you ever been in a Smosh video?'
'Eh, a couple of times I got involved. Why?'
'They've asked me to play piano in this video, and I just reminded myself this morning.'
'Don't be scared,' Kalel assured me. 'You can fuck up as many times as you like. It's so casual.'
'Okay,' I said, feeling a little bit more comfortable. Playing piano wasn't too difficult, as long as I could manage to come up with a short song. It wasn't so much the shooting though. It was when the video itself would be released; the idea of all those comments on Youtube petrified me. No doubt people would recognize me. Everyone would share my twitter account, and what then? I knew I wasn't meant to give a shit what people thought, but it was so god damn hard sometimes. I had supporters, but for every supporter there was about 500 haters. It was all a huge mess, and I was a mess too because of it. Someone had made a mess of this. Someone had taken that photo of me and Ian in the lobby, someone had given people information, someone had committed that first bit of hating. There wasn't one person to blame: and I had myself to blame as much as all those other people.
'They'll tell you all about it before you go on set,' Kalel promised. 'They won't expect you to know what to do. They made sure I was completely okay and comfortable, even though I was only prancing around in some jigglypuff costume, and standing around and stuff.'
'Phew,' I breathed. 'Thanks, dude. I'm just pretty nervous about, well, everything at the moment,' I admitted.
'I guessed so, T. I'm feeling your nerves right now, to be honest. Relax.' Kalel turned and gently held my shoulders. 'It's all gonna be okay. Vidcon is weird on your first year. I mean, I was already a Youtuber, but my first year when we'd started dating was different. I mean, face it, Misty, everyone knows that not everyone's going to like you.'
I breathed out. Okay, at least Kalel was being honest.
'Like, I still have haters, Ian and Anthony have haters too. Not everyone is ever gonna like you, right?'
'Right,' I nodded. 'Finally someone who is a little bit more matter-of-fact,' I said.
'I know, girl. It's not pretty, but it's the truth and I can't sugarcoat it. But people aren't gonna throw coke over you here. They've got a little more dignity than that. They may be cold, or dismissive, but you will have supporters. They're just harder to see through the storm cloud of haters.'
I instantly thought of Ella and Libby. Maybe there were more people like them.
'After my first Vidcon, some people remained hating, but I earnt some more support. You just have to show your best self. I mean, I like to remain open about our relationship, but I don't smother him in front of the fans. I leave him alone for the signings, or I stay by myself near the back. Sometimes people come to meet me. It's really nice.'
'That's what I want to do. I don't want to seem all possessive.'
'Exactly,' Kalel said, clicking her fingers. 'And you can still see Ian. That's why we'll go backstage so we can reassure them after the performance, have a 10 minute break together and then let them go and do their lunchtime. It's all cool, Misty. It's all gonna be just fine.'
'Thanks, Kalel,' I smiled. 'That's just what I needed. Something a little more blunt, but still reassuring.'
'I guess I can't make it all seem flowery and pink and lovely,' she admitted. 'Vidcon isn't easy on your first year of the relationship. But you have to remember there WILL be people who like you.'
I didn't fully believe her, to be honest. But I hoped to God that she was right.
***
After a bit of chatter and more coffee in the Youtuber area, we headed backstage, to wish the guys luck before their first performance. I'd received a quick text from Kristie: she'd meet up with us at about 2:30. Kalel's signing started at 2; I'd have to kill time for a half hour. Maybe I'd go see if I could find Mari or something.
I'd already been complimented tons of times on the custom Pokémon converse, and received a few as we navigated ourselves towards the backstage entrance. I thanked the complimenters sincerely, but briefly, and hurtled on with Kalel. It was coming up to 25 past and we couldn't miss Ian and Anthony. We wanted to give them a little surprise.
After trying three routes, we finally found a way backstage, but a fat hand blocked our way.
'Sorry, guys, only performers back here.'
'Oh, we're friends and family?' Kalel said, holding up her pass. 'Ian and Anthony said they'd warn you guys.'
'Could I ask your full names please?' the broad man asked, bringing out a clipboard.
'Erm, Kalel Cullen?' Kalel asked tentatively. The security guard looked hard at his clipboard and shook his head.
'Fine. Anthony'll have put down Kristen Marie Smith. Brilliant,' Kalel sighed.
'Yep,' the man said. 'But I'll have to ask for a date of birth as well.'
'30th of March 1989.'
'And you, Miss?' the security guard asked, turning to me.
'Misty Florence Cooper.'
'That's on here, yep. Date of birth?'
'17th of February 1995.'
'Cool. Okay guys, you can go in. Sorry about that,' he added.
'It's cool. Thank you,' I said gratefully, scurrying past the barrier, Kalel just behind me.
'Ugh, I hate it when I have to use my real name,' Kalel complained. 'Of course Anthony did that to piss me off!'
'Well, at least your real name is super pretty. My full name sounds like some anime witch or something.'
'Not quite. Misty's an amazing name. And, I've always loved the last name Cooper. I kinda like it for a first name too, you know?'
'I don't quite get you, Kalel,' I laughed, and looked to my right. There was expensive-looking equipment littered around, and the lighting was dim. Ahead of us was a clearing which I guessed was the main area in which the performers congregated. I was correct: Ian and Anthony were stood opposite each other in the corner, mumbling unfathomable words and looking down nervously at their flash cards. I suddenly felt like I shouldn't have been there: they needed some time to just calm themselves. Seeing us would probably fluster them a little. I resolved to just give Ian a hug and reassure him, as there was only a few miunutes left until they went on stage anyway. There was a blur of squeals, screams and excited chatter behind the curtain. I hadn't seen any fans yet myself. We'd spent the morning so far behind closed doors; I'd put off meeting real people until later. Hearing their voices made this all seem a lot more real.
'Hey!' Ian hissed, as we had to be quiet. 'What're you guys doing here early?'
'It was a stupid idea. We wanted to surprise you guys, but it's really not the right time.'
'To be honest, no. But thank you anyway,' Ian said gratefully, and kissed me. Anthony softly kissed Kalel, too.
'You'll be amazing,' I encouraged. 'Promise. Just be yourself... because people love you for just that.'
'Thanks, babe.'
'It's true. Anyway, I'll leave you be. Go get 'em! We'll see you guys after briefly.'
Ian hugged me tightly one last time, Anthony hugged me briefly too afterwards, before scurrying into the distance, fading away. There was a silence before I heard an uproar of screaming. They'd arrived on stage. Me and Kalel sat silently on the tatty brown armchairs. We could only hear their voices faintly, but it was enough. It sounded like it was going well. Whenever someone backstage started muttering, I knew that both of us craved to tell them to shut up. But obviously, neither of us had the confidence, let alone the authority to do that. So instead we huddled in the chairs, crossed our fingers and prayed for our boys. Every now and then we would hear a swell of squeals, laughter or just plain screaming. Me and Kalel had formed such a silence that the slightest sound would bother me: I could still hear the fast pattering of rain on the roof of the building. This wasn't like summer in California. I caught Kalel's gaze and raised my eyebrows. She smiled in return, before I realised that was the first communication we'd exchanged in about eight minutes.
'It sounds good,' I whispered.
'It will be good. They care so much about this.'
'Smosh means the world to them.'
'It really does,' Kalel agreed. And she was completely correct. Ian would always make time for me, but I knew how much Smosh meant to him. His spare time, when he wasn't with me, would usually be spent editing, or writing, or out shooting. Their fans were so supportive, and I knew they meant so much to both Ian and Anthony. Without them, where would they be? Probably in some crappy dead-end job in a call-centre, or in an office typing the same email addresses into a computer over and over again. Vidcon was the time for them to actually meet these fans, the ones that made everything happen for them. It was special, even though Ian made it out not to be, just to make me feel more comfortable.
I heard Ian yelling out something to the audience, and next there was a colossal wave of screams and clapping. It had finished. Kalel glanced at me briefly and flashed a grin. The screams continued, but gradually faded in amplitude. We heard the footsteps and gentle words of congratulations coming from the backstage crew, and Ian and Anthony slowly came into view. Their eyes lit up when they saw our huge grins.
'That went awesome,' Ian grinned.
'It sounded like it!' I smiled. 'Good job, guys,' I congratulated them, and hugged them both, receiving a quick kiss on the forehead from Ian.
'Nice improv, by the way,' Ian commented to Anthony.
'Nah, it was easy,' Anthony dismissed. his hand was firmly holding Kalel's. 'That's the first of three done!'
Ian grinned. 'So, dudes, what's the plan? We have the lunchtime live in a minute...'
'Well, we'll go and watch where the fans are. Maybe grab some lunch and eat it whilst we watch?'
'We can get you-' Anthony began.
'No, seriously,' I insisted. 'No special treatment. Let's just be amongst Vidcon folk for a while. You guys need time with your fans without us in the way.'
'Exactly,' Kalel agreed. 'Let's just be casual watchers.'
Anthony cast us an 'if you say so' look. 'So we'll see you guys properly later?'
'Well, more likely at the hotel. You guys gotta do your signing,' Kalel admitted.
'But hey, we'll find our way back and then we'll all go to the party together,' I said.
'Double date!' Kalel squeaked. Anthony chuckled.
'Whatever you say. Have a good day, okay?'
'Sure we will,' I smiled. 'You guys too. Make it special.'
We exchanged goodbyes, did a quick Ianthalelty handshake and waved off. Finally I was to face to public side of Vidcon. And I was gonna face it head on. This felt way too dramatic: Kalel had faced it. Why couldn't I?
Kalel squeezed my hand, obviously sensing my anxiety. I gave her a nervous smile. The convention hall was packed full of people. It was like someone had a ton of marbles and had attempted to squeeze them into as small a place as possible. It was difficult to think that yesterday this centre had been virtually empty and my voice had echoed whenever I spoke. Now whenever I spoke it was instantly sucked up my all the other people and I literally had to shout into Kalel's ear. I felt like I was in a busy train station, and everyone was trying to shuffle through to the same destination. However, once we arrived at the main booth hall and grabbed some hot pizza, everything seemed a lot more spread out, and the people seemed to disperse. No-one had recognized me yet, and this increased my confidence slightly, but that was mainly because I was looking straight down to the floor, tugging at my hair nervously, clutching my plate of pizza. Kalel still had her hand in mine and led me towards the smosh area, where Anthony and Ian had already gotten on stage. You could tell: there was a crowd of about 9 people deep around their booth and it stretched the entire way around it. Kalel and I tentatively found ourselves a little spot towards the back and looked on, as if we were fans, until towards the end of the lunchtime, after twitter questions, one girl nearby piped up 'Hey, Kalel!' Before I knew it, smoshers were swarming around Kalel and myself, some of them muttering and pointing me out, others just recognising Kalel.
'Oh my God, Kalel!' one girl of about 14 greeted excitedly. 'I'm such a big fan. Could I grab a photo?'
'Sure!' Kalel nodded, and put her arm around the girl and smiled. The girl snapped a photo with the front-facing camera on her phone, and thanked Kalel.
'Oh! And this is Misty,' Kalel said. 'Ian's girlfriend.' Huge mistake.
'Oh.' The girl's face dropped. 'Erm, hi,' she said awkwardly, her face cold as ice.
'Hi,' I smiled, but I knew my smile was as fake as Simon Cowell's. The girl didn't crack a smile, her stare intense. Others muttered around her. I heard the words 'slut', 'mean' and 'bitch.' The mutterings swarmed around my head, pushing me down a dark hole. These were the people who sent me hate, the people who believed all the lies. I wanted to scream, tell them it was all false. This was horrible. Just knowing that everyone is talking about you is enough. But hearing all of their words in front of your face is mortifying.
'Erm,' Kalel interrupted, her hand still in mine. She'd taken multiple photos with young girls as I'd stood and stared into space. Ian and Anthony were still eating, oblivious as to what was going on next to their booth. It wasn't dramatic or drastic: Kalel had sparked some interest and people had seen me too, which had sparked more silent, mumbling interest.
'Hey, slag!' someone exclaimed, loud enough for me to hear. I guess it wasn't all mumbling. I bowed my head right down and looked away from the crowd, my embarrassment intensifying with every second of this encounter.
'Okay. We better go...' Kalel excused, smiling falsely, and tugged my hand slightly. A couple of girls wandered in our direction, and eventually got the message and held back. Kalel held my hand and led me right away from the Smosh area until we were in the very corner of the convention centre: away from the action, and more importantly, all the people. I stayed silent.
'I'm so sorry,' she said. 'That was a mistake from the start...'
'It's fine,' I assured her flatly.
'No, it's not,' said Kalel passionately. 'There's something fishy going on. That was awkward as hell. Those texts...this sort of hate, it's not right. It's not right at all. People don't act like that unless someone has done something seriously wrong.'
'I don't know,' I sighed. 'I don't know why I came. I just wanted to prove a point. I give up.'
'Don't,' Kalel said sharply. 'Let's just...go shopping at merch, get a coffee, whatever. Let's just stay AWAY from that Smosh booth, okay?'
'Mmm,' I smiled uncomfortably. What was the point of being here with my boyfriend if I couldn't even see him whilst I was here? Sure, I would give him space, but I couldn't just pretend I didn't exist for an entire weekend.
This was such a mess- could I just go back home and pretend that none of this ever happened? And go back to my regular life? It seemed a very drastic decision, but right now, I was so lost that I'd rather be back to my quiet, reserved self in England than be the subject of numerous internet hate campaigns. I didn't even feel like seeing Kristie right now, let alone Kalel. I didn't even want to be with Ian. I just wanted to go home, cuddle with Drift, pretend that this never happened. I had only just realised that this was really not the way to treat a human being. I had been treated unfairly for much too long. I felt like Ian hadn't realised how much it was affecting me; I'd bottled so much of it it in for much too long. I had so much emotional self-hate, self-esteem issues, but such a lack of self-confidence because of this. I was never confident, but I'd been gradually gaining confidence before the bombshell of suffering hit everything. I was stronger, no doubt, but it was getting more and more difficult to find some sort of self-esteem within me when nobody liked me. I began to wonder whether Ian really cared at all.
'Look,' Kalel sighed. 'I don't know what to do...'
'Of course you don't,' I finally snapped. 'No-one does. Nobody knows what to do with me. Maybe because I don't fucking belong here!'
'You do-'
'Then WHY am I being treated like crap? Huh, Kalel? Is it meant to be this difficult?' I asked angrily. 'I'm trying, I really am. It took enough mental strength to go to Vidcon alone!'
Kalel pulled me in for a hug and let me silently cry into her shoulder.
'I can't do this,' I breathed. I turned away from Kalel and let a few last tears run down my cheek, before wiping them away with the back of my hand.
'You can,' Kalel insisted. 'Think of how it will feel when this is all over, it'll all work out. People will respect you more for trying.'
Kalel was so wrong. Nothing would improve: I'd just learnt that. People still seemed to believe I was a slut. I was still getting horrible hate texts, and I would continue to get them. Everything would stay as it was, however I would have also experienced this hate in person as well as over the internet. But I couldn't shout much more before it became dumb and pointless. All it did was draw attention to myself.
Kalel brought me out of the hug tentatively left a hand on my shoulder. 'Misty, you belong here as much as I do, as much as we all do. You were so brave back there.'
I sighed heavily. This sucked ass.
'Sorry,' I apologized. 'It's just...stuff. It's weirder seeing your haters in person...'
'It really is,' Kalel gushed, trying to tranquilize me. If anything, it annoyed me more, but I needed to calm down anyway. I'd just had a minor breakdown and needed to make myself feel as calm as possible.
But it was impossible when I'd just received another hate text on my phone.
'Hey, Miss Cooper. Seeing you cry to Kalel is one of the small joys in life.'