It was supposed to be pens and not pencils haha I just wrote pencils at the beginning and I had the idea of Henry coloring Killian's back while writing the chapter so I just stuck with the word pencil oops.
Remember that english is not my mother language so the words pen and pencil are things we learn how to say in english when we're like 7/8 and those are not words I use on a daily basis xD (in english ofc)
I'm sure Killian would have woken up if Henry decided to draw on his skin with pencils as you said hehe
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT
"I'm sowyy dad."
"I- Lad... I'm not- I'm not."
He wants to scream. Scream of happiness.
He's actually a father figure for him. It was never his goal but he is and he's thought about this a long ago.
He'd be lying if he said he didn't want this.
One thing he was most afraid of, in the first months with them, was that he'd get too attached to Henry - or Emma - and before he knew it he'd be all alone again and more lost than ever.
But then.... dad? He? A father? No, no. He's not that type, he doesn't know how.
"I'm sorry, I don't how he- he learnt this. He must have seen Neal calling for David. I-I don't know."
"Yeah, I... It's okay. I'm just going to clean this."
"Wait, let me just get Henry and I'll help-"
"I need a minute, Swan."
She stares at him in confusion before nodding and entering the bathroom, closing its door behind him.
Is he angry because of this? Sad? Shocked?
He hadn't given her enough time to read him and understand what was going on in that mind of his before just hiding in the bathroom.
When will he even walk out of there?
Certainly not in "a minute".
---
Killian always got a quick connection with kids. Especially infants.
Maybe because, for 9 months, his family had been getting ready to welcome his new little sister to this world only to get that fantasy ruined along with the ones in which his mother was also included.
Everyone dreamed about getting a job, marrying, kids... Killian's main goals in life became a whole new thing when his mother died.
He couldn't imagine his graduation without his mother amongst the other parents, looking right back at him and giving him that questioning nod she always gave to him, never looking away until he nodded to her right back.
And it never happened.
When he decided that maybe he could have a big future, maybe go to the university, Liam was dying.
He couldn't imagine marrying someone and his mother not being there, holding back tears (because he was sure she'd never cry in front of him - he had never seen her cry) and telling him how proud she was of him.
The thought that his mother would have loved Emma and Henry is torture for him.
Killian is sure, if his mother was here - and she should be, it's unfair that she is not because he needs her, he needs her so much - she and Emma would have been joined at the hip.
Emma made him the happiest and that's all his mother wanted for him. She'd told him that millions of times.
But he never married.
And kids...
What will his son or daughter's family be? He's all that's left. He won't be able to offer them anyone else. No grandmother, their grandfather is currently hiding in Ireland and the kids would only know of Liam in stories.
What does he even know about children?
Kids like them and then what?
How can an infant build this paternal love for him? They can't.
It was just it, a few minutes ago. Just "dad". No meaning behind it. Just a name that he's heard from someone. Just a replacement because there's no one else and he's around.
"Killian? Can we talk?"
He hears the muffled sound of her voice.
And the thing is, he didn't need an academic degree to feel accomplished in life. He's only realized that lately, when life gave him the opportunity to wake up next to Emma Nolan every day. His Swan. To hear her encouraging words... all her ideas and plans about what he could do, about what they could do.
He hasn't married, but he knows he will one day and that his future wife is right on the other side of that door.
He knows that. He knows that like he knows that 2+2=4 and he knows that if something misses one day, if a piece of the path they're creating disappears, he'll go to end of the world to find it and make it right again.
"Please."
The thought of Henry as his child makes him grin like an idiot.
That boy possesses a heart of gold. Killian and Emma make sure to give him all they never had, all he deserves - and maybe more than that but still, he doesn't regret that one bit.
The drooling kisses are his favorite, especially because he knows that will end soon when he grows up more.
He favors every single moment of his growth like he's his child.
He sometimes forgets they're not the same blood.
The door opens slowly and Emma takes a peek at him from it and they look at each other through the mirror.
With all this he's only managed to wet the towel again.
"Let me help?"
"Please." It's the only thing he says.
She takes the towel from his hand and puts some shower gel on it.
"You upset? About... this?"
"He doesn't even know the meaning of what he said, of course I'm not... upset."
"But you are upset." She fixes her eyes on his back instead.
When he doesn't say anything, she looks up and finds him looking down, his teeth clenched.
She keeps on her task of rubbing the towel on his back, his skin turning red after a while but that seems to be the only way the ink will fade.
"I love him like a father would... or more even." He blurts out and she stops moving.
"I know that. I've noticed it and I'm glad you're finally realizing it."
She walks around him to face him.
"And you're great at it." She tells him.
His eyebrows frown and she explains.
"At loving him. You're great at loving him." She says, her words are hard to speak because of her huge smile.
"I'm not trying to replace anyone. I shouldn't-"
"You're not, I know. I can't go back in time, Killian. And still, I wouldn't have because it gave me Henry, but... we both know who's his real father. And he's damn lucky because what a father he has..." she says and that earns a smile from him, before he pulls her into his arms and breathes her scent in.
"You've given me so much." He mumbles to her neck.
"And you've given me more."