“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” I said, throwing my bag on the bench seat next to the door.
Michael came in seconds behind me. “Georgiana…”
“You all knew, didn’t you?”
My brother looked down at the counter top, the only one who wouldn’t look at me. My father detached from the group and approached me.
“We thought it was best, in case the Counsel didn’t allow him back into the school.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? I thought we agreed no more secrets. Not after the last time.”
“Georgiana,” my mother said. “We didn’t want to upset you.”
“Upset me? So you lied to me? I understand why Bast did it. But you four? I’m not some fragile china doll. Stop treating me like one.”
“Then you should stop acting like one,” my father snapped at me. “The past three months you’ve been a shadow. You flinch every time someone says his name and you refuse to talk about it. How did you expect us to treat you?”
I couldn’t believe he just said that. His words hurt and tears sprang to my eyes. He faltered when he saw them. “Kitten, I’m sorry…I…”
I marched off to my room and slammed the door. I just stood there for a moment, trying to make the pain his words caused to go away. When it was gone, all of it, I took off my jacket and my other winter gear. I really wanted a shower. I went into my bathroom and looked around for a bag. I found one but I had no way of tying it down. Cling wrap. The thought popped in my head like one of those mole games at the arcades. But that would mean I’d have to leave my room. It couldn’t be avoided. I opened my room and marched out. Apparently my family, all but my brother, had relocated to my father’s office. My brother was in his room, door cracked. I grabbed the cling wrap from the kitchen. I paused at my brother’s room and decided to go in. I knocked first of course.
“Yeah.”
I opened the door with the cling wrap. My brother was sitting at his desk, fiddling with a pen.
“Hey little brother,” I said quietly.
“Hey.” He turned to look at me.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure. Close the door.”
I came in and closed the door. I sunk down on his bed. “Are you ok?”
“Not really.”
“What’s wrong? You and Sophie…?”
“Everything’s fine. She’ll be by later.”
“Then…what’s wrong? Last night at the infirmary…”
“They called me in. To testify.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not easy being the little brother, your little brother to be specific. I get to watch you go through everything and most of the time I can’t really do anything about it. I’m the moral support. I ran while you got beaten to a pulp and kidnapped. Then I had to sit around here and listen to Mom cry and blame herself because she sent us out there. After the second day…no one expected you to come back alive. Dad was locked away in his office, drinking. Mom was locked in their room, crying. I didn’t know what to do. You’re my big sister, Gee. I’m not supposed to bury you.”
My eyes filled with tears and I reached out and took his hand.
“I’m sorry, Bast. Sometimes even I forget you’re the one who has to deal with…the aftermath.”
“I’m used to watching you and giving our parents heart attacks is your thing. But this time…” he shook his head, “it was different. They thought you were dead. Even Luke thought you were dead. The only one who didn’t was Michael and that’s only because you have that bond thingie. He came over on the third day. He’d been keeping himself locked up in the security office. No one really knew what he was doing but…I’d like to think he was tracking you, somehow. He came over to check on me. Make sure I was ok. He’s the one who said, ‘If she was dead, I’d feel it. You’d feel it, Sebastis. Because a life like that leaving the world, would cause ripples.’ He’s the only one who had hope. Then he said he had to go. He had a lead, an anonymous tip. He grabbed Dad and Luke and they took off.”
He smiled. “Mom wasn’t sure if she was supposed to plan a funeral or a homecoming party.”
“Why are you smiling about that?”
“Because I asked her to picture the look on your face if you came home to find a coffin instead of a cake. She didn’t think it was funny but…Michael was right. But I want to say something about Aidan before anything else happens.”
“Oh, ok.”
My brother stared me in the eyes when he said the next part. “I don’t trust him. I understand why he did what he did but I don’t trust him. Not with your life or with anyone else’s. If you decide…just be careful. Ok? Because next time I won’t hesitate.”
“I understand.”
“Good. Now, do you want me to wrap that? Because you really smell like a hospital.”
My brother wrapped my cast in cling wrap. It was a new experience for us, one that made us giggle hysterically when he was finished. It took me longer than usual to shower. My usual fifteen minute showers stretched out to about forty five. Don’t ask me how I managed it because I don’t even know. The water was turning cold by the time I turned off the water. I dried off and unwrapped my hand.
I got dressed as best as I could and then sat at the end of my bed. I held my cast in my good hand. I tried to wiggle my fingers, all I got was pain. I was starting to think they hadn’t done anything. Michael knocked on my door then.
“What?” I said. He opened the door and I shot him a look. “I didn’t say you could come in.”
“We need to talk.” He closed the door behind him and came over. “What are you doing?” he asked noticing my hand.
“I’m trying to see if it’s fixed yet. Are you sure she fixed it?”
“Yes, Georgiana. She fixed it but it’s going to take time. Just like she told you.”
“You know what? Let me break your hand. Then maybe you’ll know how it feels.”
“Georgiana…”
“What do you want to talk about Michael?”
“The boy. We should talk about him.”
“He has a name you know.”
He ignored my comment. “Your parents want you to stay away from him. So do I.”
I looked at him. “Why?”
“Because he’s not good for you.”
“You know I distinctly remember you saying the same thing about you.”
“That’s different.”
“How? I’ve known Aidan for years before this whole mess happened.”
“I realize that but he also has an adverse affect on you. It’s not healthy. And on top of that he’s a bit obsessed. Even the psych eval said so.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” I said. “He’s not obsessed. He’s…” I got up and paced, “it’s hard to explain.”
“Georgiana. You saw the penthouse. Vin packed up that room and did you know there were over a hundred of those papers on the floor and everyone was a drawing of you?”
“Yes. I know.”
He looked startled by that. “How do you know?”
I sighed. “Bare with me while I try to explain this, ok? You know how writers get when they have something suck in their head, it doesn’t go away until they write it down? That’s how Aidan is. He gets an image stuck in his head and the only way to make it go away is to draw it.”
“Georgiana, all he draws is you.”
“If you could draw, who would be your subject?”
“Georgiana…”
“Tell me.” He didn’t have to. I already knew the answer. I looked in his head when I said it. “You’d draw me right?”
“And what would you draw? Georgiana, if you could?”
My nightmares popped into my head. If there was ever an image I needed out of my head, my memories of Jason torturing me were at the front. If I could draw a sound, I’d draw the sound of my bones…
“Stop,” Michael said, getting up. “I’m sorry. That was an unfair question.”
I looked at him. “It’s just a way of coping, Michael. I did it my way, he did it his. You had yours, right? When you were away?”
“I didn’t cope, Georgiana. I checked on you a lot and you were always on my mind.”
“Ok. Then you know how it feels. Try to understand, Michael. I know it’s hard…” Someone else knocked on my door. I sighed in frustration. “What!?”
“Come out here please,” my father said.
I heard him retreat down the hallway. Great. I could tell by his tone that he wasn’t happy. I looked up at Michael and he just shrugged. I opened the door and we walked out. When I got to the living room, I found the whole family gathered in the living room. Including Sophie and Hekati. Oh this couldn’t be good.
“Have a seat, Georgiana,” my father said.
I sat down in the chair he usually occupied and Michael crossed the room to stand next to Luke.
“What’s going on?” I said. “If I did something…”
“No, Georgiana…” my mother said.
Oh boy. She called me by my full name. This was serious.
“I feel…” Sophie started, looking at my mother for encouragement, “that you might feel the need to fall back into old habits.”
“Old habits?”
“Aidan’s back, Gee,” Sophie said. “That must be…I don’t know what it must be for you. But for me it’s a little weird.”
“Soph, I don’t know what’s going on but…”
“Georgiana,” my father said. “This is where you just listen.”
My jaw snapped shut and I sat back in my chair. “Is this an intervention? What are you intervening? I just found out this morning. If anyone needs an intervention it’s all of you.”
“Georgiana,” my father warned.
I sat and fumed. I listened as one by one they spilled out my past behavior and their fears for me now that Aidan was back. Michael and Luke were the only ones that remained silent.
“Honey,” my mother said coming over to sit down in front of me. “We just want you to be happy and healthy. We didn’t do this to throw you off guard, we’re just trying to…” she lost her words. Her face scrunched up as she searched for the right ones.
“He’s not good for you,” my father said. “I want you to stay away from him. So does your mother.”
“You’re forbidding me from seeing him? How are you going to do that? We go to the same school and we both live on campus.”
“This is just a request,” my father said. “A very strong, firm request.”
I looked from face to face, trying to figure out what exactly they thought I was doing.
“Can I talk now?” I asked.
My father nodded.
“Good.” I stood up. “I get that everyone thinks I’m crazy. And on some level I’m bond to agree with you. I know my behavior the past couple of months was…’unhealthy’,” I quoted the therapist. “I know you just want me to talk it out, but Aidan is my problem…”
“He hit me over the head,” Sophie said. “And stabbed your brother. We’re in this knee deep too, Georgiana.”
Oh now she was saying my full name.
“I know, Sophie, and I’ve apologized for that. I don’t expect you to…like him at all…” I looked at my brother who was looking at his and Sophie’s linked hands, “but I’m not dating him. I’m not dating anyone ever again. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, however long that is. Ok? Happy?”
I stalked to the door and left, slamming it behind me. I couldn’t really go anywhere since I was barefoot and defenseless from the cold. So I sought out my old hiding spot, the one I hadn’t used in years. There was this little cubby hole under the stairs on the first floor. I took the stairs two, three at a time. Trying to get away from the suppressive force that was my family. When I got to the first floor, I went straight for the cubby hole. I opened the door and froze. Apparently I wasn’t the only thing that had changed. The chair I’d put in there years ago was gone and janitorial cleaning supplies had replaced it. I slammed the door in frustration. Was no where sacred anymore?
“Georgiana,” Luke said from the stairs.
“Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it. Leave me alone.”
He came down the rest of the way and sat on the second bottom stair. He patted the spot next to him and I sighed, going over and sitting next to him.
“I know that was hard…” he started.
“Yeah cuz there’s nothing like hearing your whole family talk down to you to make you feel better.”
“They weren’t trying to make you feel bad. They were trying to get a point across.”
“I got that part. Aidan=bad. Georgiana no date boy. I get it.” They were being so Neanderthal about it. If they’d even bothered to ask me I would’ve told them I had no intention of dating him again. How could I? Things between us were far from ok and I had no intention of dating him or anyone else ever again.
“That wasn’t the point Georgiana. No one trusts him anymore. We all watched you fall apart and try to pick up the pieces. We don’t want to see that happen again.”
“Don’t worry. I learned my lesson. Dating is never going to work out for me. It’s never going to happen again.”
“That’s not what they want. No one wants you to be alone.”
“But that’s what I am, Luke. I’m alone. I’m the loneliest fucking person in the world and no one sees that. Max told me I’m meant to walk my road alone. And I’m starting to think he was right. Everyone gets hurt if I get involved. Look what happened to Aidan. Look what happened to my brother and my best friend. I cause pain and suffering no matter where I go.”
“Georgiana…”
“That’s my burden though, right? To be someone that’s not supposed to exist?”
“Look,” Luke said, turning to me and taking my hands, “I get that you feel alone and in many ways you are. You’ve never been one to sit around and twiddle your thumbs. You’re restless and you have every right to be. But you need to accept the fact that they’re just trying to help.”
“Then maybe they should look at the world through my eyes for once. I know what they saw and see when they look at me, I see it myself. But none of them see what I see or feel how I’ve felt or feel right now. I thought I’d found something normal and perfect. And then it was ripped away from me. I’m not looking to get it back but it’s normal for me to want it back. Even if it never happens. I couldn’t help but fall apart.”
“Everyone just wants you to be happy.”
“I can’t be happy. I’m not allowed.”
I got up and went back to the apartment.