~
"No one needed to say it, but the room overflowed with that sort of blessing. The combination of loss and abundance. The abundance that has no guilt. The loss that has no fix. The simple tiredness that is not weary. The hope not built on blindness."
-Aimee Bender
~
"You got suspended for a week!" My mom yelled. I rolled my eyes as I sat down on the kitchen counter.
"It's only a week," I said in defense. It could have been a lot worse.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think I should have been suspended at all but I got off pretty easy for 'starting' the fight.
I thought it was bullshit I got blamed for starting the fight because I threw the first punch. I don't regret it though.
"You told me you were done fighting." She said to me as she brushed a piece of her blond hair behind her ear.
She was still dressed in her nurse scrubs fresh from work and signing me out from school.
The bags under her eyes were dark and bold.
I felt like shit for stressing her out.
"It's wasn't my fault, I am done with fighting but those assholes deserved it," I said in defense as she reached into the fridge and pulled out the ice tray.
She roughly began putting the ice into a rag.
"You told me you were done with fighting. I don't care what those boys di-" she started to say but I cut her off. "They were making fun of Emma," I explained.
She paused before sighing.
"You're right, they deserved it." She said agreeing with me as she turned and handed me the ice rag.
She moved closer to me and brushed her fingers over the side of my face. I tried my hardest not a flinch away from her touch but it hurt too much.
I brought the rag to my face and placed it on my bruised cheek. I bit my lip to stop from screaming out in pain.
"I'm still pissed that you got suspended." She said in a huff hitting my shoulder.
I could tell she wasn't really angry at me, but more worried.
She always seemed worried about something.
She probably thought I was falling back into bad habits.
"Well, I have good news," I said trying to lighten the mood as I pulled the rag away from my face.
She quickly pulled the rag back to my face giving me a warning look. I rolled my eyes.
"We're going to New York." I declared happily.
My mom has never missed a chance to see my art in competitions before and I hope she didn't start now.
New York wouldn't just be a break for me, but the break she deserves too.
She works so hard to provide for us. If this trip is the one thing I can give to her then I will.
She looked at me in confusion.
"We can't afford-" she started to say before she started to smile. She hugged me tightly.
"Congratulations sweetie, I'm so proud of you. Your art is going to be in a museum." She said into my shoulder.
I rubbed her back softly as she hugged me. "So you aren't mad anymore?" I asked hopefully.
I would do anything if I knew it would make her happy, she's my mom.
She deserved more than she got. She deserved better than the asshat who was my father. She deserves more than this shitty house. She deserves more than her overworking job.
Though I would never admit it, Emma and my mom are probably the two most important people in my life.
"Nah, I'm not mad." She said pulling away. "One fucking week doesn't matter if anything it started your winter break early." She added with a grin.
I wanted to grin back but I stopped myself knowing it would only hurt to try.
With that, I grabbed my bag and slowly walked upstairs to put it away.
I throw my bag on my bedroom floor before quickly walking into the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror to evaluate the damage.
I winced just looking at my face. It hurt a hell of a lot less than it looked.
The left side of my face was a patchy angry bright red. The area by my ear and jaw being the darkest of red and the most painful. My eye swollen slightly with the area around it already turned a bluish red.
I looked like shit.
I could hear my mom downstairs talking on the phone.
I slowly reached to lightly touch my face but quickly pulled away from the pain it brought.
I sighed before walking back to my room.
I need something to take the edge of; I need something to take the pain away.
I shut my room door before lifting my mattress up and taking the all too familiar bag of pills that Ashley gave me out of the lining.
I figured that would be the best place to hide them without mom finding them.
I carefully put my mattress back making sure not to cause too much noise and get my mom's attention.
The pills were just as I remembered them. They were two-toned, half bright orange and half sky blue. Across the blue end of the tablets was little black writing.
I opened the baggy pouring two into my palm.
How many do I take?
Before I could actually take any my bedroom door opened. I quickly shoved the bag and pills into my pants pocket.
"I forgot to give you these before. I can't image how much your face must hurt." My mom said holding her hand out to me.
In her hands laid white pills that I recognized to be Ibuprofen.
I looked at her gratefully as I took them from her and dry swallowed the white pills.
"Have you gotten Emma anything for Christmas yet?" My mom asked curiously as she looked around my messy room.
Christmas was a little less than two weeks away.
Emma and I never really talked about exchanging gifts so I didn't think to get her anything.
I'm not even sure what I would get her anyways.
I shook my head. "No, I haven't. We haven't talked about if we are exchanging or not."
She frowned at me. "Honey, if you want a girl to stay your girlfriend then you get her a Christmas gift." She said as if I was an idiot.
Oh.
"Come on, let's go to the mall. I'll help you pick something nice out." My mom offered.
I couldn't remember the last time I had gone to the mall. Or the last time my mom went shopping for something other than food and paint.
Sad as it may sound as a family we never did much for Christmas; or any holiday for that matter.
With my mom always working we never had the chance, but I didn't blame her.
The last few years for Christmas she's gotten me a few new paints and brushes, while I have given her paintings I've made. We then usually had breakfast together before she was off to work.
It was weird to think that this year would be different, this year I'd have Emma.
"What about work?" I asked noticing the fact that my mom was still dressed in her purple nurse's scrubs. She smiled softly. "Thanks to you I have the rest of the day off." She said referring to the fact that she had to leave work after the school called her to get me.
I rolled my eyes.
"I'll go change and then we can leave." My mom said as she turned toward the door. She turned to me quickly. "You should change your shirt." She said before leaving out the door.
Closing the door behind her.
I looked down at my shirt to see more than a few darkened blood stains for my bloody nose from earlier.
I sighed.
With the pain of my face numbed down I had almost forgotten that I had gotten into a fight only a few hours ago.
I quickly pulled off my shirt and put another one on.
I now wore a simple black hoodie, black jeans, and shoes.
Somehow through all the madness of the fight, I had lost my beanie.
I went downstairs and got a water bottle and took a sip.
I picked up my phone off the kitchen table to see I had a message from Emma.
'You're an idiot, you know that?" The message said simply.
"Yeah, I know." I messaged her back smiling down at the screen. There was no use denying it if was it was more often the truth than a lie.
I took another sip of my water as I waited for her to reply.
"Ready?" My mom asked walking into the room.
She was wearing a green t-shirt, jeans, her black jacket, and carried her purse.
Her usually tired up blond hair was loose and free.
I nodded before grabbing my jacket from where I left it on the kitchen table and put it on.
We left out the house. I locked the door behind me.
We got in my mom's blue Honda before she started the short drive to the mall.
My phone buzzed.
"Thank you, I hate that you got in trouble but I really appreciate that you stood up for me." Emma sent me.
I wasn't sure how to respond. Though I thought her thanking me was sweet I didn't think she needs to thank me for being a decent human being.
Before I could text her just that the beat of Urban Spell's newest song filled the air.
My mom turned and began singing along to the song to me as she wiggles her shoulders back and forth.
I laughed but stopped short to join her in singing to the song as the second chorus began.
The rest of the car ride went just like that, us singing along to each song on the radio and when we didn't know the lyrics we made up our own.
It didn't take long to get to the mall. The mall was pretty packed for it being the middle of the week, but it didn't take long to find parking.
The first thing I noticed when we walked into the mall was the smell of butter and the dull rawr of people.
"Do you have an idea of what you want to get her?" My mom asked after we walked through a few stores.
I felt bad because honestly, I had no idea what to get her.
I shook my head instead of answering.
She frowned "We can walk around until you see something you think she'd like." She offered.
Suddenly, when we turned the corner there was a large group of children watching dancers on a makeshift stage. The parents and some adult standing not too far away watching too.
Some people looked towards us and frowned before looking away. Rude.
My mom and I stopped and watched.
That when I noticed one of the dancers looked all too familiar.
She seemed to be make-up free, as she wore a black leotard and a large pink tutu. Her usually blue and grey hair was dyed a darker shade of blue and was in a braid.
It was Ashely. Ashley was on fucking stage doing fancy looking spins.
Holy shit, Ashley is a ballerina.
I never saw that coming, not with the way she acts, or dresses, or well because of the drugs.
But, there she was on stage moving with a grace only years of practice could give her. I guess this does explain why she got dressed all weird that day when I left her house.
With all my thoughts racing I didn't notice the performance end as all the dancers on stage bowed.
Ashley smiled and waved as she looked around the crowd before her eyes stopped as she noticed me.
Her smile turned into a noticeable smirk.
"Do you know that girl?" My mom asked in confusion as she turned to me. "What girl?" I asked playing dumb. "The blue haired one that's walking this way." She said simply as she looked behind me.
I turned to see Ashley now standing behind me. "Hello, Danny," Ashley said with a smirk. Her voice laced with kindness and something else.
She turned to my mom. "Hello, you must be Daniel's mom it's so wonderful to meet you." She said packing on the nice.
It was really weird and I think my mom could tell something was off as she turned to me before saying "I'm going to buy a pretzel, you stay here and talk to your friend." Before walking away, ignoring Ashley completely and not giving me a chance to reply.
As soon as she was out of hearing range Ashley laughed. "You look like shit. What happened to your face?" She asked.
Oh yeah, I forgot that half my face was red and blue. Well, that explains why people had been looking at me funny.
"I got into a little fight, but trust me the other guys look worse than I do?" I answered she raised her brow. "Whoa, you're such a bad boy." She said dramatically with a wave as she raised her voice.
Some parents looked our way before grabbing their child and walking away quickly.
"So," I said looking down at her. Without her usually heeled shoes I never noticed how small she was compared to me.
She couldn't be more than 5'2 as she stood; much shorter than my shoulders.
"So, what?" She asked craning her head to look up at me. I smirked, "you're a dancer." I stated simply.
She frowned.
"Well don't be a jerk about it." She said glaring up at me. I laughed.
"I wasn't, I just didn't see it coming," I said quickly. "Why not?" She asked raising a brow.
I leaned down closer and by her ear so nobody else would hear me as I spook.
"Because of the drugs," I whispered before moving away from her.
She shrugged. "Whatever it takes to keep off the weight, right?" She said casually.
I wasn't sure what she meant by that but I agreed nonetheless.
A guy dancer yelled out her name, we both turned to him. He waved her over.
She sighed.
"Duty calls." She said tiredly. "I'll see you around," I said glancing over to where my mom was to see her standing not too far away with a pretzel talking to someone.
She was talking to a lady, but I couldn't tell who because the women's back was to me.
"You better," Ashely said before spinning on her toes and smiling at me. She then frolicked away.
She fucking frolicked.
I moved to walk toward my mom. The closer I got the more familiar the dark brown hair of the women she spoke too seemed familiar.
"Mom?" I asked calling out and getting their attention.
They both turned to the sound of my voice.
My stomached dropped.
Standing next to my mom stood Emilia Baker, Emma's mother. Unlike the suggestive smirk Ashley always gave me, Emilia's smirk held only evil.
Her eyes seem to look over my face, stopping on the bruises before looking away frowning slightly.
"Look who I ran into!" Mom said happily as if I couldn't already see who it was.
I frowned as something clicked.
How did they know each other?
"Congratulations, Daniel. Your mother just told me you are a finalist for an art competition in New York. I had no idea you were such a talented artist." Emma's mom said faking happiness.
I didn't know what game she was playing this time but I wanted it to stop.
"Thank you," I said trying to fake the same level of happiness as her.
"You, Emmett, and Emma should come to New York and see the top three collections on awarding night with us." My mom said excitedly.
I couldn't hide my frown. I was fine with Emma coming because she couldn't see the art.
But, the idea of her parents being there too didn't seem very good. My collection was very...personal and I don't think they would like to see it.
"You don't have t-" I stayed to say but Emilia cut me off. "We'll be there, I'm sure Emma would love to go and support you," Emilia said simply.
Wasn't she the same women who tried to tear Emma and I apart less than a month ago?
I frowned more, what game was she playing?
"Well, I best be on my way. It was wonderful to see you again, Sandra. It's been far too long." Emilia said simply.
Then the most surprising this happened.
Emilia reaches out and hugged my mom. I almost didn't notice Emilia whisper something in my mom's ear.
With that Emilia left, not even wishing me a farewell.
The smile that was once in my mom's face was replaced with a frown and far away look.
What did Emma's mom whisper to her?
"I didn't know you know Emma's mom," I said stating my surprise. My mom looked towards me as if just remembering I was there before forcing a smile.
I'm never coming back to this fucking mall again. The chance of running into people you know at a mall in such a small town was just too high for comfort.
We began to walk around the mall again. The mall becoming less crowded as we walked.
"How do you guys know each other?" I asked digging.
Maybe, knowing would explain why Emilia hates me so much and why she said that comment about my no show of a father when we first met.
"I hired her to do some work for me years ago." My mom said vaguely avoiding saying many details. Which was odd for my mom.
"What kind of work?" I asked digging more. "How about we just focus on finding Emma a gift." My mom snapped at me.
I paused.
The hell? As much as I have annoyed my mother in the past she never snapped at me like that before.
I could feel my stomach drop again.
However, they knew each other it was clear she didn't want to tell me.
I took out my phone.
'What does your mom do for a living?" I texted Emma. If my mom wasn't gonna answer my questions then I would ask someone who would.
"Let's go in here," I said pointing towards a store before we walked over and into it.
The store was nearly empty of people and smelled of coffee.
My phone beeped.
I froze as I looked at the message Emma sent me.
"She's a divorce lawyer, why?" Emma's message asked.
[Published March 4th, 2017]
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