~Ray..
It was indeed Christmas Day... Nothing new transpired today other then the expected. Gifts were torn open savagely followed by satisfied smiles and cheers.
I got my family the gifts they wanted and thrived off of the hugs and kisses I deserved because of the presents...
I didn't get much because I can buy my own shit but one thing I could never put a price on was my daughter's smile.
She brought me to life once she figured out what I brought her. It was as if I gave her the whole world and she treated me like she loved me more then ever in that moment.
Little did she know, she was my world. I strived to give her anything and everything even if that meant sacrificing a little time that should have been spent with her.
After the gifts were put away, my father took all the kids out to church for the 8-9 a.m. morning serman while mama stayed back to prepare for the Christmas feast.
I, on the other hand remained home because I no longer believed in god. After all the shit I went through, I suffered and had people taken from me. People I could never replace, he's become irrelevant.
Ill never again uttered his name, so he'll remain just as he's always been. Invisible.
Sprawled out on the plush leather couch, the evening news caught my attention as I flipped aimlessly through the channels.
"This just in, five corpses were discovered decomposing in a large slab of concrete buried six feet beneath the ground and judging by the multiple gun wounds to the chest and skull.. This appears to be a homocide"
The screen then displayed a forest like scenery with a dog just browsing around in the background. Probably trying to find the proper tree to urinate on.
"This couple standing besides me were just on their daily morning hike with their dog when the golden retriever began acting strange"
"Yeah" A red-headed bomb shell with blue eyes responded to the news reporter. "When on our hike, axel is always so calm and obidient but when we came to a certain point, he didn't want to proceed. He gave me a really hard time when I wanted to move on"
"At some point we had to let him go because of how rowdy he became" A tall and dark haired man said immidiately after.
"We didn't understand what he was doing when he instantly began digging in that same spot. That was until we realized that there was dried blood everywhere beneath the soil"
I became a little uneasy as soon as the camera shifted back to the news reporter woman.
"Investigators say this homocide was a product of gang violence due to the numerous gun shots to the chest and skull... They are currently questioning suspects-"
I turned off the television and put my face in my hands... Contemplating everything that could have possibly gone wrong with our operation the other day. I really hope DayDay didn't fuck around and get us caught.
"DayDay!..... DAY'SHAWN!"
Frantic footsteps came descending down the stairs immidiately after my call.
"What the fuc-"
"Meet me on the porch..."
"For wha-"
"Get on the fucking porch before I knock yo ass out!.."
With no more questions asked, he sauntered out the door. I could faintly hear him sitting down on the lounge chair right besides the the front door.
I glanced in the kitchen to simply observe my mom. She was talking on the phone but as soon as she saw me staring, she dissappeared farther into the kitchen.
Her body language told me she was talking about something she probably didn't want me worrying about.... I was thinking the same exact thing.
I stepped out on to the porch, pulled up a chair making sure that it was vertical to dayday. I needed to make sure that he wasn't about to lie to me.
As calmly as possible, I exhaled.
"It's 30 something degrees out here ray.. What you want?"
"When we sprayed them seven nine niggas, did you make sure you cleaned up your tracks?
"Yeah" He said without thinking. "I made sure nobody would find them and that nobody could link us to that shit... Exactly how you taught me"
"Yeah? So why the fuck is all five of them niggas on the news dayday?... Some dogs smelled their scent and the Feds investigating the case"
"Wow! Just like all the other dead bodies they find in Inglewood but let me know this, do they ever figure out who was behind those deaths?"
I rubbed my chin while glaring immensely into his eyes. There wasn't a sign of apprehension there. My best instinct told me to trust him.
"That's what I thought. I ain't a fuck up ray."
"Alright ... Forget I asked"
"I swear you be trippin'.."
We dapped up signifying that all was well between us... I roughed his hair up which then sparked a smile between the both of us.
I didn't know if he knew it or not but I loved him. This wasn't really the life I wanted for him but I knew that as long as he stuck with me, I'd protect him... Always.
A loud honk snapped me out of my shallow trance..
"Aye ray, imma be with mahlik ight. Tell ma imma be back later"
My eyebrows raised to the point where he knew to explain hisself.
"It ain't nothing ray... We just got some shit to take care of"
"You finna ride without me?" I played as if I was deeply hurt.
"You got your own life and I got mine"
I waved to mahlik in the distance, he honked his horn in retaliation as my brother jog towards the car.
"Take care of my baby brother nigga!"
"I got you hood" Mahlik responded before speeding off down the street.
Maybe he was right this time. He wasn't a baby anymore which meant he had his own life to handle.... I trust that he'll make the right decisions even if I'm not there.
Walking back into the house, I could still hear my mother talking on the phone... I couldnt see her but her tone immidiately told me that she was smiling.
She's been on the phone ever since I came down the stairs for breakfast. Judging by the clock, that was three hours ago.
"Oh my lord... Has she grown that much?........ I can't wait to see her after all thats happened......... No, I doubt he still remembers her. He didn't even remember me after he got released........... Tonight? Yes, of course....... Tonight then, we'll be there"
She placed the phone back on to the reciever just as I was walking in.
"Where you going mama?"
She looked off to the side as if she didn't know exactly what to say to me.... She looked more so uncomfortable.
"Ms. Wanda is hosting a Christmas party tonight and she has invited all of us to be there... I expect you to be there ray. Not just tah'lani but you too"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You have this nasty way about you. You love dissappearing when I need you most. Not this time" She stated sternly.
She then looked towards my hair which was all too rough right now.
"Imma need you to do something about that hair baby..."
"Yeah yeah, whatever ma"
My sisters dressed up in their finest Christmas dresses and my baby brothers and I dressed in our nice linen pants with the most crispest dress shirts.
My twisted down hair was rolled up into a low ponytail bun while my edges were brushed down to perfection.
I didn't know about anybody else but I was set to go.
Mama came over to me and began buttoning up my shirt which I purposely left unbottoned..
She then attempted at re-doing my hair but I wasn't about to let her to that... Just because I didn't take a good two hours to get ready didn't mean I didn't look good.
"Get off me ma, what's wrong with you?"
"You couldn't clean up better then this?" She scolded. "Everyone is going to be at this party raquan"
"Like I give a fuc-"
"Excuse me?"
I sighed with frustration. "I meant I don't really care.. It's just a party."
"You couldn't let me put some make-up on those tattoos?"
"Are we leaving? Because I'm about to not go"
She was pissing me off. Trying make me come off as something she knows that I'm not. The only reason I was going to this party was because this Wanda person was the mother of one of my closet friends...
One of my closest fallen friends. He was resting in peace as we spoke and as coincidental as it sounded, his birthday was tomorrow... I felt an obligation to him to be there.
All throughout the car ride, I texted while my daughter laid in my lap. My mom took it upon herself to tell all of us how to act when we got there mainly because it would reflect how good of a parent she was.
It was funny how she made sure the whole time, she kept her eyes on me... Like I would get up into that woman's house and act a damn fool.
If she didn't leave me the fuck alone, I might just purposely embarras her ass but I couldnt even if I did want to. I couldn't disrespect Craig's mom nor his home like that.
Upon getting there.... All my siblings and my parents filed out of the car. I put tah'lani down so that she could join her aunts and uncles who were now running around enjoying the party.
I scoffed as I evaluated my surroundings... There was nothing but people around my parents age and kids at this get together.
No one of my age. Better yet, no females around my age that I could possibly fuck with.
"Damn... This party lame as fuck" I muttered under my breathe.
"Ray, do you remember Theresa?"
I directed my attention to where my mama was calling me from... I saw her with this Beautiful Hispanic woman who was substantially shorter than her...
"No doubt... How you doing Theresa?"
"I am doing very well Raquan. I am happy to finally see you again."
"Out of jail you mean?"
She laughed uncomfortably just as a small toddler ran over to her side, clutching on to her leg.
He looked so very familiar and it was obvious that he wasn't purely Hispanic.
"I'm hungry granny" The little boy uttered.
"I'll feed you in a minute. I would like you to meet one of your daddy's closets friends... Ray ray"
I was taken back. 'Jacob had a son?'
"Hi!" The little boy cooed.
"Wassup" I greeted in return.
"Where's your mom Jacobi?" Theresa questioned.
"She got really mad for no reason so uncle Corey got mad too. They're in the back yard talking"
Theresa looked to my mom then she looked at me... Why were they looking like something just fucked up their mood?
"Well ummm... It was wonderful seeing you again Raquan. Please, don't be a stranger"
She then turned to leave with the small boy on her hip. I just couldn't believe my homie had a kid.
"That's crazy..." I uttered.
"Danielle!" Someone called from a far... I soon identified that person to be Craig's mother, Wanda. She was waving the both of us over.
As I crept closer, I noticed that not only was my dad standing over there along with her but jacob's mother and her grandson as well.
The closer I became, the more I realized that there was another person there other then the ones I knew. An unknown female that I couldn't help but recognize.
I grew anxious with the thought of meeting her when I had no idea that she had even attented this party.
Despite the night sky, her dark skin complimented her pretty face. Scratch that, she had a beautiful face with an amazing body.
I've seen this girl before.
At least my night wouldn't go to a total waste.... If I have even a minute of alone time with her, it's a wrap! She'll be coming home with me tonight.
"How you doing Miss Wanda?"
"I'm doing great baby. How's Tah'lani?" She questioned.
Before I could answer, the mystery girl interviened.
"Wait- Tah'lani's alive?" She seemed completely shocked. "Theresa, you never told me she was alive"
"I was waiting for the right time mija-"
"Hold on- how do you know my daughter?"
"Are kidding me?!" The girl shouted with recent tears running down her face. "Look at my face ray! You were the love of my fucking life and you don't even remember who the hell I am?!"
I looked over to my mother for some clarification. "Mama... Who is this girl?"
She looked like she knew... As a matter of a fact, she did know this girl and my dad did too.
"How the hell does she even know my name-- Ma, tell me something"
She was now tearing up uncontrollably... It all hit me like a tons of bricks.. She was the female from New York.
I just couldn't make sense of this situation at hand right now. Was this girl so desperate for my attention that she'd really follow me all the way back home?
"Ray ray! RAY RAY!" She called out to me.
"Your daughter is my fucking cousin you asshole! I was in love with you and you fucked my cousin at a party while I was being raped by your cousin.... You told me to never forget you, you piece of shit!"
"Alright, that's enough"
'Cousin?..' Wanting my attention was one thing but bringing my family--let alone my daughter--into the equation was a whole other fucking thing.
"Yo, who is you calling a piece of shit?"
I was about to run up on her but I was instantly held back by someone. I was so heated at the moment, I didn't even realized I had to be restrained.
"You ain't nobody, you heard? Nothing but a thirsty ass slut bucket who followed me down here from a gotdamn strip club.. you ain't never gon be nothing more than a pathetic excuse for a female" I said.
"Don't listen to shit she say ma... I don't know that hoe from a can of paint"
At this point, she was struggling to break free from this guy and my father who were trying their best to keep her away from me.
She was going ballistic calling me a son of a this and a son of a that. I just didn't get it because even my mother was on her side trying to console her instead of defending me like she always has.
"I hate you ray! On everything in my life, I wish that it was you that had committed suicide instead of Jacob. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU! You ruined my life you son of a-"
"Get her to the car. I knew this was a bad idea" Theresa said.
She was now too far away from me for me to hear any of the things she was screaming to me...
I stepped back so that I touched my back to the wall... Then stared down at wrists.
Suicide was all I thought about in prison so that shit hit a spot in my heart I thought died a long time ago.
But all that stuff she was saying.... Jacob's suicide and the fact that I was away in prison, it couldn't have been a coincidence that everyone close to me knew her.
"She knew practically everything from my past..." I whispered.
From seven years back to be exact.