The next day wasn't much better.
Camila had refused to leave the bed all of the day before, only drinking when Lauren forced her and refusing to eat whatsoever. She'd refused to fall asleep and when she couldn't force her eyes open any longer, her sleep was plagued with nightmares.
Lauren, on the other hand, had had zero sleep and was running on meals of coffee and granola bars.
"Camila," Lauren's voice was quiet as she came into the bedroom, "please come downstairs."
Camila shook her head and Lauren's face crumpled in desperation.
"You're scaring me Camz, you haven't ate in twenty four hours. Please, we don't have to touch or talk, just come downstairs," She pleaded, much to her dismay.
"No."
Lauren wanted to scream in frustration, or break down in tears, but she bit her tongue.
"Ally told me you've been like this before, it's it the first time. She's coming to visit soon, you don't want her to see her best friend like this again do you?" Lauren questioned.
"I'll get out of bed when she visits then," Camila answered simply.
"But what about me? I don't know what to do, you won't talk to me, you won't even look at me. Is it because you're mad at me because I'm sorry but if you're doing this to punish me it's really fucking working," Lauren's laughed a little at the end out of pure hopelessness and Camila looked at her, "I'm sorry."
"Will you cool my skin down?" She asked warily and Lauren nodded. Camila bit her lip, sitting up and forcing her legs out of bed.
The minute she stood up, her head span and she stumbled forward, blind spots scattering her vision. Lauren caught her by her elbows, unsure on wether it was okay to touch her but Camila pressed herself closer.
"I can't, I can't," She mumbled against Lauren's chest, "I can't do this."
"You can, you're the strongest person I know. I believe in you," Lauren told her, feeling the heat radiating off of Camila's body.
"I can't, I'm not ready," Camila was frantic, running her hands through her hair.
"Hey, look at me," Lauren used on hand to tilt Camila's chin up so their eyes met, "I believe in you. It's been a day Camz, one day. You aren't expected to be ready, you can do this."
"Hold me," The younger girl whispered and Lauren wrapped her arms around her petite frame, holding her tightly.
"It's you and I, remember, together forever," Lauren said into her hair and Camila gave a small nod.
"Forever and always," She confirmed quietly, her hands sliding up Lauren's t-shirt and resting on her back. "I'm not mad at you Laur," She whispered, her head rested on Lauren's chest so she could focus on the steady beat of her heart thumping beneath her oversized t-shirt.
"You should be," Lauren sighed and Camila felt her body stiffen, "you shouldn't even be speaking to me," She added, barely audible.
"Well I am and my legs are getting tired and you said you'd cool my skin down so can we please go downstairs," Camila rambled at the end, her legs growing weaker by the second.
Lauren's eyes grew wide as she remembered and she secured her arm around Camila's waist before guiding her downstairs.
By the time they reached the living room Camila was exhausted.
There weren't any physical injuries from Justin, she was already badly bruised from Malik but they weren't effecting her that much.
It was more mentally.
Along with the fact that she was weak from no food, her mental state was holding her back from any chance of getting better.
She was refusing point blank to communicate in fear of crying and never being able to stop. With the exception of once after her first nightmare, Camila had refused to let herself cry.
She was numb.
Lauren sat on the couch, Camila immediately climbing onto her knee as soon as she'd settled.
Lauren was glad that she was allowing herself to touch others again but at the same time she was concerned because Camila seemed genuinely terrified to be alone.
"Do you want to watch a movie or just chill?" Lauren questioned and Camila wriggled so she was saw on Lauren sideways, her hand playing with her raven hair whilst her head rested on her collar bone and her free arm was loosely thrown over her stomach.
"Talk to me," Camila mumbled, taking Lauren's hand and making it run through her hair to hint at Lauren it was okay to do so.
"Ed Sheeran's releasing a new album," The older girl told her, running her fingers through her brunette hair.
Camila hummed to let her know to continue talking.
"I'll buy it for you when it comes out, I know you love him. You can learn him on the guitar maybe," Lauren suggested eagerly and Camila nodded. "Dinah and Mani can't visit today, they're at the base but DJ said she's going to call you when she can so she can tell you more stories," Lauren laughed softly and Camila felt a small smile tug at her lips at the mention of her friend.
"When do you go to the base?" She asked and Lauren sighed.
"Before you came I used to go about twice a week. My Dad isn't happy about how often I go but I'll wait until you're better before I go," She explained, defeat evident in her tone.
Camila knew she was keeping the girl from her 'job' and that she should tell her to leave but right now it made her happy.
So she turned around so she was straddling Lauren, burying her face in the other girl's neck and sliding her hands up her t-shirt so she could hold her tighter.
"I'm not going anywhere baby, I'm right here," Lauren assured her and Camila nodded but didn't release her grip.
"Does he work at the base?" She mumbled and Lauren rubbed circles on her back.
"No, he's just this boy we knew through Alexa," She informed her.
"I don't want to talk anymore," Camila shook her head.
"That's okay, you don't have to," Lauren whispered and Camila let out a shaky breath.
They sat in a comfortable silence, Lauren rubbing continuing to rub circles on Camila's back.
Lauren was beyond concerned.
Camila refused to even address what had happened and if she brought it up the younger girl would just ignore it, falling silent.
Lauren knew she was probably in shock over the situation and that she'd acknowledge it soon but she was sure that she'd rather have to face an upset Camila rather than a numb Camila.
At least she'd be showing emotion.
They sat in silence until Lauren's phone rang, the screen showing a selfie Dinah had set as her contact photo because 'it was a really good photo'.
"Hello!"
"Hey Dinah," Lauren's voice lacked enthusiasm but she doubted her friend noticed.
"Is Camila okay? I texted her but she never answered."
"Text and I don't think she's in the mood for talking today DJ," Lauren sighed.
"That's what I said, texted."
"Texted isn't a word dumbass," Lauren informed her and she heard Dinah pause as she thought about it.
"Whatever, I don't care. Will you ask Walz if we can talk?"
Lauren gave in, knowing how persistent Dinah could, and would, be in order to get her own way.
"Camz, do you want to talk to Dinah?" Lauren asked Camila, rubbing her back firmly in order to snap her out of her daze.
Camila held her hand out for the phone and Lauren gave it her. The younger girl didn't put in any effort, just laid her head on Lauren's shoulder with the phone held to her ear as Dinah babbled away.
"Oh shit, I've got to go now, my partner is shouting at me 'cause I'm not doing any work, bye Walz, see you soon."
With that the phone call ended and Camila let the phone fall to the couch.
"I don't know how you do it, if she gets to excited I just hold the phone away and agree every so often," Lauren laughed slightly.
•••
The next two days went by exactly the same.
Well, not exactly.
It took Lauren about three hours to convince Camila to get out of bed on the third day whereas on the fourth it was just over one.
She liked to call it progress.
Lauren hadn't slept for more than eight hours in all four days nor had she ate a half decent meal.
"C'mon Camz, please eat something for me," She pleaded.
Camila had climbed out of bed without Lauren having to beg her but eating was a different matter.
They were currently stood in the kitchen, facing each other as Lauren frantically suggested every food she knew how to cook.
"It's not healthy for you, you've lost weight," Lauren pointed out, biting on her lip because she realised how hypocritical she sounded.
She'd lost weight too but it was more due to stress than her diet.
Luckily Camila hadn't noticed.
Camila stayed stubborn, clamping her lips shut and shaking her head.
"Come on Camila!" Lauren exclaimed helplessly, "you have to eat, it's not an option! You're fucking starving yourself!"
"I'm not hungry," Camila finally spoke up.
"You must be. You need to do something, anything. All you do is stay in bed and it's scaring me, please do something," She argued, gesturing with her hand frustratedly.
"I need you," Camila shouted.
"W-what?" Lauren blinked in surprise at her sudden answer.
"I need to feel something," She continued in a whisper, "please, make me feel something," She added desperately.
"Camila no," Lauren frowned quietly.
"No you don't understand, I need to feel something Lauren, anything! All I feel is numbness, help me," Camila shouted and Lauren suddenly grabbed her face, connecting their lips together.
The kiss was the equivalent of a whisper.
It was gentle and slow and Camila's eyes fluttered closed, her breath hitching.
"Did you feel anything?" Lauren asked softly when she pulled away and Camila nodded, "you don't need me to fuck you for you to feel something Camila," she told her quietly.
Her words only caused Camila to burst into tears.
"No no, I'm sorry, i didn't mean to upset you," Lauren rushed to comfort her, taking hold of Camila's hand.
The brunette didn't flinch for once, instead pulling herself into Lauren and hiding her face in her chest.
"I'm sorry Camz," Lauren practically whimpered.
"It's not you," Camila cried, "it's everything! Everything is so overwhelming and I can't do it anymore, I can't."
"Yes you can Camz, I know you'll be okay," Lauren told her earnestly.
"No, I can't! I have a constant headache and it hurts to breathe and it feels like the air is crushing my chest all the freaking time," Camila shook her head, her fingers twisting the material of Lauren's crop top in her fingers.
"Calm down, calm down," Lauren soothed as she rubbed her back, sensing that she was on the verge of a panic attack.
"I can't do it anymore, I can't do it," Camila sobbed and Lauren held her head to her chest, rocking her slightly.
"Deep breaths baby," She reminded her but Camila's chest continued to heave as she gasped for air. Lauren lowered her hands to her thighs, gripping them before instructing, "jump."
Camila did as told, wrapping her legs around Lauren's waist and she felt herself be carried to the living room. Lauren settled on the couch, sitting Camila on her lap and holding onto her sides.
"I can't breathe, I can't breathe," Camila panicked, her eyes frantic and Lauren took her face in her hands.
"Copy my breathing, copy me baby," She instructed and Camila held her hand against Lauren's chest, feeling it rise and fall steadily.
Camila tried her best to follow Lauren's actions but it was proving hard through her tears.
"It's not working," She sobbed and Lauren took her hands in hers, pulling her to her chest. "It's not working, I can't do it."
"You can do it Camz, I believe in you," Lauren told her but the younger girl shook her head.
"I can't, I can't. I can't do this anymore, I can't," She cried hysterically.
"Do what?" Lauren asked gently.
"Any of it! Everything is so hard, you don't understand. I can't breathe Lauren, the air is crushing me, it hurts," Camila exclaimed, clutching her forehead and Lauren pulled her back to meet her eyes.
"It's not the air Camz, it's in here," She gently tapped her temple with her index finger, "it's all in your head."
"I'm scared," Camila wailed.
"Of what, talk to me," Lauren encouraged.
"What if he comes back? What if he gets me again? It was like Austin Lauren, it was just like him but worse. I can't do it again, two times is too much and I can't do it again," She cried.
"He won't get you, I promise. I'll protect you," Lauren assured her, rubbing her thumb over her cheek.
"But what about when you go back to the base? I'll be all alone, I don't want to be alone," Camila's face crumpled as she thought about it.
"I'll not go back, I'll do it from home like I have been doing. I'm not going to let you get hurt again baby, I've got you," Lauren promised and Camila buried her head in her neck.
"I don't want you to leave me. I want you to stay forever, stay with me," Camila sobbed and Lauren knotted her fingers in her hair.
"I'm not going to leave you, forever and always remember," She soothed, rocking her from side to side.
"I don't want to do this anymore," Camila mumbled, her lips tickling Lauren's neck.
"You're doing great baby, you can do it," Lauren told her.
"I hate it," The brunette whimpered and Lauren kissed her hair, "I'm so freaking scared, I hate feeling scared but I can't help it."
"I've got you, nothing will happen to you whilst I'm here," Lauren assured her.
"Don't leave me," Camila whispered and Lauren leant her chin on her head.
"I'll stay right here, okay, I love you," She soothed and Camila nodded, her tears dripping down Lauren's neck as she hid away from the world.
Camila cried for what felt like hours until she eventually fell asleep.
Nothing Lauren said comforted her and the older Latina had never felt more helpless in her life.
She had never regretted saying anything more in her life than that she whisper she wasn't numb.
Every emotion Camila had locked away over the past days showed at once, from sadness to fear to worry, they all came out.
Even whilst she was sleeping, her grip on Lauren was tight and she continued to whimper.
Lauren felt physically and mentally exhausted, she had a migraine and she felt on the verge of tears herself.
So when Normani and Dinah burst into the house, it was almost enough for her to break down right there and then.
The sound of the door opening woke Camila and she whimpered, jolting awake and searching for comfort.
"I'm here, it's Dinah and Mani," Lauren mumbled, squeezing her eyes shut as the bang had sent a searing pain through her head.
The minute the two girls entered the room Lauren sent them a pleading look and they immediately quietened.
"Hey Mila," Dinah greeted softly as Normani sat beside Lauren, picking up on how worn out she looked.
"Babe, would you maybe like to take Mila upstairs," She suggested, stroking her friend's raven hair affectionately.
Camila frowned until Lauren spoke up.
"Please Camz, I just need some medicine and I'll be right up too," Her voice was hoarse and Camila allowed Dinah to scoop her up in her arms, carrying her to her bedroom and laying her on the bed.
The Polynesian was silent for the first few minutes, mostly because she wasn't sure if Camila was sleeping.
"Are you awake?" She questioned and comforted by a small nod, Dinah proceeded to say, "I'm sorry I never came sooner, I could've stopped it and we wouldn't be in this situation. But Lauren told me not to blame myself so that's a secret. I know you won't tell her because you're Camila and you're good at keeping secrets, you're good at a lot of things. You're really good at being a friend so can you please try and get better real soon 'cause you're my best friend and I don't think I'd be okay if you never got better."
Her speech was random but she needed to get it off her chest before she exploded.
She'd had never been good at speeches, it's why everyone close to her had what to learn what they referred to as 'Dinah talk'.
"I don't want to cry so I'm gonna stop it there but I love you, okay, and I'm sorry," She finished off, deciding to brave it and brush the brunette hair. When Camila flinched away, Dinah's hand recoiled, "sorry, I just wanted you to know I was here."
Camila opened her eyes, meeting the caramel ones staring at her and Dinah offered a small smile.
"Hey there," She whispered and Camila fiddled with her bracelet.
"Thank you," She said and Dinah blushed slightly.
"For what?" She asked, embarrassed.
"Being you, and for helping me. I know you were scared," Camila struggled to find a more subtle way of saying it that wouldn't embarrass her further.
"Well yeah, it was quite scary. I didn't know if I could help, I just punched him without thinking and then you looked so withdrawn, it was horrible," Dinah frowned, "I didn't want to fight Walz, I just got bad news and I took it out on you. I'm sorry," she added softer.
"I'm sorry too, I missed you," Camila whispered and Dinah smiled slightly.
"It was bound to happen, look at me, I'm great."
"You look like complete shit Lauren," Normani told her, walking back into the room with a glass of water and two Advil that Lauren gratefully swallowed.
"My head hurts," She whimpered, leaning it back so she could rest it on the couch.
"Have you slept at all? You look like a zombie," Normani wasn't sugar coating anything and Lauren glared at her.
"I had like two hours last night," She answered, squeezing her eyes showed momentarily.
"Why aren't you sleeping, this isn't healthy," Normani warned her, not that Lauren didn't know already.
"Camila has nightmares, she cries out and kicks," Lauren shrugged.
Night times were dreaded by both girls, by Camila because of the nightmares and by Lauren because of how long they were without sleep.
"You've lost weight too," Normani stated, noticing how Lauren's face had become slightly thinner.
"I'm just stressed," Lauren brushed off her friend's concerns for her as usual, just like she's been doing for the past few days.
"How has today been?" Normani decided on a new subject, deciding that she wasn't getting anywhere.
"Like shit Mani," Lauren exclaimed suddenly, sitting upright, "she's cried for hours, literal hours. I have a massive migraine and I don't know how to help her and I've never felt so fucking useless in my life."
She was in Normani's arms by now, crying into her chest as she clung onto her arms.
"I don't know what to do anymore, help her, help me," She sobbed and Normani rocked her, leaning her chin on her head.
"You've done everything you can babe, you're doing great. Trust me," She soothed, holding her smaller body tightly.
"But I'm not, she's getting worse, she's getting worse," Lauren cried.
"Laur, hey, look at me Lauren," Normani instructed and Lauren met her eyes, "you're exhausted, physically and mentally, you've not ate a meal in days and you're putting so much pressure on yourself. You need a nap, yeah, I'll take care of Mila, you take care of yourself."
She gently pushed Lauren down so she was laid on the couch and the Latina nodded tearfully.
"You aren't going to help anyone whilst you're like this, get some sleep," Normani stroked her hair and Lauren's eyes drooped shut.
She was asleep in minutes, still sniffling occasionally.
Camila came down about ten minutes later, Dinah hot on heels.
"Lauren?" She questioned with such fragility in her voice she sounded like a child.
"Shh, she's sleeping," Normani hushed her, her eyes focused on Lauren.
It was only when she looked up did she see the tears in her eyes and her face softened.
"Hey, come here," She smiled but Camila shook her head, retreating to backwards so she could hold onto Dinah's arm.
It was only when she wouldn't allow Normani to touch her, or vice versa, did the African-American realize she hadn't actually spoke to Camila.
She saw Dinah's triumphant smile as Camila allowed contact between them and Normani felt a pang of regret at not being there for her friend.
Camila made her way to Lauren who was laid on the couch, wiping the tear marks off her cheeks gently.
"Don't wake her," Dinah warned cautiously but the thought hadn't even occurred to Camila.
She brunette climbed onto the couch so she was laid next her her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her tightly and playing with the ends of her hair.
The position was unfamiliar to Camila because she was usually the one being hugged whereas this time it was Lauren.
She hid her face in her neck, breathing in the familiar smell of her perfume and closing her eyes.
"You doing okay there Walz?" Dinah asked and Camila nodded.
"Lauren will be okay, you know that," Normani assured her and she nodded again.
"Are you gonna get some sleep too, you need it," Dinah told her.
"Don't leave," Camila whispered.
She didn't want them to leave because if Justin came to get her and Lauren and her were both asleep, who would fight him off.
That was the reason Lauren wasn't getting any sleep, she was the one who stayed awake so Camila could get some sleep.
"We'll be right here," Normani said gently and Camila let out a shaky breath, pulling Lauren closer before allowing herself to fall asleep.
Somehow their position changed because when Lauren woke up, she had Camila wrapped in her arms, her hair softly framing her face and a calm expression on her face.
And it was the most relaxed she'd looked in days so Lauren only placed a kiss to her temple before holding her tighter and closing her eyes to relish in how relaxed she felt before it went.