Hello there! :D How are you my lovely people?...
First of all...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our Lovely cupcake! HARRY STYLES Ladies and gentlemen! urgh 2O :'(...It's going to fast!
Second...The MM video o_O OMG it's perfect! :D Beyond perfect actually :D
Last but most certainly not least....
THANK YOU for Voting and Commenting and Following, It means so much to me! Really, it does... I never thought that people would actually read this story and like it?! Thank you so much for that!
The last chapter was really sad huh :'( sorry for that...Well, i don't know about this chapter, it was hard to write and i had a major writers block :'( Sorry for the wait!
Let's just start this chapter, There's still a short AN in the end but nothing important though :D
As always...
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PS: Sorry for the LONG AN, i'll keep it shorter next time ;) x
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Chapter 20
-Harry-
*One week after Louis’ funeral.*
I killed him.
I killed Louis.
I’m a murderer
I killed a person.
I’m a killer.
Those were the only thoughts I had since Zayn called me. The boys haven’t spoken to me since then. I don’t blame them though, I wouldn’t talk with me either but I don’t have a choice. I didn’t go to the funeral. I just couldn’t. I was the reason of his death after all. I haven’t spoken to anyone since Zayn called me. I couldn’t. I felt like, once my mouth opened I would break and I won’t let that happen. I didn’t cry, not one single tear. That makes me a heartless person, I know that. My mum forced me to eat, to drink, to shower. She didn’t force me to sleep, she didn’t have to. Sleeping was the only thing I did. My dreams were filled with one person in particular. The boy I killed.
School…Yeah, I didn’t go. I didn’t feel like going and seeing Louis’ empty seat in the back of the class. I didn’t feel like remembering him, how he stared at the window, how he was drawing during maths, how he was humming to himself when he was bored, how he slowly fell asleep during movies we had to watch, how he stuttered when the teacher yelled at him, how he blushed when the whole class turned around to look at him, how a single tear escaped his eyes when someone, or me, made a painful comment.
This was the last night I could stay home, tomorrow I had to face those things again. Tomorrow I had to face the guys. Would they talk to me? Are they going to ignore me? Will Zayn beat the shit out of me? Does anyone know that I am the reason for the bleu eyed boy’s death? If only I knew how broken he was. I should’ve known though. I should’ve seen it in his eyes. His dull, greyish, lifeless, eyes. His eyes filled with pain, sadness, fear and worst…hope.
Do I regret the way I treated him? Yeah of course I do. I just wish I go back in time and do it all differently. But of course regret always comes too late. Cheesy, but it’s true. If only I could go back, if only I could help him. I had him in my arms, I had his trust. I even had his love and I threw it all away. I still don’t know why I did it, so many questions are left unanswered. If only I could see him one last time, I would apologize, I would beg on my knees for forgiveness. But miracles don’t exist. he’s gone and he won’t come back…
Another dream…Nightmare entered my head as I finally managed to close my eyes. It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, it was more like a memory…The last day I saw him alive, the last day I had beaten him up. I saw him limping home and yet I didn’t do anything. I saw him falling, I saw how much pain he felt yet I stayed in my seat watching how the blue eyed boy struggled to keep his balance. If only I had the courage to walk outside, help him home, I would be with him. I would be there to help him, I would give him food, if he wanted tea I would be the one making it. I would take care of his wounds, the ones I gave him, I would take care of his bruises. If only I walked outside…
A gentle knock on my door woke me up. “Harry, you need to wake up. You’re going to be late again.” My mum said not coming inside. I groaned, I really didn’t want to go. I was so scared, I didn’t want to face the guys, I didn’t want to face the school…I didn’t want to see the empty seat in the back of the class. I felt the tears spring in my eyes but I ignored them. If they fall, let them fall. “hmm.” I mumbled loudly so my mum could hear. “hurry.” Was the only thing she said before she walked back downstairs.
I jumped out of bed, okay I crawled out of my bed and stumbled towards my closet. I didn’t care how I looked, I just grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans, a whit tee shirt and my black pair of converse. Once I was ready I walked to the bathroom, I didn’t care to take a shower, I’ll take one when I get back from school. I brushed my teeth and styled my hair. I didn’t look as stunning as normal but I couldn’t care less. Once finished I made my way downstairs when suddenly my phone buzzed. I frowned and unlocked it. I opened the message I got from Liam.
Li- school?
I frowned.
Me- what about school?
I sat down on my chair at the table and started to play with my food, I wasn’t hungry. My phone buzzed again.
Li- are you going to school or not? If yes, you can walk with us.
My eyes widened, aren’t they mad? They still want me to be with them? After what I did?
Me- yes I’m going and that would be great. Thanks :)
It didn’t took Liam long to text back.
Li- warning, don’t talk to Zayn. See you soon.
He was probably still mad, I would be too. I made a mental note not to say a word to him. I knew that if I did, he would kill me. Just like I killed him…
“aren’t you eating?” my mum asked. I just shrugged my shoulders and stood up. “I’m going to be late.” I mumbled and walked towards the hallway. I grabbed my coat and threw my backpack over my shoulders. As soon as I opened the door I was face to face with Liam. “ow, i…” I mumbled but he just give me a small smile and walked back to Niall who was giving me an apologetic smile and Zayn…He was just ignoring me, for now.
We walked in silence, no-one said a word. It was awkward but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Suddenly a question popped in my head and I really wanted to know the answer. “d-do they…know?” I asked and Niall’s head shot up surprised that one of us actually opened their mouth. He frowned at me. “know what?” he asked and I opened my mouth to answer but someone cut me off. “that you’re the reason Louis killed himself? Don’t worry, they don’t know the real reason.” Zayn snapped. Liam punched him in the shoulder and whispered something in his ear making Zayn glare at him.
We entered the gates, a few students were standing outside, smoking or just waiting for someone. I froze when we stood in front of the building. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t ready! I wanted to turn around and run away but to my surprise Zayn grabbed my arm and literally dragged me inside. “Hell no! You are going to see what you did! You are going to see the empty seat, the candles, flowers, teddy-bears…You’re not going to escape from your mistake.” He hissed in my ear.
I took a deep breath before I opened my eyes again. It was weird, everything was just normal. Students were laughing, joking, just talking. It was like no one died. I started to think. He wasn’t very popular but people had to notice him right? “wait for it.” Zayn hissed as his grip around my bicep tightened. I mouthed a quick ‘Help’ to Liam but he looked away. I huffed when Zayn started to walk faster. “could you plea-“ I started but I quickly shut my mouth as he suddenly stopped walking and harshly turned me around. I was face to face with Lo-his old locker.
It was a beautiful sight, yet so sad. Students had placed some candles on the floor. The stuffed animals and cards with all sort of things written on it surrounded the little lights. I kneeled down on the floor as soon as Zayn loosened his grip. I touched the picture that was placed in the middle of the circle. The boy on the picture was smiling, yet his smile never reached his sparkling blue eyes. His skin was a bit pale, it could’ve been because of the light but I doubted that. I felt how a single tear slit down my cheek and landed on my shirt.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered as quiet as I could before I stood up and stumbled to my locker, not so far away from his. The boys followed me but I was so deep in thought that I just ignored them. I opened my locker but before I could grab my books I was harshly pushed against the wall next to my locker. “what the he-“ I snapped at the person but I shut my mouth as soon as my eyes met Nick’s. He was beyond furious. He was taking deep breaths just to keep himself a bit calm. “So you have to guts to come to school but you couldn’t come to Louis’ funeral huh?” he yelled and pushed me again making me groan in pain. Hearing his name still hurts. I refused to think his name, I couldn’t handle it.
“I-i…” I had no words to say. “you don’t know what you did to that guy. You have no clue!” he yelled, we were now surrounded by some curious students but I ignored them. I finally found the courage to say something. “you bullied him too.” I said but It more sounded like a whimper. His fist was about to connect with my face but he stopped his actions, his hand hang frozen in the air. “I know.” He simply said and pushed me again before he turned around and faced Liam. “How’s Ben?” he asked making me frown. Who the hell is Ben?
“He’s fine, Daisy agreed to keep him till Friday but after that we need to find another solution.” Liam answered back. The students who surrounded us were now leaving as I walked towards the guys. I coughed awkwardly to get their attention. When they didn’t answered I opened my mouth but nothing more than an “uh” came out of it but I did get Niall’s attention. “what’s wrong?” he asked and then the others also turned around to face me. “uhm…Who’s Ben?” I asked. Niall sighted, Liam frowned and Nick and Zayn just laughed sarcastically. “Dear Harry.” Zayn started but Nick finished his sentence. “Ben is Louis’ son.” …
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay
I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes.
I didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me
Like you used to do
My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind, and ooh...
I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry
Ooohh…
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AN: So...He's really dead huh :'( i'm so sorry guys but as i said earlier...This is NOT the end :D xx