Chapter 39
Meet
"Mom and Dad asked you to leave Kuya Gael..."
Halos mapatalon ako nang bigla kong narinig ang boses ni Ida.
Tumalikod ako at nakita ko siyang may nakasabit na towel sa kaniyang balikat. She's not yet showering. She must've heard what Gael and I talked about earlier.
What a troublemaker, Blair!
"Ida, I will explain—"
"No, Blair!" halos pasigaw niyang sabi. "What you've said is already clear to me. It's very clear. There's no need to explain anything and you don't have to cover them up."
"Ginawa lang naman nila yun para sa'yo rin ni Gael." I reasoned out. "I'm sure that they're just thinking of you—"
"Iyon na nga eh, Blair!"
Napaawang nalang ang aking bibig sa sobrang galit na nakikita at nararamdaman ko galing kay Ida. She already turned red. She's about to burst out.
I don't want to argue with her anymore. Alam kong mas magagalit lang siya kapag pinagtanggol ko ang mga magulang niya.
"They're just thinking about me and not about Kuya Gael!" she tried to point out. "I'm not that dumb, Blair. Alam kong hindi madali sa kanila at lalo na kay Mommy ang pagtanggap kay Gael sa pamilya. I know that they're just doing this for me. At pagkatapos kapag bumalik ako sa kanila, anong mangyayari? They're just going to push Kuya Gael away again."
Nagsimula nang kumislap ang mga mata ni Ida dahil sa namumuo at nagbabadyang tumulo na luha sa kaniyang mga mata.
"I want them to accept Kuya Gael because they are willing and they really want him to be a part of our family. Hindi dahil lang sakin. Anong mararamdaman ni Kuya Gael kapag ganon? I'm sure he's not stupid and numb para hindi maramdaman at maging aware sa mga mangyayari at nangyayari." she said.
Ida's right. Gael is very aware of everything. Mabilis din siyang makaramdam kaya agad niyang nakuha ang totoong dahilan kung bakit ko gustong ituloy ang pag-aaral sa ibang bansa.
"I don't want him to feel being left out. Gusto ko mararamdaman niyang talagang parte siya ng pamilya namin dahil Mallari siya, hindi dahil sa kilala lang niya si Kuya Gael bilang kapatid ko ngunit hindi kinikilalang anak ng ama niya." sabi niya. "Ayoko non, Blair. And I'm pretty sure that you also don't want Kuya Gael to feel that way, right?"
Kinagat ko naman ang aking pang-ibabang labi at saka tumango-tango.
If I could give the lapses in love that his real father couldn't give him them I will. Pero alam kong kahit ibigay ko ang pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay ay hindi pa rin magiging sapat dahil hindi naman ako ang tatay niya.
I can be an artificial piece to complete and make his heart whole, but I will never be the real piece to make him genuinely feel loved and happy. Only his real father could give it to him.
"Kung mayroon mang kailangang gumawa ng paraan ay ako 'yon..." she suddenly said. "I know and understand both sides. I'm their family kaya nararapat lang na ako ang umayos ng gulo ng pamilya namin. I'm just waiting for the right time. At ngayong nangyari 'to, they're just making everything worse. Baka mas lalo lang lumayo si Kuya Gael sa kanila dahil sa ginawa nila. It will be harder for me to reach out both sides to reconcile if that will be the case. Kaya please lang, Blair. If there's anything you can do for Kuya Gael, that is to stay by his side while he goes through this problem. Huwag mo naman siyang iwanan lalo na kung ikaw ang kailangan niya ngayon."
"I'm sorry..." iyon na lamang ang mga salitang lumabas sa aking labi.
Masiyado akong nagfocus sa brighter side ng sacrifices na gagawin kaysa sa mga maaaring maging masamang epekto nito. Gustong-gusto kong makatulong pero hindi ko man lang naisip na baka mas lalong lumala ang problema dahil sa gagawin kong pagtulong.
"It's not your fault, Blair. It's my parent's fault. Kung may dapat humingi ng tawad, sila 'yon." sabi naman niya. "Not just to me, Kuya Gael, but even to you. They're already being so manipulative."
"I know, Ida, pero alam kong may mali rin ako. Hindi man lang ako nag-iisip sa mga pwedeng mangyari." sabi ko naman.
Ilang sandaling hindi nagsalita si Ida at pirming nakatitig sa akin ang kaniyang seryosong mga mata.
"Blair, you know what I've noticed ever since Kuya Gael came into your life?" she suddenly asked me.
Napakunot naman ang aking noo. "Ha?"
She suddenly maneuvered our topic into a different one.
"You're not the same Blair anymore." she stated.
I froze when the words she stated were processed by my mind.
"You were so fierced before but now... you became so tamed." she said. "Dati kapag may gusto ko, lahat gagawin mo makuha lang 'yon kahit may masagasaan kang tao. Dati lahat ng alam mong tama, pinaglalaban mo. Dati kapag alam mong may ginagawang mali ang isang tao, tinatama mo even if your ways were crooked. Pero ngayon... instead of being a fierced lion, you became a tamed dog. Para kang aso na sunod-sunod nalang sa gusto ng iba kahit na ayaw mo at kahit na alam mong mali ang ginagawa nilang paraan."
Looking back on who I was before... I realized that what Ida told me is true. I am not the same Blair Alcoberes anymore.
"Before, I think that it's a good thing. Dati nananalangin ako na sana may magpapaamo sa'yo. But now, I just want you to be your old self again." sabi niya. "I hope that you will start to fight for what you want again. I hope that you will correct every wrong you see. I hope that you will be the Blair Alcoberes who can stand for herself and for the man she loves."
Lumapit naman si Ida sa akin at nagulat ako nang bigla niyang pinunasan ang luhang hindi ko namalayang lumandas sa aking pisngi.
"I know that you're willing to do anything for my brother, Blair, but don't give him up." she said and smiled at me. "Fight with him to make it easier for him instead of giving him up and letting him fight on his own. I can help him pero alam kong iba pa rin ang encouragement na maibibigay mo. If he will lose you, believe me, nothing good will happen."
Ida's words made me realized and understand everything that I need to know. I'm such a fool for keeping it a secret. Hindi niya naman siguro ako pagsasabihan noon na huwag kong iiwan si Gael kung walang hindi magandang mangyayari pero hindi ko man lang 'yon naisip. Yes, I'm afraid that she will get mad at me but I can comply with that just to let them have a happy family. Pero ngayo'y naintindihan ko na, na hindi ganon kadaling buuin ang pamilyang hindi naman bukal sa loob na buuin.
It's a good thing that I managed to let Ida calm down by assuring her that I won't leave Gael anymore. Kung hindi ko siguro siya napakalma at napigilan ay alam kong kakausapin niya sina Tita Isabella at Tito Arman. Ayoko lang palakihin pa lalo ang gap nila sa isa't-isa.
"Saan nga pala pumunta si Kuya Gael?" tanong naman ni Ida nang mag-umpisa na kaming kumain ng dinner. "I thought he's going to stay here for a long time."
"Graham called him earlier." sagot ko naman. "May gagawin ata silang magkakabarkada ngayon. He just really wanted to make sure that we'll get home safe. Alam mo naman ang Kuya Gael. Hindi mapakali kapag nawawala tayong dalawa sa paningin."
Ida suddenly rolled her eyes. Alam ko kung para saan ang kaniyang pag-irap.
Pangalan palang ni Graham ang kaniyang naririnig pero umiirap na siya agad. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano niya napigilan ang sarili niya kanina. Knowing Ida, she can smother the cake on Graham's face, specially if she's already pissed off.
Seeing her expression earlier, alam kong pigil na pigil na siya sa kaniyang sarili na sumabog.
"Can you please don't mention his name?" maarte niyang pakiusap sa akin. "Binabanggit palang ang pangalan niya, nawawalan na ako ng gana. Pakiramdam ko rin ay napapagod na ako."
Bahagya naman akong natawa sa kaniyang sinabi.
"Anu-ano ba ang mga iniutos niya sa'yo kanina?" natutuwa kong tanong.
"Iyong inutos niya lang sa canteen kanina." sagot niya at saka sumubo ng pagkain.
"Oh! Iyon lang naman pala ang inutos niya sa'yo." I tried to lift her mood up. "You're actually lucky for someone who lost a master-slave bet. Yung iba diyan ay talagang pinapahirapan. Swerte ka lang talaga dahil kay Graham ka natalo."
"Just wait and see, Blair... Alam kong nagpipigil lang 'yan na barilin ako ng mga utos." she said like she really belives that Graham will make her life miserable. "Maybe he's just in a good mood since he won our bet. Paniguradong bukas ay magbabago na ang ihip ng hangin."
"I really think that you should give him a chance, Graham..." I tried my luck to convince her again.
She smiled and moved her fork on the air to write a small 'x'. "No, thanks." she said.
"But speaking of Graham..." I trailed and was amazed when Ida doubled her effort to pay attention to what I'm going to say. "Wala ba kayong balak ni Gael na sbaihin kay Graham ang totoong relasyon niyong dalawa? He thinks that Gael's into you and vice versa. Ang tumatakbo sa isipan niya ay niloloko niyo akong dalawa ni Gael."
Bahagya namang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Ida at may bahid nang pandidiri sa kaniyang boses.
"Eww..." Ida said with disgust. "That's a fucking incest!"
"Eh wala ngang alam si Graham. Wala siyang alam patungkol sa kung anong mayroon kayo ni Gael." pagsasabi ko nang kanilang dahilan. "Wala ba kayong balak na sabihin sa iba ang tungkol sa inyong dalawa?"
Napabuntong hininga naman si Ida tsaka ibinaba ang kaniyang kubyertos. Nanatili ng ilang segundo ang kaniyang mga mata sa pagkain hindi pa masiyadong nagagalaw.
"I really want to broadcast and tell everyone that he is my half brother but I'm also thinking of..." she trailed, hesitating to continue but she still did. "Kuya Isaiah, of course."
Nang sabihin niya ang pangalan ni Isaiah ay alam ko na ang dahilan kung bakit may pag-aalangan siyang ipagsabi na half-brother niya si Graham.
Like what you've said before, his fans already knew our family tree. Kapag nalaman ng mga kaibigan natin sa school na kapatid ko si Gael ay paniguradong kakalat 'yan agad. Kapag kumalat ay maaaring makita ito ng mga media na dahilan kung bakit maaaring maapektuhan ang pagiging artista ni Isaiah.
"Ayokong ipagkalat ang kahit na ano kung walang permiso ni Kuya Isaiah." nag-aalalang sabi ni Ida. "He's still my beloved brother and I care about him so much. I don't want to make a move that will affect his career. I'm still worried about him. Kaya kahit na gustong-gusto ko nang sabihin sa lahat ay hindi ko magawa. Maybe I can to some trusted people but not everyone."
Tumango-tango naman ako. Naiintindihan ko ang dahilan ni Ida. It's for their whole family's privacy and sake.
Ida's phone placed on the tap of the suddenly rang. Napakunot ang kaniyang noo nang makita kung sino ang tumawag.
Huminga naman ng malalim si Ida bago itinapat ang cellphone sa kaniyang tingin.
"Graham, please let me rest. Bukas mo nalang ako utusan. I'm going to do lots of requirements and assignments. I need—"
Napatigil si Ida sa pagsasalita at unti-unting nanlaki ang kaniyang mga mata at napatayo sa kaniyang upuan nang dahil sa kung ano mang sinasabi ni Graham sa kaniya.
My forehead creased because of her sudden movements.
"Anong sabi ni Graham?" tanong ko nang wala sa sarili niyang ibinaba ang kaniyang cellphone.
Dinirekta ni Ida ang kaniyang titig sa akin bago nagsalita.
"Graham already knew about Kuya Gael's relationship with me." sabi niya at magsasalita na sana ako ngunit muli siyang nagsalita. "He also told me that Kuya Gael's going to meet Kuya Isaiah and my parents." she announced.