*little trigger warning for the last scene*
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Everything you're running away from is in your head
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I was staring down at my phone as though if I stared hard enough she would text me back, but that didn't seem very likely. I texted Jo this morning saying that I had gone on a date and she didn't message me back yet which made me a little worried. Knowing Jo she would have blown up my inbox by now. But nothing. Not one text message. No phone calls. And no skype calls. I texted her again -three question marks- before putting my phone next to my tray when one of my friends called my name.
"Liz?"
"Yes?" I asked, suddenly feeling very tired.
"You okay?" Drake was the one asking.
I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, just tired."
"Uhhh!" Liam suddenly shrieked. "We never asked how the date went."
Suddenly every one of my friends sat in alert, bursting with giddy and excitement. All but three. Ryan, Drake and Sophie all froze. "You went on a date?" Drake blurted out the question that all three of them were probably wondering. I know, I can't believe it either.
I nodded. I noticed that Sophie shot a careful glance at her cousin before looking my way again. Ryan, for whatever reason, seemed tense. "Um.. when?" she asked softly, glancing at Ryan ever so often.
"Saturday," Tony answered for me with an eager smile. "So, how did it go?" he asked me head on, all eyes turned to me.
I shrugged, managing a small smile. "It was nice."
"Nice?" Jack asked, his face twisted into a grimace. "It was your first ever date and it was only nice?" Gee, thanks for making it obvious for everyone on this table that I'd never had a date before.
"Wait," Logan spoke up. "Did he try anything you didn't like?" he asked suspiciously and every one seemed to lean in farther to hear my answer.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "No, dad. I told you before he's not like that," I pointed out. "He's a good guy." Ryan for some reason pulled back sharply. I frowned. Was something wrong with him?
"Yeah," Jeremy kept me from continuing. "But even good guys do bad things."
I rolled my eyes again and let out a quiet sigh.
"So, why has it been only nice?" Sophie asked hesitantly. I just shrugged.
It had been more than nice. It'd been probably the best first date a girl can have and that scared me a little. Honestly, the time I'd spent with him was so perfect I was afraid I would ruin this perfection with my flaws. I was scared that I would ruin him with my flaws. Because I seriously started to doubt that I was good enough for Sam.
He was friendly. He was charming. He was attractive. He was cool. He was caring. He was funny. He was everything a girl could possibly want. And he was everything I didn't deserve.
"Yeah, no, it was great. He was really sweet."
"But?" Logan asked.
I sighed, my chest feeling heavy. "But... I don't know if we should see each other again."
"Why?!" Jeremy, Jack, Tony and Liam demanded to know.
Logan gazed at me in wonder as though I was a puzzle he couldn't quite figure out.
I could only shrug. "I... I don't know. Look, guys, nothing is decided yet."
They were about to question me further, but Logan intervened. "Leave her be, guys." I shot him a grateful smile. Logan knew me best out of all my friends and therefor could also detect when I wasn't ready to talk about something.
"Excuse us," Ryan mumbled before standing up and tugging at Sophie's wrist.
She shot us a small smile, one everybody could easily see through and detect that it was forced before following her brother out of the cafeteria.
The conversation was stirred into more comfortable terrain shortly after. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Drake picking up his phone. He cleared his throat after skimming over his phone screen. "Hey, umm, Jeremy you remember that thing?"
Jere furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What thing?"
Drake scratched the back of his neck nervously. "You, you know the thing."
Jere was still confused.
Drake sighed in frustration. "The thing Ryan said you would help me with?" he said very slowly.
Suddenly Jere's eyes widened in realization. "Oh. Oh! That thing! Right, what about it?"
I shared a puzzled look with Logan. "Could you help me now?"
"Ugh, now?" Jeremy didn't seem very happy about this thing taking place now. Wait! Were they talking about drugs?
"Yeah, please. Um, X, needs the thing as soon as possible." Okay, they were most probably talking about drugs with the way they were behaving.
"Right, right." Jeremy nodded his head. "Let's go then."
After they walked away I shared a look with Logan. "What was that about?"
I shook my head. "I don't know." I could only hope they weren't getting themselves into trouble. "Hey, has anyone heard from Jo lately?"
They shook their heads and I let out a disgruntled sigh. Why won't she text me back? It was very unlike Jo not to be on her phone 24/7.
Shortly after, I saw Chris walking by our table. I was about to wave him over and greet him, but Sophie came back to us, a determined look in her eyes. She gave me her most dazzling smile, which made me suspicious to say the least. "Hey, Liz," she started.
"What?" I asked, eyes narrowed at her. What was she up to now?
"You wanna hang out after school with me and Courtney?"
That was too innocent a suggestion for the mischivious glint in her eyes. "What's the plan?" I asked instead of answering right away.
She shrugged. "I don't know just going to the mall, doing some shopping." Aha, there it was.
Tony chuckled. "Good luck with that plan," he said to her, clapping her on the shoulder.
"What? Why would you say that?" she asked, confused.
"Because Liz hates shopping."
She turned to me. "You do?" she asked hesitantly.
I sighed and shrugged. "Yeah, well, kinda. So, I'll just skip today. Go without me."
"No!" she said so quickly I had to pull away slightly. Okay? I raised a brow at her. What was that? "I mean," she said, now with a smile on her face. "We could still do something else. We don't need to go shopping."
I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Yeah, look, I'm just not feeling like going out today okay?" My insecurities about Sam really got to me and I think going somewhere public with lots of people wasn't such a good idea. But then again Sophie seemed eager to spent time with me and I didn't want to let her down.
Her phone buzzed and she reached out and looked at it. She glanced up again, her eyes darting to Logan before resting on me again. She beamed. "We could go to the book store if you want." That got my attention. I sat up a little straighter.
"The bookstore?" I asked, contemplating. She nodded. Well, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I could always just go when it was too much for me. I sighed. "Okay." She squealed in delight. "But not for too long okay? I need to do some school stuff."
She nodded animatedly.
Ryan's POV
The moment I stepped into the empty room I let my fist fly into the wall. It hurt, but the pain was dull compared to the ache in my heart. "Alex, calm down," Sophie demanded softly. I briefly registered that she called me by my real name and that I should scold her for doing so in public.
"Calm down? Calm down! She went on a fucking date!" It felt like someone had stuck a knife into my heart.
"I'm texting Drake," she informed me just as I let my other fist connect with the wall. I couldn't care less. Another flame of hot rage ignited inside of me as I imagined anyone's hands on her but mine. I punched the wall again, imagining it was a face. "Alex, it was one date."
"Yes, and it was her first," I bit out through gritted teeth. I wanted to be her first. Her first everything. I wanted to be her first date. Her first friend. Her first kis- I stopped abruptly. "Oh God, what if they kissed?" I let my hands ran through my hair in frustration. The minute I said it aloud, an image was plastered to the back of my mind. I closed my eyes to somehow shut it out, but the picture just got clearer. The knife lodged itself deeper into my heart. Immediately, my eyes flew open and I punched the wall again.
"Alex, you really need to calm down. I-"
She was cut off when the door was opened and Jeremy and Drake came strolling in. "We are here," Drake announced as I once again punched the wall. "Man, you need to stop."
"She's dating someone."
"Stop it, Alexander!" Jeremy grabbed my arm forcefully just as I was about to punch the wall again. He pushed me into the middle of the room. "You heard her," he pointed out. "She doesn't want to see him again."
"Did you know?" I growled out, ignoring him.
Drake standing beside him, shook his head. But Jeremy... "Yes."
"You son of a bitch." I grabbed the collar of his shirt and had him pressed against the wall in the blink of an eye. "You knew and you didn't tell me." The taste of betrayal laid bitter and heavy on my tongue.
"FYI, jackass," he spit out in anger. "It was before our little drunken talk," he reminded me and I reluctantly let him go. We'd not been on the same page then. "Besides, remember what I told you that night? I will help you until she makes it clear that she isn't interested. If she isn't then I'm out of here. I'll only go as far as what's good for her."
"I'll choose Liz' side."
Yeah, I remembered that clearly.
"Besides, I told you to get a move on otherwise someone would get her before you. Take a bloody hint, mate!"
I pushed away from him, my hands fisting my hair. "Shit, okay. Let me think." What did I do now? I need to move fucking fast before she could get on another date with that asshole. Who even was her date? Damn it. All those questions and... "Do I know the guy?" Anger bubbled up in me at the possibility.
Jeremy shook his head. "No, he's not from our school or our town for that matter."
I let out a sigh of relieve. Thank God. If he was then I might have knocked him out cold without feeling any regrets. "His name?"
"Sam."
I scowled. Sam. What kind of name was that? Who was named Sam? Seriously, his parents couldn't come up with a better name? What irked me the most though was that Sam wasn't a good enough name for her. The second thing that registered in my brain when he said his name was a memory.
I'd been looking for her everywhere, but she was nowhere to find until I walked out to the back porch to smoke. And there she was standing with her back to me, a phone pressed to her ear. I couldn't help but notice how perfectly the light of the setting sun displayed her smooth skin. She must have heard me open the door, because she turned around to glance at me. I wiped my palms on the front of my jeans to keep them in place since they were itching to touch her. I leaned the back of my head against the door, swallowing hard as she shifted from one foot to the other, accentuating the curve of her hips as she leaned her forearms against the banister. This girl will be the death of me, I thought to myself.
"Hey, er, Sam, I gotta go, okay?" I heard her say. Briefly, I wondered who that Sam person was. I could only hope that it was a girl she was talking to. Still, it piqued my interest. "Okay, bye." She turned around and pocketed her phone. "It's rude to sneak up on someone."
I rolled my eyes, burning to ask the question that was on my mind. "I hardly sneaked up on you. You clearly heard me when I opened the door." She only shrugged. "Who were you talking to?" I asked a bit too quickly to sound casual.
"A friend." Was her simple reply, not giving away anything. Come on, girl, give me something to work with!
Male or female?
Instead, I asked, "Do I know her?"
"No, you don't." She simply replied. So, it was a girl after all. Thank God!
So, it was a guy after all that she'd been talking to that day. But why did she feel the need to lie to me about Sam being a guy. Did she not trust me? Admittedly, it'd been a while since our conversation, but still it made me feel uneasy. If she hadn't trusted me then, did she trust me now? Defeated, I slid down the wall into a sitting position. If she didn't trust me then I could forget my plan to win her over and tell her my past. Our past.
"Hey, you won't give up now, will you?" Sophie asked me.
I don't know, I thought as I let my hands run through my hair.
"Alex, this is just a little setback if even," she tried to assure me.
"Come on, bro. You need to focus on your goal. Say it. Come on, say it. What is your goal?" Drake tried himself at a pep-talk.
Somehow though, it was working. I needed to fight. I looked up at him and uttered the one worded answer they were all expecting, "Bee." It wasn't the right time to give up. You can't give up a battle that you haven't started yet. "You're right." I let my hand run over my features before getting up. "You are right. Okay, let me think."
And all of a sudden, I had a plan. Maybe it wasn't the best plan, but it was a plan. If she was busy with school work and the team then she wouldn't have time to see him. "Okay, Soph, do me a favor and go back to her to arrange a trip to the mall or something. Anything really that will keep her busy."
"Today?"
"Yes."
She nodded. "I'm on it," she mumbled before leaving.
"What's your plan? You can't forbid her to date other people," Jeremy reminded me.
I smirked at them. "No, but I can take up all her time so she won't be able to meet anyone."
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Liz POV
Word got around that I'd helped Jeremy and Ryan to find a solution for their problem. They didn't need to know how I got them to talk. The important thing was that they knew and that they were impressed. Okay, maybe impressed was the wrong word, but they seemed to finally accept me. The team, I mean, not my classmates that was a whole different story, but they too it seemed had decided to lay low for a while.
But back to the football team. They actually didn't run from me when I approached some of them.
Usually when I did that some would react this way:
While others at least tried to make an effort and failed to make it look inconspicuously.
Others pulled a Snow White on me.
Some took a Doctor Who approach.
Others did it Kevin style.
And sometimes I wanted to chase after them like Jennifer Lawrance in Silver Linings Playbook.
But most of the time I was like Anna Kendrick.
Seriously though I had hope again as cheesy as it sounded. Maybe, they were going to open up after all and trust me with their personal difficulties. Don't get me wrong, I completely understood where they were coming from. If I was put in their shoes I most definitely would react the same way. If a stranger just one day evaporated out of thin air and demanded to know about my problems so they could fix them, they could fix me, then honestly I would be running away from them like hell too.
So, really they had a right to feel that way towards me. It just so happens that coach Edwards didn't give me the easiest job by being in charge of the team. What did he think I would do? Just walk across the field, introduce myself and they would fall to their knees to confide in me and spill their darkest and deepest secrets out to me? Yeah, well, that would be a hell of a plan. Sadly though people mostly didn't act the way we wanted them to.
I wasn't complaining though. Hell to the no! Not when I was making progress with them and was able to actually schedule some little get togethers.
Although I was pretty happy about my achievements with the team I knew that Ryan and Jeremy definitely deserved their fair share of glory. "What did you do with Johnson?"
Confused, I looked up at the coach. "What do you mean, sir?"
"He took a 180. A little bird told me that he made quite the impression in the locker room. Gave some kind of eye opening speech, the ones of the sorts you always give. Told them that he'll stop making their lives difficult. All thanks to you, dear."
"How would you know?"
He took a sip of his coffee before answering. "Well, it seems like you mean a lot to that boy. Plus he threatened to make their lives hell again if they won't treat you with the utmost respect."
"We are friends," I explained.
He nodded with a look on his face that said he didn't quite believe me. "If you say so." I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed. Why did everyone think that there was more to me and Ryan than friendship? "Just don't break his heart until the end of the season, okay?"
I rolled my eyes. "If you say so," I countered.
He let out a chuckle. I took it as a sign that our conversation was over so I went to go, but before I could take the second step he called me back. "Oh and Liz!" I turned around to look at him. "Don't let him break yours."
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The thing with me and shopping was that it was good in the beginning until it started to exhaust me. This happened around an hour later. The three of us were walking through the mall to get to some specific store since Court wanted new shoes. I was trotting along, slightly exhausted already, when the self consciousness set in.
I had the strong urge to put my arms around me to shelter myself from all the pairs of eyes staring at me. A place somewhere deep in my mind screamed at me that it was just my imagination, that nobody was actually looking at me. But I couldn't help it even when I felt paranoid. The inside of my left wrist started to itch and I cupped my upper arm with my right hand, suppressing the urge to duck down and protect myself from their curious eyes. It was getting harder to breathe by the second.
"Hey, Liz?" Sophie tugged at the sleeve of my shirt.
"Yeah?" I asked, looking up.
"You already got a dress for Homecoming?" she asked, looking around at all the different shops.
I shook my head, but held my tongue. I won't tell her again that I wasn't going to the dance. "How about you?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Hey, you can borrow one of mine if you'd like."
"Maybe," I said to her, reaching out and rubbing at my neck, maybe harder than normal. I felt way too uncomfortable to talk about dresses.
"Oh my gosh!" we heard Court utter, coming to a halt in front of a store and determinedly going straight to a hanger. We followed. "Guys, look." The hanger held a beautiful dress around knee length with a skater skirt, the fabric a soft pink color.
"It's nice," I commented, letting my fingers run over the fabric.
Just as I was about to suggest for her to try it the two girls shared a look and turned to me at the same second, saying in unison, "Try it."
My eyes widened. "What? Me? N-no, I-"
"Please," Court asked with puppy eyes. "You haven't tried any clothes since we got here."
"And we want to see you in a dress," Sophie pointed out
Court agreed. "That too."
"No guys, really I'm not up to it."
"Just this one and we'll leave you alone."
I sighed, but reluctantly agreed. "Okay." They squealed and ushered me to the changing room after I picked out, hopefully, the right size.
It was a beautiful dress the question was just if it was beautiful on me. This was a very bad idea. I had an uneasy feeling as I slipped out of my clothes and into the dress. While getting out of my shirt and jeans I made sure to turn away from the full length mirror, a feeling of disgust making its way up my throat when I caught a glimpse of my underwear clad body as I put my clothes on the small stool in the corner. I sucked in a short breath and carefully pulled the dress from the hanger to slip it on.
Disappointment washed over me like a tsunami and I had to avert my eyes from my reflection. It didn't fit me. A heavy feeling settled inside my chest, dragging me down.
I couldn't stand to look at the way the material stuck to my skin, accentuating the spare tires around my waist and back. The color wasn't meant for my skin tone, it looked too similar. Admittedly, the skater skirt did a lot to cover my hips, but they were still too easy to notice. I wasn't even going to start on my chest and the way my breasts were straining against the fabric, threatening to spill out. Neither did I dare to look at my legs.
I sighed, trying to get rid off some of the heaviness pressing against my ribcage, but it was of no use. Immediately, I changed out of the dress and into my clothes again. I didn't dare to look at my reflection before I exited the cubicle. Both of them looked up with giddy smiles, but they dropped once they saw that I wasn't wearing the dress.
"You haven't changed," Court pointed out.
"Yes, I did. It just wasn't worth it for you to see, because it didn't fit."
"Oh, well, I'll just get you another size then." Sophie stood up.
"No, I..." I couldn't do this any longer. I was tired and I was... how do I even call this? I was fed up with myself? "My mom sent me a text, she wants me to come home," I lied smoothly.
"Oh, okay," Sophie said. "Another time then, I guess."
I nodded and forced a smile on my face. "Sure, yeah." The truth was that it wasn't exactly helping that I was accompanied by two gorgeous girls. It was in fact, the opposite. Next to them, I felt big and ugly, because their beauty intimidated me. I knew that it wasn't their fault that I felt this way, but I did. And I needed to distance myself for the moment.
"Come on, then," she said. "I'll drive you home."
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Hey guys
I actually updated on schedule, can you believe it? Yeah, well, neither can I. I'm sorry if this chappy was kinda fillerish, but it was necessary.
All of Liz' doubts and insecurities needed to be displayed. As were some of Ryan's feelings towards Liz and his reaction to her dating someone. Also, Ryan and Jeremy finally made up in the last chapter what'd you think about that?
Also, do you think Ryan's plan to keep Liz away from Sam will work?
Let me know what you think!
Semester break is almost over which seriously upsets me, but whatever. So, updates probably won't be as regular anymore. Sorry!
Anyways....
Please vote/comment?
Hugs and kisses
Kathy