It was Friday and my paycheck was lookin like booboo. That was okay because I had been bringin in atleast fifty dollars a night from my tips. Me and Tyler got this job at this new restaurant that opened in Decatur called The Biz. It was almost like a bar/club/restaurant. It was open from eleven in the afternoon to three in the mornin. I had been takin the earlier shifts but ever since I had the opportunity to get that ankle bracelet off, I been thinkin about the night shifts because I heard so many girls talkin about makin atleast a hunnid a night. And it wasn't like I needed the money but I wanted to build some stacks.
I was so proud of myself for gettin it together. And more than anythin I really owe it to Shawn. After seein how he kept treatin me I realized that it was a trend that I needed to break. Every dude has been treatin me the same way and it's because I didn't have a life of my own. And I wasn't thinkin enough about my own damn self. I was tryin to live thru them and goin to these rehab classes was helpin me to see that life was short and I didn't have time for no bullshit no more. I was even thinkin about goin to art school and maybe becomin a painter. I still hadn't even told Tyler about that but I was thinkin about tellin Joi. Even though I had told Shawn, it didn't matter cause it wasn't like he cared about it. I even went to the store to get some materials that I had been wantin and I had been drawin and paintin a few things. I even painted somethin special for Quis.
And speakin of Joi- She was so proud of me and she really showed me what sisterly love was all about and I appreciated her so much. She even helped me check out some new apartments right around the corner from her. I thought she might think that I didn't wanna live wit her anymore but she understood that I had to grow and stand on my own two feet. I talked with Ty about gettin a place together since he was finally lettin Keith go, but we both needed to think more about that. We loved each other but we needed our own space away from one another sometimes.
And speakin of him- I was proud of him too. He started comin to some classes with me and we made a promise to each other that we wouldn't smoke weed for the rest of the month atleast. I hadn't given up on my cigarettes yet but I was down to half a pack a day.
"U ready to go Ty? We gone be late to Quis' party. It's already six now."
"Yeah okay," he said cleanin off his last table and followin me to the locker room. As we got our things out of the locker, he asked me somethin. "U know u haven't talked about Shawn in a minute. What's up with that? U not feelin him no more?"
"Yeah I am but I gotta do me right now. I'm doin what's best for both of us. Gettin myself together before I keep pursuin him and besides he still probably gettin over his girlfriend so it ain't like he goin somewhere."
"Hah, u never know. These dudes be playin them soft ass roles and then all of a sudden u got Ike Turner on yo hands."
"Ike Turner?"
"Yeah...u remember in that movie he played all innocent and shit, then he wooped Angela Basset's ass up and down that hallway," he said laughin. We finished gettin our things and headed towards his car.
It was so many people at Joi's house when we arrived that I was actually nervous. I saw Shawn's car there and my heart nearly stopped in my chest. Damn. I didn't realize that she would invite him. There was more people there than the bbq she had the first time I came here. Me and Tyler walked inside and all of Joi's same friends includin more were standin in the kitchen. That girl Janelle was there too but she didn't make a bad move when we came in. I figured I already set her straight once and I wasn't gone ruin Quis' party to do it again. Joi came over and gave me a hug. "Glad u got off from work in time. Quis' dad is bringin him over right now so hurry and get dressed so we can surprise him when he come in. He has no idea." She gave Tyler a hug and we headed upstairs to change.
While I found somethin to wear, Ty changed into:
"Did u see Shawn," he asked after I found somethin and jumped into the shower to rinse off. I was really tryin not to think about him right now.
"I wasn't lookin for him."
"Well in case u wanted to know, he was standin under the tree holdin a red cup in his hands wit beer in it talkin to his friends. I think it was Dro and Mike. I think that's their names. But he stopped when he saw u but u wasn't payin no type of attention. He was wearin a black shirt with blue jeans on. The jeans had a black "R" on the back of the pockets so I'm guessin those are Rocawear jeans. And he had on a black hat turned to the back and slightly to the left and it looked like he had on some black and grey J's but don't quote me on none of that." I shook my head at him and changed into my outfit.
I grabbed the things for Quis' present and then we both headed downstairs. Shawn was standin by the kitchen and I saw his parents next to him. His mom rolled her eyes at me and I just ignored her. Shawn smiled at me and I smiled back but we stayed at a distance. Once I placed my gifts next to everyone else's it was time for us to get ready for Quis.
The front door opened and Quis and his dad walked in. "SURPRISE!" Everyone yelled in unison. Quis had a huge smile on his face as he walked around givin everybody a hug. He hung onto me for the longest time while I hugged him. After about twenty minutes of waitin around, Quis started to open the presents. It took him less than five minutes to get to mine. I painted him a picture and I got him some shoes with a card with a fifty dollar bill in it.
His mouth was wide open as well as everyone else's. "I know how much u love lions so I drew that for u. Do u like it," I said as he just stared at his gifts.
"YEAH," he said with the biggest smile and runnin to give me a hug. Everybody said 'aawww' but the look on Shawn's mother's face was ruinin my moment. "Thank u so much Beyonce. I gotta hang this up. Plus, I got some fresh new kicks and I got stacks on deck. Holla at the kid." I knew he had gotten that from Shawn. It sounded like some New York slang.
He finished openin his presents and then everybody started minglin and eatin. Me and Ty hung out with ourselves mostly and a few people walked up to me tellin me how beautiful my drawing was. "Why u ain't neva told me that u could draw and shit?"
"Cause u wouldn't have believed me if I told u."
"U damn right actually. That was good though. Hell it was beautiful. Almost made me cry, shit. And I caught homegurl's eyes cocked like a pistol, she so damn silly to be old."
"U know I ain't studdin her. I'm past all that. U and I both know I'll turn this b!tch out. Forget her."
As we talked a little more, I noticed Shawn keepin his distance from me. He was stuck under his mom's armpit. And when she finally decided to leave him alone, he came over to talk with me. "U look good," he said walkin up.
"Thank ya but this ain't nothin new. I just pulled this outta the closet," Ty said nonchalant like he really thought Shawn was talkin to him. When he saw Shawn just starin at him he laughed. "Oh damn yeah. U talkin to her well I'ma be inside," he said walkin towards the front porch. When he got out of ear shot I spoke with arrogance.
"Mama let u off that leash she holdin so tight?"
"Damn, babygirl like that? What I tell u about disrespectin me? U ain't learn ur lesson from the last time?"
"Whatever."
"How u been? U ain't been callin me."
"I ain't got to call u. We ain't together remember? How's things goin with u? U gettin over ur tragedy yet?"
He shook his head at me. "I thought u changed? U still actin like that?"
"Like what? I'm askin a simple question."
"I'ma take a wild guess and say that yo ass is bitter that I led u on and dropped u off. It did u some good though so u should be thankin me." I lifted one eyebrow a little surprised that he was more rude than normal. I wasn't expectin him to come back at me with the comments he made. "What's the matter? Cat got ur tongue? I should be askin u how u doin since ur lil boyfriend is locked up. Is that why u finally decided to get urself together cause u know for sure that n!gga ain't worryin about yo ass. He probably in the middle of a ass woopen as we speak." I looked at him with anger in my eyes and wetness between my legs. He was turnin me on with this bad ass act but still he was pissin me off.
"How dare u talk to me like that?"
"What? U sophisticated now?"
"Don't f#ck wit me Shawn. I'll beat yo ass my n!gga."
"Oh there she is," he said takin a step back and laughin. "I knew it was only a matter of time."
"Why do u continue to play these stupid ass games. Ur older than me, u should know how to f#ckin act like a grown ass man. U keep thinkin I'ma play this shit witchu cause u know where I came from and who I use to be. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm not sayin if u test me she won't appear but I'm threw with that shit and it look like u can't hang wit it. What? U wanna be the only one doin somethin wit ya self. U need to grow the f#ck up shawty. Stop actin like i need u."
"That's what u told me."
"Well guess f#ckin what, I was wrong. I don't need u. I'm doin good baby and if u can't hang wit it, keep that shit movin on to the left ya dig," I was gettin ready to walk away but he grabbed my arm gently to stop me.
I looked back at him and he motioned for me to come back and stand in front of him and I did. We stood in silence for a moment and then he took a sip from his cup. "U still look good Beyonce."
"Damn u Shawn," I said not able to hold my smile back. He grabbed onto me and hugged me tightly.
"I'm sorry. I'm f#ckin up witchu. I'm proud of u for everythin that u been doin. And I don't mean to do this shit. I know u don't need me. I'm trippin on yo ass. I ain't felt feelings like this for someone else in a long time so u gotta forgive me. It's just me bein uncomfortable," he said talkin in my ear as he continued to hold me in a hug. I loved bein in his embrace but I knew not to expect anythin from this.
"I forgive u Shawn."
"U don't sound like it."
"I do. Now let me go."
"Hunh," he said still holdin onto me.
"Stop," I said blushin and laughin as he kissed my neck. He finally let me go and his mom came out of the house.
"U know I meant to ask u how that ass been doin," he said pinchin my butt as his mom got closer.
"I'm gettin ready to leave Shawn. U be careful out here," she said lookin at me with that last part. She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Don't forget I'm cookin this Sunday and everybody is comin over. I just told Joi too."
"I'm bringin Beyonce wit me," he said wrappin his arm around my shoulder.
"Well she might be busy. Did u ask her?"
"Why don't u ask her?"
"I really don't have to come. I know that it's a family thing," I said tryin to ease the situation.
"Yes actually it is."
"Beyonce is my family and I'm not comin if she ain't there."
"Shawn?"
"Yes Ma?" She looked at him with evil in her eyes and then she looked at me with a fake smile.
"Whatever," she said walkin away. I looked at Shawn and punched him softly in the arm as he laughed. There was no way in hell that I could go to that lady's house. Bein in her presence was hell enough. I couldn't imagine eatin her dinner. She would probably poison me.
Me and Shawn hung out for the rest of the night and Tyler ended up hangin with a few of Joi's friends. Every girl wanted a g@y male friend. And I hoped they wasn't plannin on stealin him from me. Around ten thirty, everybody was about gone and me and Shawn were still catchin up and talkin. We were sittin on the porch on the swing when he asked to see more of my drawings. I went upstairs to bring him the ones of him, Joi, and Tyler.
He shook his head like they were really good until he got to his picture and started laughin. "Yo....this is not me. I ain't got these big ass lips."
"Yes u do Shawn. Them thangs take over both of my lips put together twice," I said joinin him laughin.
"I can't believe u drew me lookin like this B. This is f#cked up."
"U don't like it?"
"Hell nah. These other one's is cool cause they look just like them but this right here...u need to erase some lip or somethin. Go find me a pencil."
"Boy u betta not, haha. This is how u look. Deal with that shit," I said catchin him starin at me in adoration.
"What," I said touchin my face to feel if anythin was on there. He was makin me blush.
"Nothin...I just enjoy bein around u. And I can't tell u enough how proud I am of u."
"Well if u enjoy bein around me so much u need to show me that. And not just when u feel like it. All the time."
"Oh yeah?"
"Hell yeah." Ty came out of the house with some girl.
"I'm bout to head out Beyonce," he said givin me a hug. "U off this weekend right?"
"Yeah u wanna do somethin tomorrow?"
"Yeah I'ma call u."
"That was a beautiful drawin u had Beyonce," the girl he was with said smilin at me.
"Thank u."
"My name is Jasmine. I'm Janelle's sister. But we are nothin alike just so u know."
"That's good to know," I said makin her laugh but I was serious.
"Ahight boo."
"By Ty. See ya Jasmine."
Shawn and I watched them walked down the steps and then he turned back to me. "U know I ain't really doin nothin tonight and I'on go to work til three tomorrow afternoon, u wanna come over and chill with me. I got some movies we can watch." I wanted to scream out YES! but..what would happen if I did. Would it be another week that I get this type of affection from him. I didn't wanna go over there and get stirred up for nothin anyways.
"Nah, I think maybe I should stay here u know. I don't want another month to pass after goin over there and u actin all-"
"U know I told u that I was sorry."
"If I go over there, I won't be able to hide my feelings for u and I don't wanna feel rejected tomorrow."
"Beyonce, come on. Just give me a chance to make it up to u." I let out a deep sigh and hoped that I wouldn't regret this.
Shawn was out in his room doin somethin while I changed into a wife beater. I left off my bra and kept my thong on. When I walked out of the bathroom, Shawn looked at me and smiled. I sat my bag down on the floor and waited til he was done doin whatever he was doin. He sat down on the edge of the bed and I got inside the bed, pullin the cover over me. "I ain't tell u to get yo burnt ass in my sheets."
"Shawn," I said laughin even though I didn't want to. He fell off the bed laughin and finally turned on some movie. He came to sit beside me and he got under the covers as well. He had his shirt off and nothin but some shorts on. "Why do u have it so cold in here," I said snugglin down further into the covers.
"I sleep better when I'm cold."
"What movie is this?"
"Uh...Mirrors."
"Mirrors? Is it scary?"
"Yeah."
"Oh hell no," I said gettin up and tossin the covers back. I got up and turned the dvd player off.
"What u doin?"
"I don't like to watch scary movies. They be havin me paranoid."
"Girl u betta turn that shit back on."
"No Shawn. Pick out somethin else," I said standin in front of the tv with my arms folded as he stared at me. "Where the other movies at?"
"I ain't seen this. Turn it back on Beyonce."
"No!"
"Don't let me get up outta this bed girl. U want part two happenin on that ass. That shit will be as black as mine. Turn it back on."
"I don't care. I sware to God we ain't watchin that shit."
"Ahight," he said gettin up and actin like he was about to change the movie. But when I turned to walk back towards the bed, he grabbed me from behind and carried me to the kitchen.
"NOOOOoooononono," I screamed as we got closer to the stove. He reached to turn it on and I screamed louder. "Okay I'll watch it. I'll watch it Shawn. Don't!"
"Ahight. Take yo ass back in there and sit down. I told u Annie Mae Bullock. I'll f#ck u up," he said makin me laugh at him.
I got back into the bed as he turned it on and I pouted as the movie began. I was really serious about this. Yeah I acted hard but bein scared was somethin that would shake me up in a minute. He sat back down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed me on the forehead and I relaxed in his arms. Five minutes into the movie, I slide my hand in between his legs and reached for his dick. He was soft but still long already.
"What u doin?"
"Tryna get my hand warm."
"Ahight now." I started rubbin him and within seconds he got hard. I looked at him and he was shakin his head. "What u doin? Leave me alone and watch the movie."
"But I told u that I wouldn't be able to control my feelings for u."
"We ain't f#ckin so stop," he said grabbin my hand and movin it from him.
I tried it again, ten minutes later and he got back hard. This time I could feel how big he was and when he was done growin I pulled my hand away from him. He was so thick that I couldn't even put my hand around the entire thing. And he was longer than anybody I ever messed with. "Now I told u to leave me alone. Look what u did," he said lookin at me as I smiled. "U wouldn't be able to handle this dick so stop it."
"Shawn don't f#ck wit me on no sex tip. I get down."
"Oh yeah? U wanna show me?"
"No."
"Ahight then stfu." I looked at him with one brow raised and I knew this was nothin but a challenge. And it was a challenge that I was willin to take.
I pulled the covers from both of us and I climed into his lap. I grinded on his hard dick as I kissed them juicy lips of his. He wasn't kissin me back so I decided to start on his neck. He didn't budge and I was about to get fustrated but I let it slide. I reached between my legs to grab his dick and stroke it while I licked and sucked on his ears like he had done to me before. He started wigglin and I knew I found his spot.
As I did more of this I started to moan softly in his ear, "Damn baby u know u got this p#ssy wet. It's juicy for ya Daddy." He let out a slow breath and I knew he was givin in to me. I continued to stroke him with one hand and I used the other to scratch his back. He arched it and held his head down. "Daddy u'on wanna f#ck me? Please," I said moanin like he was already inside me and finally he slide his hands down the crack of my ass to spread my cheeks apart. He searched for my mouth and started bitin on my lips once he found them. He stuck his fingers inside me to feel how wet I was and then he spoke back to me.
"U really think u can handle this dick Ma?"
"Mmm mmph."
"U sure," he said right before I felt his head stretchin my hole open. I closed my eyes and held my mouth open cause the anticipation was killin me. When he slide the head inside and slowly slide more of himself in me, I lifted off his lap because it was hurtin a little. He grabbed onto me so tight that I couldn't move. "Where u goin? Don't run from Daddy's dick. This is what u wanted," he said takin full control over me and puttin more in. I bit my lip tryin to cover the scream but it didn't work. He started nibblin on my ear and a tear escaped my eye. I was so embarassed cause we wasn't fully in f#ckin mode yet and already he had me like this.
When I tried to lay my head on his shoulder, he pulled my hair back and stared into my eyes. "First u runnin and now u hidin from me. What's up Ma," he said forcin more inside me and I scratched his back harder makin him put more and more inside. I kept wonderin when he would finally put the whole thing in to get this pain over with. He pulled me down onto his lap and it finally went all inside. And after all that, I was literally shakin. He started movin his hips a little lettin his breathin get heavy and I was moanin and bitin his shoulder tryin my best not to scream his name.
A few more tears fell from my eyes and when he felt them hit his shoulder, he kept himself inside me while forcin my back on the bed. He started strokin me real slow and smooth and with each stroke I gasped. This couldn't be happenin to me. I was suppose to be in control of this situation. He licked the streams on my face and started to suck on my neck. "Damn this shit is juicy Ma. But I know u can make it wetter for Daddy," he said now rubbin my pearl. My legs started shakin and I couldn't help but scream his name louder and louder each time he dug inside me. "That's right. Let Daddy know how u feel...mmm-shit," he said as he felt more juice comin. I came and felt another one comin right behind it. As it reached its peak, my phone rang. I had it on the nightstand and Shawn never stopped strokin while reachin for it. "Hello," he said answerin while I continued to feel high off this pleasure. "Who dis....Greg? Well she can't talk right now. Can u," he said puttin the phone near my mouth as I moaned. "She gone hafta call u back after I'm done."
He hung up and I could tell he was reachin his peak because he started goin faster. He leaned down and pulled me into his arms and held on tight while I bit my tongue from havin my mouth open. "Damn I'm tryna pull out but this shit is too good Mama. Shit," he said pumpin harder and pullin out to skeet on my shirt.
"Damn my bad Tiff," he said fallin off me and I caught on to what he said.
"What did u just call me?" He realized what he said and tried to apologize.
"U know I ain't mean that. I'm sorry. I-"
"Whatever, Shawn," I said turnin my back towards him. If my legs weren't so weak, I would've gotten up and walked outta here. I felt him wrappin his arms around me and kissin the back of my neck. "U ain't neva gonna let her go, hunh? We should've worn a condom."
"What does that suppose to mean?''
"Nothin. I gotta go smoke a cigarette," I said finally gettin up and grabbin my purse. I grabbed my phone off the bed and headed outside.
I found my cigarettes and lit one up quick. As I stood there smokin, I looked at my phone and found Greg's number. I had met him maybe the week after Shawn stopped callin me. Tyler and I was downtown fillin out the application for the job I have now and he came up to me talkin game. He was cute with a nice car so I gave him my number. At the time I thought me and Shawn would never be so I was about to start chillin with him. And this is the first time he called me since we met. What a fine time he picked. I thought about callin him back but I wondered what he think. As soon as I was about to press call, Shawn came outside. "Give me yo phone." I looked at him like he was crazy.
"Why?"
"Cause u ain't about to call another n!gga while u at my place."
"I wasn't."
"Don't lie to me."
"U can call me another b!tch's name but I can't call my friend back."
"Ay watch yo f#ckin mouth talkin like that." I sucked my teeth and threw the phone inside behind him on the floor. He walked back inside closin the door. I finished that cigarette, I lit up another one.
As I let the smoke from my third cigarette slide from my mouth Shawn came back out to check on me. "It's nearly one in the mornin now. U comin in?" I looked at him and finished my cigarette. I smashed it on the ground and walked past him inside. This shit didn't make no sense. We were arguin and fightin like we were together already. I got in the bed and laid down without sayin one word. I felt him get behind me and then I felt him breathin on my neck.
"Can u turn the other way? U breathin on my f#ckin neck."
"U'on like that?"
"Leave me the hell alone shawty. U got me arguin witchu like u my n!gga. This is borin."
"U like it though."
"Leave me the f#ck alone."
"I ain't mean to call u her name but that's old. U got n!gga's callin yo phone while we f#ckin how u think that make me feel yo."
"Obviously nothin if u finished right?" He let out a long sigh and silence filled the room.
"Look at me Beyonce."
"Now u know my name?"
"Come on B. It ain't like it's a girl I'm seein."
"And that makes it better," I said sittin up with him followin me. "I don't come second place to no b!tch-"
"Watch yo mouth."
"I ain't callin her one. I'm talkin about anyone."
"I feel u."
"Well act like u do then. U always talkin about disrespect, look at this shit u keep creatin. U gettin on my got-damn nerves shawty. I already went thru bullshit with this one and that. I wanna be happy."
"I understand that."
"Well act like u do. U still have her clothes in your closet. I did notice that."
"So what?"
"So u haven't let her go. How u gone let me in?"
"What u want me to do? Throw her shit away?"
"Give it to charity or somethin." He looked at me and then to his closet and I know he felt what I was sayin to him. He shook his head like he okayed himself.
"Ahight. But what about that n!gga. U need to erase him out of ur phone."
"Why?"
"Cause we gone make this shit solid right now."
"What u mean?"
"I'm sayin. We might as well make us official. I'on want no more drama between us."
"Don't say that to make me happy. U was just sayin we need to take things slow."
"I know that but we here now so why not take a chance."
This was crazy. Was he really sayin what I thought. "U mean this Shawn Carter."
"Yes Beyonce Knowles." A huge smiled plastered across my face and I hugged him.
"I love u Shawn."
"I'ma work on that.