I reuploaded chapter 32 because it was suddenly deleted and I don't know why. Watty problems, I think.
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Chapter 33
Brother
"What?" halos walang boses na lumabas sa akin at puro hangin lamang.
Hindi ako makapaniwala. Aakusahan ko na siyang nagsisinungaling at nagloloko lamang ngunit tuwing titignan ko ang kaniyang seryosong mukha ay alam kong nagsasabi siya ng totoo.
"P-Paano?" naguguluhan kong tanong. "Si Tito Arman?"
"Alam kong hindi kapani-paniwala, but he's my real Dad, Blair." he told me.
"You're always hanging out with me and Ida!" puna ko. "Bakit wala siyang sinasabi sa akin tungkol sa'yo? It's impossible, Gael... Kung alam niya... she will—"
"She might won't let me get near you if she knows." pagsabat naman ni Gael. "I don't know if they told her or not pero mukhang hindi. She doesn't know me personally til now. And it's only because of you."
"And you didn't bother telling her?"
"It's her family's decision, Blair." sabi naman ni Gael.
"They're also your family, Gael." giit ko. "You're my best friend's brother. Half or not, you two are still siblings. You're a Mallari."
Umiling naman si Gael. "I'm not, Blair." he said. "I've already accepted that he doesn't want me to be a part of his family. Masaya na ang pamilya nila at ayoko nang guluhin pa 'yon. Ayaw na namin ni Mommy'ng pagsisikan ang sarili namin sa kanila. We're happy by ourselves."
Napabuntong hininga naman ako at hinilo ang aking sintido.
"I can't believe that you're Tito's son." sabi ko dahil hirap pa rin akong paniwalaan ang lahat.
Bigla ko namang naalala nang inaya siya ni Ida na sumama sa aming kumain ng dinner sa kanilang bahay.
"Is that why you didn't agree when Ida invited you and Graham to eat dinner with us and her family?" tanong ko naman.
Tumango naman siya. "That's only one of the reasons..." he said. "But Mom really came home that night. Hindi ko nga lang dapat siya susunduin pero... I have no choice but to do something so that you won't suspect or doubt."
Napanguso naman ako.
"They like to meet you, Gael." sabi ko.
Napakunot ang kaniyang noo sa aking sinabi. Bahagya rin siyang tumawa. He thinks I'm joking.
"You're kidding me right?" naguguluhan niyang tanong. "Gusto nila akong makita?"
"Yes! Well... sort of." nagkibit-balikat ako. "They would like to meet the guy that I fell for."
"The guy you fell for is different from his bastard son, Blair." sabi naman niya at ngumisi sa akin.
I rolled my eyes at him. Why is he thinking so low of himself? He deserves so much better!
"You're not a bastard, Gael." giit ko sa kaniya. "You are his son. Kung anak ka niya ay anak ka niya. Gawa ka sa dugo at laman niya. You're a Mallari for Pete's sake! And even if you're not carrying his name, Gael, you're better that way."
Ngumiti naman siya hinila ako papalapit sa kaniya. He kissed the top of my head as he hugged me tighter.
"I'm so lucky to meet you..." he whispered. "You make everything easy for me."
Napangiti naman ako at hinilig ang aking ulo sa kaniyang dibdib.
So this is what it feels like to be someone's strength. It feels so overwhelming and at the same time, it can also give you strength. It can make you feel that you're actually a very important person after all for making someone feel that way.
I'm lucky because I found someone who treasures me like how Gael does. I feel like I'm the most expensive gold or a precious diamond. Sometimes, it feels more than than.
Even though our maid already cooked a dish for dinner, I still cooked another dish for Gael. He's going to sleep here for tonight dahil wala namang pasok kinabukasan. I would also like to keep him company for tonight because of what happened.
"I have spare clothes at the trunk for emergency purposes. Kunin ko lang." paalam niya sa akin.
Hinayaan ko siyang kunin ang kaniyang damit habang inaayos ko ang hapagkainan.
The maids volunteered themselves to help me but I didn't allow them. I want to serve Gael today and make him happy as much as I can in my own ways and efforts.
If Tito Arman can't give him the love he deserves then I will be the one to fulfill it. I will do anything to make my love enough to fill the space his father left him.
Iniisip ko kung paano ko matutulungan si Gael since I'm close with the Mallaris pero alam kong kapag gumawa ako ng galaw ay maaaring malaman ni Ida ang tungkol kay Gael. I don't want her to despise Gael. As much as possible, I want to keep their friendship and let it stay that way.
To be honest, natatakot ako sa maaaring mangyari kapag nalaman na ni Ida na kapatid niya sa ama si Gael. Thinking that she might ask me to choose between him or her, I'm afraid what my decision will be. Ayokong isipin pero magmula nang malaman ko ang katotohanan ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin.
Nawala lang ako sa pag-iisip nang maramdaman ko ang pagpulupot ng isang braso sa aking bewang. Tumatagos ang init na galing sa kaniya dahil sa nipis ng tela ng aking damit. It already made me feel warm and safe.
Napangiti naman ako nang pinatong niya ang kaniyang baba sa aking balikat. Narinig at naramdaman ko ang kaniyang paghinga ng malalim.
"What are you thinking?" he whispered softly that it almost tickled my neck.
"Uhm..." himig ko. Tila nangangapa pa sa kung ano ang dapat kong isagot sa kaniya.
"Hmm?"
Napanguso naman ako bago ko napagdesisyunang harapin siya. Napasandal ako sa lamesa ngunit nakayakap pa rin siya sa aking bewang na dahilan kung bakit sobrang lapit namin sa isa't-isa.
Our faces are only a few centimeters away from each other. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa nakuhang magpatuloy huminga at tumitig sa kaniyang namumungay na mata.
Napangiti naman ako at inabot ang kaniyang pisngi. His face has a skin of a girl. Parang wala nga rin siyang pores.
"I'm thinking of what can I do to help you..." pag-amin ko sa kaniya.
Mas lalo namang pumungay ang kaniyang mga mata. Nakita kong dumaan ang sakit dito ngunit sa sobrang bilis ay hindi ko gaanong nahuli.
"You don't have to do that, Blair." he said, and I know that he really mean it. "You don't have to do anything for me."
"Pero, Gael..."
"I'm very much contented with what I have right now, Blair. Simula nang pinaunlakan mo akong pumasok sa buhay mo, naging kuntento na ako." sabi niya at ginawaran ako ng matamis na ngiti nang walang halong sakit na ipinapakita.
Hinuli niya ang aking kamay na nakahawak sa kaniyang pisngi. Ibinaba niya ito at hinawakan ng mahigpit ang aking kamay.
"I have my mom, my sister, my friends, and even my half sister as a friend." mas lalo siyang napangiti at inangat ang kamay kong kaniyang hawak upang halikan ang likod ng aking palad. "And I have you..."
"Even though you're telling me that you're already contented with what you have, I know that you still want to at least spend some time with him." sabi ko.
"I don't dream for something that's impossible. I'd rather face the reality than hurt myself with a dream that won't come true." he said and let go of me as he turned to face the dining table.
Tinignan niya ang mga hinanda ko para sa aming dinner. Sumilay ang kaniyang ngiti at saka ako nilingon.
"It smells good. I think it also tastes good." he complimented.
Inayos ko ang pagkakasandal ko sa lamesa bago humalukipkip at tumingin sa kaniya ng diretso.
Napataas naman siya ng kilay sa akin kaya tinaliman ko ang aking pagtingin.
"Hindi masamang mangarap, Gael." sabi ko sa kaniya.
Mas lalo namang napataas ang kaniyang kilay nang dahil sa sinabi ko. Para bang hinahamon niya akong panindigan ang binitawan kong kasabihan.
"You can dream whatever you want to dream. There can be no one who'll stop you from dreaming." I told him.
"Wala naman akong sinabing masamang mangarap at hindi pwedeng mangarap, Blair." paglilinaw niya. "That's just me and my stand about dreaming impossible dreams."
"There's no impossible dreams, Gael." I tried to make him understand. "You just have to find a way on how to make your dream work. If you wish or dream to fly, you can! Ride an airplane, go cliffdiving and paragliding... Ang daming paraan! Ang nagpapaimposible lang ng lahat ay ang sarili mo dahil ayaw mong subukan."
"Blair, you weren't there when I tried!" he countered my words and I stopped from talking.
Muling namula ang kaniyang mga mata. Pakiramdam ko'y naibalik ko nanaman ang sakit na naramdaman niya kanina at noon. What a great move, Blair!
Naalala ko nung time na naglasing siya. It was because of Tito Arman.
"You weren't there when my Mom and I tried..." mas humina ang kaniyang boses. "Ilang beses naming sinubukan... Not once, not twice. Napakaraming beses pero sa lahat ng 'yon ay pinagtabuyan niya lang kami ni Mommy. I was naive before when I was young kaya kapag sinasama ako ni Mommy kay Daddy, lagi akong pumapayag. Hindi ko man lang naisip na bawat pagpunta namin doon na dala-dala ang nag-aalab na pag-asa, uuwi lang kaming wasak ang lahat. Pagkatapos ano? Bubuuin lang namin at sisirain niya ulit. It's a very tiring cycle, Blair."
Umiling naman siya. Ginulo niya ang kaniyang buhok bago marahas na hinatak ang upuan para makaupo.
"When I finally got to understand, ginawa ko ang lahat para huwag lang ulit magtagpo ang landas namin." sabi niya. "We left the country, Blair. I came back and I found you, but I also found him and I don't regret that."
I bit my lower lip as I watch his tears pooled inside his eyes.
"Blair, I may long for him as my father but I don't need him." he said with conviction. "We don't need him."
I always look up to Tita Arman on how he handle his family. Hindi siya nawawalan ng oras kila Ida at Isaiah, and even his wife. He always makes sure that he will be always there for them, specially when they need him.
I really admire him for that kind of dedication and love that he's showing to his family. My Dad wasn't able to show me that kind of love that I'm looking from him. Kaya talagang sobrang taas ng tingin ko kay Tito Arman sa pagpapahalaga niya sa kaniyang pamilya.
But now everything changes. Nabahiran na ng dumi ang malinis na tingin ko sa kaniya.
If Gael is a mistake then so what? He still shouldn't push him away because he is his son. He should take the responsibility as Gael's father. Sana kahit responsibilidad lamang ay inako niya dahil kahit anong mangyari, anak niya pa rin si Gael. Hindi magbabago yun. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay hindi niya 'to anak sa kaparehong ina nina Ida at Isaiah.
How can he throw a part of him away?
Hindi niya man lang ba naisip ang maaaring mangyari sa anak niya kapag pinagtabuyan niya 'to?
"Let's just eat, Blair." he changed the topic. "I don't want to think about this all night. I just want to spend this time with you and not thinking about anything else."
Napabuntong hininga naman ako bago tumango. I smiled at him and made my way to sit on a chair in front of him when the doorbell suddenly rang.
"Ako na po, Ma'am." one of our maids volunteered herself to open the door.
Tumango lang ako at sinimulan na akong asikasuhin ni Gael. He put a right amount of rice on my plate and he also put some on his.
"Hmm... Ano kaya dito?" ngumisi siya at namimili pa ng una niyang gustong tikman na putaheng niluto ko.
Ngumuso naman ako't nag-isip ng gusto kong ipatikim sa kaniya. Syempre yung hindi muna masiyadong masarap ang pipiliin ko para pasarap ng pasarap.
"Is she upstairs?"
Napatigil naman ako sa pag-iisip ng marinig ko ang pamilyar na boses. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni Gael bago ako mabilis na tumayo upang salubungin ang kakadating lang na bisita.
"Ida!" I called her attention who's wandering around the house at balak nang umakyat sa taas patungo siguro sa aking kwarto.
"Oh my God, Blair!" she cried when she saw me and ran towards me.
Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit at binaon niya ang kaniyang mukha sa aking balikat.
Tinignan ko naman ang aming katulong na nanonood pa saming dalawa ni Ida at tila nagtataka sa nangyayari.
"Go to the maid quarters now." malamig kong utos sa kaniya.
Agad naman siyang tumango at sinunod ang inutos ko sa kaniya.
Binalik ko naman ang atensyon ko kay Ida na ngayo'y hindi nagsasalita at patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak.
"Ida, huwag ka nang umiyak..." pagtahan ko sa kaniya. "Anong bang problema? Nakauwi na ba si Isaiah sa inyo?"
Naramdaman ko naman ang kaniyang pagtango sa aking balikat at mas humigpit ang kaniyang yakap sa akin.
Paniguradong nagkwento na si Isaiah tungkol sa mga desisyon ko kanina patungkol sa aming dalawa.
"What happened?"
Naramdaman ko ang paninigas ni Ida at natigil ang kaniyang pag-iyak nang marinig ko ang boses ni Gael.
Ida doesn't want anyone to see her breaking down lalo na kung hindi niya naman ito ganoon ka-close. Mag-eexplain nalang ako sa kaniya mamaya.
"Why is she crying?" tanong ni Gael at rinig na rinig ko ang pag-aalala niya sa kaniyang kapatid.
Humiwalay naman sa pagkakayakap sa akin si Ida. Hinarap ko na rin naman si Gael sa pagkakataong iyon. Kita ko kung paano timbangin ni Gael ang kilos na dapat niyang gawin habang kaharap ang kapatid.
Narinig ko ang muling paghikbi ni Ida ngunit bago ko pa siya malingon upang matahan ay patakbo na siyang lumapit kay Gael at niyakap ito ng mahigpit.
Sa sobrang bigla ni Gael ay muntik na silang matumba. Buti nalang ay agad niyang naibalanse ang sarili at nayakap sa bewang si Ida.
"Kuya Gael..." Ida cried and my eyes went wide open. "You're also my brother..."