Me: Okay, ballsacks, so here we go --
Harry: That's quite rude to refer to your followers as "ballsacks," isn't it?
Me: Harry, shut the hell up, this is my shindig, okay?
Niall: Anybody want a drink?
Me: Niall, not now!
Jillian: This was probably the worst idea, putting these two together.
Sadie: Right? I mean, seriously guys, how old are we?
Harry: Well --
Me: I swear to god. Can I start now children?
Niall: . . . yes.
Me: Thank you. Okay, Jillian this question is for you.
Jillian: Oh, god.
Me: @vanillaboyharry wants to know your thoughts on Harry's feet?
Harry: Oh, my god, don't even answer that.
Me: Harry, for god's sake, let the woman speak.
Jillian: All I can say is, I question why he thought tattooing "Big" on his big toe was a good idea.
Harry: Okay, I never said it was a good idea.
Me: Haha! Moving on. Niall, @vanillaboyharry would also like to know if you've ever had a crush on Jillian?
Niall: Well, she's definitely a beaut.
Harry: Do not continue.
Me: Harry, if you don't wait your turn, you're going on time-out.
Harry: Ugh, fine. *pouts*
Sadie: I'm surrounded by children.
Niall: Am I allowed to continue?
Me: Go ahead.
Niall: Okay, well I was going to say, yes, she is beautiful, but no, I haven't crushed on her.
Me: Zayn, @ceceww23 wants to know, do. you really like Jillian, or are you just looking for a good fûck?
Zayn: Uh, no, I'm not looking for a good fûck, actually. I really do like Jillian.
Harry: *eye roll*
Me: Niall, @ceceww23 also wants to know if you'd like to get Nando's with her sometime?
Niall: Call me. I'm down for Nando's 24/7.
Megan: You're down for any kind of food 24/7.
Niall: I mean. . . no regrets, babe.
Me: Jillian, @ceceww23 wants to know if you see Harry as a sugar daddy, or if he is more of a boyfriend to you?
Jillian: Well. . . I'm not sure if I can answer that question just yet. I do care about Harry and I would do anything for him, but it's only been about a month of being "together," per se. I'm not sure how to properly define ourselves, I guess.
Sadie: I like to call her Sugar Baby whenever I see her and she doesn't appreciate it that much. Kind of rude.
Jillian: Because you call me that in public! People can hear you!
Sadie: Duh, that's kind of the point. I want them to know you're my little sugar baby.
Harry: Excuse me?
Sadie: Oh, don't get your five thousand dollar knickers in a twist, Harry.
Harry: Okay, now, wait a second --
Me: Moving on, Sadie, @ceceww23 wants to know how you feel knowing Harry and Jillian are doing the nasty?
Sadie: Oh my god, girl! Let me just say, I'm so happy that my precious little snowflake has finally got some mad dïck in her life! I wish the bïtch would actually tell me what happens --
Jillian: Sadie! We've been over this! I'm not telling you about what Harry and I do.
Harry: She sucked my dick twice now.
Sadie: That's what I'm talking about! *high-fives Harry*
Jillian: *looks at Harry* Why would you tell her that?
Harry: *shrugs* I like her.
Sadie: Enough to get me a new Gucci handbag?
Harry: Don't push it.
Sadie: Okay, fair, fair.
Me: Anyway! Harry, @ceceww23 wants to know if you know 5SOS and if you can introduce them to her. . . wait, do you even know who 5SOS are?
Jillian: He's probably too old.
Harry: *fakes being hurt* Okay, hurtful. But, maybe I could pull some strings? I don't know, what's a five-sauce?
Sadie: Oh, my god.
Me: This is too great. Okay, Harry, @ceceww23 wants to know your thoughts on Jillian? *smirks*
Harry: *crosses legs* I think we all know what my thoughts on Jillian are. . .
Me: Why are you crossing your legs?
Harry: 'Cause. . . I want to.
Me: . . . you're getting a boner right now, aren't you?
Harry: We do not need to be discussing my penis right now.
Sadie: Uh, I want to!
Jillian: Sadie!
Me: Moving on so Harry can get his dïck in check, Zayn, @readingpro01 wants to know if you were dared to go after Jillian.
Harry: *tenses*
Zayn: Uh, no it wasn't a dare. When we first planned on going out, it was originally just me and Lou. Then he asked Becca to go, making me the third wheel, so then they asked Jillian so I wouldn't feel left out.
Sadie: So it was basically a blind date?
Zayn: I mean, I guess. But she left after like an hour and a half of being there with no notice.
Jillian: Oh, yeah, I am really sorry about that.
Harry: I'm not.
Me: Harry, shush.
Harry: Why don't you come over here and make me? *winks*
Me: What, are we back in elementary school? What kind of comeback was that?
Harry: A damn good one, sweetheart.
Me: Anywho, Becca, @readingpro01 would like to know if you're planning on doing something behind Jillian's back later on in the book?
Becca: Wait, if I tell you now, doesn't that spoil it?
Jillian: Becca!
Becca: *shrugs* I'm kidding, I'm kidding. God, don't get be so extra.
Me: Okay, this question is for. . . oh, me.
Harry: Let me read it! Let me read it!
Me: Okay, here, read me my question.
Harry: Contestant Number One --
Me: Harry, get the fück on with it!
Harry: Jesus, okay, @yasmineasaurus wants to know what inspired you to write this book? *smirks* Was it my penis?
Jillian: Harry, what did I tell you about being vulgar?
Me: Hahahahahahahahhhahahah actually, he's not wrong. I was reading a really smutty fanfic and I was hit with an epiphany: why on earth hadn't I written a daddy fan fiction yet? So then I wrote two chapters before posting it because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to continue it, but I went for it and now it's one of my most popular books and I love writing it and hearing all my readers comments.
Sadie: Your followers love me and Megan more than they love you.
Me: It's funny because Megan's actually a real person and Sadie you're not even real so --
Sadie: Okay, whoa! Those are fighting words.
Harry: So are we just going to ignore the fact that she wrote about my penis?
Me: Harry, shut the fück up, over three-fourths of this entire fandom writes about your genitalia now give me my phone back so we can finish this.
Sadie: She's not wrong.
Harry: How do you know this?
Me: Where do you think I learned how to write smut?
Harry: . . . next question then, please.
Me: Thank you, alright, @irrelavanttrash wants to know from you, Harry, how do you feel when another guy flirts with Jillian?
Harry: I don't think I should answer this.
Becca: I think we all know, since you never let her around Zayn.
Harry: He's not allowed to put a fûcking finger on her.
Zayn: There it is.
Me: Okay, well, before a fight breaks out, another question for Harry. @irrelavanttrash also wants to know what would happen if Jillian ever broke your heart.
Jillian: We both know that would never happen. *squeezes his hand*
Harry: Well, I'd certainly be sad if it ever did. But I trust her.
Me: God, you both are so fûcking cute, it actually pisses me off. Anyway, another question for me from an anonymus user. Do I imagine myself as Jillian, or is she just an imaginary character?
Sadie: Imaginary. She's not real. She's just some CGI shït.
Me: Actually, most of my characters are based off of me and my friends in real life. I did base Jillian off of myself, whereas Sadie is a combination between my best friend and I, and Becca is a mix of my freshman year college dorm-mates. Megan and the boys are the only "real" people I used.
Megan: I'm honored. (A/N: Megan's a Brit so she'd probably correct me and be like "omg it's spelled honoured!!!!1!1!!1! lmfao love you bïtch)
Harry: No wonder you and Jillian look so much alike.
Sadie: *very nasally* Oh my god, twins!
Me: I mean, I haven't met many authors who don't imagine their characters as themselves.
Harry: So. . . does this mean we could have a threesome sometime?
Me: Oh my god, I just want to finish this Q & A so I can get these children to bed.
Harry: Shït, if you're taking us to bed then we might as well stop now --
Sadie: Harry, could you stop thinking about sex for one fûcking minute so we can finish?!
Harry: Ugh, fine!
Me: Thank you. Okay, last question for both Niall and Harry from @youruserisrlylonglel and they want to know how much of a fûck boy you were when you were teenagers?
Harry: I guess I wasn't much of a fûck boy. . . I had girlfriends but they were long-lasting relationships before I started college and then creating my business.
Niall: I had a few girls in school too, but none of them compare to the lady I got right here.
Megan: *blushes* Oh, stop.
Sadie: You two are disgustingly cute. Fûck you both.
Me: Okay, on that note, I think we should wrap things up --
Harry: Like how all your readers basically yell at me for not wearing a condom?
Sadie: Oh my god, it's so funny! Like, "Don't be silly, wrap your willy." I died!
Niall: Or the one girl who was like, "Cover your man before he breaks your dam!"
Harry: Those are terrible jokes.
Niall: You're one to talk mate. Your knock knock jokes are so bad.
Harry: You're just mad because they're funnier than yours.
Niall: Harry, your favorite joke is that stupid one about the giraffe and the baboon.
Harry: *defensive* I came up with that one by myself? What the fûck, mate, you're supposed to have my back.
Niall: I draw the line at your shïtty jokes.
Jillian: It doesn't matter! I'm on birth control so everything's fine. I promise.
Me: Do you ballsacks want to say anything before we blow this popsicle stand?
Harry: Will you blow my popsicle?
Me: ALRIGHT, so that's all I have for you guys! It was so much fun reading all your questions and comments. Thank you so much for all your questions, unfortunately, I could only answer so many (a lot were repetitive), so if you didn't see your question or think of one later in time, I might have a second Q & A --
Niall: Jesus, we have to do this again?
Me: Shut the fûck up and go eat some fruit snacks. Anyway, I love you guys so much and I hope you enjoyed listening to me babysit a bunch of five year-olds.
Harry: Excuse you, I'm five and three-fourths.
Me: Bye, ballsacks, love you lots.