As John, Robby and Edvin stood around the island drinking their morning coffee, Harley sat on the lawn out in the backyard, watching Rebel play with the red rubber ball he'd met the day before, and mindlessly spinning a number two pencil she'd found in a drawer in the kitchen.
Harley had been out there since before everyone got up. How long before, no one was sure.
"She okay?" Edvin questioned as he stood at the sink and peered out the window into the backyard, cup of coffee in hand.
John took a sip from his mug, "She's- She'll be fine," he assured.
"Does it have anything to do with why you slept on the couch?" Edvin prodded.
Avoiding Edvin's curious eyes, John nodded.
Robby reached over and patted John's shoulder, "You're a good guy, John"
Glancing quickly at Robby through narrowed eyes, John then dropped his gaze to the mug in his hand, "So I've heard"
Robby liked his house. Its tall ceilings and open floor plan, but the walls, they were a problem. Poorly constructed and paper thin, Robby truly hadn't meant to eavesdrop and planned wholeheartedly to move his bed against the far wall before the day was over.
Keeping true to his 'good guy' nature, John poured another cup of coffee from the percolator and made his way to the back door and out into the yard.
Harley sat in the grass, legs crossed, back slouched and her elbows resting on her knees.
She flinched in surprise when John approached from behind and announced, "Coffee"
She clutched her chest, "Jesus, mate. Put some bells on or something, would you?"
John extended the arm that held Harley's coffee, "Sorry"
She squinted her eyes from the sun as she looked up to the steaming mug and accepted.
"Can I sit?" John asked.
Harley put her cup down on the grass in front of her, gazing at the liquid inside and brushing her thumb along the mug's smooth edge, "It's not my grass," She shrugged.
John sighed as he took a seat on the lawn next to her.
It was uncomfortably quiet between them for what felt like an eternity. John went back and forth in his mind on what, if anything he should say to her.
"So . . Do you want to talk about what happened?" He finally managed to spit out.
Harley lifted her mug and took a lengthy, time consuming sip before she spoke, "I was drunk"
John had to stifle the chuckle that threatened to escape his throat, "No, you weren't"
"I could've been. How would you know?" Harley argued.
Smiling, John replied, "Because I know"
"Well maybe you were drunk then," Harley glanced up toward John.
He clucked his tongue and shook his head, "Uhh, nope"
"You sure?" Harley scrunched her nose.
John nodded, "Positive"
Harley betrayed herself by letting a smirk hook itself into the corner of her mouth before she dropped her head back down, continuing to stare into her mug.
The pair sat together quietly for a few minutes watching Rebel, who only wanted to play so long as he had a captive audience.
"I . ." Harley began as she clicked her nails on the ceramic mug in her hand, "I've never . . been . . with anyone else but him. Because of him. Somehow he always fucking wins"
John stretched his legs out, crossing his ankles and leaned back on his hands, "I get it. You want to take back control"
Drawing in a deep breath, Harley sighed, "Did you mean what you said before?"
John furrowed his brow, "About what?"
Trying to hide a smile, Harley dropped her head, "You said, 'If I still feel the way I felt last night, then you're here and ready"
John laughed nervously, bringing a hand forward and scratching the stubble on his cheek, "Wow, were you ever drunk last night"
Harley snorted, "You were drunk"
"Sorry to interrupt" Robby's voice sounded from behind where the pair sat.
Both craned their necks to see him.
"Harley, Kris wants to know if you'll speak with her. She said to tell you that she and Shaun had a long talk yesterday," Robby said, crossing his arms.
Harley turned back to face Rebel, her stomach suddenly twisting in knots.
John sat forward, "You don't have to see her, but, it might help to hear what she has to say"
Harley put her thumb nail between her teeth and stared blankly ahead for a moment, "Will you go with me?"
"Yeah, of course. Anything you need," John assured.
Drawing a breath in through her nose, Harley nodded, "Okay"
After getting to their feet and grabbing Rebel, Harley and John followed Robby back inside, "Edvin and I will take a walk," he informed.
Kris could be seen waiting on the landing by the front door, arms crossed, expression indecipherable.
Robby nodded at Kris, giving her the green light as he and Edvin made their way to the stairs. Edvin was still in the dark about what exactly was going on but he knew it wasn't his place to ask questions, so he did as Robby asked and the two of them walked passed Kris and left the house, closing the door behind them.
Kris anxiously tucked her hair behind her ears and walked up the stairs to the main level meeting John and Harley in the living room where the three then sat.
"Uhm. . So," Kris began as she fidgeted with her hands, "Shaun and I talked. I guess I'll tell you first what he had to say and then you can let me know what you think about it"
Harley sat slouched, much the same as she had the day before, while John sat beside her, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Neither said anything to Kris.
She took a deep breath and continued, "He told me that you're a compulsive liar. That you always have been. He said you made up this story about him when you were with us, about him having done . . things to you. He insists none of it's true and that the reason you ran away was because you got caught in your own lies"
Harley gazed down at the floor in front of her, shaking her head and doing her best not to laugh in Kris's face.
"Alex- Sorry- Harley," Kris shook her head, "If you're lying, I hope you realize the danger you're putting my family in. If Shaun gets kicked out of this community, he's as good as dead. I've been with that man since we were teenagers. We have a son together. So, please, Harley, tell me the truth. Did my husband put his hands on you?" Kris finished.
John looked over at Harley, who rocked her knee up and down anxiously, seemingly searching for her words.
Avoiding Kris's eyes, Harley simply nodded.
Kris dropped her head and brushed her hair behind her ears once more, "Could you . . Harley, would you tell me something about him, about his body that you shouldn't know? I don't know how else to be sure"
Harley brought her hands up and rubbed her face while exhaling an anxious breath.
"I'm sorry. Please. I need to know," Kris begged.
Slapping her hands down on her thighs in defeat, Harley spoke, "He's got a scar on his hip bone from falling off of a trampoline when he was a kid"
"Is that it?" Kris prodded, looking for undeniable proof.
Harley sighed, shaking her head, "He had a piercing. . Down there. And . . He liked to bite," she uttered in an uncomfortable manner.
Devestated, Kris covered her face with her hands and dropped her head, "Oh my god.. Oh my God," she cried.
John brushed his hand over his mouth and leaned back to look at Harley, who'd resumed chewing on her nails.
Kris continued to sob into her hands, inconsolable for several minutes, until finally she looked up, her face wet and red, "Why didn't you tell me?"
This time John spoke, "She was manipulated. That's what predators do"
Kris's face contorted in agony, "And that's why you ran away?"
Harley frowned while she scratched her cheek, "I ran after the abortion"
"He . . got you pregnant?" Kris asked wide-eyed.
"Shaun's mother made her get rid of it," John offered on Harley's behalf.
"Joanne knew about it?!" Kris wailed.
Unable to continue with the conversation, Harley stood from the couch and clapped her hands once, "Well- I need a shower," she muttered and swiftly exited the living room, leaving John with an emotionally shattered Kris.
○●○
Harley sat wrapped in a towel on the edge of the tub, her wet hair trickling cool drops of water onto her shoulders.
Unfortunately, the shower she'd just finished did little to help wash away the feeling of being worthless and dirty, so she sat despondent, gazing blankly at the tiled floor below her feet.
It seemed to Harley that no matter how much time passed, or how far she ran, she would never be able to escape her past. She wished she could change things but life moves perpetually forward and not back. She'd been over it all a billion times in her head, thinking about what she should've done. She could've done more to stop it, should've seen it coming. Harley scolded herself for her part in it all. If she could've just been smarter and stronger and less desperate for love, less naive. If she was just better than what she was, maybe none of it would've happened.
But Harley was a throw away, and the world made damn sure she would never forget it. She was only cared for as long as she wasn't a burden, only loved when it was beneficial, only liked when she had something to give away.
Even then, sitting in that bathroom, Harley knew she was only around because she had something that people wanted. Had she no immunity, she knew John would've just kept walking that day.
Harley had long since let go the idea that anyone would ever love her just because, and for a long time she was alright with that. But having to face Kris and Shaun, Harley could feel the little girl that she once was pushing her way back up to the surface, just as desperate for love as always. She scolded herself for that too. It was an unreasonable desire and Harley knew how it would turn out, how it always turned out.
She missed being alone. Things were easier then.
"Harley?" John's voice sounded from the other side of the bathroom door.
She lifted her hands, sweeping the damp strands of hair off of her face and smoothing them back over her head, letting her fingers linger on the back of her neck while she took a breath, "Yeah?"
"I have some good news. We're leaving tomorrow," John informed.
There was a long moment of silence before Harley answered, "Good"
"Everyone's here, so I brought your clothes if you wanna grab them," John offered so that Harley wouldn't be seen in just a towel.
Harley stood from the edge of the tub and opened the bathroom door, "Thanks"
"You okay?" John asked as he handed over a pair of jean shorts and a tank top.
"Peachy," Harley feigned a smile, grabbing her clothes and shutting the door so she could get dressed.
Once Harley was finished in the bathroom she warily joined everyone in the front room. John, Robby, Edvin, Taylor, Foss and Perez all sat around the coffee table going over their maps and the plan one last time, and sipping on what, for some, might be their last cold beers. The world outside the wall was no joke. It was a cruel and immensely dangerous place, where one wrong move could mean the end for anyone unfortunate enough to get caught with their pants down, so to speak. Everyone aside from Harley and John had grown soft during their long stay in Wudinna, and with that softness brought an almost paralyzing fear of going back out into the hell that drove them in in the first place. They needed to prepare for fear and panic and war, but so far they were just sitting around, cracking jokes and sipping beer.
Harley grabbed Rebel and his ball and brought him to a less occupied corner of the living room. She sat on the floor, leaning her back against the wall and proceeded to play gently with her pup.
"Harley, do you want a beer?" Edvin offered.
Everyone stopped to wait for Harley's response, making her cringe. She shook her head.
John watched her with concern. He could tell there was a lot going on inside of her and he saw how draining it was. Harley was emotionally exhausted and seemed, for the moment at least, to have completely shut down.
"Hey, Harley, are you gonna leave your pup here with someone until you get back? I know a few people who'd take care of him while you're gone," Perez spoke.
Holding the red ball, Harley kept her eyes locked on Rebel as he nipped and hit it with his paw, "I'm not coming back here," she frowned.
"What?" Perez said incredulously, "Where are you gonna go?"
Harley shrugged.
Everyone turned their heads to look at John with questioning eyes. But he just kept his on Harley.
"Well, we hope you change your mind, Harley," Robby noted with concern etched into his features.
Annoyed, Harley stood from the floor and picked up Rebel, "Don't hold your breath," she uttered as she paced through the living room toward the back door.
"Wow," Perez said as she leaned back in the sofa.
John sighed as he stood from the love seat, "Excuse me," he pardoned himself then followed after his grumpy counterpart.
Outside, John quickly caught up to Harley who was making her way to her previous sitting spot in the yard, "Hey, want some company?" He offered.
Harley plopped down onto the grass and let Rebel go to roam, "No"
"What's going on, Harley?" John prodded as he crouched down to her level.
She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, "I'm just . . I'm sick of people, okay?" She grumbled.
John scratched the stubble on his chin, "Are you sick of me?"
"Yes! Just leave me alone. Please!" Harley groaned plaintively.
Suddenly wounded, John stood up straight, "Alright," he said, shaking his head before padding back through the yard and into the house.
Harley buried her head in her knees while Rebel waddled around happily, biting at inconsistently long blades of grass.
She felt unbalanced and confused, She was aggrivated. When was it, she thought, that she decided going anywhere with John was a good idea? Harley didn't like people, nor did she need them. But suddenly there was an army of them deciding what she could and couldn't do. What if she didn't want to go to Sydney anymore? What if she wanted to go back home to Perth? She knew they wouldn't let her and that meant that she was no longer in control of herself, didn't it? When did that happen? How had she not realized it before?
It was just like when Harley was little, being shipped around from home to home and from school to school. No choice, no say. Just people doing whatever they wanted with her, whatever they saw fit. Harley was trapped back then, suffocated while being completely disregarded.
And here she was again in the same boat.
People. She could remember just then why she avoided them.
Harley balled her hands into fists and squeezed her arms around her legs, turning herself into a tight shell of turmoil.
"Alex," A sheepish voice called from the alley.
She raised her head just enough to see Shaun padding toward where she sat, hands tucked into the pockets of his blue-jeans, "Can we talk?"
Harley's breath caught in her throat, a sudden gut wrenching feeling urging her to get away from this man. She stood from the ground and motioned to pick up Rebel but Shaun caught up to her quickly and held his hands out, stopping her in her tracks, "Please, Alex," he begged.
Harley backed up, feeling the deep need to avoid his proximity.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything," Shaun began.
Harley tried to walk around him, "No, you're not. You're scared."
Shaun sidestepped, getting into Harley's path once again, "Okay. Yeah, I'm scared, but I'm also sorry. I was a fucking punk back then, Alex. I . . I didn't see myself as a grown man, and I didn't see you as a kid."
Harley crossed her arms and avoided his eyes but snorted derisively, "That's bullshit, mate and you know it."
"I'm sorry. I really am. If I could take it all back I would," Shaun said, taking a tentative step forward.
Harley backed away, "Well I don't forgive you."
Exasperated, Shaun lifted his hands, "What do you want from me, Alex?"
"I want you to get the fuck out of my face," Harley growled and decided to just push her way past him to get Rebel.
Shaun grabbed onto Harley's arm as she moved, "I might get kicked out of here because of this, Alex. There's no changing what happened but you can save my son from growing up without a father. You've gotta talk to Kris. Tell her you lied, please," he begged.
Tearing her arm out of Shaun's grasp forcefully, Harley spat, "Maybe the kid is better off without a pedophile for a dad."
This seemed to anger Shaun as he stepped quickly into Harley's space again and spoke under his breath, jaw clenched, "I'm not a fucking pedophile."
"Could've fooled me, mate," Harley grimaced and shoved Shaun away from her.
Shaun lurched forward, snatching her arm once again and pulled her close to him, "You can pretend all day long, but I know there was love between us once, Alex."
Harley shoved Shaun again in a rage, "I was fourteen!" She spat indignantly before heaving her hands into him, "You groomed me and used like a fucking toy. You didn't give a shit about what it did to me!" Harley bashed her hands into Shaun, "Love?" She shoved him again, "You call that Love!?"
Shaun clutched Harley's wrists before she could beat him again, "Yes, I loved you, Alex! I looked for you for months when you ran away!"
Harley tried to feverishly wrench herself out of his grasp, "You're the reason I ran, you moron! You fucking killed me!" she screamed, tears forming in her eyes.
Shaun shook his head as he pushed Harley away from him hard enough that she fell backwards onto the grass.
Unfortunately for Shaun, Harley's outburst had alerted everyone inside the house to the situation unfolding outside.
Like a molotov cocktail, John exploded out of the back door and dashed toward Shaun with an unbridled fury unlike anything Harley had ever seen.
Shaun barely had enough time to back up two steps before John tackled him to the ground with the pitch of a thunderclap.
Harley scurried to her feet and tucked her hair behind her ears as John bashed Shaun into the ground, grunting furiously all the while. Shaun did his best to fight back, flailing about and slapping John in defense, but it was a fruitless endeavor and only enraged John further. Blood could be seen spurting from Shaun's nose and John's knuckles as the attack continued uninterrupted for what could've really only been seconds, just long enough for Robby and Edvin to catch up and painstakingly peel John off of a mutilated and nearly unconcious Shaun.
"You're dead!" John growled inidiously, pointing his finger down at Shaun. Edvin and Robby dragged him back a few feet, each clutching one of John's arms.
Perez approached Harley from behind and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, "Come inside, okay?"
Harley gazed at Shaun, who rolled onto his side and cupped his face in his hands, moaning in pain. Taylor and Foss made their way to him, knowing he would have to go see Ben as he most definitely had a broken nose and looked to have lost a tooth or two.
Harley tried to dart over to where Shaun lay so she could kick him, but Perez was quicker and grabbed Harley by the arm, "Common. Look, I have Rebel," Perez said, drawing Harley's focus from Shaun.
Harley shifted her gaze and saw her pup squirming to escape Perez's arm. In a childlike stupor, Harley turned and took her pup then let Perez escort her back toward the house, but not before glancing back one last time to look at her abuser, "He's smaller than I remember," she muttered.
Robby, Edvin and John followed soon after, and John wasted no time rushing over to a dazed Harley and cupping her cheeks in his hands. But he didn't say anything. What could he say? He knew she wasn't okay, so why would he ask?
For a long moment he simply looked down at her. Harley's expression was blank, her eyes cast down, but the dimples in her chin could be seen quivering just so slightly, giving away what she fought to hide just under the surface.
Snapping out of her trance, Harley drew a quick breath in through her nose and glanced up at John. She clutched his wrist, pulling his hand away from her cheek to see his knuckles torn open and bloody, "We gotta fix these," she insisted.