"We need to get home, Vanessa. My mom is dying to see you," I try to say calmly without showing my worry.
"We just got here! C'mon, let 's go exploring. I bet you've hardly seen anything. It's just a cave. No harm done, right?"
"Right." I say. No, there is a lot of harm that can be done. This is Luke's special place. He brought me here, to the pit. And here I stand, about to take Vanessa there. Fuck. I groan to myself. I didn't even know where this place was, let alone how to get here, so how the fuck did I? God must really not like me.
"C'mon, Cal!" Vanessa demands more than ask while being almost in the cave. I quickly follow down the so familiar stone path into the cave. I have no idea how exactly to get to the pit. Luke did.
While we were in the caves narrow walkway of multiple tunnels, Vanessa pushed me up against a rocky wall and kissed me aggressively. I stood there in shock, not kissing back. This continued on for a couple minutes before she finally realized I wasn't reacting. In response, she tugged my hair and I kissed her back slowly trying to get her away from me by pushing her off gently. She held a tight grip on me and my hair, pushing her body closer to me. Her hand grazed my groin and went back to my hair. But no reaction down there occurred. The kiss broke off and I took that as my chance to break away from her. I pushed her off again this time succeeding before she could realize she hadn't gotten the reactions she would've wanted from me down there.
It's not that I'm not attracted to Vanessa, she was actually really nice. Nice boobs, nice ass, really aggressive and needy when it comes to sexual things. But I've always lacked interest. My lack of interest towards her that way seemed to grow in California and when I left it was at its peak and I was somewhat grateful I wouldn't see her everyday so she wouldn't be able to pounce on me in a janitor's closet. She's really desperate and needy for sex. God knows why.
"Come on, can we just leave?" I say while fixing my shirt.
"Am I ugly, Calum?"
"No." I began to look everywhere but her, feeling as if she's going to accuse me of being something I'm not and never will be, gay. I don't even know who I'm trying to convince more, myself or her at this point.
To my surprise, she dropped the conversation completely and we began walking down a path in the cave tunnels. Hopefully, we won't find the pit. I won't be able to bear with the guilt inside me if Vanessa finds Luke's special place he's only ever shown me. Wait. I scratch the back of my head in confusion and anger. What if Luke hasn't only brought me here? What if he brings all his "guy friends" here? He lied. I know he did; he probably told Tyler the same thing. He probably brought Tyler and fucked him on the sand right next to the pit for fuck sakes. Anger rages through me and I don't even understand why. I feel Vanessa's hand wrap around mine leading me down another stone path in the cave tunnels. Me suddenly not giving a fuck if he finds it or not.
LUKE'S POV
I grunt loudly while tugging at my hair, while sitting in the center of the pit. Sand all around me and the water hitting the stones creating a peaceful harmony. Everything is always so calming here. It's such a nice place to unwind and let everything go. I've been her since Calum's mom caught me laying in bed with her son. I wonder if Calum remembers anything from last night. I wonder if he actually cares about what happened last night.
Parts of me wants to care about what happened, then parts of me are just telling myself to go fuck Tyler out of spite or reflex. But why spite? It's not like I have feeling for Calum. He's interesting, I'll give the kid that, but he's probably just like the rest of them. Confused, wanting to experiment, innocent. Just like Tyler is--well, was.
I sat there, staring at the way the water hit the rocks. Rethinking what Calum told me last night.
"My feelings towards you, they're different. They aren't right. They shouldn't be right, especially when I have Vanessa."
I cringe at the thought of this Vanessa chick. I bet she's some hoe he uses as a beard because he can't admit he's gay. It sickens me. I then think back to the messages. He's with her. I grab my phone out of my pocket to see if I got reply. Nothing. I'm actually kinda bummed. The thought of them kissing right now somewhere in his car makes me cringe again giving me this disgusting feeling in my stomach. I shake it off and ignore it completely.
My phone hums which means I got a new message.
Tyler; babe, when can we meet up again? Already missing those lips.
I can't help myself, but I also can't help the guilty feeling that lays over me while I text my response back.
"Soon, maybe in 30 mins? Swing by my place. Mums not home, key under the mat."
I grin at myself, knowing that Tyler would make all these confusing and reluctant feelings for Calum flood away like a river. Only for a while, my mind retorts. Almost as if it's sending me a smack to the face.
Suddenly, there's a loud slam, but it isn't from the pit. It's from one of the path ways leading out to the narrow tunnels of the cave. My mind automatically knows someone's here and I get furious. No one's ever been her. No one. No one besides Calum. My mind taunts me. I don't even know why I brought him here. It was mostly out instinct. He was so angry at me, and I just wanted him to be happy. So I just brought him here, this place always seems to make me happy.
Another loud slam from the same tunnel path came in echoing throughout the pit. They were obviously kissing and about to have sex. Ugh. I can't even walk out because It'd be pretty awkward to walk by them making out. I just sat there in the center of my safe heaven, hoping and praying whoever was there would leave and not come any further down. Everything got quiet around me and I finally relaxed thinking they had left. Maybe they realized fucking in a cave isn't sanitary or right at all. I would never make love or even fuck here. Even though it looks oddly romantic in the pit from where I'm sitting and staring at everything from. I still would never. That's something way to intimate, and I'll never be the type. Intimacy is never my thing. Tyler knows that. Michael knows that. And all the others before them know that. I do 'em and diss 'em and that's how it's always been and how it always be.
I hear foot steps coming down the path and into the pit. Shit, maybe the people who were on the verge of fucking didn't leave. Anger grew in me. No one should be here. This is my place. No, this your place. Calum and your's, my mind mocks me.
Calum's POV
We both make our way down the path and I can hear the water hitting the rocks. Pushing up against them in every which way. It sounds soothing, peaceful. And at the thought of it, a million memories flood back from the day Luke brought me here, the day we ditched together. Luke probably brings every guy here. My mind mocks and a sad whimper falls from my mouth. Luckily enough, Vanessa heard nothing and kept pulling me down the path.
We finally saw an opening down the path. The pit was coming up. The beautiful pit. When we finally reached the end of the tunnel, Vanessa's mouth flew open and yelped. She quickly pulled the camera lens off her camera and began snapping pictures in every direction, but then froze when her camera made contact with a blonde boy sitting in the middle of the sandy pit staring at everything, looking as if he was angry but absorbed in thought.
I knew that head of hair anywhere; it was Luke. Guilt and worry filled me quickly. He's gonna hate me, and he's gonna kill me. Wait why do I even care? I'm pissed at him beyond compare. Luke finally looked up after a scream fell from Vanessa mouth from the sight of him from her camera.
To say Luke looked pissed was an understatement when he stared at Vanessa and got up aggressively. Almost as if he was getting ready to hit her as he quickly walked up, next to the water. I braced myself for what was coming, what I knew I deserved. This was his place. His special place, and I should've tried harder to get Vanessa to leave with me.
"What the fuck are you doing here, with her?" Luke shouted at the top of his lungs his voice echoing through the cave.
"She a, she a, sh-" I stuttered on my words, shaking. Luke looked horrid. Angrier then I've ever seen anyone before.
"Calum, answer!" he yelled, anger obviously still in his voice, but you could tell he was trying to calm himself down and you could almost hear hurt in his voice? Hurt? Hurt.
"It was an accident," I stated, telling the honest truth. Lying would get me nowhere. "We drove here by accident, she found the tunnels paths and wanted to come. I'm sorry."
"No you aren't. You're little girlfriend. You guys were practical fucking each other against a stone wall. I heard you!" Luke's jealousy getting the best of him and began to become judgmental without even knowing the whole story.
"You'd fuck someone against a stone wall? In the pit, the peaceful pit, our place!" He shouted, his face softening and then quickly got red when he realized he said "our place." My eyes met his and he held a small smile. His anger obviously melting away due to our eye contact, but he was still very livid.
"Hi, I'm Vanessa. Nice to meet you."
Luke didn't even fully look at her. "I know who you are and I don't want you here. And I especially don't want you fucking Calum in my place." Luke made sure he didn't make that "our" mistake again.
Vanessa facial expression faltered and a sad smile came upon her face. I couldn't help but stick up for her even though every bone in my body was telling me not to.
"Don't fucking talk to her like that, Luke." I said angrily while wrapping a protective arm around Vanessa. Luke's eyes stared deadly at my arm and he grew angrier by the minute.
"You really don't remember anything from last night, do you? The important stuff? You remember none of it?" He said in a whisper, hurt clearly on his voice while he stared at my arm still around her sadly.
"I was drunk. You brought me home. Nothing more, nothing less." I felt Vanessa grip me tighter I was so gonna get it later for being drunk.
"No talking?" He asked.
"No talks. None at all." I stated.
"No contact?" He furows his brows signaling that he meant physical, but not physical as in sex.
"No," I lie clearly remembering us talking about Vanessa and how we were positioned in cuddles in my bed with his protective arms around me.
"Okay.." He trails off and steps closer to me. Directly in front of me. Vanessa just stairs angrily, clearly not knowing anything. My hands fell from Vanessa's hips as he steps closer, leaning his forehead against mine. "Sure?" He whispers and another faint memory comes flushing in from that night due to the contact of are for heads.
*FLASHBACK*
"Damn right you're stupid. I've never felt like this towards anyone. You get my blood boiling to the highest level, and I never know what to do." I say my voice suddenly being lower.
Luke comes close to and rests his hand on my cheek. Instead of being reluctant, I lean into his touch. All anger vanishing within seconds. I put my hands around his waist and pull him closer to me. So close that we're touching.
After minutes of silence he says, "You reek like alcohol." I suddenly grow really self conscious and push away only to be pulled back by him into his arms. I really love this feeling, the feeling of just being with him, even if I can hear all the loud punk music playing from downstairs.
"How much did you drink?"
"I stopped counting at the 13th," I say honestly.
"You know that was pure hard liquor, right? You're gonna be so sick tomorrow, and you probably won't remember anything." He trails off and silence falls.
"I feel like you like me better when you're drunk. Why don't you like me when your sober?"
"I think when I'm drunk, I gain a lot of confidence, Lukey."
"Lukey?" He questions.
"Yeah, Lukey, I've been wanting to tell you off since Thursday. I just never had the nerve. I think I'm just afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"My feelings towards you. They're different. They aren't right. They shouldn't be right, especially when I have Vanessa."
He smiles then rolls his eyes at the mention of Vanessa. I laugh and play with his hair. "You're cute when you're jealous." God, I have so much confidence.
"You're honest when you're drunk," he says a little too calmly. He leans close to my face to the point where our foreheads are touching. We both stare into each other's eyes. He gives me this look and then stares at my lips as if asking permission, but instead of answering, I crash my lips onto his. Our lips move in sync together, very slow and passionate. It feels so right, but Luke pulls away with regret in his eyes. Regret?
*ENDS*
We kissed. The memory comes back vague, parts missing from the talking, but I know what he meant when he meant by contacts and talks, but it meant nothing to me. I lie to myself.
I shake my head no, lying again. He seems calm, in an emotionless state with my answer now and leaves without another word, well I thought. He quickly turns around and yells from the opening of the tunnel path me and Vanessa just came through minutes ago.
"I don't want either of you back here again." He states and leaves.
Vanessan turns to me confused.
"Who was that? What was he going on about? " She asked.
"Luke, school bad boy. He's a lunatic. Crazy actually, quite stalkerish. He was one of the guys I got into a fight with at school," my heart sinking at the way I was talking about Luke.
She nods "I hate him and you shouldn't have been getting drunk in the first place!" she states angry.
"Another time, not in the mood for lectures. It was one time, promise." I say.
"Fine." She leaves it at that even though I know she wants to ask a million more questions about Luke and what he meant by everything. But obviously she doesn't. Maybe she's realized she's put me through enough for the day.
Vanessa takes a few more pictures of the pit and I sit where Luke was seated when we had arrived and stare out at everything. Taking everything in one last final time. Luke said he didn't want me back here. There was something behind his words that told me something differently or told me that there was more meaning behind it than just staying away from the pit.
Once Vanessa was done, I didn't wanna leave, but I didn't put up a fight. I said farewell to one of the best things I've experienced since moving down here. And I don't know what I'll miss more the pit, or the boy who brought me here. Because something told me Luke didn't want me in his life at all anymore and the thought of that being true tears me apart inside.
Vanessa and I walked hand in hand out the pit, through the tunnels, and to my car. As we walk, our fingers are intertwined with each other. I see her stare at our hands in delight from the corner of my eye. I can't help but feel disgusted with myself, and I can't quite pin point why. We're so close, with our hands held into each other, but I've never felt so far away from her in that moment. Ever