This is the long awaited book three. Thank you all for your patience, I couldn't have managed it without all your support and encouragement. I hope you enjoy it as much as I've had writing it.
Mwah <3
LilithaAngel
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The storm rolls in like a wave full of malicious intent, the rain like little spears piercing the skin of those unprepared for its attack, hiding in the closed shops doorway only provides me shelter from the rain and not from the bone chilling wind. My coat and jeans provide little warmth, sinking to the floor, my back pressed against the cold windows, resting my cheek on my knees i watch the bustle of people hurry past, no glance to me, i am invisible to them. They all have nice warm homes to get back to, why would they spare a glance to what they would assume is just a troubled teenager, being rebellious. But it wasn't always like this, i used to have a home, a family but things change so fast that i lost it all and just learnt to adapt. My name is Serena Marsh, I am 19 years old and this is just the start of my story.
I was 14 when my father was killed when the fishing boat he was manning capsized, the whole crew were lost to the hungry waves of the Atlantic ocean, my mum sank into depression, she had lost her everything. My parents had been together since they were 15, it was love at first sight they always used to tell me, they were perfect, they were my everything. But my dads death took a higher toll on my mother than anyone but me realised, she started using drugs and drinking, i lost count of the amount of times i would find her unconscious somewhere, i had to grow up quick. Nobody knew the struggles, i hid them, i had already lost my dad, i didnt want to be taken away from my mother as well. It was always only the three of us against the world, they never spoke of their families, i dont even know whether they had any.
For a year i looked after mum, wandering the streets past midnight searching for her when she would escape from the house to get her next fix, i learnt to block my emotions, to guard my heart and try not to notice all the horrible things i witnessed and just got on with my life as best that i could. But my world came crashing down when mum came home one evening, clinging to a strange mans arm, my heart dropped at the sight. He was tall and well built, his shaven head and stubble terrified me, tattoos covered most of his visible skin, sporting a leather jacket made me worry more, what did this man do?
"Mum whose this?" i ask when my voice cooperates with me. She looks up at the man with adoration in her clouded gaze.
"This is Trevor. he is your dad now. i love him." Completely taken aback i can only stare in shock at the woman who now only vaguely reminds me of the mother who brought me up, the resemblance disappearing fast.
"He is not my dad and never will be. i cant believe you. You disgust me." Holding the tears at bay i race to my room, slamming the door and locking it sharply. I thought it would just be a phase and that when he refused to get her drugs anymore then she would kick him out, but i was wrong. He needed a place to stay and encouraged my mum to take more and more drugs until she was never lucid anymore, her skin sagged, the weight falling off of her, her teething rotting, eyes permanently glazed over and god knows what her inside looks like now. I hated Trevor, he was verbally abusive to me, banning me from even speaking to my mum, most nights i would find them both passed out in the livingroom, needles still embedded in their skin, the half smoked joints hanging from their numb fingers, the smell and sight made me sick, but every night i would have to put the joints out and take the needles from their skin, putting them in a box in the kitchen, again the box was almost full and it had only been a fortnight. I hated this life, but what choice did i have? i didnt want to lose my mum.
A year had passed, my 16th birthday had come and gone, nothing from my mum, i received a card from my school tutor, Miss Greene but she had asked me to call her Anna, i had been round her house a couple of times to collect work when i had missed school and she helped me with my work, she seems to have been the only constant person in my life since my dad died. for that i love her. She has always been there for me and helped me with anything i had needed to ask her about since i couldnt speak to my mum and i had isolated myself from all my peers at school. Silenting opening the front door, my school bag heavy on my back, I feel that something in the air is wrong, closing the door softly I contemplate on just going to my room or poking my head around the corner to see if mum and Trevor are home, but then i hear my mother scream, immediately i drop my bag and race into the living room instantly forgetting the threats Trevor had hurled at me in the past when i had tried to enter when they were conscious. My mother is bent over grimacing, Trevor looking at her with distaste.
"What's going on?" I ask in a small voice, ready to bolt if Trevor takes a step towards me.
"Your mother is in labour you moron."
"She's pregnant?" I ask incredulously, noticing for the first time my mums swollen abdomen, her heavy knitted cardigan thrown onto the sofa, the bones protrude underneath my mums skin, the sight scares me but as her glazed eyes lift to mine i realise she is scared too, without hesitation i race to her side.
"How can i help mum?" I ask, terrified, this is something i never asked Anna about, i never thought i would need too. My mums frail gnarled hand rests on my arm, her gaze pleading with me.
"No ambulance. No doctor." I nod, even against my better judgement but as i glance at Trevor i see him raise his eyebrow as if daring me to try.
"Scissors are on the table. there is also some string. go and find towels." Trevor promptly leaves, slamming the front door behind him, i dont even try to question where he is going. I race from mum, grabbing as many towels as i can, the only clean ones in the house, the ones i had washed for myself.
"Trevor, Trevor, i need you baby, i need to dance," Mum is chanting when i enter the livingroom again, a joint balanced between her fingers, pressing it to her lips, the end lighting red as she inhales. Racing to her side i grab the joint from her fingers, placing it in the ashtray and i bat her hand away when she tries to reach for it again.
"Mum, look mum, if you are in there i need your help. youre going to have a baby." She screams again, clutching at her abdomen as she falls to her hands and knees, her bones cracking as they hit the floor, she hikes her skirt over her backside and to my horror she is wearing no underwear but as i see tufts of hair where there shouldnt be. i put away my disgust and concentrate on doing whatever i can for this baby. After a few short minutes the baby's head is out, i cradle it gently, pushing my revulsion aside as it slides on my palm, another few minutes and the baby suddenly whooshes out, catching it i quickly place it down on a towel before tying the cord which still tethers the baby to my mum who is reaching for her burning joint. The blunt scissors just manage to cut the tough cord, the moment they are seperated my mum inhales on her joint deeply, wrapping the baby quickly in the blanket i rub its chest, panicking when the baby doesnt cry. My mum stands, hobbling away a few feet before a large mass plops onto the floor with a sickening squelch that almost makes me want to vomit. I glance up at the time, 4:43pm, the baby in my arms suddenly starts screaming and squirming, my attention is immediately focused on the baby as my mum walks away, abandoning me with my sibling, leaving a trail of blood in her wake, i dont have the strength to chase after her. Checking the baby over i notice for the first time that it is a little boy, a little brother and even as he suddenly tenses up, a shrill wail bubbling up his tiny throat, cradling him tighter to my chest i realise that there is nothing here for him. i stand, rocking my brother as i walk around the house, my mother disappeared somewhere, didnt take me long to find her passed out on the kitchen table, a needle in her arm again.
Heading to my room i remember the reborn doll my dad had bought me before he left for the last time, laying my brother on my bed I rummage through my wardrobe, pulling out a pack of baby nappies and some outfits for my doll that mum had bought me. I clean my brother up a little, hearing his shrill cries breaks my heart as I get him dressed, the motions feel so natural to me, his cries lessen as I carrying him round my room, cradling him gently, singing softly to him. Unsure of what else to do now, I cant feed him, my mum definately cant, glancing out the window and down into the conservatory that has just filled up with boxes and things of mine and dads since Trevor moved in, I spot the purple hood of my very old pram. A glimmer of hope races through me, if I can get money then I can get some baby things for my brother, I look down to see him asleep in my arms, his face taut in a grimace, grabbing a pillow from my bed I head to the conservatory, passing mum who is still passed out. Opening the doors I almost choke on the dust plume that attacks like a coiled cobra, I turn my back to it for a moment, letting the dust settle again before venturing into the mass of memories. I move two, thankfully light boxes off of the pram, surprisingly it still looks fine, the hood is dusty but the inside was protected by the boxes. Placing the pillow inside the pram I gently place my little brother, his figure looks tiny compared to the pram, I quickly move all the boxes blocking the pram in, some are too heavy and so I had to drag them across the floor, grimacing at every loud shuffle. Finally the pram is free and I slowly and carefully pull it out of the conservatory and through the kitchen quickly.
The front door suddenly slams open, Trevor stumbling through, clutching in vain at the door, it swings and he almost falls over, over consumption of alcohol, drugs or both? My brother starts wailing again, the loud noise woken him up and now the mysterious pain is engulfing him again. Trevor storms towards him, i step infront of the pram, providing the little protection that i can, Trevors hand swings out, the back of his hand slamming into my cheek, shocking me to the core as i fall to the floor with the force, pain blossoms across my face as i watch in silent horror as Trevor snatches my brother from the pram, my brothers screams fill the house.
"Shut up you little brat ... you are no child of mine." As i spring to my feet to grab my brother from him he suddenly shakes my brother so violently that he immediately stops crying and his body goes completely limp, as i try to reach for him, screaming inside, Trevor drops him carelessly back into the pram before storming into the kitchen, muttering profanities under his breath. I leap to my brothers side, lifting him slowly out of the pram, feeling his small breaths on my throat as i lay him gently over my shoulder, his little heart racing against mine, thank the gods he isnt dead. Placing him gently into the pram, making sure the pillow cushions him i glance down the hallway at the open door, Trevor's wallet lays open on the floor, without hesitation i push the pram down the hall, scooping up his wallet and taking half the notes in it, i grab some more from my mums purse as i grab my backpack and my coat. Without looking back i quickly push my brother out of the house, closing the door softly behind me, the night air chills my skin, i didnt realise that the whole afternoon/evening had gone by. Walking through the cool, calm streets i head straight towards the supermarket, entering the store i quickly browse the aisle, picking up nappies, wet wipes, bottles, ready made baby milk, a couple of warm outfits for my brother, a large blanket and some food and drink for myself. I can feel the cashiers questioning gaze on me but i keep my head down and quickly pack away the shopping, after paying her i quickly exit the store, heading towards the only place I can think of, Anna's.
That was the last time I saw my baby brother, Sammy I named him when the hospital had asked, they had let me take a photo of him and one of me and him before they whisked him away, muttering about withdrawal, my heart felt torn as he was taken from me, screaming but in my heart I knew it was for the best.
"The police want to speak to you." Anna's soft voice whispers against my ear as I continue to stare down the now empty corridor, my brothers screams embedded in my mind, the photos clutched to my chest. I slowly turn to face Anna and the two female officers, the blonde officer steps forward, a plump lady with a gentle face, she approaches me like I am an injured wild animal that will bolt at any moment, which might be true.
"Serena is it? Can you tell us what has been happening?" I relay the years back to the officer, on auto pilot, emotionally detached, uncaring anymore. Shortly after the officers left, muttering about arresting my mum and Trevor and getting a social worker but i just didnt want to hear anymore, Anna went to get some drinks and I ran, I ran as if my life depended on it. Hitch hiking my way over the country i finally settled in a big city, plenty of places to hide and nobody knew me here. I have been here for almost 3 years, i have been immersed in the community of the underbelly of the city, the forgotten ones. Stealing and begging have become my way of life, but most of the food comes from the wasteful restaurants that i have befriended, as long as i dont show my face at the front of the restaurant i get given between 1-3 meals an evening, depending on how fussy and uptight the customers have been. So this leads me back to the stormy night, my belly full from the meal i just ate, the other spare meals i had left in the meeting area for our little group so whoever got to it first can have it. A large black limo pulls onto the street opposite me, outside one of the fancier restaurants of the town, i smile, the car reeks of wealth, my next target. The blonde man who unfolds himself from the car catches my attention as i study him. His size is intimidating but his piercing blue eyes are what catches my gaze for the longest time, eyes that have seen much more than the years his body has endured, looking mid twenty, his pristine suit doesnt do his figure any justice. I have seen people like him a lot of times, i know from his frame that he will have worked hard on his body and that suit is very unflattering. His eyes catch mine for a mere moment through the sheets of rain and i swear my heart forgets to beat, my lungs refuse to work, being trapped by his captivating gaze makes me nervous and uncomfortable, slowly his gaze slides away but not before a smirk creeps across his face, making him look mischievous and boyish. His figure disappears into the restaurant and my body finally starts functioning again.