[an:/] YOU'RE ALL AMAZING ! Thank you for your votes and comments I love reading and answering them. I forgot to say two things on the last chapter. First is to thank the +1.000 reads on this book and... I finally posted the PLAYLIST from this book, I'm going to leave it on the external link and if it doesn't work i have the link from my 8tracks' acc on my description's page.
CAN U GIVE ME 15 VOTES AND 5 COMMENTS?? I don't have much written from the next chapters so I need more time since you gave me the ones I wanted in one day , wow
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"Louis!" I hear and the voice is too familiar and I think that's why I stop and look back.
Harry is standing three steps away from me with an umbrella. I know he wants to step forward but he probably knows that I don't want him to, by the look he's giving me. When I don't say anything and also stand there, looking back at him and feeling the rain streaming down, he gives a step forward while saying "Louis I-"
"Don't," I interrupt him "go away Harry." I say weakly. There's so much in my head that I actually want to cry. But not now and not in front of Harry but not due the obvious reason - the shame and the fact that he's Harry and I shouldn't look weak towards him, because I never show it - but surprisingly is because he once told me to never cry in front of him because he would never handle it. To be honest I can't remember the start of the conversation and the context of it, but his words stayed craved on my mind since then.
"But Louis..." he starts, but once again I don’t allow him to continue.
"I'm so mad at you. So mad Harry. You have no right to tell me and doing things like you just did now. I don't know what's wrong with you but you need to stop, whatever this is..." I yell at him and make a pause to breath. He mumbles something but due the rain and the fact that he's not looking at me, just at the path, makes it hard to hear so I ignore. "You ruined my day as you always do."
"I'm sorry." he starts giving small steps towards me, so we're closer now
"Stay where you are." I say although I really wanted that umbrella right now.
"I-I'm just... I'm sorry, I know... I know you..." he sighs. Is it so hard to say Sorry Louis I lied to you, I yelled at you and I acted like a dumbass that I am. ? "Please don't be mad at me." he literally begs
"How do you expect me not to be mad at you?" I raise a little my voice.
"Louis..." he shakes his head "Let's just go back to the dorm, is cold outside and you should-"
"No, I'm not going anywhere with you right now. You hurt me, you lied to me and you expect me to act like nothing have happened?"
"I don't expect it but you should hear me. Because I didn't lie okay? I would never do that to you. Don't you know me?!" He shouts and there's it again. The surprise. "Do you know him better than you know me? Do you trust him more than you trust me? Hell Louis I know we don't have the most beautiful friendship but you should know how much I-" he stops himself. He shouldn't have done it. I want to hear more. And I want to have something to shout back at him and be even more upset so there's no more of this not so beautiful friendship. "I shouldn't have said those things, I know, especially in that way and then telling you I didn't want you to be around him," you're right "but you should have heard me." you just screwed everything.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I dare to speak so he doesn't say any more bullshit "You're basically controlling me and let's not talk about what you've been saying and doing to me... It's not right" it makes me shivers just thinking about the day and the day after he got drunk. And I don't know how to interpret it. "You're making me so... so" I groan in annoyance "You make me feel so frustrated, I swear Harry I-I hat-" I stop myself from saying it. I hate you. I say to myself.
He looks up at me, finally, but it's a sad look, the one he gives me. We stay in silence for seconds "If you really hate me that much, just tell me!" He says in a firm voice. "Otherwise, I'll just keep looking for you..." I look at him widely. He sounds so sure of himself. Does he mean it? Harry always says things with meaning though. But he lied to me previously and now he says he wants to take care of me... that's too weird. I want to believe that he hates Bryan a lot to the point of not wanting me to be with him, at any cost. But things don't work that way. This is why I hate him. I make him knowing that what he does is not right but he simply ignores, as always.
I bite the inside of my cheek and allow him to walk towards me. As soon as he reaches me, I don't feel the rain falling anymore. I look down when he stays too close from me. "What do you mean by it?" I whisper as I didn't want to say it.
"You're going to catch a cold." Apparently he ignores and says now more softly and it's almost like nothing have happened. But it happened and I'm mad and more confused than ever. There is so much I want to say but now it's like I'm incapable to do it.
He tries his best to take off his jacket and rests it on top of my shoulders. So warm. And it smells like him "Harry..." my voice sounds weird. Why does he has to be like this? And why does he has to smell so good?
"Yes Louis?"
"Stop doing this." Just seconds ago we were fighting and now we're talking so softly. Just seconds ago he was, for what it seemed, so far away from me and now he's so close.
"Doing what?" Caring and making me feel weird.
"You know what." I can't look at him but even not doing it I know that right now he's with a smirk on his face.
"No." he simply says and I look at him against my will. Shit. He looks beautiful and I probably look like a soaked dog. A soaked dog?!
"I'm not going to stop." Why? I want to ask but I'm scared of the answer. "I care a lot about you Louis, you know that don't you?"
I know that, and it's not right. "Why would you even?!" He shrugs and I can't believe I'm actually managing to act so calmly now.
"You can think that I was lying. You can even ignore everything I said to you but if that dickhead hurts you Louis... I'm gonna punch him in the face so hard."
"Harry!"
"And I'll make my best to keep him apart from you" I want to be mad by his words. Maybe I really am but I can't show it. "Now let's go, you're probably freezing." He says and when he puts his arm around my shoulder to keep me closer to him, I don't protest. Let's pretend that he's doing it so I don't catch the rain.
We walk in silence till we reach the campus and walk inside. He closes the umbrella so I'm not feeling the warmth of his arms around my shoulders anymore. Somehow I miss it. I'm actually cold even wearing his jacket. He was really sweet, but it was the least he could do after all.
He gives me a look and I drop the gaze when our eyes meet. I'm still too mad. I start to walk but he holds my hand, almost as if he's stopping me but then he starts to walk and I see that all he wanted was to hold my hand. It's not as cold as mine, but it's not warm as well; but it's enough to warm mine.
We keep walking and with that I keep looking at the floor, with water dripping from my hair. Why didn't I pull his hand away and instead allowed him to interlace our fingers together? Our friendship was always so strange and now it's getting more.
He opens the door from our dorm to the side, finally dropping my hand, allowing me to step inside. "Better if you take a hot shower." he says, walking inside
"I don't want to" I shrug and my voice comes really low. I shouldn't be like this, I should be shouting at him, not talking to him, not being shy and let him holding my hand. He's going to think that I'm not mad.
"Go take it Louis, I don't want you ill."
"Harry I said I don't-" I start to protest but shut myself when I'm against the wall with Harry's hands holding my hips tightly. This is getting too familiar.
"Are you going to make me undress yourself and bath you?" He says too seriously and I give him a wide look while clenching my fists to hold myself not to punch him. But I think I want to punch him not for doing this but for making me feel like this.
"Don't do this" I raise my voice, as if before I was storing it, and push him away. He smirks, not even bothered and I sight. I grab my stuff and walk to the showers.
While I feel the warm water hitting my head I take advantage of the time to think. About everything and nothing to be honest. It makes me feel mad that it's now that I'm coming up with the answers and the right things to yell back at Harry, but it's too late now. I stayed quiet when what I should have done was saying all the things he deserved and something that would make him stop all of this. I don't even understand why I am feeling this way towards him. It's weird.
Otherwise, I'll just keep looking for you... Damn why did I feel so... good, hearing that?! It's so not right.
Then Bryan comes up in my head. I like him, I truly like him. And he likes me back. I was so happy during our date, Harry really ruined my mood.
Of course I don't believe in any of those things he told me but they are still playing on my mind. Bryan would never do a thing like that. If he kissed a boy, well maybe he was drunk, and that's tolerable, we're not dating. But then he cancelled our date because of a party? It can't be real.
I didn't lie okay? I would never do that to you. Don't you know me?! Do you know him better than you know me? Do you trust him more than you trust me? Well maybe I should just check that and ask him where he went that day. But that would sound creepy. It's something to consider then.
My mind make a click. Tomorrow I'm going to have breakfast with him. Should I cancel it? Wait, why? Because of Harry? No. But I'm sure if he gets to know about it we'll fight again. And what if he hits Bryan? And I'll make my best to keep him apart from you. Is he going to keep his word? I have a feeling that he will.
Shit. This is so frustrating, I need a good night of sleep and tomorrow I see what to do. Or maybe I should just stay in bed all day and run away from my problems. Oh but wait, yeah, the main problem sleeps in the same room as me.
When I end my shower and dress myself, I reach the dorm and I get to know that I stayed there for half an hour by the worst way. "Were you wanking?" Harry looks up from his laptop, which is placed above his legs, and raises his eyebrow.
"Jesus Christ Harry, seriously?" I roll my eyes and walk to my bed
"You took thirty minutes to take the quick bath you didn't want to." He jokes and I decide to ignore, laying on my bed and pulling the sheets on top of me. I let out a sight by how comfortable I am - the mattress is awful but I'm so tired that it feels great.
"Are you feeling all right?" he asks and he actually sounds concerned.
"I suppose" I'm not, but let’s pretend it's the weariness
"Hm. Do you want to-erm- Can I sleep with-"
I don't allow him to finish, since it would make me shiver just hearing him asking me that. "Better not." my voice sounds hoarse
"O-Okay." and his sounds sad
"Goodnight Lou. I'm sorry" I'm sure I hear him later on, but the sleep takes over me.
~*~
I think my phone is ringing but the sound stops on the second ring. I can't even understand what I'm hearing. I keep my eyes closed and snuggle even more on my pillow.
"He's sleeping" I hear, but I'm too sleepy to understand. I might be probably dreaming. "No he won't" the voice remains low but it sounds kinda mad and anxious. "I'm not going to wake him up." there is a pause "Don't expect me to allow it. You're not going to hurt him." I think the voice makes a pause but I don't hear it anymore. Probably stops.
I feel the sheets covering all my body now and the hair that was tickling my nose - but I was too lazy to pull away - is no longer annoying me.
I'm too comfy to get up and still not in this world so it's better if I just go back to sleep...