Evan
I lifelessly lay on my bed. It's been 6 fucking months and it still hurts like a bitch. My head running wild at night, all I ever dream of is Jonathan in my arms, but it feels more like a nightmare waking up and realising his gone forever.
I hear his voice a lot, telling me stay strong. I guess I'm going crazy. His adorable laugh and witty humour, I wish he was here with me right now. You don't know how much I'd give just to wake up to him starring at me with his sparkling blue eyes.
The group broke up, I don't know where they are. I just hope that they are safe and happier than I am.
I think about death a lot, if I take my life will I see Jonathan? Or is it all a myth? Yet I'd never actually do it. Why? Because I'm to much of a pussy to do anything! I'm useless now, there's no point in me living but I'm afraid of death.
Death haunts everyone until it gets bored and decides out of no where they die.
All I ever do is lay in bed and think of the big what if... I could of married Jonathan. I could of been happy. Why did he keep so many secrets from me! I could of saved him. I should of saved him. I should of told him... maybe then he would of told me and we all could avoid this depression. Unfortunately I can't turn back time and I have to face the fact his gone... and his not coming back.