I woke up startled, my breathing was heavy, sweat was dripping down my forehead. Steve instantly shot up beside me, his eyes frantically searching the room for any threats. Not seeing any, he turned to me, then he instantly saw the problem.
"Mo, are you okay?" he asked, his hand rubbing small circles on my back. Something that would normally calm me down, only making me more restless.
"You didn't see it," I told him, staring straight ahead, not looking at him. I couldn't believe anything anymore.
"What is it?" he asked me frantically, trying to get me to open up. His hands now holding my own, even though I was barely holding his. I could barely breathe, my hands were shaking as I tried getting out what I had seen. What happened.
"They..I.. I was in Hydra much longer than I-I.. thought.." I stuttered out. My hands shaking even worse now, I could feel my whole body grow rigid. As if I couldn't move, I was scared to move. If Steve hadn't been in the room with me I know I would have already smashed a hole in the wall, but I was trying my best to contain the anger and fear bubbling inside me. It was threatening to spill at any moment.
He grabbed my face into his hands, his strong and steady hands. Something I needed right now, when I felt anything but strong and steady. When I felt as if everything was crumbling all around me.
"What do you mean Morgan? Are you sure it wasn't just a dream?" he asked me, staring into my eyes. Everything seemed so far away now, I was in a whole other world. The happy bliss I had been feeling the past two weeks was nothing but a hoax, too good to be true.
"It wasn't a dream Steve, it was real. I have been getting memories back, slowly, from when Hydra wiped my mind, and they come at night. But I can aways tell the difference between them and dreams," I stated, now standing. I started pacing the room, trying to figure out what this meant for me. What this would mean to Steve. Would he still see me the same?
"For the most part the things I have seen haven't been major, nothing I hadn't been expecting. But this, what I just saw, it changes everything," I said, almost in a whisper. I was now staring straight at the wall, my hands no longer shaking. I was as still as a statue, contemplating whether I should just run and never look back. I was responsible for so much more than I ever knew.
"What is it?" Steve asked me, his own voice never faltering. I could see in his eyes how scared he was though. The reflection of my own insecurities staring back at me now.
"I'm scared Steve," I told him, my voice failing me as it cracked on the last word. Steve stood up, coming over to me, wrapping me tightly in his arms. He sat us both down in the chair we had in our room.
"You can tell me, whatever it is. I'm in this for better or for worse," Steve replied, staring deeply into my eyes. The truth behind the words he said is the only thing that made me say what I needed to. The only thing that gave me the strength to tell him what I learned. What was now my new reality.
"Well for starters I wasn't born in 1989," I told him, only looking at my hands now. Barely believing what I said, even though I knew it was all true.
His eyebrows knit together in confusion, "what do you mean?"
"I think I was born sometime in the 1940's, I'm still not sure about the exact date. It's still fuzzy to me," I told him, not sure I could handle continuing what I now knew. Not sure if I even wanted to say it out loud, knowing that would make it more real.
"How is that possible? SHIELD rescued you, what? Fifteen years ago now? You were sixteen when they rescued you," he told me, staring at me, more confused now. I wish he could just know, that I didn't have to say this all out loud. That it really was just a dream.
"I know and that's all true, I was sixteen in looks anyways. And I thought I was just sixteen, they wiped my memory. Only letting me know what they wanted me to know. But, you know the uh way they kept Bucky on ice, the way they kept him nearly the same age?" I asked him, trying to get this to make some sort of sense.
Steve nodded along, trying to follow what I was getting at. There was a realization in his eyes, as he understood what I meant.
"So, they captured me when I was ten, and they started the treatments as soon as I got there. Wanting to make their first ever mutant soldier, they were told at the time, in the forties I guess, that it had to be done on someone young. That the younger they were the more easily their genes would adapt to the mutated serum. Which we know isn't really true, look at Wanda," I said spilling everything out now. Not wanting to stop what I was saying. All the dots were connecting. "But, they didn't want me just sitting around, so they trained me. They trained me to become a weapon. At eleven I killed my first man and from there the training only became more intense. By the time I was thirteen, I was deadly. I could use any weapons they had and could take down half the base by myself. That's when they started freezing me whenever they needed to. They would keep me on ice for years at a time. Whenever I came out they would erase important information from my head, but not erasing everything they taught me. Then they let me out and age for three years, wanting me to look more mature. I can picture what the doctors were saying, how they wanted me to look more mature so I could seduce if need be. Then when I turned sixteen they used me out on the field more, using me and my powers for destruction. When I was sixteen, that was the year my powers finally started to work. The year they became successful. Then they froze me for many years, bringing me out only when they needed me to kill someone for them, but when SHIELD came in, fifteen years ago, Hydra knew we were under attack, wiped my brain, letting me think I just got my powers. Making me believe I really was born only sixteen years ago, not some time in the forties."
As I finished what I was saying, Steve only stared ahead not saying much, I couldn't read his face. The only thing stopping me from reading his mind was that I knew he wouldn't forgive me for that. I quickly wiped at the tears falling down my cheek, not wanting to seem weak.
"And, I-I think I knew Bucky more than I originally thought, I think we went out on the field together," I said to him, small pieces of the Winter Soldier weaved in and out of my memories. "They used me as some sort of sick weapon, something not even human."
Steve still didn't say anything, which was starting to scare me.
"But there's something else, something I don't know I can ever forgive myself for," I said to him, the tears welling in my eyes once more. There was much more fear in my voice than before, I didn't want to admit it out loud.
"What is it?" Steve asked me, concern etched into all of his features.
"I-I helped Bucky to, to uh murder the Starks," I said, my voice breaking on almost every single word. There wasn't much to say, there was only complete sadness.
"I knew this would ruin everything," I muttered, putting my face in my hands. "I'm sorry Steve, I understand if you want to leave."
His eyes then snapped to mine, coming out of his thoughts now. There was a fierceness in his eyes as he pulled my hands away from my face, staring at me.
"That's the last thing on my mind. I always knew you had a complicated past, and this doesn't change how I feel. It just means you and I are closer in age," he said seriously, standing to his feet once more. I could see his fist clenched by his side. "How can Hydra do this, not only to my best friend but my wife too? What they did to you is worse than I ever thought."
"I know Steve, I know," I muttered, feeling ashamed of my past even more than ever. I knew there were much more things I have done than I ever thought. The thought of it making me sick.
"Those bastards will pay one day I swear it," Steve said to me, standing on his knees in front of me, his hands on both sides of my face. He kissed my forehead as a tear slid down my cheek. "One thing is for sure, we will beat this, together."
"Together."
~A/N Okay everyone that is the end of the book. Please let me know what you thought. I have worked so hard on this book and really hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did.
Please leave me a vote or comment if you enjoyed it!
A big thank you for everyone who has followed this story, especially from the beginning. I appreciate every single one of you because I know you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing these two characters.
The fourth book will be out soon, so stay tuned for that. I just need to re-watch the movie and go from there. Although I already have tons of ideas for it.
Comment and tell me what you're favorite part of their relationship is!~