I beheld the lovely rosebower face,
that eye and lamp ... of all brightness,
That altar before which the soul prostrates,
... that gladness and place of security. "
- Mevlana RUMI
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The sun shone over the horizon depicting it's golden glow silently flowing the city with its bright bands.
The curtains were closed covering the room under its layers,allowing just a shade of saffron across the room
Hair clipped high ,discarded shawl around the chair and me ruining my once neat study, as I searched for my lost things under the huge pile of books.
I never find things when I need them !!.
"Api" Ameera emerged from the door
."hmm"
"can can we talk please?"she inquired reluctant
I gazed at her contemplating what to answer
"Ameera give me some more time please and than we will talk".I answered seeing her face fell but it seemed hard to dwell in the agony again
There was no I doubt I adored by baby sister but my trust was shattered rather harshly and I avoided every link going back to it although my curiosity at the sudden change of mummy provoked me to ask many times but my uncertainties always got better of me delaying the talk when ever I tried to initiate it.
"Umar Bhai will be coming today" she informed
" Oh Okay" I nodded as she left the room with my saddened heart of not listening to her defence.
Umar didn't return home after that night he assured my parents that he has some work and will be living in a hotel due to the distance .but I knew it wasn't the case
Nonetheless his high profile wasn't even affected a bit but grew even stronger in front of my parents not to mention when ever he comes he is treated no less than a Prince by carrying out his every demand by my mother and Ameera who are clearly on his side while Rayyan and baba are neutral .
It is far superior to my thinking that what he has done to be the middle of attraction for everyone,the minute he enters the house the calls from granny ,phuphee and some other relatives never seize making me question many unanswered thoughts
But what irritates me the most is his still smug attitude not being slight ashamed of his acts and being my mother's star.
He offends me by his chosen ways
"Rayyan where did you kept my stapler" I inquired searching on his desk.
"What stapler,whose stapler ,I am innocent" he answered dramatically
"Don't tell me you lost it."
"No no I promise you it's in this house" he nodded
"I didn't knew that! thank you"
"Today we will be going to sheikh zayed masjid "Rayyan sang changing the topic
"Wow really" I said surprised
I loved going there
"Yup Amir's family will be coming there to"he said with a mouthful making me cringe at him while he shamelessly grinned
"Hmm" I hummed thinking of different poosibiltues taking place
"I see you are in a good mood now so the hidden truth is your stapler is dead but don't worry I buried it deep inside the dustbin #Rip the pink stapler he was a good buddy" Rayyan spoke
"What were you doing with it" I huffed.
These small stationery items are the most extinct in our home when needed so I have made my personal box to have them when needed but they don't live long either
"I was just never mind" he smiled sheepishly
"Sneak into baba's office he doesn't say you anything" he shrugged devouring his cupcakes.
"Thank you for the advice and stay away from my fragile stationery" I said leaving his
"Caring is called sharing" he mused loud as I shook my head.
"Areesha come help me" mom called
"Mummy 2 mins"
"Here now !!"
"Coming"i mumbled hurrying down when I failed to see Umar emergimg from another side but it was to late to back out I instantly closed my eyes waiting for the dreaded impact only to receive a chuckle.I tardidly peeked through my tightly shut eyes and sighed in relief as I saw him grasping the railing to avoid any contact
"I knew there is attraction between us but I didn't knew it was this strong" he smirked as I shot him a glare taking a step back
"When you are attracted to someone you involuntary follow their habits like you have started glaring" He mocked as I heard Ameera's giggle from behind
I was going to glare at her to but stopped remembering his unjust claim
Forgetting that I was striding towards the kitchen I quietly went into my room but could clearly hear the conversation taking place between them.
"Are you sure she is your sister" Umar joked.
"Yes she is mine and only mine sister" she answered proud making my heart constrict as we didn't had the bond once we used to but I assured myself that I will hear her out before concluding anything further.
"Of course she is only your sister and only my wife to be" he said making me hold my forehead in weary
But his voice held so much confidence that for a second even I shivered at the thought of his claim being true.
****
Sheikh zayed mosque is one of the biggest in the U.A.E. consisting of 82 doms of different sizes,
It's gracefully built with elegant structures with capturing beauty of many precious stones that decorates it imported from all over the world layers of gold are also present on the gallery of fine art structures all around it.
The best thing is that every visit of mine to this masjid makes me feel spiritually awake is it the affect of the quran that is recited 24 hours here or that imam e kaba has visited it various times and the mosque is covered in a embrace of angels.No idea what it is but the feelings are indescribable.
Everything of this masjid has been created with a certain meaning for example it's covered with white and gold layers all around once asked was informed it's because jannah has two layers one of milk and other of honey.
There is a graveyard of sheikh zayed at one end of this masjid where quran is recited throughout the day and night without a pause.
He was indeed very kind and a very humble king of U.A.E. A nations great leader I would say.
May Allah bless him with jannah.Ameen
The hall was adorned with huge glass chandeliers with Crystal rims all around
It's wall held calligraphy and painted roses all around
Huge golden Crystal gates,with heavy structure welcomed into a fragrant room beautified with rows of countless quran shelf standing on the thick soft carpets of fine designing.
The masjid not only had historical beauty it also had an essence of mysticism filled with spirituality..
The fragrance of sandal the cool breeze, loud echos of Allah hu Akbar..
Silent wispers of dhikr and the beatings of a heart with constant duas filled the masjid with its unique elegance giving. A lesson that peace and solidarity is only found by praying to Allah with a pure heart and mind.
Alhumdulilah All praise for Allah..
I experienced something so beautiful that no matter how much I beautify my words to describe it yet it will not be enough..
in few words it can be said that I went on a beautiful journey filled with His rehma to bow down to him
Mumbling my last wish I recited darood sharief brushing my face with warm hands.
My eyes seeked for mummy but wasn't able to locate
recalling her instructions to appear at the lighted bridge when done I arose and strolled through the scent of bukhoor which enhanced my serene feelings.
Seeing the lit path which the lanterns covered outside placed on either side and a water lake to compliment it my thoughts wandered along the light recitation of the holy quran which could be heard admist the motion of gentle air
We usually visit the masjid every Ramadan for tarabeeh and being here just brought back those enchanting memories
"Areesha you are here!" Amir voiced standing in front
"Assalam o alikum" I said surprised to see him suddenly
"Apiii" Reema hugged
"Walalikum Asalam nice to see you here" he orated glancing excited Reema
"The Prince is here Ibrahim bowed" making me chuckle
"The imam will throw you out if he sees you "Reema scolded
"Than I will take you with me" he said proudly
"How have you been Reema" I inquired diverting the topic
"Alhumdulilah api and where is my partner ?"
"Yeah why are you alone here ?"Amir joined.
"I was heading towards them" I answered as Reema ran spotting Ameera Ibrahim hot on her heels
"A beautiful place to be" he orated looking at me
"Indeed" I smiled not knowing there was someone else witnessing our exchange with fury inside and out
"Let's go they must be waiting"
"Yeah" he said not moving
I frowned at his skeptical behavior and made my way towards them.
"Where were you?" Umar questioned standing besides mom
Such boldness
I glanced at mom as she instructed to stay quiet through her eyes
"Beta you shouldn't talk like that" mom warned
"I apologize aunty I was just worried it took her so long?"he said glaring at me
"I see you were worried ,she is here now,"mom smiled knowingly
mom don't take him positive
"meet humaira Areesha she was asking about you" she ushered going in the opposite direction
I stepped ahead only to be stopped by him
"You didn't answer my question!"
I sighed glancing the other way.
"You know his presence irks me than what was the meaning of chatting with him ?"he inquired
"And you were smiling" he gritted
"I wasn't smiling at him it was his words" I answered truthfully
"What was he saying" he narrowed his eyes inching closer.
"Step back bhai" Rayyan frowned coming beside me
"What's going on here? "He questioned
"We were discussing something" Umar answered bluntly
"Discussion can be done in many ways" Rayyan stated but Umar didn't moved an inch before anything could take place I urged Rayyan to come with me.while baba called umar
Giving me a warning look he left
"Areesha what was he saying"
"Nothing ray"
"You don't have to be polite to him just because he is our cousin" Rayyan remarked while I changed the topic brushing it off.
****
We were currently strolling the park chatting with each other while I felt utterly uneasy due to many things so I asked permission from baba and sneaked to the small hill near the lake.to clear my mind from the unending thoughts and misled feelings.
"Areesha !"Umar's voice brought me back from my serene thoughts
Not again.I panicked
"Hmm."
"Before you try to pull a running stunt I have asked permission" he added.
"Why?"I inquired
"Let me start from the beginning today and cut the act that you don't know I love you ."He stated
Why don't you understand
"Don't treat me like a stranger whenever you talk to me "he ordered
" I am tired of all this rubbish of waiting and trying I want to have a clear conversation."He glared
I stayed silent
"Tell me why ?why you keep ignoring me and act like you don't care"
"I don't act "I defended
"I want the reason for your refusal and it must be genuine or we will be getting married the very next month" he orated smoothly like he just delivered a heart warming speech.
I stared bewildered at his chosen words.
"There are many reasons!" I said.composing myself
"List them I am here to listen and Areesha I swear that if they aren't valid I won't compromise" he threatened making me stiffen.
"Why are you silent speak" he gazed intently in my eyes.
"Areesha speak" he enraged making me flinch
The dark night was yet to mark another line in the destiny deciding the matters as they both stood in front of each other not having the intention to back out today.
"You want to hear my reasons Umar than listen" I started confidently
"How can you assume a positive response when all you seem to think about is yourself
When I.have felt nothing but uncomfortable in your presence"
"THE time you sent the proposal and the very next day without any consideration you threatened me when I refused ".
"You know that was:-he started
But I cut him of
"Words breaks a women umar and anything said in anger for you it May be just a haze of moment but the words uttered at that time hurts the deepest.."my words lingered around the warm air as it engulfed us from all around
"Your acts has always indicated that how superior you're to me not that how i am important to you."I added slowly
"When for the first time you.conveyed that you
that You lo o ve me and the exact second day I heard you utter those same words to another person".I whispered
"How should I.believe than ?"I demanded
"If you were the first to Convey that than exactly you were the person who taught me that those are just mere words with no meanings and absolutely no feelings.Because you can throw them at anyone".I swallowed the sudden lump
"According to you if you have forgiven me that why the answer is still the same" he demanded
"You are just a trial I don't want to surpass".I murmured
"Trials don't give you choice Areesha you have to pass it no matter what!"
"I am getting a choice in this one"
"No you are just making your own way".He flared breathing hard
He was living a moment of perplexity.
Where he didn't knew whether he was losing himself or her
He didn't wanted to feel the anguish which his heart was enduring at the moment.
His heart assured him while his mind laughed at the interpretation of the heart
He tried to learn every detail contained in her glistening eyes maybe this was the last time he sees those.eyes because if he ever comes to know she has not remain his he will.never see her again
Because to him she was only and only his..
He didn't knew how to show love but he was ready to learn from her soft heart.Which seemed cold for him.
"This is the last time I will ask he started.
After this I won't" he whispered
"Will you marry me?"
His silence on my claims and doubts didn't helped but spoke volumes but the difference is against him.
I lifted my eyes slowly towards his intense ones only to look away at the same moment.
My dry mouth wasn't able to answer his question nor able to form words which felt heavy to come out.
Maybe his bruised ego and pride wont let him ask ever again
"You and I were never meant to be..as what you meant I never understood..and what I mean you will never understand because of your ego.."I said slowly
" I am afraid to place my heart in the hands of a person who can change anytime he wishes."
"I am sorry I am not that brave to handle heart breaks given by the person who contains my heart I am sorry."I whispered not looking at him as the serene silence fell around us
"just yes or no?"speak up
I remained silent
"I will await for your answer!"he breathed
"ALLAH hafiz."He said. Going
I stared at his retreating back not knowing that indeed it was his last day here
Maybe we will never meet again
That night felt the most heavy to Umar he felt something he has never before
He couldn't imagined he is so close to lose something he actually worked hard for.
He gazed at the dark sky portraying his exact life at the moment.
I never lose hope but why I can't fight with her rejection,
"She is too far away from my reach..
"his whisper echoed in the starless night .with deeming silence of hushed hearts
He had walked on a beautiful way filled with glimmering lights some lighted his dark life and others burned his eyes.
. The smile on your face
Lets me know that you need me.
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me." ~ Ronan Keating
This was a fake assurance he concluded.
He had been no doubt bounded between the line of money and power being the synonyms of each other but not being able to have her tells otherwise.
But the change was there in his presence couldn't she sense it.
My sincerity was now for her wasn't it enough .
One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.
****
" "Beta are you awake mummy" peeked through the door
"Yes mummy" I nodded hesitantly closing the.chronicle.
"I have to talk to you about something come sit here "she patted on the bed.
Confound I obliged her demand.
Taking my hand in hers see caressed my cheeks with the other longing clearly shown in those beautiful orbs as she smiled at my confused expression.
"Areesha I want my daughter to take another step in her life. It's time now to step a little ahead."she said
"Beta I want you to forget whatever scenarios happened regarding Umar" she sighed as I waited for her to continue afraid that she may know what occurred between us today .
"I know my daughter is capable of making a wise and fair decision,and that past events have affected you "
"What are you trying to say.Mummy?"I asked afraid of the direction the talk will take
"It's about Amir my dear"
"Amir ?"
"Humaira asked for your hand back in Pakistan but keeping your granny's demand ahead and my interest too. we didn't disclosed it because it would have only made you confused.
but your father had always favoured Amir's side from the first day
But it was because of majority of us being with Umar he had not considered him."she declared while I just stared at her not knowing what to say .
I did had a slight hint about Amir's feelings due to his words but I didn't had a clue about this
"humaira has shown interest again and I want you to do istikhara Amir is a great child without a doubt he would treat you like a princess you are I want you to consider him " mom asked expectantly
"You didn't asked me to do istikhara for Umar "I asked shocked at my own question but it was to late to back out.
"That's because your granny did so in the family it's a tradition but that doesn't mean I wasn't going to let you but circumstances didn't let it to reach that point."she said with a distant look
"Why were you umar's side.And not Amir's?"
"Amir is one amazing man but I guess from the day your granny suggested your bond with Umar when you were very young I have been seeing you only umar's wife" mom smiled making me avert my eyes
"Every mother wishes to See her daughter as a bride especially when she is grown and I wish the same but with your consent and happiness and I can see that in Amir's house there will be lots of it coming your way."
"I will do istikhara on the weekend" I whispered as mom kissed my forehead and than my cheeks with lots of Duas she retried to her room leaving me in a turmoil of my own thoughts.
Feelings and thoughts are hard match to make with a heart on one side making it difficult to bare.
An ascending blessing it is or a descending blessing he is .....
Perhaps my answer is
Assalam o alikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu.
Hands you scented tissues😢😢😢
,how many heart breaks.And how many smiles.
I won't ask how was the chapter but any thoughts regarding her decision.was she right or she should have given a chance to him.