TRES:
The Point of No Return
clara &
mattias
animo nabatubalani ang paa ni mattias sa lupa habang papalapit sa kanya si clara. hindi siya makagalaw. hindi siya makahinga nang maayos, masyadong mabilis ang pagtibok ng kanyang puso. nanghihina ang buong katawan niya. unti-unti siyang nawawalan ng lakas habang lumalapit sa kanya ang dalaga.
lito. gulat. tuwa. lungkot.
hindi niya alam kung anong uunahin sa nararamdaman. bakit nandito si clara? anong kailangan niya? nasan si gustavo? aalis na ba sila patungong maynila? tatapusin na ba niya ang koneksyon naming dalawa? sunod-sunod na lumilipad ang mga tanong sa kanyang isipan.
tumigil si clara sa paglalakad, ilang hakbang lang ang layo kay mattias. ngumiti ito nang katamtaman.
nilunok ni mattias ang nakabara sa kanyang lalamunan. gusto niyang maluha, nakita na naman niya ang ngiti ni clara. akala niya hindi na niya iyon masisilayan.
walang nakapagsalita sa kanila. masyadong nakatitig si mattias kay clara. napayuko ang dalaga, hindi kinakaya ang intensidad sa mata ni mattias.
clara: pwede kang makausap?
hindi sigurado si clara kung tama ba ang sinabi niya bilang paunang salita. kinakabahan siya. baka kasi itaboy siya ni mattias, hindi niya alam ang gagawin kung ganoon nga ang mangyari.
kung nakakapagsalita lamang ang emosyon, wala na silang problema ngayon. pareho ang salitang nakaukit sa kanilang labi at buong katawan, parehong natutuwa't kinakabahan sa muling pagkikita, ang katahimikan na namamagitan lamang ang tila nagpapalito sa kanilang dalawa.
mattias: bakit nandito ka?
tiningala ni clara ang mukha niya, matigas ang pagkakatanong ni mattias non, wala ring emosyon na makikita sa kanyang mukha.
gusto nang umatras ng mga paa ni clara. ayaw ng makarinig pa ng mga masasakit na salita mula rito pero pinatili niyang matatag ang loob. sasabihin niya ang lahat ngayon at kung hindi man siya nito tanggapin muli, ipapangako niya sa langit na kakalimutan na niya ang lalaki.
clara: noong huli tayong nagkausap, nasabi mo lahat ng nararamdaman mo ngunit ang sa'kin ay hindi. gusto ko lang malaman mo...
binitawan ni mattias ang hawak niyang itak saka umupo sa lamesang gawa sa kawayan sa tapat ng kanilang bahay. tinitigan niya si clara.
nanatiling nakatayo si clara, hindi alam ang gagawin. ayaw niyang may gawin at sabihing mali.
mattias: uh, upo ka.
mabilis na umupo si clara sa tabi niya. nagkadikit ang kanilang braso, umatras si mattias sa gulat.
nilingon siya ni clara. nakita nitong nanlalaki ang mata ni mattias, umusog siya at nag-iwan ng malaking espasyo sa kanilang pagitan.
gustong sabihin ni mattias na bumalik ito kung gaano siya kalapit kanina. ngunit pinigil niya ang sarili, baka hindi na pwedeng ganoon kalapit ngayong sila na ni gustavo.
sa pagkakataong 'yon, sigurado na si mattias na tama siya, si clara at gustavo ang para sa isa't isa. ang dalaga ay para sa iba at hindi sa kanya. sigurado na siya rito kahit wala pang nasasambit si clara.
nangangapa ng sasabihin si clara. sabay-sabay pumapasok sa kanyang isipan ang lahat ng salita, hindi niya alam kung anong uunahin.
clara: si gustavo ay kaibigan ko lang.
nangunot ang noo ni mattias. hindi ito ang inaasahan niya.
clara: ang sabi mo, kilala mo ako higit pa sa pagkakakilala ko sa akin.
tiningnan siya ni clara, diretso sa kanyang mata.
sumikip ang dibdib ni mattias nang makitang nagsusumamo ang mga mata ng babae. ayaw niya nito, ayaw niyang ganito ang sumasalamin sa mata ng dalaga. ang tangi niyang hiling ay kasiyahan para rito, bawat araw.
clara: tatlong taon. tatlong taon akong nasa iyo lang. sa tingin mo ba mananatili ako sa'yo nang ganoon katagal kung iba ang gusto ko?
nanunubig ang mata ni clara. nataranta si mattias, dali-dali niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ng babae, sinusubukang pigilan ang mga luha nito sa paglabas.
mattias: ssh...
hindi alam ni mattias na ang ginawa niya'y lalo lamang nagpaiyak kay clara.
tumulo ang isang luha sa pisngi niya. mas lalong nataranta si mattias, umabante siya papalapit sa dalaga.
mattias: ssh... huwag ka na umiyak.
hindi niya talaga alam. hindi niya alam ang epekto ng salita at haplos niya ngayon kay clara.
bumuhos lahat ng luha ng dalaga. sunod-sunod, ayaw paawat.
isa-isa ring inalis ni mattias ang mga 'yon sa mukha ni clara, parang kahit isang patak ay bawal manatili sa pisngi ng pinakamamahal niya.
mabilis na yumakap si clara kay mattias. hinigpitan niya ang kapit, takot na alisin ni mattias iyon.
clara: pasensya na kung hindi ako magaling sa salita. hindi ko maipaliwanag kina nanay kung bakit ikaw.
siniksik niya ang mukha sa dibdib ng lalaki.
clara: pero mahal kita. at sa iyo lamang ako pakakasal.
hindi alam ni clara na ang kanyang sinabi'y nagpagulo sa sistema ni mattias. sa ilang araw na wala ito sa kanyang tabi'y nawala ang gulo, at nawala rin si mattias.
hindi rin magaling si mattias sa salita. kahit siya hindi maipaliwanag kung paanong ang isang gulo ay nakapaghahatid ng katahimikan.
inayos niya ang pwesto ni clara, tinaas niya ang katawan ng dalaga para mahalikan ang ulunan nito.
mattias: kakausapin natin si mang kanor. papakasal na tayo.
_______________
yssa &
jin
she couldn't believe she's crying because of him. what happened inflicted pain more than she has expected.
she's hurt. she repeatedly assured herself that it's okay to cry, jin has been a good friend to her, of course she'd feel sad for a day. or maybe two. but this is her fourth day of crying.
it was not an ugly crying where she's sobbing loudly and incessantly. yssa isn't the kind of person who cries that way, she's not even the kind who cries over anything, at all.
fourth day. this was her fourth day of weeping silently on her pillow. her left cheek was pressed against the plain maroon colored cushion that looks darker now. she can feel it soaking from her tears.
she wanted to stop hurting because she shouldn't be miserable as much as she was right now. they were just friends. and friends sometimes drifted apart and it should be all right, she should accept it, move on and continue living her life. but whenever yssa remembers jin, what they had shared, how much fun they were in together, her salty tears wouldn't stop from coming down like a broken faucet.
she has tried talking to it—her tears—begging them to stop streaming. her face up, she blinked several times in attempt of bringing her tears back inside her orbs, mumbling please please stop coming down.
am i inlove to him? nang hindi ko alam? she asked frustratedly.
it's the sole possible answer why she's hurting too much. why she's feeling too much.
is it really possible to not notice you are falling in love? and you would only know it once it's too late?
she didn't know the answer because this is the first time she felt this... whatever you call it.
is this even love? or i just miss him? or missing him comes in the package of loving?
she screamed through her pillow. she is frustrated. she is tired from crying, her throat felt dry, her eyes were red and puffy and burning.
but above it all was the urge to call jin and cry to him until he comes and hug her.
her grip on her other pillow tightened, imagining it as jin's body. she wants to feel his arms around her.
fuck, she cursed. realizing she is smitten and she wants him badly right now.
«»
jin...
jin's brows furrowed as he read a text message from yssa. he can feel his heart beating fast and loud just because of a text message. he chuckled mockingly to himself. just a text and his heart would go crazy. what a mess he was, loving her more when she's angry and away from him. what a mess.
another text came in. his heart pounded faster and louder when he saw it's from her once again. his fingers moved rapidly to open the message.
i am yssa kiara gomez,
born on 1997
his frown narrowed further, slighty hurting his head. is she drunk? jin knew she drinks occasionally but she doesn't usually take shots to the point of drunkness.
he tried to compose a reply but he couldn't think of any. his mind is blank, he couldn't even think of any words, it was like the letters and words jumped out of his head, he got no words to say now.
his phone buzzed again.
shit shit shit. what is happening? he asked internally.
i was born on 1997
and im sude i never felt thdbway becore
jin shook his head. this girl is drunk and it's her first time. that's why she's texting me, jin sighed at that thought.
are you drunk?
i rwad romanve noveks
and i think k know whats happening to me. this might shock uou but fuck
i tjknk i like uou and i dont know
im typing wjatever comes kn my mind
im crying and i need you
i wany you here
with me
im just saying that i need a hug
pls
jin's heartbeat was impossibly beating at its full speed. he read the line again and again.
i tjknk i like uou.
"oh, shit," he muttered as he ran his right palm over his face. he couldn't believe his eyes.
is that for me or is it for someone else?
he knew he's ready to kill if it's for another guy.
but she said 'jin' in her first text
he felt euphoric at that moment. one moment he's grinning, then he's puffing air out of his chest, then he's covering his mouth as he reads her text again, eyes glinting from happiness.
six days of not hearing anything from her. six days of keeping up with the gnawing pain inside of him. six days of dying slowly day after day, and now, he has never felt more alive.
no, im noy drunk
iys just the tears
they wont let me type properly
im calling you now
his hands were trembling as he dialed her number. heart beating erratically, he pinched his lower lip. even when he did that, the wide smile on his face was still visible.
his whole body was shaking; her voice too, as she said...
hello?