"Are you sure you're alright, Jer? You don't feel strange? Sick, maybe." I pressed the back of my hand against his forehead. It was warm. "I think you should go back to the hospital. Have some tests done."
"Chill, Lils. I'm fine." He stressed, swatting me away and waved the X-box controller in my face. "Totally alive."
I smacked him up-side the head. "Stop brushing this off, Jeremy – You died! You were dead."
- Flashback: 12 hours ago -
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" I cried. Damon's arms circled me close to his chest, and just held me. "No . . ."
"I'm so sorry, Lillie. We tried everything we could." Meredith's voice grated against something inside me. It yanked on one of the tender nerves, exposed with the news. "He's gone."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "No. He's not. Keep trying."
Elena squeezed my arm. I looked at her, tears glittered in her eyes, a reflection of my own. "There's nothing more they can do, Lillie."
I turned my gaze up to Damon. "Our blood. That can save him, right?"
His face crumpled and he slowly shook his head. "It doesn't work that way"
"We could try, though, right. I could give him my blood and then Meredith could try to bring him back again. As long as the blood is in his system."
The room fell quiet and I could sense them all staring at me, even Elena. "Lillie. . . " Caroline's voice trailed off.
"You're giving up," I stated in realisation. Pulling away from Damon I looked to Elena. "On our brother?"
She shook her head. "It's not like that."
"He drowned, he can be resuscitated. They just have to try"
"He's gone, Lillie," her lips trembled. "Jeremy's dead. I'm sorry."
"This is your fault! Everything has always been your fault, Elena."
Everyone quickly jumped to Elena's defence, telling me to 'wait a minute,' and 'hang one.' But I kept my bloodshot eyes trained on her. My brother was dead because of her. "It was your blood that allowed Ester to turn Ric into a killer. It's because it was you that Ester wanted to hurt you – us, when she linked Vampire Ric's life with Jeremy's. You were in that car with him. You went off that bridge too – why did he die? Why couldn't it have been you?"
I could hear the beeping of machinery in other rooms, chatter of patients and doctors, but not a word was uttered in this room. My words hung heavily in the air, and I could see them stabbing Elena, burying themselves deep in her defence.
I could taste the salt form the endless trail of tears and I swiped at my cheeks with the sleeves of my jumper. "He would have never been on that bridge, had everyone not gone to save you from Klaus and then tried to kill him. I'm sorry but have none of you learnt anything in the last year? Klaus can't be killed. The longer you hold on to this, the more people are going to die. This time it was my baby brother and none of you seem to want to do anything about it.
Stefan stepped forward from his place beside Caroline. "Lillie," he said, sadly. "it's my fault and I'm so sorry. I went back for him as fast as I could-"
"I don't want to know," I interrupted. I sniffled and wrapped my arms protectively around myself. "I can't do this. I-" Meredith's pager started beeping. I shook my head and backed away from everyone.
"Oh my god," Meredith breathed. Her gaze was stunned as she looked closer to the pager. "It's your brother."
"I-I need to see him."
She rushed out the door, and I wasn't far from her tail.
When we walked into the room, my heart steeled over, constricting all possible ways for it to beat. I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Jeremy?" I breathed, wateringly.
He turned around to face us and despite the large bleeding wound on his forehead he looked perfectly fine. Alive and breathing.
"Lillie!" He leapt off the examining table and wrapped his arms around me. I stood frozen, unsure what the hell was happening. Just a second ago he was dead. Really dead. And now I was hugging him like nothing had happened.
He squeezed me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm so glad you're okay. Your phone call had us worrying sick."
Slowly I pulled away and really looked at him. "Jeremy," I started cautiously. "How are you feeling?" I wiped away all the stray tears.
"Fine, my head hurts, but I feel good. I'm actually suddenly full of energy"
"You were dead. . . " I trailed off. My eyes wandered over him.
He smiled tenderly. "I love you."
- Present day-
He paused the game. "I know that. And I know that what I put you and Elena through wasn't great. And I know that you care. But honestly, I'm fine, Lillie."
I collapsed heavily into the couch next to him and sighed. "I'm sure that's true, but I can't help but worry. You were dead for hours. You weren't supposed to wake up."
He frowned. "How are Stefan and Damon coming along with that by the way?"
"Not good," I said. "They've found nothing. Not one bit of information to explain how you were bought back to life."
"There has to be something."
"Yeah, somewhere," I said snidely.
"You gotta be patient. It's only been a couple of hours."
"Still," I snatched a games controller off the table and signed into my account before resuming Jeremy's game. My character spawned beside his. "There are so many unknown variables that it makes me uncomfortable not knowing the truth. What if Ester did it when she linked your life to Ric's?"
Jeremy's character snuck up behind me and shot me in the head. "If that's the case and she really did do some witchy stuff to resurrect me, I'm not anymore grateful than I was. I've died before and both times sucked."
I respawned and glanced at Jeremy's side of the screen. cheating to find his character first. "I wish you didn't have to go through that."
"Let me guess," he groaned. "You wish you were there too."
I agreed. "It natural as your sister, Jeremy to want to have been there to try and prevent your death."
"A death I lived through," he pointed out.
"Barely."
Jeremy's character appeared in my screen, taking cover behind a blown-up barn. I aimed my gun and let loose on the bullets. He died. Then a few seconds later he respawned. "See," he pointed to the screen. "I'm like that guy. Kill me and someone, somewhere will find a way to bring me back."
"Until they decide to quit." I pressed the TV's power button and the screen went black. "Dead forever."
"You're over reacting," he said, rolling his eyes.
"And you're underreacting!" I angrily exclaimed. "You've died so many time, Jeremy. You need to stop relying on the hope that you're going to be bought back. Eventually there won't be a way.
"You're alive and I get that. I know you're joking around because you got to live, but stop being so naive. Stop throwing yourself into danger. I don't want to keep being told by someone that you've died."
"Sorry," he said. "but you should be used to it by now. I don't think there's one person that you know that hasn't died yet."
"Stop skirting 'round-" Jeremy's phone rang and he picked it up.
"What do you want, Damon?"
I rolled my eyes and tossed the games controller back on to the coffee table. I listened in carefully.
"Are you still at home?"
"Yeah," Jeremy looked at me out the corner of his eyes. "My bodyguard won't let me leave."
"So Lillie's alright?"
I frowned and sat up straight. Jeremy's brows pulled in tight. "Why do you ask? She's fine. What's wrong?"
"Give your sister the phone. She's been ignoring my calls."
Damon sounded exhausted and stressed. It was true, I had been ignoring all of his calls, but that was only because I was too afraid to face him. Everything that happened in the last day or so left me feeling confused about everything. He saved me from Ric. Once again put his life on the line to protect me. I can't just ignore that. And then when I got the news of Jeremy's death, he was the first person to give me comfort.
I hated him for making me feel unsure about everything. I hated him because I knew I still loved him.
I accepted the phone. "What's got your panties in a twist?" I tried to express normality. Maybe we could start over. From the beginning. Ignore the wrongs we have both done and act normal.
"Several things actually, but let's not bore you." He sounded focused, determined and slightly anxious. "It seems we've hit a slight problem."
And that slight problem was Pastor Young. He was now suddenly a Vampire Hater and had kidnapped Stefan and Rebekah and Elena. Although he wasn't so much as keeping Elena held back like he had been the vampires, apparently it was for 'safe keeping.' It's what our parents would have wanted for her. To be protected. Blah blah blah. A lot of horse crap if you ask me.
But Damon rounded up this huge grand scheme that worked – at the expense of poor Matt's blood. I didn't agree with the way he went about it but he didn't kill him and he did manage to do the rescuing – but once again, I was excluded the said plan.
All thoughts of possibly trying to fix our relationship flew straight out the window when Damon glared at me and put me under Jeremy's watch. Again, I was thrown to the side because I was considered weak. What more do I have to achieve to be looked at as an equal? I couldn't look at Damon after that. When he bought Elena home I blanked him.
"Lillie?"
"What Elena?" I poured myself a hot cup of coffee and sat at the middle isle.
"How's Jeremy doing?" She asked, taking a seat beside me. I looked over at Jeremy sat once again on the sofa playing some stupid army game.
"Well, he's not dead," I replied.
"That's good."
It fell silent. We both sat there drinking our coffee's, watching our baby brother shoot virtual people.
"Thank you for looking after him today. I know you wanted to go with Damon."
"I did not want to go anywhere with Damon. He's an ass."
"That's not what he said."
"And what did the old man say, Elena? No doubt a bunch more lies."
"He's just as upset with your situation as you are."
I laughed. "Sure he is."
"Haven't you learnt anything with Damon yet? He won't always show you how he feels. It stops him from getting hurt."
"But it's alright to hurt other people in the process?"
Elena sighed, and put her hand over mine. "You're just as guilty of that as he is, Lillie."
I pulled away and stood up. I took my half empty mug over to the sink. "Why are you getting involved with this? It's none of your business."
"He's my friend-"
"Don't care. Butt out, Elena. I'll only tell you that once."
She stood up. "I'm just trying to help."
"You don't help anyone, Elena. It's always everyone else helping you."
Elena took my words to heart and I could hear her last night, complaining to Caroline and Bonnie about me. I didn't care. She deserved what I had said. Although I could have been more conscious of the fact that only hours before had she been kidnapped, but I can't always tiptoe around the truth with her. She's a damsel in distress. It's always her that needs to be rescued and I'm sick and tired of having to humour that.
As it turns out, Pastor young committed suicide/murder; blowing up the young farm with a whole council of people inside. Although everyone made it their business to ask me whether I had done it to get back at Damon. Like I was that pathetic. . .
The next couple of days passed by quickly. Nothing much happened. I was kept on Jeremy watch whilst everyone else got to run around Mystic Falls free. I don't resent babying Jeremy at all. It was nice to spend a lot of time just the two of us doing human things. Although that meant that I was almost bored to death with stupid video games. Doesn't he have anything better to do with his time? He did just come back to life and all.
Elena and I, once again, managed to stay out of each other's way until this morning.
"Are you coming along with us?" She poked her head into my room, adjusting a small earring.
"Where?" I looked her over, and frowned. "You going to a funeral or something?"
"Yeah," she said. "Now one told you?"
"Whose is it?"
"Pastor Young."
I laughed. "You're going to the guy who kidnapped you's funeral?"
She rolled her eyes. "No. I'm going to the guy I grew up knowing's funeral. The one whose daughter I used to babysit."
"Count me out." I said. I drifted over to my wardrobe and sifted through everything. "Funerals bore me."
"Everyone else is going," she said. "Why don't you join us?"
"Because I'm not on speaking terms with everyone. I thought you were included in that."
"You won't have to be anywhere near Damon-"
"Why would you assume my problem is with Dam- "
"It's always with Damon."
"Look," I turned to her. "I'm not going to some shitty funeral just to be forced to see my childish ex-boyfriend."
I thought over it a lot the last couple of days, the whole Damon situation, and came to the realisation that there's nothing to fix anymore. Damon obviously doesn't want to sort it out so why should I?
"You're both being childish, Lillie." She sighed exasperatedly, with a disappointing shake of her head.
"Sometimes there are things you just can't shake."
The Next Day
"I cannot believe I got talked into this!"
"We've all got the same problem, Lillie, it's not just about you," Rebekah snapped, although you could hear the pain in her voice. Rebekah and I were sat on the kitchen floor in her house. I didn't even want to go to this stupid party, especially one hosted by Rebekah. But somehow, I got talked into it, and now I'm sat here, poisoned.
"Actually, it's just you and me," I pointed out.
"Sadly."
"Look," I snapped. "I'm as happy to be here as you are to have me. At least you'll heal from this. I have to wait for your stupid brother to decide whether or not my life is worth saving."
"I couldn't find him," Stefan announced walking into the room. "He's not answering my calls."
"Well you did steal his family. He doesn't like you too much anymore."
"I think we should get you home," Stefan said and without my consent scooped me up into his arms.
"I don't want to go home," I whined weakly, burying my face into his neck. "Elena and Jeremy will just worry about me."
I could feel each step Stefan took as I clung to him tightly. I wasn't too pleased about being carried but I knew that with the werewolf venom swimming in my veins I wouldn't have made it very far on my own two feet. And feeling Stefan here with me was comforting. I hadn't yet allowed myself to think about what this really meant for me because I already know that outcome. I'm going to die tonight. This was it for me, all because Stefan felt like I needed to let loose a little bit and party. Why are the responsible ones suddenly acting like me?
"Can you take me home with you?" I whispered. I rested my heavy head against his shoulder, looking up at him with my wide eyes. They stung, like the feeling you get before you cried and I had to keep blinking just to sooth them. But I couldn't not look at him.
He gently placed me in the passenger side of his car and sped around to the driver's side and took off, passing the speed limit by almost double. And yet, as he drove I just stared. I had noticed it before and hated myself for it then, but Stefan was gorgeous. I could see the familiar resemblance to Damon but there were also huge differences – like the eyes. I adored Damon's, the icy blue of his iris' was stunning, breath-taking and I remember wanting to just spend ages staring into them but Stefan's were darker. A murky green that hid so much. So many secrets, so much pain. They were unreadable and gave next to nothing away. He was a mystery, and as much as Damon would like to think he was unpredictable he wasn't. Stefan was mystifying, I couldn't predict what he was going to do. When it comes to his loved one he can be cruel to the offender, cynical, evil. But when he's not, he's the gentlest human being I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.
He glanced at me and gently grabbed my clammy hand in his. "How are you feeling?" I didn't know how to answer that because just moments ago, just watching him, I hadn't noticed the discomfort, the pain that was beginning to evade my body. I was numb to it.
"I'm okay," I rasped. My voice sounded like I had already died, it was sharp and harsh even with the whispery tone.
Stefan squeezed my hand. "You don't have to pretend."
"I'm not," I lied. "I feel fine. I could probably just sleep this off."
"Don't go to sleep," he warned. "Not yet. We need to get you home and then track Klaus down."
"Like he's going to help me. He's not exactly our biggest fan, Stefan. You need to think about this logically."
"You're not going to die. I didn't let Damon die, I'm not going to let you die either."
"Why? You feeling guilty? I mean, you did drag me to Rebekah's stupid party, even though you knew there was a hunter in town. And I really didn't want to go."
"I'm sorry," Stefan dropped my hand and gripped the steering tightly, "I should never have taken you there."
"I was joking, Stefan," I said. Weakly I reached over and flicked it. It hurt me a hell of lot more than it did him and my fingers tingled violently as a result. "It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."
He took my hand once again, this time his fingers moving to rub over the one I had used to flick him with, soothingly. "Well, it's hardly your fault."
"Not something you'd expect, is it?" I joked.
Stefan didn't look impressed with me. He shook his head and sighed. "You need to stop doing this, Lillie. It's not healthy."
"What's not?" I questioned.
"Brushing off the fact that you're going to die."
My heart stuttered. The truth slashed through me at having been said by someone else. I could think it. I wasn't completely oblivious to the fact that it was killing me but hearing Stefan off all people, tell me that I'm dying – well, it hurt. A flash of fear shot through me
"I thought you said you wouldn't let that happen?" I whimpered. My eyes continued to burn but it had changed, I now knew that I was trying not to cry. This shouldn't be affecting me as it was. I had already been killed before, several times technically, but this felt permanent.
The car pulled up in front of the Salvatore Boarding house. Stefan cut the engine and then twisted around in the seat to face me. He pushed my fringe out of my eyes. "I won't let you die, okay? I promise."
I corner of my lips tugged up just a fraction, enough to give Stefan a little smile. "I believe you."
Stefan carried me inside carefully. I tried to hold on to him but my arms felt like jelly; weak and pathetic. It with the same with virtually my entire body. I'd lost all my strength, and during the car ride I could feel it draining away from me. I barely even had the strength to keep conscious. I just wanted to sleep. I'm so tired.
"What happened?" Damon's voice said from somewhere in the room.
Stefan's chest rumbled as he replied, "Werewolf venom."
"She was bitten? By who?"
I was put down moments later on the bed. It smelt different to Damon's room, so I could only assume it was Stefan's. The bed sunk down under my weight and curled around my body, supportively.
"Stefan, what happened?"
Fingers gently brushed hair out of my face. I wanted to open my eyes to look at them, but my lids felt oh so heavy, just trying to bring forth the energy to do so hurt.
"Downstairs, Damon. She needs to rest."
"Where's Klaus? This is going to kill her."
The bed let up as Stefan, I assume, stood up.
"Now, Damon."
I heard their footsteps leave. The door didn't close and I was thankful for that. I could still hear their mutterings and it helped ease the pain and discomfort to know that they were still there. I don't want to be alone.
I don't want to die.
"How long has she been like that?" I heard Damon demand.
"A couple of hours. I can't get a hold of Klaus and I'm running out of options. She's getting worse."
"She looks like she could drop off any moment, Stefan."
"You think I don't see that? What do you suggest then? What's your plan? Because you've not shown once recently that you even care."
Something smashed. Someone growled. "Don't talk to me about caring, Stefan. You know nothing about her. Leave it to me, I'll find him and I'll save her."
The front door slammed shut and my body tensed. Why can't Damon ever talk to me about these kinds of things? Why doesn't he show me he cares?
"Lillie, can you hear me?" Stefan asked.
I groaned.
"Good, I need you to stay awake for me. Damon's gone to try and track down Klaus. You've just got to hold on for a little longer and you'll be fine. Can you sit up? I've got you a blood bag, you need to eat something." His hands gently grasped my arms and moved me so that I was sitting with my back leant up against the bed's headboard. He sat down behind me to support my weight, one of his arms wrapped around my waist and the other held out the blood bag for me. "Think you can manage?"
I weakly nodded and slowly took it into my own hands. It felt heavy and bringing it up to my mouth was a struggle but once it was close enough, I tore into it and guzzled the contents down fast. I didn't care about the mess I was making to myself or Stefan's bed – I'm just too hungry.
"That's going to help you a little." Once it was drained he asked, "are you still hungry?"
"Yeah," I croaked. "Starving."
He manoeuvred out from behind me and took the empty sashay from my hand. "I'll get you another."
I looked up at him to thank him but the words died. He was no longer Stefan. Elena stood there in his place, dressed in old fashioned clothing. Something I remember seeing from the eighteenth century. Hands held delicately behind her back.
"Are you ready, sister?" She smiled. "Company awaits."
"W-what?" I just stared, what more was there for me to do. "You can't be here. You need to go home."
She cocked her head to the side and spun around on her heels. "Do you not like my dress? Yours is just next door." She then stopped and her face fell. "Lillie," she said.
"Lillie are you alright?"
I shook my head and pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes, trying to rub away the soreness.
Although when I looked up this time Stefan was back, standing just where Elena had. His brows were pulled in tight and he still had a hold of the empty blood bag.
He crouched down in front of me. "Are you okay?"
"Where did she go?" I whispered. "Where's Elena gone?"
"Elena?" He shook his head. "Elena was never here."
I pointed to the place she had been. "She was stood right there. She asked if I was 'ready'."
Stefan sighed heavily and move to cup my face. "You're hallucinating, Lillie. You're seeing things that aren't there."
"What did she want with me? She wanted to take me somewhere, she sounded so different. Is she okay?" I couldn't drag my eyes away from the spot. Where did she go?
He forcefully moved my face and made me look at him. "Was it Elena or Katherine?"
My vision was blurry and I shook my head. "I-I-"
"It's okay. You're just seeing things. You're going to be alright."
"Am I? I don't feel good, Stefan. I want to go home." I could stop it any longer. And I cried.
"Well, isn't this a moving sight." Klaus' distinct voice rang out.
I pulled away from Stefan and we both looked at him. Klaus waltzed into the room with a smug smirk and Damon lingered in the doorway. He was already watching me. I smiled. Or I tried to. He nodded and left. That was it.
"Are you going to heal me?" I asked quietly.
"Do you think you deserve it?"
"Does it matter?"
"Of course it matters, Lillie. Do you want to be healed?"
Yes. Of course, I did. But I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I could tell them the truth that as much as I like living I would accept my death if it was handed to me with a definite ending, or, I could just say 'yes'. I was afraid though that Klaus was just fucking with me. I'd tell him I want to live and he'll say 'well, tough luck' and let me die.
"That's not up for discussion, Klaus. Heal her." Stefan said.
There Stefan goes again, always coming to my defence. What did I even do to deserve someone like him? That is something that needs to be questioned. He should hate me. A lot of people should hate me. So why doesn't he. He protects me like nothing else, he defends me – even when I don't need it. And I do nothing but throw it all back in his face over and over and over again. Why hasn't he finished with me yet?
"I want her to tell me too. It's her choice to make."
"Have you healed Rebekah?" I asked.
"If she hadn't been so stubborn I would have," he replied.
"She's hurting Klaus. Don't let her suffer."
He rolled his eyes. "I left my blood with her, it's her choice – just like it is with you- whether she takes it."
My gaze dropped to the bed covers and shakily I pulled my hair out of my face. "I don't want to die," I whispered. "I don't want to die."
Klaus was good on his word and within the hour I was feeling back to my normal self, or near enough. I was just hungry – starving. Stefan had gone out to get some more blood bags for me and Damon was down stairs. I wanted to go and talk to him but I stayed in Stefan's room, curled beneath the covers, comforted and safe.
The small piece of paper felt heavy in my hand, it burned with branding pain that maybe my life wasn't worth this.
I let my eyes run over the words once more before shoving it deep into my pocket. No one can see this. No one can know.
'Now you owe me.'