*three months later*
mynameisbef: three months today, I miss you💙👼🏻
I sighed and threw the phone on my bed.
The last three months had really changed me. Harry wasn't around lots since he was with his family of course and the last time we properly spoke was at Josh's funeral back in February. It was April now.
I spent much more time with Ethan because I was scared out of my mind that the same would happen to my brother. He seemed to be the only one keeping me sane around here.
Pulling open my MacBook lid, I clicked shuffle on my Spotify playlist and flicked through some twitter mentions.
There were the usual edits and normal things.
I spent around an hour tweeting people back and the fandom was going crazy.
After a while, I ordered pizza and lay back into my bed. My life was officially sadder than ever.
Sighing, I retreated to my loft and put on Gossip Girl for the thousandth time while looking through Instagram.
Literally.
Nothing.
OH SHIT! I forget to ask the boys if they want pizza too!
Quickly, I canceled the order and ran downstairs into the hall. I was only wearing some tiny Adidas shorts and Harry's jumper but I didn't really care; it's only the boys.
"Anyone want Dominos?" I shouted.
"Pepperoni, please" Simon shouted.
"BBQ!" Tobi called.
"Eth, you want mozzarella sticks?" I shouted once again.
"Yup!" My brother screamed.
I laughed and ran back up to my room, ordering the Dominos once again.
*lil time skip*
The doorbell rang and I ran downstairs. I grabbed the boxes off the boy and paid him. Smiling, I shut the door.
I delivered Simon, Josh and Eth their orders before heading to my room with my own pizza.
The smell of it wafted up my nose and I smiled before digging into it. I devoured the whole thing as I checked Instagram to see a picture on Harry's account.
wroetoshaw: last night x @ Guernsey
He was with a few boys but one girl was there and she stood out to me. Katie.
I clicked onto her account through the tag and looked through her posts. She was really pretty, super pretty. There were a few pictures of her and Harry on there. I couldn't tell what this feeling was in my stomach but I didn't like it.
God, I need to stop. He's not even my boyfriend.
I'm underage.
I shut my laptop tightly and my mind wandered to video ideas. After a while, I decided on a pack opening and I might do a cover.
The pack was shit, like everything else in my life.
I screamed before shoving my face into my pillows.
Why was everything so hard since Josh died?
I gulped before opening my laptop and pressing shuffle on my sad playlist as always. Head in my hands, I soaked up the music deeply.
This was the only thing that kept me sane.
My mouth followed along to the words of the Ed Sheeran song playing. Obviously, it reminded me of him.
Harry.
I grabbed my camera and propped up on my bedside table, turning it on.
Turning off the song, I continued to belt out the lyrics.
WHEN SALTED TEARS WON'T DRY
I'LL WIPE MY SHIRTSLEEVES UNDER YOUR EYES
My eyes squeezed shut tightly and a flash black flooded into my mind.
"SO YOU'LL MOVE IN WITH US?" Harry shouted as he walked over to me as Ethan released me. He took his sweater sleeves and wiped under my eyes.
"YES," I shouted back into his face. His face lit up and he hugged me. My arms wrapped around his neck as his went my waist to embrace me.
As we pulled apart, my eyes flickered onto his and his gaze went onto my lips. I jerked myself away and lost his grip which I really didn't want to. But I knew it was for the best.
I sang louder, shoving the memory to the back of my mind.
The song ended and breathed deeply.
That managed to get my feelings out.
*lil time skip*
I had spent the rest of the afternoon editing my videos and I decided to just post both of them.
mynameisbef: TWO NEW VIDEOS! WORLD'S WORSE PACK OPENING AND SHIRTSLEEVES BY ED SHEERAN-UNPLUGGED www.youtube.com/mynameisbef
I grinned at the replies and comments. It was the reason that I was happy now. After replying, I went downstairs to watch TV with Freya.
"What do you want to watch, B?" She asked, flicking through Netflix.
"NEW DRAG RACE OH MY GOD" I squealed, grabbing the remote from her hands.
"What's RuPaul's Drag Race?" Freya asked as I looked through the episodes of Season 7.
"Literally, it's the best show in the world. These drag queens compete to be the next drag superstar!" I laughed.
"Why have I watched this?" Freya giggled loudly.
I put the first episode of and the theme tune started to play. Jumping up, I started singing along.
"RuPaul's Drag Race! Start your engines!" I squealed as I stood on the sofa. Freya laughs loudly and got out her phone, videoing me.
"May the best woman! Best woman win!" I screamed jumping down. I burst out laughing and Freya squealed.
We watched the episode and I fangirled so hard over the drag queen. They all slayed my life so hard.
"We just uploaded the video you wanted, Beth!" Josh shouted.
"The one with Joe?!" I yelled.
"Yep!" Simon screamed.
"Yeah booooooooooooy" I mocked before running upstairs to my room and putting on Cards Against Humanity.
I heard Joe speak and I gasped. The boys knew I had been waiting for this as long as the fandom had. All I wanted in life was a fucking guest on Cards Against Humanity.
The video was hilarious and all the digs at Zoe made me cringe so hard. It ended quickly though and I was already thinking about who could go on it next.
Oh shit!
I know.
WillNE!
I don't really know him and he's lowkey my most favourite YouTuber.
Oh well, only Twitter will tell.
mynameisbef: Petition for @Will__NE to be the next guest on Sidemen Cards Against Humanity x
2,509 retweets 3,456 likes
The tweet banged almost instantly! Then a certain notice shone out to me.
Will__NE: Whatever little miss behzinga wants, she gets mate x RT mynameisbef: Petition for @Will__NE to be the next guest on Sidemen Cards Against Humanity x
mynameisbef: @Will_NE slide into my dms x
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I'm ill guys so I might update another book today. :)
Thank you guys so much for the support on the last chapter, it's just my anxiety is really getting the better of me recently and I wanted to give an explanation for why I wasn't updating as much as usual anymore. I love you all so much.
Mental illness is a horrible thing and I'd never wish it on anyone.
But it's me!
Beth x
P.S face reveal at soon ;)