Nikki's point of view;
"Feel loved?" He answers almost scared. "Yes. Feel loved. I want to be happy. I want to feel desired, wanted, needed. I just want someone to need me in their life."
His bright eyes are almost too shiny for me to look at. "I can't do that." He replies. Do you ever say something really stupid and horribly regret it? That's what I'm feeling right now.
He must've realized my pain expression because he quickly starts talking. "I can't because you won't let me. Nicole, I want you, I desire you, I need you in my life. I just don't know how to get to you. I don't know what to do to get to your heart. You won't let me in."
"Just forget it. Okay? I'm really tired. I need some sleep." I get up and he gets up too stepping in front of me. "See what I mean? Why're you so scared?"
"I'm not scared." I say stepping to the right. He follows my step and I suddenly start feeling intimidated. "Seth, please I want to leave."
"No. Not until you hear what I have to say." He doesn't sound mad but something about his tone makes me shiver.
"Move!" I scream. He doesn't move and I groan. "I just want to understand you. Because I seriously don't get you. Nikki, I can make you feel loved if you want me too."
"I told you to forget what I said. It was stupid." My voice is kind of shaky which I hate. I'm being vulnerable once again.
"I just need to know why won't you let me in? Nikki, you say you want to feel loved but how? Tell me how can I love you if you won't put your walls down? You're scared to be loved. That's what it is. That's why your past relationships didn't work, because you're scared. That's why you won't let me get to you, because you're scared to be loved. I could give you everything but you won't let me."
"Oh please! You don't know nothing. You don't know me. How can you say that my past relationships didn't work because I was scared? How can you say that? You don't know a single thing about me." I start shoving him trying to hurt him but he doesn't even flinch.
My anger has gotten the best of me and I feel my tears streaming down my face. "You live for the pain. I'm sorry but that's the truth."
"Stop it! Stop it!" I scream covering my ears. I sit on the floor digging my nails to my neck. My tears are no longer anger tears but they're pain tears.
Seth is right. I enjoy pain. I am scared. He's right, I just hate admitting it to myself. It's something that I hate recognizing.
I feel Seth sitting in front of me as he removes my hands from my neck. "Nikki! Don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry. Please." He sounds so scared it makes me panic.
He kisses my hand over and over until I stop crying. "I'm sorry." He says again. He sounds sincere. "I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. God, please forgive me."
He slowly wipes my almost dry tears with his delicate fingers. "I live for the pain." I say as he stops wiping my tears.
"No, no, no. Don't - don't say that. Forget what I said. I was just angry and I needed to get that anger out of my chest. I took it out on you and that's not okay. I'm really sorry."
His apologies almost make me feel sick. He cares so much and that makes me sick. Because he shouldn't.
"Don't apologize for saying the truth." I say my chin beginning to quiver. "Nikki." He looks so ashamed and hurt. "It's fine. It really is." I say staring at my fingernails.
He grabs my hands and gets up. He comes back with a small bowl with water and a small towel. I stare at the water as he delicately grabs my hand and sinks it down on the water. The blood in my nails isn't enough to make the water bloody but it makes it look different.
After he does both of them he wipes them clean. He then dips the towel in the bowl and twists it until no water is dripping.
"Can I see your neck?" He asks. At first I hesitate but then nod. He slowly moves my hair to the side and wipes my neck.
I wince as I feel the rubbing on my skin. "Have you done this before? You have marks." He says once he's done.
"No." I quickly say putting my hair back on its place. "I'm really sorry." He says once again. "Stop apologizing. I hate it."
"I'm sorry." He whispers. I roll my eyes and he smiles sadly. "I don't want to hurt you and I just did. I hate myself for doing that."
"Forget it." I say, "I can't because you mean the world to me. You're my whole life and I'm -" I put my hand over his mouth. "Forget it." This time I say it in a more firm tone.
He nods his head slowly as I remove my hand from his mouth. We sit in silence as I stare at my lap.
"Do you want to leave?" He asks almost whispering. I'm still staring at my lap. "No." I reply softly.
"Okay." He says. I finally get he courage and look at him. He smiles again and I smile back. A sincere smile, something I haven't done in a while.
"Nice panties by the way." He smirks. I suddenly realize I've been showing my underwear this whole time. I pull my shirt down and feel my cheeks turn pink.
"Perv!" I say embarrassed. He laughs, "What a way to ruin a moment huh?" He says. I chuckle nodding.
After we stop laughing he stares at me and leans in slowly. "Nikki." He says breathing slowly on my neck.
"Yes?" I answer feeling my stomach turn. "Let me love you." He says quietly. I hold my breath as he keeps leaning in towards me.
He puts his lips against mine. "You're a curse Nicole Garcia." He says on my lips. "I wish I hadn't never kissed you. Because now I'm in too deep. I think about you all day, all night, every second, every hour. I think about kissing you slowly, kissing you in the rain, kissing you on the cheek, on the lips. I shouldn't have kissed you, Nicole. Now I can't keep living like this. I can't live without you. A single second doesn't go by where I don't crave your soft lips."
My heart starts beating so fast and loud it feels like it could pop out of my chest. He kisses my lips slowly as he wraps his arm around my waist.
I feel his breathing get faster as I feel the same. He pulls away suddenly. "Why'd you stop?" I ask. "I need to make sure you're okay with me kissing you."
I sit up and wrap my arms around his neck crashing my lips onto his. "It's totally fine." I whisper against his mouth. He pulls me in closer as I slowly run my hands through his long hair.
Seth Rollins is my guilty pressure.