Jumbled Heartaches* WWE Fanfic

Part 24

Nikki's point of view;

I promised myself I would never be weak and I wouldn't allow someone to make me have control over me. Not again. Not after every guy that's been in my life.

Yet here I am. Being vulnerable under Seth's touch and kiss. I hate him, so why am I still here kissing him back? Why am I still here under his spell?

"Nikki! Seth!" My mom calls. Seth and I pull away immediately. We look at each other unsure of what to do.

I'm shaking. He's shaking.

I'm truly petrified.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to think. What to say. How can something wrong feel so right?

"Oh! There you guys are!" She says walking in. "Just wanted to let y'all know we're back. Did you guys have something to eat?"

"Yeah." Seth answers, "Great. Well we are... Where are you going?" My mom says as I start grabbing clothes from my suitcase. "I'm going to take a shower. I'm sweaty." I say still feeling shaky.

I can feel Seth look at me and I start feeling my body get hot. "Oh okay. We should let her do her thing then. Come on Seth. Oh and don't forget Nikki that we're going to eat dinner tonight all of us together as a family."

I nod my head as they leave. Once they're out the door I suddenly feel like I can finally breathe fine.

<<••>>

"I want to make a toast because we're all reunited as a family! Well Brie and Roman are missing but they're in their honeymoon." Alex says putting his glass up.

I'm sitting in front of Seth and he's been looking at me the whole time. I've been avoiding his gaze because I can't look at him. Not after what happened. It makes me feel weird.

Strange.

We put our glasses up and my mom speaks up, "I'll also like to make a toast for the success my children are having in WWE. And for my sons success at college. I know Seth and Brandon aren't my children but I love you two as if you were." She says with a grin.

We put our glasses down and start drinking. Seth looks at me and I feel like I can't look away. He smiles as he's drinking and I feel myself smiling too.

<<••>>

I step on the scale I have on my room to weight myself. I'm biting my lip anxiously. When the number pops up on the weight scale I feel myself die inside.

I get off and sit on the cold bathroom floor with nothing but my panties and bra on. I feel the voices coming back. I shouldn't have ate dinner. I shouldn't have.

My tears are falling from my eyes and I push the weight scale with my leg. It hits the wall violently and I dig my nails behind my neck.

I miss my old self. When I was little with no worries. I hate myself now. I don't think no one will understand that. It only gets worse at night when I'm by myself alone in the dark.

Feeling so unhappy with myself makes me want to curl up in a hole and die.

I start to feel a huge urge in me. I get up and look at myself in the mirror. When I do I start sobbing loudly. Is this what I look like?

My eyesight is blurry but I'm still able to find the tiny silver sharp metal hidden behind all of my many lotions.

I pull up my bra and with my shaky hand slide the sharp metal right below my breast. It's funny how you feel pain when you get a paper cut or when you accidentally hit your little toe on furniture. But slicing a razor through your skin feels like nothing but numbness.