Jumbled Heartaches* WWE Fanfic

Part 53

Seth's point of view;

"The truth?" She repeats again. "Yes." I say as my stomach starts feeling weird. I feel like I could throw up.

I'm feeling sick. Not physically sick but emotionally sick. How? How did I not notice? It makes me feel so guilty. So bad. I shouldn't have left. I should've kept insisting. I should've seen the signs.

"I know what you're going through." I say once I see that she's not going to speak. "I don't know what truth you're talking about, Seth. It was just an accident."

"Accident? That was not an accident. You were bleeding so much, you took a ton of laxatives, you were in a tub with freezing cold water. Nikki, you could've killed yourself." When I say this I feel a bigger pressure on my chest.

If I wouldn't have gone to the house. If wouldn't have gotten there on time. Nikki probably wouldn't even be here.

"It was an accident. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just got angry and punched the mirror. I was also having trouble using the bathroom so I felt bad. That's why I took laxatives. Then I wanted to take a bath and well I tried. And I didn't mean for that to happen- I really didn't."

She was not trying to take a bath. It's not like that. I know what I saw. When I walked in she was on the tub with bloody water.

There was mirror pieces all over the floor. She was laying in the tub with freezing water. It was so cold her skin was turning blue.

"I'm okay. I really am." She adds with fake enthusiasm. I feel my eyes tear up. I can't help it. "You're not okay." I whisper.

That's the only way my voice won't crack. "I am." She says this time not so convinced. "You don't have to lie to me. I know it all. I know about your eating disorder, about your cutting, and about your depression."

Saying it out loud actually makes it worse. She's been going through so much by herself. It's truly devastating.

Her face turns extremely pale. Like the blood has been drained from her face. "It's okay. I'm right here for you. I promise. I won't ever leave you. I'll be by your side if you allow it."

"How'd you know?" She asks quietly. "Dean called me. Told me what you told him and then I remember something Paige had told me. She told me you had a really low self esteem. So I googled it. One thing lead to another and I found everything. Nikki, you have all the symptoms and I feel so bad. I should've seen it earlier. Dammit. I should've."

"It's not your fault." She says squeezing my hand. "It just hurt to think you were going through that by yourself."

"It's because I wanted to go through it by myself." She murmurs. "But why?" She looks at her lap and then at me. "Because who would want to deal with a depressive girl like me?"

"Nikki-" she interrupts me. "I'm serious. Who? No one. I didn't want to ruin my moms life with my problems, my brothers, or my sisters, or yours. You guys don't deserve that. You all deserve to be happy. To be free from my cage."

"You deserve to be happy too." I say as I scoot in closer to her. "I can't be happy." She says sadly. "I'll never be happy."

"You will be happy. Listen, you can get through this. I promise. We will search for help. A psychologist could help or-"

"No. I'm not crazy." She says in a defensive tone. "No, I'm not saying you're crazy. You're not but they will help."

She shakes her head. "Nikki. Please." She shakes her head again. "I don't want to do it."
She starts playing with her fingers. "Why? Don't you want to get better?"

She shakes her head no. "I don't." She says. "What? But I thought you'd..." my voice trails off. "Don't you get it Seth? If I go they'll make me stop. And I can't stop. I have to be perfect. That's the only way I'd be perfect. To keep doing what I'm doing. I'll be thin and pretty and perfect. Because without perfection there's no paradise for me."

I look down at my knees. A knot forms in my throat. It's so horrifying to hear her talk like this. She's literally killing herself.

"Please get help. Please Nikki please." I grab her hand against mine. "Please." She looks at me and then at my hand holding hers. "I don't know."

"You know what? I'll let you rest. You need to sleep some more. We will talk about this later. Okay? Just please think about it. Because you have to get help. Your behavior is not normal. I don't want nothing bad to happen to you. I don't want to lose the love of my life."

"I'm the love of your life?" She whispers. "You are. I have no doubt." She smiles a little. "But what about Renee?"

"Renee is just a friend. I said that stuff to make you jealous. She's actually talking to someone new."

"Really?" She asks. "Yes really." I say. She doesn't say anything and just holds my hand. "Nikki. We have to tell your family."

"No! You can't. Okay? I don't want them to know. I don't want to worry them." She says in a panic voice.

"Your mom has been calling nonstop. I think she has too know." I say. "No!" She says quickly. "Please don't tell her or no one please, please."

She starts freaking out and I quickly sit beside her to hug her. "Okay. I won't. It's okay." I say in a soothing voice.

She's breathing fast against my chest but then calms down. "It's okay." I coo. She relaxes at my touch. "Can you text my mom and tell her I'm with you? Tell her we're out eating somewhere or something. Make something up."

"Okay." I say. She hugs me tighter and I feel my stomach get butterflies. I've missed her touch. So very much.