˙ ˙ ˙
"No one knows the pain you left behind, and all the peace you could never find."
˙ ˙ ˙
I HAD LAID on the road for what seemed like hours, or at least until the sun had set. I have been missing for a day now, and still I have no idea where I am. When no one came, and no cars passed I got up and continued walking in the direction I thought was right. Everything around me was either abandoned, covered in thick forests or non-existent.
Every now and then I hear faint whispers of voices coming in from directions all around me, or I'll hear the sound of a car in the distant, but every time I turn around, nothing is ever there. That's when I realize the hallucinations have started.
I haven't glanced back down at the bite, as that will only make things worse. I just want to find my way home before it's too late. I have absolutely nothing on me, not even my purse or phone which I have appeared to have lost, or perhaps I forgot it back at the warehouse I was held captive in. At this point I can't make sense of anything, and my mind feels as if it's spinning around and around in circles, holding onto sanity by nothing but a thin thread. I know soon that that thread is going to break, and I can only hope Theo won't see me like that. He doesn't know what I am, and the last thing I want to do is make him afraid of me.
The moon stays high in the sky with the stars clearly visible throughout the various clouds that are scattered about. It would almost be peaceful if I knew I wasn't dying.
Feeling myself starting to tremble again, I bite down on my lip and accidentally draw blood, not even noticing as the metallic taste runs across my tongue. I can't feel anything except for this throbbing sensation in my arm and the beads of sweat that roll down my face. I remember exactly what Damon was like, and I remember how insane he went. But he unlike me he had a chance. I am in the middle of no where, alone and desperate but somehow those feelings are all too familiar. I realize now that there's no way in hell I'm going to get back home alive, or any where for that matter as I stop at the side of the road and fall to the ground on my knees.
With shaking hands, I go on all fours and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down but nothing is working. I'm shaking like I'm going to explode, like my body is slowly preparing to call it the end, but before it can do so I lay back on the road. I close my eyes and let the cool night breeze take away the sweat from my forehead and the dizziness of my mind. As my lip heals, I bite it once again, finding some sort of peace as the warm liquid drizzles across my dried lips.
"How many times have I told you not to do that?" James asks, laying down beside me.
I purse my lips to hide the blood drying on them and take in a deep breath at the sound of his voice. Slowly I open my eyes and turn my head, my blue eyes meeting his hazel blue ones that sparkly with the reflection of the moon. My eyes well with tears as he lays so close beside me, but as I glance down and see how our shoulders touch, but no tingly feeling of warmth and happiness spreading through me, I know this is nothing more than the werewolf venom playing tricks with my weak brain. My dying brain.
"You're not real," I say, brushing him off. Instead I turn my head and glance back up at the stars, trying to ignore his fake presence. I refuse to let myself believe that he is real, or I will have to restart the whole healing process all over again. However, it's a lot harder than it looks. I keep telling myself that I've accepted that he's gone and not coming back, yet whenever I see his face in my dreams or hallucinations I'm forced to rethink of how far I've come, if I've made any progress at all. Grieving is hard, way harder than Elena made it look which is a compliment to her I guess.
"Does that really matter?" he asks me.
I sigh and shake my head, realizing he's right. If I'm dying, I might as well see his face one last time. Or maybe, maybe dying is what I want. Maybe dying is the key to see him again. For all I know he's been waiting on the other side for me all this time.
"What are you doing here, Blair?" he questions.
"Waiting out whatever time I have left," I reply grimly, my throat dry making my voice raspy. Every time I talk, it's like my tongue is rubbing against sandpaper.
"No you're not," he states simply.
"This is what I want. I want to die. I've accepted it," I say sternly, pronouncing each word clearly and succinctly.
"You don't mean that," he says casually, like I'm not being serious. He keeps his tone so light and polite, that it's like we're having a real conversation, just like old times.
"Sure I do. There's nothing left for me here. I've gotten my friend killed, Theo in danger, and failed my brothers. Joel will take care of Theo when I'm gone. He'll have to," I say, explaining my side of reasoning.
"And you think these Travellers are just going to forget about Theo? Forget about Christina? Neither of them are dead yet Blair, which means you have to do something," James says, turning his head towards me. I don't know why but his sudden demand makes me angry.
"You can't tell me what to do. You're dead," I spit, each word laced with an equal amount of venom I didn't even realize I was releasing.
"Ouch," James laughs from beside me. It's not a light laugh, but rather a laugh you feel from the core, it's a real laugh. Most importantly it's a laugh I have missed. "You did read the letter I wrote you right? I told you to live your life, to not imagine what our life could've been like if I was still here. You were doing so good Blair, you were being strong. But this? This isn't you. The Blair I knew wouldn't jus give up, nor would she leave Theo alone again," James says with a sudden use of anger. It's not like him to get angry, unless he has a reason. Even though he's a hallucination, it's coming from my mind and I know it's only trying to rile me up. It's only trying to get me through this.
Instead of getting mad and firing back at my own mind, I break down in tears as a swarm of emotions consume me. "I can't do this anymore," I cry, my shoulders shaking up and down. "I thought I could do it, but I can't. I can't live without you anymore, and right now I just want to see you again," I sob. The bright moon above me turns into a giant blur of light as tears collect rapidly in my eyes.
James turns on his side and cups a hand on my cheek. "Hey," he says gently. "I know it feels like you can't, but you can live without me. It is possible Blair, because you have others who love you, others who rely on you," he says. "Look at me."
I lift up my head to his hallucination, staring into his pleading eyes, the pleading eyes of my own mind. "You can see me again. You can see me in Joel, in Theo, hell maybe even Klaus. But most importantly you can see me in here," he says, pointing to my heart.
I purse my lips and wipe away a few tears. "That's some cliche bullshit right there Branson," I joke with a laugh as his finger still lays on my heart.
He laughs and smiles big, kissing me gently on the forehead. "Go get 'em Blair," James says, before disappearing right in front of my eyes.
I stare blankly ahead at the empty space in front of me that used to be filled with the image of James, blinking away the rest of my tears. After taking a huge breath, I stand up and continue walking down the road, as it is the only thing I can do.
James, or my mind rather was right; Christina and Theo aren't dead yet, and neither am I which means there is still a chance they could make it out alive. Even if I am doomed, there is still a chance I can save a few more lives until my time is up.
So I keep walking down the winding road, dragging my feet as each step feels like I'm dragging the weight of a car. My vision starts to go and my mind starts to spin making me feel like I'm going to vomit. Suddenly I begin to cough, but as I bring my hand down from my mouth I realize it's covered in blood. I take in a deep and shaky breath at the sight as I clearly remember what happened moments after Rose started to cough up blood; I staked her because she was too far gone.
I gulp but keep walking despite how much my body wants to give up. I can feel every muscle, every bone in my body calling out to me, pleading for me to stop yet the only thing keeping me going is James's voice in my head; "Go get 'em."
As my eyelids start to close and my breathing quickens, I see the faint light of headlights up in the distance, but I'm too smart to think they're real. It's just my mind playing tricks on me again, and if I let myself believe this is real then I'll only be setting myself up for disappointment. So I keep walking as the headlights come closer and closer, ignoring that part of me that looks for hope. I keep dragging my feet, but as the headlights come close enough to blind me, I realize the car is slowing down. To my surprise, the car comes to a complete stop beside me, the headlights shining right in my face.
It's too dark to see who it is, and my mind is too weak to care as I drop to the ground with a painful thud, not able to stand any longer. My head smacks off the pavement making my vision even blurrier, the sound of footsteps approaching me filling the air. My eyes are half shut as the person approaches me and leans down to my level.
"Oh my god," the male voice says.
The man takes his hand and grabs my arm, examining my bite. I'm too weak to care what he thinks. I only want to get home.
The man sets my hand down gently and instead rolls me over. He then slides his arms under my knees and around my back, picking me up in one quick motion and carrying me back to his car. As the wind blows in my face, my hair moves from my eyes allowing me to see clearly. As I stare at the man in front of me, I come to the realization that I know this man.
"Logan?" I croak.
"Hang on Blair, I'll get you some help," he says assuringly, placing me in the back of his car.
He closes the door and slides in the front seat, turning the car around and driving back the way he came. "No," I croak. "You don't understand," I try to say, but my voice is still raspy.
"Blair, I do understand. I understand more than you know. I know that bite is from a werewolf, and I know you need the original hybrid's blood," he says.
At first I think he's joking. Logan doesn't know about me, about the supernatural. He's supposed to be normal and be my normal friend. I want him to stay out of the supernatural. "Wh-how?" I manage to ask.
"Because Blair, I am a werewolf," Logan says, as he speeds down the road in the dark night.
"How did you know what I was?" I ask from where I lay in the back seat.
"I didn't," he laughs lightly. "At least not until now," he admits. "I thought you were dead until I saw your bite. I've heard of werewolf bites before, so I put the pieces together," he explains.
I purse my lips and close my eyes, wanting nothing but to sleep. "Blair, I need you to keep your eyes open," Logan instructs me as he presses his phone to his ear. I can hear it ringing and focus on listening to the call to keep me awake.
"Did you find her?" Joel asks on the other line.
"Yeah, I have her with me right now," Logan says.
Joel sighs in relief. "Thank god. Bring her back home. Theo and I will meet you there."
"Joel, there's something els,." Logan says. "She has a bite, a werewolf bite."
The line goes silent, either from Joel's shock from the bite or that Logan knows about the supernatural. "W-what?" Joel asks.
"Joel, I know what she is, and now I most likely know what you are so can we save this conversation for when we get back. For now we need to focus on finding her a cure," Logan says sternly.
"You don't understand Logan. The cure is five hours away," Joel says.
"Well, make the call," Logan says before hanging up. He speeds faster and turns back to me. "Where is Christina, Blair?"
"Th-they have her," I manage to say.
Logan purses his lips and frowns, but doesn't ask anything more knowing that I'm barely able to think let alone talk. Thankfully the rest of the way is quiet, other than his voice that keeps asking me if I'm okay. We arrive home in about ten minutes, Logan carrying me inside my house.
Joel is already inside, waiting for us with Theo presumably in bed. I'm thankful, as the last thing I want is for Theo to see me like this.
"Set her here," Joel says, pointing to the couch.
Logan places me gently on the couch before running into the kitchen to get a cool cloth. Joel on the other hand leans down beside me and holds my hand in his. "Blair, listen to me. You're going to be okay," he says.
I slowly turn my head with every ounce of strength I have left, and stare him in his blue eyes. His blue eyes that so strongly resemble that of James's. I guess that's what my hallucination meant when it said I would see James in Joel. That way I carry a small piece of James wherever I go.
"It's okay, Joel," I whisper.
His face freezes at my words, and then slowly contorts to a mixture of sadness and anger that I would give up so easily. But before he can say anything, Logan returns with a cold cloth in hand, handing it to Joel who presses it to my forehead dripping of sweat.
"I've called Klaus okay?" Joel assures me. "He didn't answer, but I left like ten messages," Joel adds quietly.
"You mean you called the original hybrid himself!" Logan gasps, looking down at us. "You have heard stories about him right?"
"I was in those stories, thank you very much," Joel comments before standing up. "And how come you never told me about you and your doggie background?" Joel questions.
Logan only scoffs. "How come you never told me about your bloodsucking ego?" Logan fires back.
Joel's face contorts to realization. "Guess you've got a point there."
"You guys are both idiots," I murmur with a light laugh, causing them to laugh too.
∆ ∆ ∆
Every time I breathe I feel as if I'm not getting enough oxygen. The biggest breath I take still doesn't feel like enough, and I find myself making snoring and gasping noises like I'm slowly choking to death.
It's been more than an hour and the sun is just starting to rise. Joel and Logan have been pacing the house all night, checking on Theo and talking to me just to make sure I'm still here. I haven't told them about the Travellers yet, as I will do that when the time comes. I know I've wasted twelve hours already, and I only have another twelve left until they come looking for Theo and kill Christina. All of this is news I have not shared.
"Hey Blair," Joel says, walking down the stairs holding Theo's hand.
As soon as Theo see's me I'm about to protest, until Theo lets go of Joel's hand and runs straight to me. "Mommy!" he yells with excitement, until he sees me up close.
"Mommy, what's wrong?" he asks me, standing at the side of the couch.
I smile and cup my pale hand on his flushed cheek. "Nothing buddy," I say, glancing up at Joel who has tears in his eyes.
"Haven't heard anything from Klaus, so I figured you two should see each other," Joel says, although I know all to clearly what he means. He knows the likelihood of Klaus showing up is zero to none, meaning my time is up.
"Joel," I begin. "There's something you should know," I begin, preparing myself to inform him of the Travellers when suddenly there's a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," Logan says, appearing from the kitchen and walking to the door. He unlocks it and opens it, revealing our visitor.
"Christ," Logan gasps, staring at the original standing in front of him.
"I heard someone was in a little need of my selfish brother's blood., Elijah says, holding a whole bottle of the dark red liquid.
Elijah's eyes land on me and I crack a smile.
"Please, come in," Logan says.
________________________
Please vote, share, and comment!
[completed & edited: 09/16/2021]