Warning: Mature Themes ahead. As well as possible triggers of various types.
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'Okubyoukaze Ni Fukakerya Saigo(If you lose your nerve, this may be your last breath.)
Asu No Asahi Ga Hai No Hashi(But if you hold on, the morning sun will rise!)'
"(Y/N)!"
You were brought out of your reverie, your mother's voice fading from your head as you faced Smoker and other marines that for some reason you can't remember the name of.
"Ah, sorry! Guess I was lost in my thoughts!" You gave a sheepish smile at them, scratching your smooth left cheek.
Smoker quirked his lips up, the way he did when it seemed he was amused by you.
"You need to shape up, Lieutenant," Smoker stressed your title, seeming to have a condescending tone. But you waved off the thought. Like Smoker would ever do such a thing.
"Can't have you distracted, you control our squadron after all." Smoker finished, while the other marines laughed loudly. The laughter...you frowned. The way they were laughing made it like they were mocking you.
You gave a smile.
"Control? You make it seem like I'm your master or something! Like I could ever control you, Smoker. Or anybody else. " You added as an afterthought, "That's more Garp's thing probably." The marines gave sidelong looks with one another, their smirks seeming dark. Your brows furrowed, and when you moved your eyes to Smoker you froze.
He had a sinister smile on his face. And those chocolate brown eyes that have always looked at you with the utmost care and friendship, were dark and filled with cruelty.
'Who is this?' You thought, wide eyes taking in your childhood friends features.
"Like I would let an idiotic pirate control me either way!" Smoker barked out with a laugh, and it felt like a ton of bricks just fell onto your chest. What? Smoker...he!
He would never say that!
Your eyes narrowed, hand already touching the hilt of your buster sword made by your father.
"Who are you?! You aren't Smoker! The Smoker I know would never say such a thing to me!" You retorted, ready to jump the fake Smoker at a moment's notice. Where was Garp? Why isn't he here? He's always by you!
The fake Smoker gave another laugh, when he finished, his wicked eyes looked down at you.
'They're supposed to be a light brown...they aren't supposed to look at me like that. Smoker would never...!'
"I am Smoker. Are you going crazy as well? Did you actually think for a second I was your friend?!" Fake Smoker hissed at you, "Like I would be a friend to a disgusting pirate like you!"
Your eyes turned to slits, Marine cap shadowing them as you bit your lip.
'Not Smoker. Not Smoker. Not—'
"But...you said that I'm not a pirate! That I could be a marine and be the strongest woman marine in the world!" You couldn't help but cry out. Smoker said so. So it has to be true. You can be the strongest marine...you can!
The faceless marines and Smoker chortled and chuckled amongst themselves. Smoker stood over you, his broad shoulders that always seemed to look comforting now made you fearful. But why? You're stronger than him...
"Marines don't kill silly girl. Not as much as you anyways...I wonder," Smoker sang, "how many children you've killed?"
You blinked.
"What?"
Smoker's dark smile widened.
"Look at your hands."
You looked down, eyes widening. Your hands were covered in blood. It was still wet but sticky, the copper scent filling up your nose and you wanted to cough. You couldn't breath...!
"Wha—?!"
Drops of crimson fell onto the white bare floor, seeming to glare at you. You looked up to question Smoker and perhaps try to calm down, but a monstrous face took form of Smoker. A sick evil grin smiling down at you.
"Hahaha! You?! A marine?! Don't make me laugh!"
The previous marines turned monstrous as well, pointy smiles that could cut mocking you.
"You're nothing but a monstrous pirate who knows how to kill! You've killed so many innocents! Hahaha!"
Their laughs surrounded you, then screams of various people. You wanted to cover your ears but your hands were still filled with blood.
"No!" You began to scream back, closing your eyes and releasing your sword from its sheath. Blindly slashing and cutting, wanting the screaming and laughing to stop.
Where did this blood come from?
"No!"
You're...not a monster are you?
"NO!"
What kind of marine are you with these bloody hands?!
"MAKE IT STOP!"
You are a monster!
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You woke with a start on your bed , sweat pouring out your whole body as you panted.
Your fists were already clenching into something, your Marine cap. You tried to breath in and out, attempting to calm your racing heart. You looked down at your cap, tired eyes gazing down at it.
The word 'MARINE' stared back at you, your hands now holding it gently. Like it was the most fragile object in the seven seas. Like it was your whole world.
It was.
Your fingers grazed the cap, staring at it. Somehow looking at it made your breath calm finally. It usually took longer for you to calm down from your nightmares. Those horrendous and repetitive nightmares, visiting you every time you tried to sleep.
'I'm not a monster.' You thought, bringing the cap close to your chest. Closing your eyes that looked too old and tired for a twenty two year old like you.
'I'm not a monster,' You repeated, 'that wasn't Smoker. He would never think that way about me. I'm not a monster.' Your closed eyes tightened, you squeezing your cap as close as you can. Thinking maybe if you squeezed hard enough you can go back.
Back to them.
"I'm not a monster."
You felt your eyes water behind your lids, and you forced the tears back in. Like you've always done the past six years.
'Weak. I'm weak if I cry. I have to be strong.' You thought, scolding yourself with furrowed brows and a frown.
You have to be strong. You can't cry. Stay strong.
Until you see Smoker again. Until you see Garp again.
You wonder if they will even recognize you. If they will recognize the girl who would laugh and grin so easily, so innocently. Only to see a girl that's broken, with the void around her and blood all over her.
Can you even recognize yourself?
You bit your lip in frustration as the tears wanted to come back. Your mother's words came back to you, in the form of your favorite song from her, Bink's Sake. Your mouth was moving for the lyrics before you even knew it.
"Okubyoukaze Ni Fukakerya Saigo...(If you lose your nerve, this may be your last breath.)" You began softly, bringing your knees to your chest as you still held your beloved cap between your hands. "Asu No... Asahi Ga Hai No Hashi(But if you hold on, the morning sun will rise.)"
You got to hold on. Your eyes turned half lidded, a dry sad smile forming on your lips.
"Binkusu Ni Sake Wo...Todoke Ni Yuku Yo...(Going to deliver Bink's Sake). Kyou Ka Asu Ka To Yoi No Yumi...(Today, and tomorrow, our dreams through the night.)" Your head landed on top of your knees, squeezing them closer to you as heart felt heavy with the next verse. But you sang it anyway.
"Te Wo Furu Kage...Ni Mou...Aenai Yo,(Waving our goodbyes to friends, who we will never meet again.)" Your voice cracked here, but you forced yourself to keep going, tightening your hold onto your knees as if you were a ball, "Nani ...Wo KuyoKuyo... Asu Mo Tsu...koyo...(But don't look so down, for at night the moon will rise)"
'Smoker...Garp...everyone...! I want to see you!' You pleaded, your hands so gripping so tight against your knees you thought you were going to bleed. You brought your cap up, and put it on your head, shadowing your pained eyes.
"We will meet again...we will." With those words giving you the smallest of comforts, a knock was heard on the door.
You straightened. Eyes immediately turned narrow and cold as you told the person to come in with the most frigid of tones. The person entered, revealing one of the new recruits that was named Kaku.
"Spandam ordered me to inform you of your newest mission with Lucci, it will be in two days." The young man informed you, his own eyes shadowed by his cap with long nose protruding from his face.
You crooked a brow upwards.
"Why did he choose you and not Lucci?" You asked blankly, not really caring either way. Although...you have come to enjoy the pussycat's company.
Kaku's answer didn't satisfy you, him replying that he did not know why the director did this.
You internally scoffed, eyes wanting to turn into slits. You just came from another mission a week ago. Such a vile man, that Spandam.
"Where can I find the assignment details?" You asked, starting to get off the bed with no sound and walking towards the young assassin silently. Kaku took something out from within his suit, revealing a clipboard and handing it to you. You grabbed it and gave a firm nod.
"You can leave now." Kaku nodded, and turned to walk away as your eyes skimmed over the clipboard. Oh, you forgot something. You looked up towards Kaku's retreating form and opened your mouth.
"Thanks Kaku."
Kaku paused from his stride, his head turning towards you with wide confused eyes, but you were already looking back at the report with intensity. Kaku shook his head, wondering why his heart sped up again, and walked away.
.
.
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HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!
Hope everyone is having a fun time, I decided to leave you guys another present before I gotta leave you guys again for awhile~
SO YOURE WELCOME~ !!
Ah...I wonder...if you guys are thinking about something when you finished reading this chapter...?
Is 'this' what I was talking about so many chapters ago? Or is it a different 'that'? Mission? What kind?
Hmmmm...I don't know...lets see...
But...PTSD is no joke guys...Silver Blood...
Someone help Silver Blood.
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Votes~
Main Pairings
Shanks: 62
Mihawk: 70
Crocodile:33
Doflamingo: 27
Smoker: 37
Lucci: 28
Side Pairings
Kaku: 5
Paulie: 3
Buggy: 5
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FANART CORNER
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THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS VOTED AND COMMENTED!! I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE THING FOR THE READERS WHO HAVE DONE SO!! XD
I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A NICE DAY/NIGHT!! XD