Forgiveness...?

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As weeks passed, you slowly healed and every day Shanks would stop by for a moment or two to talk to you. And you would ask him so many questions. Too many you thought. But he would give you that smile of his and answer you, him making childish jokes along the way. And you laughed. And laughed.

And laughed.

And you would miss him when he had to leave your side as his duty of captain of his ship.

The pirates were able to rescue most of the villagers and took them to their ship to an empty island. They saved them. They were there in the other island because of the bandits. They were doing nothing but saving and protecting them until those bandits learned their lesson.

That's all.

But...you were ashamed. You killed a few innocents before you decided to say no more. To defy Spandam. To defy and say stop to all this meaningless killing that you were ordered to do. Women. Men. Kids who just reached the beginning of adulthood.

You wanted to stay in the cabin forever. In your corner, in the darkness, where you belonged.

It doesn't matter how Shanks smile somehow brought a warmness in you. How easygoing and carefree he was as he talked, that you would not realize your own mouth moving to reply back with what he said. It didn't matter...when he said you're a good person...

Are you?

How can you even walk under the sun, in the light, when you've been hiding in the darkness for so long? With only the color red for company?

...would Smoker even forgive me? You thought, and it felt like your heart shattered at the question. But then you shook your head.

Smoker is Smoker. He always was by your side. Since the both of you met, since you told him you were nothing but a feared pirate's offspring and everybody hated you. He didn't care. He never did. Cause he's Smoker.

But...your eyes lowered. You imagined a disappointed looking Smoker gazing down at you.

It made you sad.

You're not sure if killing, even under orders, is a forgivable thing.

In your mind, it is not. You feel dirty. You want to stay in this bed forever. You didn't care that the ship's doctor said you need to walk around to get the blood properly flowing in your body. You didn't care at all. You shouldn't even be here! Shanks...why?

Why did he save a person like you?!

The door opened, and you snapped your gaze towards the smiling Straw Hat wearing Shanks.

"Ah, you're awake." He walked towards your bed, a smile still plastered on his face—why is he looking at you like that? With a warmness but carefree grin?

The next Yonko candidate sat in the chair by your bed, it's become his chair now with all the visits he's done though. His chair. Just to visit you.

"You know, it's not good to stay in bed all day. The doc told me you should be able to walk around at least a little bit by now. Or are you still hurt? It's not good to lie to the doctor you know!" Shanks chided, his brows slightly furrowed in concern.

Why is he looking at me like that? You thought, Like...like I'm not a monster

But you know you are.

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