Blurry lights and carnival music woke me for the first time in a year. Clowns prancing about and snake charmers. For the first time in a year. I was smiling a real smile. Even knowing that something wrong was about to happen. I felt like a live wire. Awake and filled with wonder.
⭐⭐⭐
The night everything went down between Joker and I would not be our last. I knew he wouldn't go down without a fight and he ran. Cleverly using laughing gas and bombs to get away.
That was a year ago and there was no sign of the Joker anywhere. Peace had fallen on Gotham. And in that year I had finished my nursing degree and attended the wedding of Selina and Bruce and made my life exist on a fairly amazing level.
Some nights I woke up drenched in sweat due to the nightmares but as time came and went they too began to fade. Somethings just didn't fade however. Like my powers. They only grew stronger and began to show up at odd times. A meta human they called it. The only reason I hadn't died under Doc Stranges admistrations was due to a gene I carried which was basically activated under all the stress and the endless injections.
Harley too, had survived the night and had confessed everything. Working for Joker the entire time. Setting up my rape by paying the guards. Orchestrating my meeting everyone in did in Arkham but making it a point i wouldn't be harmed any further than his actions would deem necessary to push me towards the people he wanted me to be around. She was sent to a prison somewhere in Louisiana. Belle Reve I think.
Today was also the 2 year anniversary of my daughter and my father being gone.
With the Sunflowers in hand I made my way silently to the graveyard. The light snowfall blurring my vision as they landed and melted on my lashes. I sat there in the dim cold conversating with tomb stones about the year. Pouring my tears into the frozen ground creating a slightly steaming atmosphere. Nothing could replace what I had lost and I could never have another child to ease my pain and help me grow again.
I wiped the last remains of tears from my face and slowly hopped back into my car. I had hit a point in my life where i had accomplished my goals. But the pain hadn't faded. The scars all felt too fresh. Swiping at the tears that again blurred my vision I turned the heater on and pulled off to the side of the road. Screaming and pounding on the wheel.
Every single burnt up emotion was at the forefront of my mind and it was all I could to do not to scream. Copper filled my mouth as I realized I had been biting the inside of my lips with the force to make them bleed. Gasping I took off on the road leaving the past to float behind me. Off to another day of work.
Gotham General wasn't the worst hospital to work at I suppose. I thought to myself shrugging my scrubs on quickly and pulling the red locks of hair into a sloppy bun before clipping my ID onto the breast pocket. Tonight was crazy. Almost as crazy as Halloween was. Since the Joker disappeared everyone wanted a shot at the Throne he had left behind in his attempt to escape.
Elbows deep in a mans guts I pulled out the remaining gun fragments before the doctor took over. I ran a hand over my brow not caring that the blood was smearing across my face running into one of the gals who works at the desk.
"Alice! Just who I was looking for!" She grinned her innocent smile full of honey and sugar before handing me a big card board box addressed to me. "I left the flowers at your locker. I hope you don't mind." and she turned and made her way back to her station. I too made my way back to the locker room and pulled the box onto the bench seat before opening it. A scrap book and a little bear sat there. Tirling my head I reached for the bear. It was pretty cute. Yellow with a tiny rose sewed to its hands. Then the scrap book.
I paused to look around. Curiosity eating at me as I flipped it open.
I never left.
Inside were pictures of me. Black and white. Colored. The day after I fought Joker. A week later having coffee with Bruce and Alfred. It went on and on. Some with me sleeping. Dressing. Undressing. Tiny captions underneath in green gel pen. Hearts and bullets. Guns and roses. The very last picture was blown up to fit the page and scrawled in that meticulous mess he called writing was, Claire Lorna. Our Daughter Forever. Ill be calling soon Kitten.
I slung the objects back into the box and dialed Bruce's number. Ripping open the door to my locker I surveyed the flowers. Orange Lilys. They had always been my favorite symbolizing Passion. Bruce answers on the 3rd ring.
"Hayden? What's going on?"
"He-He's back Bruce!" I stuttered out. "I-I just got a box from him Bruce. I'm freaking the fuck out I.." I shot my hand out to shake it before being blown to the ground as the package blew. Stuffing hit the floor and from the shadows of the box came his laugh. I felt along the floor finding the phone and screaming into it. "He's back! He's fucking back and he's been watching me!" before a series of bombs began to go off in the waiting room. Screaming and alarms filtered the airway.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! This is your invitation to a circus tomorrow night! We wanted to blow our show outta the water!" That voice crackles through the feed. "I expect each and every one of you to come. Well. Maybe not the ones who turned into their own version of popcorn! You wouldn't wanna miss this gas of a laugh!" His laughter once again echoing out and a steady green gas oozed from the airways. I clutched the mask to my face from my neck. Thanking myself for forgetting to toss it out.
I stumbled through the hallways riddled with smoke and screaming people. I made my way to the Nicu and checked out the damage there. Luckily the babies were all in good condition and nothing had been damaged there. Doctors and nurses flew through the dim hallways with pagers going off with a symphony of beeps. The ER had taken the worse of the explosions.
Human bombs. The sprinkler system was going off as the nurses and I scattered around trying to stop patients from suffocating from the blood filling their shrapnel filled lungs. Brains splattered walls and I swear I slipped on a heart. I sobbed as I sat in front of a ten year old boy who had his throat splintered out by a bone shard. A teddy bear in his tiny arms and life left brown eyes gazing with damp tears. He had died alone. I closed his eyes before placing a gentle kiss of his forehead.
Police and swat teams entered the building. Making their way through the chaos hats catching the water. I stood on shaky,adrenaline fueled legs and continued to assess the survivors. A doctor pushed me out a few hours later to get some rest after the police had questioned me.
I trudged back down to the lockers. Covered in blood,snot,vomit and my scrubs once a soft lilac now a dark grey. I shuffled before standing under the showers and dressing. Making my way back to the apartment.
He had come back to play his regular games knowing id be in the middle of it. I choked on another sob as I curled onto the floor. The sight before me dragging me deeper into my despair and guilt. Jokers cards scattered every inch of my living room and kitchen. Another vase of orange lilies sat forlorn on the table. Next to it was a DVD with Play Me in sharpie.
The minute I turned on the tv I debated with myself. I shouldn't be watching it I should be running to the GCPD and begging for help. Instead I hit PLAY and watched chewing on my fingernails.
"Just record the damn thing!" Joker barked. His beautifully sharp face coming into focus as he let out a laugh. A gun shot and a thud. Killing the camera man.
"Hayden Hayden Hayden. I've spent a long time thinking things over dollface. A very very long time."He cracked his neck before returning his grin to the camera. "By now you've gotten my gifts. My affections as one would say. I know how you used to love sentimental things. A cheesy little girl like you. " he stopped and brought a fist to the side of his head and shaking it. "Baby doll. Its time to end this. Till death do us part. And frankly I need you dead. You...you are my obsession. My drug and i can't have a distraction like you wrapped in a pretty purple bow to...distract me." He let out a growl and turned away from the camera. "Shut that bitch up! I'm on camera!" His bright green hair was now disheveled and in his face. He paid no heed. Continuing on with his monologue. "So tomorrow you will go to the circus and you will laugh. Enjoy this last night I give so graciously. Because no God will save you. I have killed God and deem myself the only savior left. Yes! Yes in will save Gotham! I will bring it to its knees and let the reality come out to play in is madness and grotesque splendor!" He began to pant with the intensity of his words. Tears once more pooling in my eyes and blurring his face. "I will be there Baby Doll. I will be there to hold you as you struggle for that last breath. I will welcome you into the afterlife as a husband can only do. I will be the first and last thing you ever think of again. Ill see ya soon Babydoll. So soon." and he laughed again. Passionate about my death and claiming in his insanity he was a new God.
I couldn't move as the white noise flickered on. A snow filled channel echoing into the dark silent place I had called home for the last year. Tomorrow I would die. Tomorrow I would see my husband and daughter and father again. Tomorow was the ending to my story.
I called Bruce and Selina. Letting them know I was okay and that the death toll was minimal compared to what it could have been. Bruce being the protector he was,begged me to let Alfred come get me but I refused. I only had one more night to watch the moon and stars. One more night of wine and lonely thoughts. I told him I loved him and then talked to Salina. She was tense. Sensing a new tone in my voice and demanding I come be with her and let her hold me. I had brushed that aside and told her to behave. The conversation ending with me saying goodbye instead of my usual line. "Till we talk again." I knew warning bells would be ringing.
I pulled on my sweatpants and a tank top before uncorking the wine. I opened all the windows and began to blast my music. Marian Hills Lovit coursing through my steadily buzzing body.
What does one do with their last official night of being alive? I laughed at myself. I shouldn't be cooped up in my apartment alone. I should be decked out and dancing. I should be joining the masses of the unnamed and unnoticed drinking until I couldn't see straight.
I raced to my bedroom before throwing on the shortest tightest dress I could find. Pairing it with black heels and changing my hair color to my natural brunnete. Eyes a shimmering gold. Grabbing my purse I hopped over to balcony before making the 30 story drop landing on the balls of my feet. I laughed out loud as I soared through the streets of Gotham. Finding me outside of a rather busy nightclub. Charming the doorman into letting me go ahead of the line without an entry fee. I was drunk on power. Embracing life the way I could.
Drinks were sent my way as I shashayed through the crowd leaving broken hearts and jealousy in my wake. It was a sweet perfume as I glided through the dancers. Grinding into men and women alike. Kissing and touching my partners with a ferocity that made many swoon.
I giggled at every word spoken. Continuing my onslaught of rampage and hate drinking. A familiar soul caught my eye as I smiled widely. Blending into the shadows and creeping up to him
"Iiittssss Johnny!" I whispered into his ear. Frost jumped a bit in shock before scanning his eyes to where he thought it had come from. With a smirk I materialized in front of him and hopped his nose with my Pinter finger.
"Why so jumpy?" I asked mockingly. He narrowed his eyes. "Always on the watch huh Frosty? If he's listening to you...let him know to enjoy to the show I put on." Placing my hands on his shoulders and bringing him in for a kiss. I watched with one eye as he mentally freaked. His thoughts swarming my own. He's gonna fucking kill me for this. I'm so dead. Might as well pull the trigger myself.
I shoved him away and picked my lips.
"You enjoy the show too." I whispered with a wink before making my way back to the grinding pool of bodies.
Losing myself in the thumping music and lips that attached themselves to my body in various places. I downed a few more shots before a strong hand grabbed my own and began to pull and guide me towards a back room. I stumbled and was happy to report I could not in fact,see straight.
"Oohhh whatsh back hurrrr..." I slurred out. Guiding another drink into my hand as I passed another group. They laughed in return as I mock saluted them. Poking myself in then eye. "Oweches." I slurred again. The hand never faltered or replied. This could be fun.
I was shoved down on a large L shaped couch and giggled as I made a move to push myself onto my elbows. Lips fastened to the pulse at my neck. A steady humming growl as the large hand dived in between my legs and swirled into the warm heat I carried there. I moaned in response before grinding into the hand that held me enraptured. I knew he was talking but I couldn't make the noise out over the still loud music and my own moans.
Another hand tangled into my hair and I blinked my eyes open. Trying to steady my vision as those fingers gracefully played me. My body arching up until we were chest to cheat and my long limbs curled around his arm. Riding his fingers I came crying out.
"Oh gawd..." it was my prayer as I felt him shift and laugh. I knew that laugh. Right? No. No I didn't. I giggled before the lips came crashing down on my own. Dragging me further into the drunken state of bliss and ecstasy.
I have no idea how long we spent fucking. His length and girth creating the most painful pleasure ever. His grunts and growls. Those sweet liquored kisses. I was in my own personal nirvana as he continued to use my body. Finally catching one phrase, I felt my body jerk.
"Call me Daddy Baby Doll."
I opened my eyes and let out a scream. Far different than the ones from moments ago. His hands holding me down as I began to thrash violently.
"No no no no no..." I whimpered as I took in the bold blue eyes and tangled brown hair. He looked so normal. So beautiful. I was drowning in reality and it was fucking me up. Literally speaking.
"Yes yes yes Hayden. Daddy came home to play with you." he murmured before diving back in deep hitting that sweet spot and making My toes curl, my hands tangled back into his hair. If I was going to die. I might as well get one last good fuck out of it. I couldn't supress the dirty word from flying out of my mouth as he pounded in and out. Our moans tantalizing the airwaves and reverberating through our souls. We hated each other but he was so right. I was his drug as he was mine.
"Don't let go of me baby. Don't let go." I cried and went rigid as my orgasm crashed into me. My juices splashing all over his thick cock feeling him twitch as he emptied himself to my throbbing body.
If this is how I go I wouldn't complain. Tangled in his limbs. Stuggling to keep my eyes open. I heard him.
"I did enjoy your show Kitten. That's why I made my own appearance. I couldn't let some stranger take your last night. It HAD to be me. It had to be! No one is supposed to touch my toys. Only I get to. I get that right. You're mine. Always will be." He muttered each word between kisses. Untangling himself from my wooden stiff limbs and standing to look down at me as I curled up and continued on with my struggle to see straight. Black spots danced through my vision.
"This..isn't real." i slurred before letting the struggle overcome me and guide me into darkness with the Lullabye of his laugh haunting me.
⭐⭐⭐
Blurry lights and carnival music woke me for the first time in a year. Clowns prancing about and snake charmers. For the first time in a year. I was smiling a real smile. Even knowing that something wrong was about to happen. I felt like a live wire. Awake and filled with wonder.
My body still pulsated from last night. I had seen the face of the Devil and had squirted on his cock. I licked my lips and watched as everyone else in the crowd was marked with fear and delight. None of us knew what to expect. Not a single soul. A blaze of fire and a man in a ring masters get up strolled his way to the center of the ring. Hard up as though conducting an orchestra. We tensed on baited breath and watched to see how this would okay out.
"Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen. To a circus you won't soon forget!" The man called out. His mustache wobbling and he swung his cane like a pendulum.
"Tonight is a special night! Tonight we watch as a hero and a villain face off! A story of love and hate. A battle of the wills!" His loud voice carried over. Many leaned over in fascination. "Tonight the hero chooses if her life is worth more than yours!" He pointed a finger towards the audience. Building the tension. "Or if she will fall into darkness and walk away a new villian." He finished his circle and lowered his hand. "Hayden Lorna! Aka,nurse Alice Denorm. Aka...Haven.the once upon a time sidekick to the Joker! Come down to the stage and lets play,To Save A Life!"
A spolight swing onto me. Enveloping me in its openness. The group gasped and grew silent. Clowns rose from the stands and escorted my trembling body to him. He stood there reassessing me up close. The blonde long hair. Green eyes. Ripped jeans and sneakers. The long sleeved shirt and leather jacket. He nodded his approval and with a grandeur only he could do, pulled the top hat and mustache off to reveal himself.
"You look well baby doll. Very well indeed. I'm surprised you can walk!" He laughed out sinisterly and grabbed for my arm. Pulling me into him. "What's it gonna be kitten? You....or them?" He flung one long pale limb out and taunted me with a smile.
"You know the answer Jack. You knew I made my mind up last night. It will always be my life for theirs." I whispered and looked at the ground.
I would never be able to bring life into the world again. I would never love a tiny soul again. Is never love anyone the way I had once. My whole life had led to this grand moment of sacrificing myself for others. I had to at one for my wrongs commited as Haven. I was strong enough to leave this world to be with my daughter again.
"Ill send our daughter your love." I said to him. Watching his eyes widen as he shook off the multiple voices. With a sad shake of his head he pulled me closer. Mint hitting my senses as I reached out and placed my hands up in defeat and surrender.
"You won't choose option 2? Live and let them die?"
"Til death do us part Jack. I'm ready. Have been for a while."
"No brave words? Witty comebacks?" I shrugged and moved in closer. Breathing in the gunpowder and gasoline smell of him. I shook my head and peered up. Gazing into the blue eyes I had once loved so dearly.
"Nothing but our wedding vows Jack. Til death do us part." I grinned at him a bit. And then drove the knife into his stomach. "I love you. Loved you. And if I go, you go you son of a bitch!" I shouted out. Not bothering to witness the commotion on the stands or the gunfire being opened up on the civilians. Somwhere in the midst a closer gun shot rang out and I glanced at my abdomen. Watching with a horrifying curiosity as blood bled through the shirt and began to fall on the sawdust floor.
"We go together then.." he managed out through blood stained teeth. I pulled the knife from his stomach out and he grabbed my hand. Kissing me once more as a glimmer of sanity hit his eyes. "I am so sorry Hayden. This wasn't the plan. I did love you!" a glob of blood fell from his open mouth and we both collapsed on each other. He had shot me. Hitting an internal organ. Inwas going to bleed to death. I had punctured his stomach. Filling it with blood. We lay side by side on that saw dust floor. Our blood mingling as we both gasped for air. A burning heat invading my body as he watched me.
"She..s-he had your eyes Jack..." I whispered.
Oblivious to the flashing lights I couldn't help but smile. My life was ending with a cheesy last liner and horrible carnival music. Gunshots and stampeding feet. Somewhere I heard a shout saying GCPD and bodies hitting the floor with us. Jacks hand crept towards mine. Closing our hands together like a life raft. Our bushes tears trickled from the corners of our eyes.
"Gotta say it doll...you caught me..with a zinger...one last...joke..for the..Joker."
Blackness was closing in.
"You were.. A wonderful...mom.." He whispered. Closing his eyes.
Our bodies pulled away from each other. Dark and heavy voices filtering through my clogged ears.
"Gordon! She's alive! Medic! I need a medic!"
But I knew it was too late. We were both dying and the chapter in this book was about to end. The world would be free from the Joker and I would be free from the guilt. I had given myself to save everyone.
How surreal. To know its over and to accept it to end this life on kind words to your husband and enemy?
How surreal indeed. Was all I could manage to think before succumbing to the end.
⭐⭐⭐
Beeping. Cold. Bleach. My eyes were pried open by a gloved hand as a pen swiftly etched itself into paper.
"Rapid healing...intimate with Joker...adverse reactions....Both patients stabilized."
"Let Waller know her new subject survived."
"Transport to Belle Reve."
I woke up to Hell.
I was alive.
And so was The Joker.