Bridges.
I dribble the basketball, shooting it. The ball rolls around the rim and soon falls in the hole making the basket. This is what I do to basically think. For the past two days since its been raining, I come in here just to get a lot off my mind. It's been two days since Deanda's confession, and I'm still hurt about it.
I know when I'm done from being in my feelings, that hurt I'll have to face. I know I healed properly, but the devil is still trying to get me down. I won't let him though, I refuse too. The doors to the gym open and I turn around seeing Vaugh, G and King. I called them up because I needs advice. It might not be what I'm looking for, and these niggas might start clowning me but I wouldn't mind it. It's ok to laugh sometimes.
"Nigga this is my turf." G says, snatching the ball from me and makes a lay up. I flag him off and make my way over to King and Vaughn who just chill on the bench. We dap hands as I take a seat and lean back on the bleachers behind me.
"What up g?" Vaughn questions, lacing his sneaks.
"Nothing much man hurt." I admit, shaking my head.
"Damn dude, you look like it. What's going on?" King questions.
"My wife and I are having problems." Sighing heavily, I look down in my lap and flex my jaw.
"You mean Deanda is having problems?" G chuckles, taking something out his back pocket. He hands me a magazine and I read over the article. Deanda is now talking to the press about our situation, well from the looks of it it's her situation.
"Deanda really has serious problems dude. You got yourself a crazy one." G chuckles. I throw the magazine at him screw face.
"Man look. We might be separated right now, but that's my wife until otherwise. Respect her." I warn him.
"I guess, but you really got your self into some shit though."
"She's not crazy though nigga. She doesn't know how to let go of shit. That's her problem." I inform.
"But she-" I cut G off.
"I seen what she said nigga. I can read! Damn." I snap.
"Somebody has their panties in a bunch." King teases and the guys snicker.
"Man look, I don't feel like all that shit. I should of never called yall asses, I need some one to talk to and y'all rather clown me than be a got damn friend." I shake my head in a scoff, flagging them off.
"We ya niggas and our job is to give advice and get you out the funk." King informs.
"Exactly." Vaughn agrees.
"It's doesn't feel to fun to be at the other end of the stick now does it?" G teases. I laugh and flag him off. I guess I know how it feels when we mess with him, and clown him. It's all out of brotherly love though, nothing to discourage him.
"Y'all get on my nerves man, are y'all gone help me or not?" I question looking between all of them.
"Help you with what?" Vaughn asks, standing to his feet.
"On what I should do." I remind in a duh tone.
"Oh that's easy. Divorce her." Gerald laughs, making another lay up. I straight face him, causing both Vaughn and King to laugh.
"I'm not divorcing my wife nigga." I state dryly.
"I wouldn't say divorce her, but I think y'all need some space. You know to see if y'all really want this. It's clear you love her and she loves you, but De seems like the type to not let go. Has she seen a psychiatrist?" Vaghn questions while dribbling the ball.
"Yea, but I think she needs group therapy g. Like you know the show Iyanla Fix My Life?" They all look at me confused so I take out my phone and go to the OWN app. All three of them crowd around me and watch the clip.
"All these women have problems g, some similar and most are different but they have problems. Rather it be with family, friends or ex boyfriends it seems as if they don't want to let go. They keep holding on but why?" I question with the shrug of my shoulders.
"You watch that shit?" G questions screw face.
"Yea nigga, you got a problem?"
"This is like some female shit g. Women sit around and watch this shit, to dwell on their own lives. Men got problems too. They're not the only ones with struggles nigga." G laughs as he shoots the ball.
"It's good for men to watch though nigga. You know how much women go through because of niggas like you?" Vaughn instigates with laughter as he takes the ball. It's the truth though. Women are hurt by a lot of men that act like G. Black women go through a lot g, more than women of any other race.
"He has a point, I mean I watch that show honestly. A lot of men should because you know it's shows you about the stereotype, "the angry black woman." I think it's more of being misunderstood because we don't know how it feels to be them. We don't know what they're going through, why they're going through it or why they feel comfortable to hold on to the shit." I explain as Vaughn passes the ball to me. I make a three point shot as G smacks his lips.
"Look I know I'm a dog and I can admit that, but I'm tired of giving my heart to these broads that I know who aren't worth a damn. Niggas can be victims of that shit too, fuck that." G flags.
"That is true but my boy D here has been fucked over three times, you don't see him dogging women." King informs. G laughs hardly while holding his stomach.
"Nigga I've known this man for years. He use to be a man whore before he settled down into his first relationship. He wasn't always this man who stuck to one woman. He had a lady almost every night." G laughs.
"It wasn't every night though. I had my fair share of women, but I was young and immature." I admit.
"A squirrel just trying to get a nut." Vaughn says causing us all to laugh.
"Chilllll." I chuckle.
"Y'all still haven't given me any advice on what I should I do." I inform them.
"Leave her." G says with the shrug of his shoulder.
"Work it out." King and Vaughn advise dryly in unison.
"Y'all both love one another, it's clear as day. I think y'all should of waited to walk the aisle though, because let's be honest. Deanda isn't fully healed. Her problems are deeper than they appear, but that doesn't mean you give up. You definitely don't give up on your wife because she needs you. She needs that support, and she's not getting that from anyone else. You need to be that glue that holds her together." Vaughn informs.
I nod in understanding as we took turns and shot the ball. What Vaughn said is right. Even thought Deanda and I do need our space and I'm hurt like hell, she's still my wife no matter what. Deanda needs serious help though if we plan to move forward. She's holding on to the past way too tight and it's as she blaming me for it. I've been nothing but a faithful husband, loving and supporting everything she has to offer. Yet she sees me as Marcellus, or whoever else did her wrong. I'm trying to pull it together, but it's like she's pushing me away from all of it.
After a couple games of ball, the guys and I all hop in our cars to grab something to eat. We all had a tastes for the something similar, so Burger King was the decision. We parked in the lot, and enter the fast food place. We stood in line and the place is packed. It seems everyone had the same idea. After a short wait, I place my order and the guys place theres after. I begin to walk to a table and have a seat, blessing my food and begin to eat. That's when a clear of a throat sounded and someone sits across from me. I bite into my burger, looking up at Karman confused. She smiles while taking one of my fries and dips it in a barbecue sauce she decided upon herself to open.
"Hello old friend." She greets and eats the fry. I don't say a thing while chewing my burger.
"You shocked to see me?" She laughs, scrunching up her nose in amusement. I sit back in my seat as the guys come and have a seat. I glare at her as this smirk sits on her face.
"Karman Hoe Ass Reynolds. How you doing girl! You still turkey basting?" G laughs obnoxiously while unwrapping his sandwich. The guys laugh as a smile appears on my face. Karman mocks Gerald in a frown, rolling her eyes. She knew she couldn't argue with that because everyone knows.
"Don't act like that. You done slept with three of these niggas at the table. We niggas is smart." Gerald laughs hardingly.
"No, Darius and King are smart. Your ass slipped up, but that liquor did us both favors." Karman informs, playing with the end of her ponytail.
"And what was that?" Gerald questions.
"It made you past out and shoot blanks nigga." King and Vaughn burst into laughter as I shake my head and continue to eat.
"Whatever, what does your hoe ass want?" G questions.
"First off, let's not call me a hoe. My birth name is Karman therefore call me by my given name. If you want to be disrespectful shrimp dick, minute man and pinky toe is all words of my vocabulary. Try me." Karman warns with attitude. I couldn't help but laugh with King and Vaughn, that last name was funny.
"Whatever yo." G mumbles while eating his food.
"Yea be quiet because you know what it is." She replies.
"What's up though. Why are you here?" King questions.
"Well, I've been busy writing this book." Gerald cuts her off.
"About your hoe past?" He laughs, licking his lips. Us guys join in.
"Yep." Karman admits. We all stop laughing and snatch our heads in her direction shocked. She just looks at us all unbothered shrugging her shoulders. I have to admit, Karman is bold. She's not afraid to admit any of her wrongs. Karman just tells it like it is. She digs in her bag and gives King, G and I a copy of I'm guessing her rough draft of the book. I skim over it, widening my eyes when I read some of things we did.
"The book is called 25 Paths to Fame. I talk about what I've been through from the age of eighteen to now twenty four. Including the many men in and out of my life, and The Three Stooges are characterized. That's you guys by the way. I didn't use your names, but you are labeled as your performance in the book. What we did is all unleashed and nothing was held back. I did lie on your size Gerald." Karman informs. G smacks his lips, flipping through the stapled papers.
"You labeled me as the All Nighter?" King laughs.
"Well it's not a lie. I mean we went all night and it was unforgettable amazing as well. I couldn't leave you out." She says.
"I'm The Drunken Night Cap? And you talking about you lied, I'm really nine inches when hard." G argues.
"Maybe you are." Karman shrugs.
"What does yours say D?" Vaughn questions. I shake my head, dropping the paper on the table.
"Nothing." I murmur while eating the last of my food.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of Darius." Karman laughs, passing Vaughn the paper. I ball up the paper from my burger and eat my fries as I sighed.
"What does it say?" G questions.
"The Passionate Lover." Vaughn clarifies.
"Now why the hell does he have something meaningful, and King and I get the shitty names." G argues.
"Yea." King cosigns.
"Obviously Darius is more passionate than you niggas. No gay shit." Vaughn chuckles.
"Man that's bull. How was he better than me?" G questions screw face.
"My nigga, you past out drunk on top of her. That's what usually drunken night caps and one night standers do." Vaughn clarifies in humor. G flags him off as I push my tray away, licking my lips.
"That doesn't answer my question on why he got the passionate lover though." G laughs, pulling on his goatee.
"Oh my gosh why does it matter?" Karman question him annoyed.
"Because I'm curious."
"Same." King laughs.
"Well, you got copies of one another's night with me. You can read it yourself and find out why his name matches his performance. Now I know y'all are wondering why I brought this to you guys attention, it's so I don't get sued. I know neither one of y'all read, but two out of three y'all do have girlfriends. If they know your sex game bout as I good or better than I do, they'll definitely call you out on it. I just don't want a lawsuit." Karman admits.
"Riiight, because that next book would be called 25 Lawsuits." G informs while laughing, he and King dap hands across the table.
"Oh shut up Gerald." I shake my head as I thought of my performance name. That's really the story of my life sadly. The passionate lover who seems to get hurt with these lies of the vicious females. In the end though, people would say it's just a book, but if they were in my shoes they'd know it was more than just a book.
Karman leaves and after the guys and I clean up our mess, we leave the restaurant. I'm going back to the hotel, but I need some clothes. I'm avoiding to go back home right now, because I want to get my thoughts together. I don't want to go back with hate or anger in my heart. That won't resolve what De and I are going through.
She also doesn't need that stress right now with her health on a fritz. Shay has been keeping me updated, letting me know what's going on. De most likely told Shay the situation because, she told me to take my time with getting myself together. I just want us to work and all of De, that's all I'm asking.
~•~•~•~
Reed.
"Stop Sean you're hurting me!" I screamed as I snatched away from him. Her grips my neck and slams my back against the wall. The pain shooting through my body as I sobbed and tried to push him back but he's too strong.
"What I tell you about that whining shit huh? Huh!" He gritted angrily, squeezing my neck tighter. I held onto his wrist, feeling my breath become short.
"Not too." I winced, jumping when he pointed the gun to my head. Sean cocked it, pressing the iron harder into my temple. My heart raced as the saliva slid straight down my windpipe.
"You know, you're one of my best workers De. I would hate to off you all because your sales have been dropping lately. You wanna get seen in those videos, you gotta sell this last drop or what happens?" He taunts with raised brows.
"You'll kill me." I hitch.
"Not uh baby you gotta do the sound. What happens?" He questioned while letting up his grip on my neck. I closed my eyes as I felt his forehead press against mine.
"Bang." I sniff.
"Right."
BANG.
Throwing the covers back, I scurry to the bathroom and release all the food I ate last night. Dreams like that always make me cringe or just sick to my stomach. Why I had that flashback, who knows.
My mother and I have been looking up specialist that can help me with what I'm going through. We've written down some options and called a couple. Either they didn't answer, or they weren't what I'm looking for.
Darius and I still aren't talking, but he does call My mom and check up on me. At least I know he's concerned about my health. No matter what we're going through. Coughing, I throw up the second time. The chills taking over my body as I spit the last bit of chunks out. I flush the toilet and stand to my feet while rubbing my stomach.
"Deanda?" A deep voice calls. It's Mr. Bridges, coming to get clothes for Darius. Before my mom left to go to the market, she said she left the spare key for Clive to come in. I took out a weeks worth for Darius to choose from. I know the type of clothes Darius likes to wear. Clive would probably be lost on what to pick. After taking care of my hygiene, I exit the bathroom into the master bedroom and retrieve my house coat.
"Deanda." Clive calls again.
"I'm in here." I open the bedroom door and sniff, rubbing the lotion on my hands afterwards. Clive enters the room while I make my way to bathroom again.
"Is this everything?" He questions.
"Yea." I sigh, putting on my face cream.
"How have you been?" He questions.
"Other than the bloating, throwing up and restless nights I'm fine. Yourself?" He chuckles, raising his brows.
"I've been good." He replies. I nod and cross my arms, leaning against the door frame as I watch him packed the clothes.
"How's Darius?"
"He's good. Just taking it day to day." Clive informs. I nod, rubbing up and down my arms.
"Can you tell him I asked about him?" He nods and zips the bag, making his way toward me. I hug him and he hugs me back, patting my back. We pull apart and he leaves out the room, making his way to the door. I follow behind him, and open the exit while watching him travel to his car.
Once he drives off, he honks the horn and I wave while closing the door. I don't know if the Bridges have hate towards me but I do feel tension now since I told Darius of why I said yes. If his parents have a dislike toward me, I truly understand. I can't really do shit about it either. Unless D and I are seeing eye to eye again, than maybe they'll have a little more respect for me again. I enter my room and groan when someone knocks on the door. I just came from the entrance now who could that be?
"Deanda open open this got damn door!" Nivea demands. I swing the door open and turn on my heel to the room, rolling my eyes as Nivea nagged behind me.
"So you're just going to ignore me, Arthur and who ever else. Moping around here like you have-" I cut her off in deep sighs as I climb into the bed. Nivea continues and I watch her pace the floor.
"I don't know what's going on with you, but as your friend I'm worried. Arthur is worried about you. You're not answering our calls or text and I feel some way about that. I can't speak for Arthur, but I can speak for myself. Darius is ignoring my ass too, and I know you have something to do with the shit."
"Nivea please! I'm not in the mood for this bullshit aight!" I inform sternly, turning over in the bed. I pull the covers up to my neck, staring out the window as the tears rolled. I rub my stomach and close my eyes as I think of what I've done. This is all my fault.
"Deanda what's wrong?" Nivea questions in concern.
"Just leave me alone." I sniff, wiping my tears.
"Deanda-"
"Just leave! Please, I don't feel like a lecture or sympathy right now. Just...go." I stress, shaking my head. I hear keys being sat down with a bag. Nivea stoops down beside my bedside and rubs my arm to comfort me. My eyes still closed as I breathe unsteadily, tucking my lips.
"What's the matter De?" I shake my head and sniff.
"Come on you can't hide shit from me now. You know I'll get up all up in your grill." She informs.
"I don't want to talk about it." I murmur saddened.
"Well you have too, keeping it up and bottled inside won't give you a sense of healing." Nivea informs. As I nod in understanding, I sit up and wipe my tears. Nivea kicks off her shoes and climbs in the bed. She sits on Darius side. I've been keeping it empty while waiting for D's return. I feel like Fiona, waiting for her Prince Charming in the movie Shrek. After Nivea had gotten comfortable, I laid my head on her shoulder.
"I messed up." I confess.
"What happened?" Sighing heavily, I play with my nails as I look ahead in huffs.
"Darius and I had went to see Irvin. Remind you, D and I have already separated since the incident of me accusing him of cheating. He's been in a hotel for a week going on two now. Anyway, the meeting with Irvin was intense. Darius and I were arguing, which was part of the process. Once we finished, Irvin was astonished. He said for us to be married for such a short period of time, it seemed as though we've been married for years. Then Irvin dug deeper, asked how the proposal went. Of course I went into defense mode, but Irvin saw through that once Darius told him how it all happened. Him and D called it the change of heart." I sigh.
"What happened after that?" Nivea questions. I grab a couple of tissues and dab my face, not wanting to mess up my face cream.
"I told them that it wasn't a change of heart, and that it was a reflex. Fear of being alone Nivea, that's why I said yes." I mumble.
"Hold the fuck up! You said yes so you wouldn't be alone?" Nivea questions while shrugging me off. I nod and dab my eyes and I sniff again.
"I know it's sounds like I used his heart, but I didn't I swear. I love Darius to death, it's just men in my past have left and done me wrong. I was afraid if I didn't say yes, Darius would leave me for someone else or just give up on me period. Past relationships experienced men lied to me, say they love me or just plain do me wrong. Darius is someone different, and something I knew no one could have. So I said yes, not only of fear but for love as well. The way it came out at the session though it didn't seem like that." I mumble, and blow my nose.
"Aww De. Did you at least try explaining yourself?" I nod and shrug.
"He wouldn't listen. I think I really tore his heart into pieces Nivea. I'm afraid of loosing him, I guess I can give myself a round of applause because I did it. He's not coming back to me." I mumble.
"Don't say that De." Nivea sympathizes.
"I'm serious. He won't talk to me, answer my calls or text. I've tried reaching out to him on social media, blogs and magazine entries. Nothing."
"You just need to give him time to think De. Give him some space. In the meantime, you need to get yourself on track. Find some group therapy or something to get rid of these grudges you're holding onto. If you don't, you'll lose Darius for sure." Nivea informs.
I nod and sigh, knowing this will be a long process but it has to be done. Darius is suffering from my past and he hasn't done anything but be a loving husband. I can't keep blaming and pointing the finger at him. It's not his fault, it's my own.
I've been stuck between this rock and hard place for years. I know that, and the people who are close to me know that we'll. It's time to let go of the past so I cane move forward. And also be happy. That's all I ever wanted was happiness.
~•~•~•~
Bridges.
"Not the father." I told Brenda as I leaned on the car. We both got calls today that the results from the test were in. I told Brenda from the gate, but she wanted to the test done anyway to be one hundred percent sure. She is a mother, that is desperate to know the father of her nine year old daughter. The test showed she could rule me out, but the real question was who this forth dude that died? Did I know him? If it's Scope of Chris I'm done seriously. I would also be convinced that this world is too damn small, ain't no coincidence either that's a full blown set up.
"So who's the father?" I questions. Brenda sighs, unlocking her car.
"You wouldn't know him." She flags.
"Was it someone I knew?" She shakes her head, sighing heavily.
"Not personally. His name was Quincy Banks." She concludes.
"Oh so you was on your ebony and Ivory shit huh? Had a baby by a white man. He was rich as shit too, and you didn't even let him know you had his child. You know how much money he would of left the both of you?" I scoff a laugh and shake my head. Brenda sighs heavily and slams her door while getting in.
"It's not about the money, it's about my child knowing both her parents. I guess I'll have to tell her the best way I possibly can." She sighs, taking off. I shake my head as my phone goes off, a social media notification. Deanda posted something and mentioned me, but I'm not even worried about that right now.
As I get in my truck, I look down in my lap sighing heavily and unlock my phone. It's killing me on this separation shit, but we need time apart to think things through. A smile plasters my face when I see she made a collage and a whole speech on how she loves me.
It won't whew me back in, but it's a start definitely. I respond with an I love you too, the likes and the comments going up by two seconds. I lock my phone and pull off while making my way to my charity event, than I have other things to do after that. Money has to be made.
The guys advice to Darius. Do you agree?
Karman's book though. Will that bring more fuel to the fire?
Deanda wanting to let go. Do you think with a group therapy session she'll be more open?
Nivea being that support De needs. Thoughts?
Darius still showing the love back to De. Your thoughts?