Chapter Soundtrack:
The passengers - Let Her Go
Dedicated to RosieToovey for the song selection
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•°Hey Y'all°•
Ooh i did a double update!
Well.. since it's 1am i guess it doesnt count :/
So.. we have one death down. Anita. That was obviously coming. Now we have one more... awaiting us.
In the next chapter 💀
And we have a secret to uncover.
What's Deacon hiding? Get out your sweet tea and popcorn bc its ab to go doooowwwwn. Make sure you listen to the songs with the chapter if i have one up!
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Nova
Feeling a bit of happiness seep into my shattered soul, my steps became light.
I know rejecting Conrad's offer was the right thing for me to do. I would have regretted it eventually.
I know Zaryn loves me... i do. But he and his wolf are so caught up in losing his pup with Grace that he has put me on the back burner.. it hurts..
im jealous of the time he spends with her..
i deserve to be treated better than how he has treated me.. this entire time.
I feel the truth when he says he loves me.. and i hate that i love him too. I hate that i want him. But i can't do this anymore.
The way he looks at Grace.. he's truthful about not loving her but she is carrying his future. Somehow.. in some twisted way.. he has created this fear of losing his pup to us creating the mate bond.
I can't wrap my head around how he can care about that pup so much that it takes him away from me.. to the point where he puts her before me. I know males.. especially alpha bloods.. they are so paternal. Wolves in general are extremely parental.. Grace has even fallen in love with the pup in her belly. Both of them are so scared that something will happen to the pup that they have both neglected everything else. He spends his time with her in hopes its born.
But if she were to lose it, wouldn't everything be so much easier? For both of them? I guess im heartless or maybe its because i dont know how it feels.
It hurts so bad that i died inside the day i told him i didnt want to be with him anymore. I'm sure he didnt think i was serious.. he figured i would stay away and let him back in again.
Well not this time.
I've been burned too many times by him. My heart is too big.. thats why i love so easily.. thats why i set myself up constantly.
But it makes me think...
I know he doesn't love her.. but he has to care about her. He did things with her.. they are going through this pregnancy together. They talk. He kissed her that one time.. it drives my wolf insane.
It hurts so bad inside, not knowing. I could peek inside his mind if i wanted the truth but im too afraid to do that. I havent accessed the mate bond out of fear..
Im glad im doing this.. im glad I'm leaving.
I can understand his love for the pup.. but i cant understand his dismissal of me.. begging me to support him. To understand.
I can't.
As i walked further down the dirt road, the moons silver light lighting my way, I felt the hole where my heart should be, quiver.. The need to be with my mate. To calm me.. I couldn't relish in that delicacy.. I only had one person to rely on.
Myself. And my wolf.
Approaching the front yard of the pack house, there were wolves crowded around. Picking up my pace, curiosity getting the best of me, i saw two stretchers being loaded into two seperate trucks. One held a bloodied and beaten Zaryn, naked from the shift.. the other, Grace. Still unconscious from when I saw them earlier.
This couldn't be good.
My brother.. Nic. He was fully clothed ..and he was shouting something at one of the other wolves as he helped load Grace in the back of truck, hopping in with her.
I picked my legs up, running to the truck before it could head down the road to Doc's. Bounding up to the tailgate, Nic turned to me.. his expression one of worry. He was bleeding from his lip and had gouges in his skin.. a bruise forming on his jaw.
"What happened!?" I shouted up to him over the roar of the engine.
Glancing down at Grace, then me.. he came to the edge of the truck bed, face flustered from the fight.
"I kicked your mates ass is what happened. He thinks he has rights to her just because she is carrying his pup.. he doesn't! He's hurt. My wolf sunk its teeth in his fore leg, the tendons are mauled but he'll live. For now." His eyes flashed dangerously. I peered into the truck at grace who was lying on the stretcher.. on her back. My wolf wanted to eacape then.. she was lying right there for the taking.. no one would be able to stop her if she went through with it.
Nic looked down to where i was looking. "Grace went into hysterics when i took her away from thr trials. She had a panic attack..she said her stomach was cramping up then passed out in my arms just as Zaryn ran for me. He tried to wrench her body out of my arms so i kicked him in the gut and placed Grace down. Thats when we shifted and you came. Thank by the way." His mossy eyes met mine.
I frowned. "For what?"
"For not going to get someone. For not breaking up the fight. My wolf needed that. He needed to put Zaryn in his place. He doesn't deserve you Nova. I dont either. You are better than all of us." The corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he gave me a small smile before smacking the tail gate of the truck, signaling he was ready to go. "Oh get ready Nova!" He shouted. "The males are already talking about challenging zaryn and Deacon!"
The truck took off down the dirt road towards Doc's as i stood there, dust billowing in the air around me.. taking everything in.
I paled at his parting words.. those challenges would come in full force
My wolf whined.. wanting to go to her mate. To comfort him.
I, however, didn't want to be in the same room with him let alone the same building. He got what he deserved. My wolf was becoming harder and harder to stuff back down deep inside myself.. she was becoming so strong that it was taking so much effort on my part to force her out of my mind.
I need to leave quickly. Tomorrow evening I'll be saying goodbye. Forever. I'll still keep in touch with my family and Eden though..
Realizing i would be gone this time tomorrow.. it was bittersweet. So many memories.. but it wasnt safe for me here. Nor my wolf. The painful memories seemed to trump the good ones even though the bad have only lasted six months. Six months of heart ache.. six months of feeling alone. Of being toyed with..
I got the male. But at what price?
I wouldn't be seeing him anymore.. the mark would never go away but I could use this time to focus on myself. To heal. To grow. Hopefully when i leave, Zaryn realises what he lost and it hurts him. If that pup lives, it will be the only thing he has.
Then i remembered my mission..
Shaking myself out of my thoughts, i decided to head home. There were a lot of letters i needed to write.. get my things together.. formulate an escape plan.. i was going to be a busy wolf tonight.
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The next morning
I watched my curtains as they changed.. from darkness behind their panels to a light teal as the sun came up, rising in the sky. For hours i watched.. not being able to close my eyes and sleep.. the emptiness in my soul along with the adrenaline rush of leaving.. it had my mind in a flurry of thoughts all night and all morning.
I sighed heavily, rubbing my tired eyes and threw the covers off my body, dragging myself out of bed.
The sun peered through the opening between my curtains, blinding me momentarily as i padded to my vanity table. There, sitting on its surface were the letters i had written last night, explaining my departure.
One for my mom and dad.
One for Nic.
One for Eden.
Those are the only people who deserved an explanation. Zaryn wouldn't get one.. and Deacon would be coming with me.
They all explained pretty much the same thing..
That i couldn't be here anymore.. that my wolf was becoming too strong for me to handle.. i was seeing images from my wolf.. she wanted the pup crushed between her jaws and i feared her desires. That i couldn't stay because of the mess Zaryn had made.. that i was dying inside.. that i just wanted to get away and live my life.. i would keep in touch but i needed to do this for myself.
I took the letters, folded in their envelopes and stuffed them in a purse I put my essentials in.. i dont normally carry a purse but tonight i would need one.
My bags were packed and waiting in my closet.. the only thing left to do were tie up loose ends.
As i padded to the bathroom, i couldn't shake this eerie feeling that something bad was going to happen tonight..
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Once i showered and changed, keeping it simple in black leggings and a mid thigh length button up with black uggs with my hair piled high on my head, just in case i had to run or shift..
i managed to hold down my lunch despite my nerves. I couldn't stop the nagging inside my.. the adrenaline mixed with the nervousness.. this would be my last time here..
Conrad had met me at my house, my parents gone for the day. He helped me get all my luggage in his truck so I wouldn't have to lug them down to his cabin later.. it saved me time. There was more things i needed to do before we left.
Conrad also seemed in high spirits .. as if he were excited i was coming with him. I felt that he was indeed lonely and if he saw a friend in me.. even though it completely weirded me out that i resembled his late mate, Grace's mother.. He still opened his home to me and for that I would be forever grateful. This was my chance at happiness.
To be who i wanted to be.
To be away from the heart ache and desperately lonely feelings.
Once he left, my bags packed in the tail bed of his truck, he went back to the cabin to get his own things together. I told him i was going to go see Eden and my brother up at Doc's before i began working on the Deacon details.. he wanted to say goodbye to Grace but he wasn't sure if Grace even wanted to see him. He would take the chance before we left, he said.
My nerves pulsating through my stomach as i trudged up the road.. to Doc's.. The crisp autumn air blowing past my skin.. cooling the heated flesh. Leaves crunched beneath my boots as more and more colorful leaves covered the ground each day.. decaying. Just like my soul..
I needed to see Eden and my brother one last time... I didnt want to see Zaryn though.
As i rounded the curve of the dirt road, i prayed he would be incompassitated so i wouldnt have to lay eyes on him
Confusion etched on my face as i walked up to the clinic, Alpha Blake was sat on the porch next to Luna Penelope.. my mom and dad holding each other near the big oak tree in the yard while Nic was on the opposite side of the yard.. talking to Eden.
What was everyone doing here?
Alpha and Luna i understood but why were my parents here?
"Nova?" My mom called out, unwrapping herself from my dad's arms as she approached with soft eyes. "What are you doing here? To see Zaryn?" She gazed at me warily.
Shaking my head, i couldnt help the look of disgust.. "No. I came to see Nic.. what are you guys doing here?"
"Nic is having a tough time.. his wolf is going crazy. Zaryn is healed but he's in the room with Grace.. checking on her." Her lips pursed.
Rolling my eyes. "That figures. I need to talk to Nic. Be right back." I gave her a tight lipped smile as i moved past her, taking cautious steps toward a Nic who was perched with Eden close to the window of one of the rooms. I could overhear them talking to each other but didn't think now was the time to butt in.
"Eden.. im really sorry about what happened.. I was just there.. and i felt alone.. you are such a beautiful female.. I-"
"Nic its okay" she gave him a tight smile as she glanced down at her heels. "You dont have to aplogise." Her face lifted. "I cant ever have a mate.. just fun. But i appreciate you taking the time to tell me... it means a lot." She smiled brightly. "Besides.. im an Oracle. Its a pretty big thing yanno?" A grin.
He sighed, wrapping her in his arms. "Thank you for being so cool about this. I hope we do stay friends.. and i mean that."
Her expression dropped, her eyes far away but he couldnt tell because she waa wrapped in his arms. "Me too." She whispered, pulling away to flash him her dazzling smile.
"Ahem" i cleared my throat.
They both turned to look at me with surprise. "Nova?" They greeted in unison.
Suddenly an angry roar came from within the building and Zaryn who's wolfs eyes were peering out came bursting out the door, his eyes briefly on me before they landed on Nic. He healed rather quickly i must say.
"You!!!! You slept with Eden!?! Grace just heard the entire thing! She's in there crying her eyes out! She cant go through anymore trauma!!! Im this close to losing my pup!!" He tried to run up on Nic but Blake grabbed Zaryn, holding him back.
Nic narrowed his eyes. "Nah let him go Blake.. let him get his ass whooped again. He needs to learn his place. Im the next Alpha if i want it. Remember that. I would take it out of spite just to piss you off Zaryn!" He chuckled darkly, brushing past us all toward the door of the clinic. "I need to see her."
"No!" Zaryn ran out of Blakes grip to stand in front of him. "She doesn't want to see you! Shes in enough pain from everything. I need to keep her healthy so i can have my pup!"
Nic laughed menacingly. "Thats all you care about. You dont give a shìt about Grace! I'm the one who cares about her.you have a mate Zaryn! Shes standing right over there!!! Watching you go to another... you pay her no mind! So much as to the point shes done with you!! You set yourself up for failure and neither of you realise that this would all go away if you let nature take it's course and the pup dies!! Can't you see it was never meant to be born!? But if it is.. dont worry ill treat it as if it were my own." He rose a lip, showing teeth.
Zaryn growled, his eyes turning back to me with a look of longing.. he wanted to go to me.. but he wouldnt. Turning back to Nic, he rared his fist back and landed it right to his jaw, knocking him to the floor as he stepped over him and into the clinic..
To go back to grace.
So Grace knows now...
At least Zaryn isn't mad that shes upset. That would say more ..
Nic.. rose from the ground.. his veins popping out, chest puffed.. his alpha was coming through
"Hey." I approached him, his eyes snapping up to me.
"Nova I'm going to kill him. I don't care if he is my half brother or not.. this has gone on long enough." He spat angrily.
I stayed calm, my hand reaching out to take his curled fist, uncurling it as i pressed my hand in his in a soothing manner. He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
He looked down at me incredulously. "You're sorry? You're the one thats marked. I should be sorry for you, Noh," his hand pressed against my cheek as i stared up into his eyes.
Those eyes... those green mossy eyes.. theu kept flicking down to my mark.. back up to my eyes.. down to my mark again before something.. somthing like determination set in him.
He leaned in, his lips closing in toward me ear. "Im going to do something crazy... insane even. Promise me that you wont hate me. I need your promise." He hissed lowly, head moving back to look at me.. his eyes glowing with his wolf..
I knew what he was about to do....
"Only if you make the same promise to me." My whispers fanned out into his chest as we stood toe to toe. He narrowed his eyes slightly.. studying me. "I promise. As long as its not running back to zaryn."
Shaking my head i let out a sarcastic laugh. "Just because hes my mate means nothing. I can live a little without him.. find myself." I pointedly gazed up in his eyes and right then he knew.
"Well then little sister. I promise. And you promise not to hate me right?'"
Looking from the front door and back to Nic i sighed. "If it makes you happy.. I'll understand. I want you to be happy."
A grin broke out as he picked me up in his arms, squeezing me tight. "Thank you Nova. You may want to get out of here tonight because this is going to cause a shīt storm..."
"I am" i kissed him on the cheek before he let me down, turning and waltzing inside as Alpha Blake tried to stop him with no Avail.
Grace
I couldn't stop the tears from flowing from my eyes.. hearing that.. that Nic had sęx with Eden.. he betrayed his promise to me..
I know i cant say anything.. i cant. But never would i have ever done that with Zaryn if I wasnt in my heat.. undetected. I cried for the mate i knew i had the moment i saw him..
The words he said to me that night behind my cabin...
I'll never forget them.
I loved him the moment i saw him but i truly fell for him that night. Its always only ever been Nic.
I know I shared a breif peck of a kiss with Zaryn that time on the mountain top but it was more out of lonely desperation.. I understood his pain.
He sits here with me now.. holding my belly.. soothing our pup. I dont see him as anything more than a friend and he feels the same way about me..
We screwed everything up.. everything. I wont deny this pup should never have been created but it was. I fell in love with him from the first kick.. from the first photo i saw of him.. i could never kill a growing life knowingly.. and Zaryn shares that same moral now. His wolf.. our wolves .. we know we are hurting our mates with this pregnancy and i would change it if i could.. but i cant!
I hate myself.. for all the things ive done for Anita.. losing her was still hard.. painful. Even if she has ruined my life. I've lost both my father's.. the only mother i knew.. I've lost my respect.. my morality.. but i believe everyone deserves a second chance and i plan to make it up to everyone.. show them the real female i am. Not the one thay followed orders from Anita.. our of fear conrad would reject me. I loved Conrad all my life as my father... if he hadnt said those awful things to me.. denied me.. rejected me.. i would have accepted his apology when he asked me to be his daughter again but I felt it was only because he knew i was mated to an alpha blood. I wasnt sure if he meant it. He hurt me.
I contradict myself with second chances.
I should have came clean.
I should have never hurt Nova the way i have.. starting those false fights.. doing the disgusting things I have done. Im still going to be punished for it.. but not until the pup is born. If its born which oddly i hope it is because i love him. Nic promised me he would love him too.. that he would still love me if i had him..
He's tried to be here for me. But Zaryn wont let him.. Zaryn's wolf is so possesive over the pup that he won't let Nic even touch me because he doesnt want another male around his pup.. but i hate it for him.
He needs to stop this.. he needs to go to his mate. She's hurting because of me once more and he doesnt reliase he is only making things worse for me...
I know i cant be a hypocrite... but it hurts my heart so badly that Nic slept with Eden.. after all he said to me that night.. i thought he would fight for me.. i prayed he would anyway. I hated seeing his face the day we were confronted about the crimes i commited under Anita's orders.. but i did them. I felt guilty for not tell them what i knew about Deacon though...
"Zaryn." My voice croaked through the tears as i turned to him. His eyes lifted to mine.. showing that sky blue that swirled with a tinge of silver.
"You need to go to Nova. Ill be fine. I want some time to myself .. she needs you right now. I thank you for taking up for me to Nic out there... but you have neglected her.. its not right."
He sighed, rubbing his face as he leaned back in the chair. "I want to.. i really do. You know how much i love her.. but my wolf wont let me leave the pup.. he's agraid something will happen when im not here. That someone will try and hurt him.. besides. Nova's wolf is blood thirsty to the point shes surging forward and Nova cant stop her much longer.. i see pictures from her wolf of tearing the pup out of you." He choked back a sob.
I gasped, my hand instinctively going to my belly. "This is all your fault! You should mever have left her! I would have been fine but your wolf is causing me more problems with Nova and im trying to make amends! I cant when you make it worse!"
He leaned forward. "Shh you dont need to get stressed Grace. Nova has made it clear she doesn't want me around right now... i dont know whats going on.. our bond feels like its withering because she wont open her walls to me and is making me keep mine closed as well so she doesn't snap and her wolf take control to come find you.. but i need her.. i cant stop these feelings.. the skin and the wolf being at opposite ends. I want to protect our pup but i need my mate with me." He bowed his head. "I love her so much.. but she feels betrayed and i understand.. i just cant stay away from the pup which inadverdantly means i cant stay away from you. It fuels her jealousy." He sobbed.
I sighed as the tears dried on me face.. things were ugly as it was.
My attention was caught as the door burst open, my head whipping to face a seething menacing Nic standing in the doorway... Zaryn jumped up instantly ready to protect me from him.. he didnt want him around me.
"Zaryn leave. Please." I spoke confidentially.
Glancing back at me, he nodded once. "Ill be right outside." He eyed Nic as he walked past him, bumping his shoulder. I groaned inwardly at his childish move. He needs to grow up.
As soon as the door shut, it was just Nic and I.. the tingles shooting along my body where his eyes felt.. landing on my swollen belly that i clutched protectively. The tears forced their way back out as i began to cry just looking at him.. thinking about him with Eden.. kissing her.. doing things to her that i never experienced with him.
But im unworthy.
"Please dont cry." His mask of rage faded and now he was seeping in sorrow.. a sadness that i havent seem from him which made me cry harder.
He took my hand. "Please. Im sorry. Im so sorry.. im sorry that you are hurt.. but Zaryn hadnt left your sight.. you dont even ask for me."
I gaped at him. "He forces himself to be here! I cant control him! Not even his own mate bond helps! And the last i heard from you.. i thought you'd never want me again.. for the awful thing i did.. the awful things i have done.." i peered away from him, ashamed of myself and the wolf Anita led me to be. I was just so scared of being alone.. without her. She made it seem like i could find a mate in a pack that would possibly bring harm to me.. that i needed her protection..
"I can't deny what i feel for you. Despite everything here i am. I may be an idiot but im here." He came closer, sitting on the edge of the bed right next to my hip. "You really want this pup? Not mine?" He was hurt.
Closing my eyes, i sighed. "I do.. i do want this pup because i fell in love with him.. no matter the father. I could have been raped by a stranger and id still love this pup. I know its not what you want to hear but its true. I dont want to be known as the bad guy or the mean girl. I just want to be me. I want to make my own decisions.. and i cant deny i love my son. My wolf loves him." I peered up into his tear filled eyes. "But i would love any pup i had. Of course i would want your pup.."
"You know it makes it difficult because hes my half brother. If you and i ever had a pup.. and this pup lived? They would be brother cousins. Do you know how horrible that sounds?" His voice was strained.
I never thought of it that way.. tears built up in my eyes thicker than the last as my face scrunched. "Im so sorry Nic. Im so sorry.."
He placed a kiss on my forehead. "Im sorry too. For eden.. it meant nothing i was.. i was just hurting. Never again though. I don't know what will happen between us but you now have the choice to make your own decisions..."
He leaned down, wrapping his arms around me which instantly caused me to relax.. nose in my neck, inhaling..all the sparks and the strumming of a soothing electrical curent had me sighing in bliss.
"Im sorry Grace. Forgive me."
I was about to ask for what but then i felt it. His canines.. exposed.. lodging deep in the crook of my neck.. all the way to the gum. My eyes widened as my mouth fell open but no scream came out. Instead.. i moaned out in pleasure as he held me to him.. for a moment.. i felt all his emotions. All his thoughts flit through my mind. I saw myself and the way he sees me.. pure pleasure radiated from within my body for moments before he removed his teeth.. licking the spot he marked before placing a kiss there.
My breathing became labored as he pulled awah and stared down at me with guilt.. but happiness.
"What did you do!?" I whispered harshly. "What did you just do! "
Suddenly a severe cramp rolled through my pelvis.. one that seemed to claw at my insides and i screamed.
Nic jumped up and then Zaryn burst through the door as he glanced around between the two of us.. eyes landing on my mark as i writhed in pain.
"You son of a bïtch!!!" Zaryn screamed, dragging Nic out of the room as Nic swiped at his arm with a clawed hand. He peered over to me. "Forgive me Grace. I had to. My wolf."
Its always the wolf.
The doctor came rushing in as soon as Zaryn and Nic began thrashing at each other down the hall and i felt like my insides were being shredded by claws.. my entire stomach clenching with contractions.
He was coming. Three months early.
Because of Nic.
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Dun dun dun..
So im thinking i like the spelling Xaryn now better than Zaryn. I originally battled with this before i wrote the story and decided on Z but now i like X. I totes dont want to change it throughout the story now bc that will take FOREVER but i may or may not start typing it that way. Idk.
Also! So who saw that coming!?!?! I know most of you are sad but.. Deacon had a secret. We find that out next chapter.
I added Graces pov to serve a purpose. I wanted you to see what Nic said to her inside the clinic amd i wanted you to see her persepctive on Zaryn and Nova.
Conrad is stoked Nova is coming with him.. i originally was going to end this chapter with them taking off but decided to change it up..
To all you Nonrad shippers.. sorry but you may not have gotten what u wanted but they do form a sort of bond eventually.. but nova does change.
Zaryn changes too. They all change. Even Nic. And Grace. Penelope too...
Most of you think Zaryn doesn't love Nova. He does. He truly does but in trying to convey that but he has grown to love his pup as mich as the wolf does. His wolf is alpha blood still so he is super protective. So many threats surround the pup bc no one wants it to live so the wolf feels like he needs to protect it. He wants nova as well but knkws nova hates him for this. He just can't control it. As a person that has been pregnant.. especially when you are 6 months? You feel an unyielding love for the baby inside you.. like your parental instincts kick in and you will kill for them
But it still doesnt mean Z is right. He just doesnt know what to do bc either way, nova doesnt understand. Shes never been pregnant. She gets it but she has been put on the back burner white too long that nail her emotions are getting the best of her and rightfully so. She feels jealous and she feels hurt as she should so basically this is one sticky situation that neither one of them can deal with properly but Nova is in her right to feel the way she does but also is there and is in his right as a parent to feel protective its just too situations that are extremely messed up when it comes to them being mates.
I love all your comments! I love the ideas some of you have! If there are any ideas from your theories i like.. i may add them in and run with it, giving you a dedication!
Dont forget to send me music for my chapters bc i need some!!!!!
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Chilee