“How have you sat in here for the last three days?” Sabrina asked. She was sitting on the couch looking at her phone, clearly bored.
I couldn’t stop the laugh that came out of my mouth. I loved the girl to death, but she just didn’t get it. “Actually,” I walked over to where she was sitting, and took a seat behind her. I winced from the pain of the surgery when I sat down. “I haven’t been in this room that much. Whenever annoying people like you aren’t here, I’m in the NICU with Val.”
“So what do you do? Just sit there?” She raised her eyebrows at me.
“Yeah.”
Her attention went back down to her phone. “Well that seems boring.”
Even though Sabrina was my best friends, and she would never do anything to hurt my feelings, that comment got to me. I was a new person now, and even I was still trying to understand everything. I didn’t know two things about being a parent, but I did know that my daughter needed me. If I had to sit by her every hour that I could then I would to that.
Now, because of her ignorant comment, I was getting defensive. “It isn’t boring. I’m not doing it to get entertainment. I go in there because she is my daughter. If I can’t have her in here with me I’ll go in there to her.” I stood up and went back to the hospital bed.
Right as I was laying down, Aleeah and Katlyn came walking into the room. They had been visiting Valentina. Only two people were allowed in the NICU at a time to see her, and since they were leaving to go back to Cambridge, I let them have as much time with her as they wanted.
“How’s she doing?” I asked them. Aleeah took a seat at the end of the bed while Katlyn sat down next to Sabrina.
“Great.” Katlyn smiled. “They kicked us out though because they are going to feed her, and all that other fun stuff they have to do.”
I nodded my head. It hurt my feelings knowing I wasn’t the one to get to feed her. I was actually looking forward to start breast feeding. It’s something I had always planned on, and now I can’t even do that. Now the food, the formula, my daughter is getting is being fed to her through a tube that goes down her nose and into her stomach. I wanted to be the one to change all of her diapers, and burp her, and cradle her when she was crying.
“She already looks a lot better than she did a few days ago. You’ve got yourself a healthy baby Rose.” Aleeah smiled at me. She knew how I felt about the whole nurses taking care of Valentina thing. She said that she would feel the same way if it were her.
“I know, and this morning I swear she smiled at me.” I laughed. Katlyn and Aleeah laughed also.
Sabrina didn’t find that funny though.”She can’t smile yet.” She stated.
My sisters and I turned out attention to her. “Sure she can. It’s just involuntary. Like a reflex they have or something.” Katlyn tried to explain. Her logic didn’t seem right, but it was good enough for me.
There was an awkward silence in the air. I didn’t know what I should say, or what I should do. Sabrina was acting different ever since Valentina was born. It was almost like she was jealous of how happy I was. I didn’t want to confront her about anything though. The hospital setting wasn’t the place to do that. We would only end up causing a scene, so I decided to let it go for now. I didn’t need that added stress.
“So?” Aleeah started. I moved my gaze from Sabrina to her. “When is Zayn getting back? And where did he go? This is like the first time he’s been gone since you got in here.”
“He went home for a little bit. He said he needed to do some things before I came home. God only knows what he is doing.” I leaned over to the table next to the bed to retrieve my phone. Zayn had been texting me the entire time he was gone, but it had been a while since I heard from him.
Katlyn started laughing to herself. “What, dork?” Aleeah asked.
“I was just thinking that he’s probably preparing himself to get it in tonight.” Katlyn explained, earning a laugh from Aleeah as well. “You did say you’d have sex with him after the baby was born, right?” The two of them kept on laughing.
I shook my head, and tried as hard as I could not to smile. “He’s going to have to wait for that. The doctor has to clear it first. Well, he really only said to wait until there was no more bleeding. It could be a few weeks before anything happens.”
“You’d think that after this whole situation happened you would avoid having sex. I mean it’s pretty clear how fertile your eggs are. If I were you I’d keep my legs closed for a while.” Sabrina said, shocking all of us even more.
“You could be a little empathetic to the situation.” Aleeah bluntly retorted.
Sabrina rolled her eyes and looked back down at her phone. “Whatever. All I know is that Rose shouldn’t worry about getting laid.”
“And I’m not.” I cut in. I didn’t want Aleeah, or Katlyn, having to defend me against my best friend. “I’m more worried about Val, and if you can’t see that then you can leave.”
My statement made Sabrina’s eyes dart up to mine. It looked like she didn’t know what to say. “I will then. If you can’t see that I’m having a hard time like you, then you can stop talking to me.”
“How are you having a hard time? You aren’t the one who’s going to have to leave your newborn daughter at a hospital for who knows how long. You don’t have to deal with that, and and everything else that is going to come with it.” I said.
She knew I was making sense because before I knew it she was off the couch and gathering her things. Sabrina was doing exactly what she always does when we have some sort of disagreement: run away from the situation. We always fixed things in the end, but she never wanted to deal with anything when it was happening.
As she was getting ready to leave, Zayn came walking back into the room. He looked refreshed. Him leaving was the first time he had gone in the last three days. I told him I’d be fine if he wanted to go home and sleep for a night, my mom had offered to stay with me, but he refused to leave me here alone. He knew how emotionally unstable I was knowing Valentina’s condition.
“You leaving Sabrina?” He asked her, handing me some food he picked up on the way back. I was starting to get tired of hospital food.
“Yep.” He answer was short.
Zayn looked her with a puzzled expression. “Okay. Well it was good to see you again. And just so you know, you can come in and visit Valentina whenever you’d like. Your name is on the visitor list.” He gave he a close mouthed smiles. She didn’t even look at him. All she did was nod her head before muttering a “bye” and walked out the door. Zayn looked at me for an explanation.
“Don’t ask.” I told him before taking a big bite of the sub sandwich he brought me.
“I don’t want to know anyway.” He took a seat next to me. “So, you packed everything up, right? Because they are going to discharge you soon.”
The thought of not being able to be here all the time was hard for me. “Yeah. We aren’t going home though after they release me.”
“I know. We’ll stay with Valentina for a while, but we can’t stay all night. You know that.” Zayn picked a tomato off my sandwich and ate it.
“Why can’t we? We’re allowed in there whenever we want.”
“Sweetheart, you have to go home. We need to be able to accept that this is what is happening.” He was right. As much as I didn’t want to be an adult, I had to be. Other people go through this too. We aren’t the only ones that have had to leave their baby at the hospital.
I took another bite of my food, and didn’t say anything else after that. I was too busy thinking about how I was going to handle the limited time I had left with my daughter.
-------------------------------------------
The rest of the day went by way too fast. After I got discharged, my family decided it was time for them to go back to Cambridge. Seeing my family made me happy, and as much as I wanted to see them for Christmas, I knew that wasn’t an option anymore. Valentina would still be in the hospital then, and I couldn’t leave her here alone.
I cried when they left. My mom and dad told me how proud of me, and Zayn, they were. They never expected to be grandparents at such a young age, but they were just as in love with Valentina as I was. Katlyn and Aleeah also told me they were proud of me, and how I’ve grown over the last seven months. I have become a different person, and I honestly loved the woman I’ve matured into.
After they were gone, Zayn and I sat by Valentina’s side. Only leaving her when the nurses had to do their routine with her. We watched from the glass window as they took care of our daughter for us.
It was a lot harder than normal sitting there, knowing I wouldn’t be able to spend the night in close proximity to her. What if something happened, and we weren’t here to be with her? I would feel like I failed as a mother then. Even though I had no control over her being born early, I felt as if it were my fault for not being able to carry her for ten weeks longer.
My head was resting on Zayn’s shoulder. I was sleepily watching his hand as he delicately brushed a finger along Valentina’s cheek. It was coming up on midnight, and we had been sitting there for close to eight hours. Neither one of us seemed to be strong enough to leave her side just yet. I started to close my eyes because I thought that Zayn would let us stay here all night, but that didn’t happen. He noticed I was falling asleep, and gently shook me to a somewhat awake state.
“We should go.” He said, looking into my tired eyes. I shook my head in denial. “Yes, babe we can’t be here all night. You need to sleep. We have to go home.” This time I nodded my head, but didn’t move. I wasn’t ready to leave.
“Can we stay another hour?” I asked, the tears were starting to form in my eyes.
Zayn kissed my temple. “No.” He whispered into my ear.
Reluctantly, I stood up, stepping close to the incubator holding Valentina. My hands were placed on top of the glass enclosing her. I looked down at the tiny infant who was still hooked to all of the machines. Her little chest moved up and down slowly. He head was tilted to the side, and her arms were laid out up next to her head. She was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life.
Without saying a word to Zayn, I kissed my thumb and stuck my hand into the incubator, brushing it along her bottom lip. If I wasn’t allowed to kiss her for real, then that was going to have to do. I brought my hand out, and bent down. “I love you.” I whispered into the box. I hoped she could hear me.
Before I could do anything else, like refuse to go home, I left the NICU. Zayn was left in there to say goodbye however he wanted to. I couldn’t be in there though.
Moments after I stepped into the hallway, Zayn appeared. He instantly brought me into a hug. I started sobbing into his chest. We stood like that for a few minutes. My crying hadn’t lessened at all, but Zayn wrapped an arm around my waist and walked us down the hallway to the elevators.
The whole time we waited for the elevator to come, and the whole time we were descending to the first floor, he was whispering how much he loved me into my ear, and how strong I was, and how happy he was to finally have a family. Those things only made me cry harder.
When we reached the first floor, we stepped out into the main lobby. It was completely empty except for the few worker that had the graveyard shift.
I looked across the lobby, and into the night outside. The sliding doors were just waiting for us to walk through them. The dimly lit parking lot was waiting for us to walk across it, and Zayn’s car was just waiting for us to drive it away from this place.
Our feet carried us across the tiled floor. Mine stopped right before the doors. This was it. I was leaving my daughter for real now. Zayn stepped in front of me, wiping the tears from my eyes and kissing my forehead, before leading me out into the dark. Each step across the pavement was one step farther away from my daughter. I couldn’t look back. It would only make me run back in there.
I got into the car the instant Zayn unlocked it, buckling myself in. I heard him start the engine, and I knew that was it. As the car started to drive out of the parking lot, I mistakenly looked back at the building. The tears I was trying so hard to not to come out were falling freely. The car came to a halt. Zayn took my hand in his. I heard a sniffle come from his direction. When I looked over at him, he had the same tears rolling down his cheeks.
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A/N: Okay. This is finally done. I meant to have this up yesterday, but I was so tired from all the Black Friday shopping I did. I am never doing that again. It isn't worth it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know a lot didn't go on in this one. Sabrina is all not nice though, and I didn't intend to do that, but once I started writing it I couldn't stop. So we'll just have to see how their friendship plays out.
Speaking of their friendship, I have finally figured out how I'm going to end this story. I've been thinking long and hard about that, and though it isn't in any chapter soon I am mentioning that I know how it is ending for sure. That really excited me because I've written a few other stories and I never knew how they were going to end, but now I do, and this will be my first completed story when it's done. Yay. Don't worry about it ending soon though. I've still got stuff planned for the remainder of the story.
Also, I am like 84.59% sure that this will be the last time I will be updating so fast because my schedule is going to go back to normal come Monday. I MIGHT do a double update today though depending on the amount of feedback I get on this before later on today. So if you show me some love (vote/comment) then you might get another chapter today.
And thank you all so much for 8,300+ reads. You really don't know how thankful I am for each and every one of them. I will never know how to thank you all properly.
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XOXO
~Nicole