About two and a half weeks later, 9/26/1987
Anastasia
"A little more to the right." I tell Izzy as he and Slash push the dresser from one spot of the room to the other.
"Seriously, Ana. This is gonna take all fucking day." Izzy whines.
"There! Right there. Stop." I tell them as I decide that's exactly where the dresser should go.
Duff and I were moving in to our new house today, and the boys came over to help us out.
The house we found was small but cute. We were looking for something cheap since we didn't have a whole lot of money. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom along with all the neccesities you would need. It wasn't too far from the old house and even closer to the band's practice space.
The rent wasn't too bad, either.
With Duff's money from signing and my money I'll get from doing the music videos, we'll be able to pay the rent and utilities just fine. I might even pick my job back up waitressing at K.C's, although Duff doesn't want me to.
For now, we had minimal furniture. We had gone out and bought a bed with box spring and frame, a dresser, a dining room table and chairs, a couch, a coffee table, a TV, and a microwave. We also had some stuff from our old place.
"Where do you want this, babe?" Duff questions, him and Steven carrying a huge box filled with records.
"Over there on the shelf underneath the coffee table." I tell him.
Since we didn't have much stuff, it wasn't going to take long to move in, and good thing, too. Duff was leaving for Germany tomorrow morning at 9 AM, and I fly out to Tennessee for the Aerosmith shoot at noon.
I take a seat on the couch and look around our new place.
It wasn't much, but it was home.
Truth be told, I could make anywhere home as long as I had Duff.
And then it hits me again that he's leaving tomorrow, and I'll be here without him for almost a month.
Duff and I haven't been apart since we first met, and even when he leaves me for a few hours, I feel empty.
Fuck. What was I gonna do here without him?
Just thinking about it makes me upset, and I can feel the tears rolling down my face.
I can only imagine what it's gonna be like when I have to say goodbye to him at the airport tomorrow.
There's a good chance I'll spend a lot of time just sitting here staring at the walls or crying. Maybe I'll see if I can pick up a few modeling jobs.
My thoughts are interrupted by the presence of Steven, Izzy, and Slash.
"Hey Ana. We're gonna head out. Congratulations on the new place." Steven says kindly.
I try my best to work up a smile and wipe the tears from my face. "Thanks for your help guys. And have a kick ass time in Europe. I know I'll see you guys in the morning, but I'm sure I'll be too busy crying to wish you luck." I give a little chuckle.
I give them each a hug one by one. "You guys will kill it. I wish I could be there." I tell them.
They smile at me empathetically, because they are some of the few people that do know how it feels to leave your significant other for touring.
"See you tomorrow, Ana. Have a good night." Steven says and I try my best to smile.
I watch them walk out of the living room, and I hear the door open.
"See you guys in the morning. Thanks again." I hear Duff say from the door.
The sound of his shoes hitting the linoleum makes me cry even more, and before I know it, he's kneeling down in front of me.
"Anastasia. Don't start crying now, baby. Please." he nearly begs me.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Duff. This is gonna fucking suck." I sob.
He takes a seat next to me on the couch and lays down, pulling me on top of him.
"I know baby but I'll be back before you even know it. Don't cry now, baby. We've got all night." he says in my ear.
The tears seem never ending.
"Don't cry, Ana. It kills me to see you cry. Please don't cry." he says, running his fingers through my long hair.
His words are calming to me, and I will myself to stop crying. I didn't want to make him feel bad because of me. This was my choice to stay after all.
"Listen. I'll go over there and get this over with and then I'll be back before you know it. You'll be working with Aerosmith--you fucking love Aerosmith! You won't even know I'm gone." he tries to convince me. "And look. We have our own place. We don't have to share it with anyone. When I get back it'll be just me and you."
I can't talk about it because I'll start crying again, so I just hug Duff tighter.
I'm not sure how long we sit like that, but eventually, Duff plants a kiss behind my ear.
"Wanna go out to dinner? We can go to that place you like on 42nd street?" He tries.
I shake my head.
"I don't want to waste what little time we have left. Can't we just stay in ? I'll cook us dinner." I tell him.
He smiles. "A home cooked meal will be nice before I have to eat junk for a month"
I make my way over to our new fridge and open it. Duff and I had just gone to the grocery store yesterday, so it was fully stocked with food.
I pull out a pack of beef, some potatoes, and asparagus.
The silence in the room was palpable. Duff knew I was thinking about him leaving, and I was fully aware that I could crack again at any minute.
"What're you making beautiful?" Duff coos from behind the breakfast bar. The way he's leaning over the counter with his head resting on his chin makes him look like a little kid. I can't help but give him a little smile.
"Steak, potatoes, and asparagus" My voice cracks initially, thanks to the tears I had been crying just a few minutes prior.
I go to work preparing the food. I throw the asparagus in the oven with olive oil and garlic and do the same with the potatoes.
I don't seem to realize that Duff has gotten up from his seat until he comes back holding 3 VHS tapes.
"So are we watching Friday the 13th, Sixteen Candles, or Dirty Dancing?" He questions, and I smile.
Somehow, Duff seemed to remember everything I ever told him. It was only one time that I had mentioned how much I loved Friday the 13th-- the last time I watched it with him, he had to hold me while I cried over Axl. Last week I told him I wanted to see Dirty Dancing, and I had told him that Sixteen Candles was also a favorite.
"You never forget anything, do you?" I chuckle.
"Not when it comes to you I don't" he smiles back.
"Dirty Dancing" I tell him. I really wanted to see that movie. It just came out last month.
I watch Duff make his way over to our VHS player, fiddling with the knobs. The TV was brand new, and neither of us were exactly sure how to work it as of yet.
The steaks that I have sizzling in the pan are just about finished and the sides shouldn't be much longer either.
Although I'm physically distracted, my mind is racing through so many thoughts. The one that is most plaguing insidiously creeps into my mind without relief.
"Dinner, babe." I call to him, piling his plate with steak, potatoes, and asparagus. It was just us two, and I had cooked way too much food.
Duff grabs his plate and takes a seat at our new dining room table. I shut the stove off and reach into the cabinet to grab a bottle from our stock of liquor. I pop the top and chug until my throat just can't take the burning anymore.
I get a glass out of the cabinet and fill it 3/4ths full of vodka, adding just a splash of orange juice.
I take a seat right across from Duff at the table and watch as he scarfs down his meal.
He must have been really hungry.
When he notices me watching him, he stops eating and looks at me. "You have to eat, Ana." he says.
My eyes flick to the floor and back up to meet his.
"I'm not hungry." I mutter.
"How are you going to do this to me?" he questions. "I'm leaving you for a whole month. I'm trusting you to take care of yourself. I haven't even left yet and you're already worrying me."
Fuck. It wasn't my intention to worry him. I just didn't have much of an appetite.
"Fine, fine. I'll eat." I tell him.
I get up, almost falling due to my slightly intoxicated state. Thankfully, Duff doesn't notice.
I make myself a small plate and take my seat back at the table.
"Better?" I ask him as I shove a bite of steak in my mouth.
"Much better." He answers, unexpectedly reaching for my glass.
My hand shoots up quickly to stop him from taking it, but thanks to the vodka, my reaction time is much too slow.
Duff looks at me suspiciously and takes a gulp for himself.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me, Ana." he says, putting his hand on his forehead.
I look away in embarrassment. He knew what I was doing.
"If this is how you're gonna act, I'm not letting you stay. I'll call management right now and tell them I need the ticket back." he says, a twinge of anger in his voice.
I get up in a huff and head straight for our balcony door. "I need a fucking smoke."
________________________________________________________________________________
Duff
I wasn't going to let her sit here and destroy herself all because I was leaving.
If this is how she was acting before I've even left, I'd hate to see how she'll be tomorrow afternoon when she's got an empty hotel room in Tennessee all to herself.
Staying home wasn't an option. This was a big deal for us.
But I could always call and get her plane ticket from management.
It made me mad that she was acting this way even though she was the one that wanted to stay.
I sit on the couch in silence, wondering what the right move is.
Could I really let her sit here and do that to herself? Was this how it was going to be, or would she get over it?
Sure I was gonna miss her.
I didn't want to leave her to begin with.
Without her, I felt empty.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the glass balcony door sliding. She pushes the blinds aside and walks through.
When she sees me sitting there, she quickly wipes her eyes.
She'd been crying again.
"Listen." she begins.
"I don't want to fight. Not now." she says, and her voice cracks.
Even when she'd been crying, she was still so beautiful.
She closes her eyes for a second, inevitably willing the tears to stay back.
"I just want to have a good night."