FROM THE PHOTO SHOOT THAT DESTROYED MY LIFE.
Charlie's POV
"Stop moving," Zayn says, his warm breath hitting me as he snuggles his chin further into my neck. I seriously don't know how me managed to be like this in a hospital bed. "And sleep."
"Well, you know...you could have slept on the cot in the corner," I mumble. "That's kinda why it's there."
Should I mention that this is night number two of me being squished?
Yes, I was surrounded by these two last night as well- the night that Zayn got here. Speaking of, I think he's going to reply, but he doesn't...until, "Well this time, I'm not gonna not be around if something happens. If I could sleep right on top of you, I would."
"Well you'll have to fight your son for that spot," I laugh, peeking down at Marley, who's sleeping practically buried right in my chest with his little arm thrown across me. Again, not sure how we managed.
But I gotta love my protective boys.
Now unfortunately, I'm up a lot earlier than I wanted to be (for the second morning in a row), mainly because I've had a lot of trouble sleeping. I couldn't stop thinking about everything, which is to be expected I guess. I just feel terrible and like I could have done something to avoid this.
The doctor came by yesterday though, and we had quite a lengthy conversation about exactly what went wrong. She said the miscarriage was caused by stress, which is common with spontaneous abortions. She then asked me to recount everything going on in my life that could trigger said stress. I asked her how much time and paper she had because, this is me we're talking about.
But after all was said and done, we came up with Genevieve as the root of all evil. (Go figure, right? Satan's spawn indirectly causing the situation.) Between the custody battle, the news of her being my long lost twin- which still makes me want to vomit, her 'relationship' with Zayn and her abusing Adrian, I guess my body just couldn't handle it all.
Combine all of that with my birth father coming back into the picture, my dad passing, my mom being my mom, planning a wedding and raising three toddlers, and you get the perfect recipe for disaster.
And without trying to be funny at all, the doc said she was surprised I made it as far as I did with the pregnancy given all of that.
I just can't comprehend it, considering that I went through similar-ish times when we almost lost Marley, but I was fine (for all intents and purposes) and so was Liyana. But she said that everybody is different and so is every circumstance, so I can't base what happened now on what happened then. Now with that being said, she explained that this in no way means that I'm not going to be able to have any more children, but I should understand that one miscarriage does increase the chances of having another.
And that really, really worries me. I want more babies and I know Zayn does as well, and even though he said he was okay with the chance of not being able to do so the other night and again when the doctor came to talk to us, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. And I hate being the source of that disappointment.
"You're thinking again," he mutters quietly.
"I know."
He stretches behind me I think, because I hear him sigh before I feel him shifting around. He should probably put on some clothes, but leave it to him to only sleep in some rather tight boxers in a place other than our home.
...Plus, I think the nurse will be used to it after last night if she does happen to walk in. She maybe kind of walked in on Zayn coming out of the bathroom butt naked because he forgot his towel and his underwear in the room. She was even more confused when we all tried to squish into one bed, but thought it was rather endearing.
"Alright, then. I'm up, so let's do something to take your mind off of things," he demands, his voice thick and groggy. I know he's exhausted still because of jetlag and taking care of Marley while we're here, but he's been nothing short of supportive since his arrival. "You want breakfast?" He reaches for his phone. "Maybe we could walk down to the cafeteria to get you up and mo...oh. Shit. Nevermind," he says after illuminating his phone. "I don't think they open til seven thirty and it's....four seventeen."
I focus on running my fingers through Marley's hair. "Dunno. I'm not really hungry."
He sighs once more. "Charlie, babe. You've got to stop beating yourself up."
"I can't, okay?" I snap. It's a hell of a lot easier said than done. No one understands the strength of the bond a mother has with the life that's growing inside of her, right from the very beginning. When that's ripped away, it leaves this hole and you feel like a part of you was taken right along with the baby. I cuddle further into Marley, almost cradling my body around him.
Zayn's quiet. "I'm sorry," he says softly. "I-" he huffs. "I just... I don't know what to do. Or say, okay? This whole thing is just so...it's so fucked up. Especially cause there are people out there who don't give a fuck about their kids and yet something shitty happens to the people who do care and I..."
Yeah, like my sister.
I sniffle, tears lining my lower lids. My eyes flutter closed when I feel Zayn's presence pressed against me. "I'm gonna cheer you up one way or another," he starts before clearing his throat. "Ready?"
When I don't answer, he takes that as his cue. "You were in college, working part time, waitin' tables. Left a...frat house, never looked back. I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin.' Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts," he sings with a fake country twang.
No he did not...
"Seriously?" I snort but snot comes out a little (yeah, wonderful image, I know). Oh my God.
"I say, can you believe it? As we're lyin' on the...hospital bed. The moment, I can see it. Yes, yes. I can see it now."
"You are absolutely nuts," I chuckle as he places a big kiss to my neck.
"Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together. And there's a drawer of...your things at my place. You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded. You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes..." He's being so loud right now that I wouldn't be shocked if the nurses hear him from their station. He never ceases to amaze me. He just...doesn't care. And I love that about him, surprisingly.
"Who knew you were a closet Taylor Swift fan," I say. "I'll keep that in my mind when I'm looking for a Christmas gift this year."
"Look, fourteen year old me may or may not have had a slight crush. I think it was the hair."
"Oh, so you like blondes, I see. Should I be worried?"
"No cause I sort of like this girl named Charlotte just a bit more."
"Slick bastard."
"Daddy why you was singin' dat?" Mar's little face pops up over my side as he stares at Zayn. He looks so much like him in the mornings; his dark, thick hair all over the place with heavy honey and gold eyes. Though I think his eyes are starting to get a little green and gray in them, like mine. Who the hell knows, honestly, since both Zayn and mine change from time to time.
"Why, you didn't like my song, man?"
"No. I do not like dat one."
And both Zayn and I start cracking up- which, who knew that was exactly what I needed.
*
For reasons unbeknownst to me, I didn't get any visitors yesterday. Though I like to think that Zayn had something to do with that; he probably told them all to stay away (except Harry, who brought clothes back to us, as promised, apparently). But yeah, I was kind of a mess yesterday so maybe that's a good thing.
But today's a completely different ballgame, since Harry just marched in with Eleanor, Adrian and Li Li. And it's oh, seven forty in the morning now? Marley, Zayn and I are currently lounging on the bed eating breakfast, wouldn't you know it. Zayn was actually going to go get Adrian and Li from Harry since he has work and we honestly just impose on them so much that it's ridiculous.
"She was talking about daddy and what not, so...here we are. I think she might have been cursing you out in babbles," Harry says in lieu of hello. I think that might be code for I'm over watching your kids.
Liyana looks at Zayn, her face immediately morphing into the one she makes right before she's about to burst into tears. "Daddy," she starts to cry. "Me."
"Don't cry, beti," Zayn coos, hopping up and walking over to her. He tries to take her out of Harry's arms, but she turns away. She's so fricking mad at him. I don't want to laugh, but, I mean.
"Hey don't be like that, missy. I'm sorry, alright?" He says, trying to get her attention, but she hides herself in Harry's shirt. "Next time you'll be glued right to my hip. Promise, dude."
"No."
"You hungry? Come on." He holds his arms out expectantly. "I've got pancakes just for you. They're shit, but, you know. Food."
She looks back at him, her brows furrowing before she sticks out her arms. He smirks, but lifts her from Harry's arms nonetheless. "I knew that'd get you."
She rests her head on his shoulder. "No. Daddy. Me."
"Yeah I know. I pissed you off big time." He looks down at Adrian. "And you, Sir. You hungry?" Adrian nods, following Zayn over to the bed.
"Cherries. Hello." He immediately picks up a piece of my pancake and puts it in his mouth. Had I been thinking, I would have ordered another tray or two for them.
"Hi baby," I say as he crawls over and sits on my lap, looking up at me. Maybe this is exactly what I needed- to be surrounded by the people who I love most instead of shutting down and keeping it all up top.
I watch as Liyana refuses to let Zayn put her down on the bed, probably scared he's going to leave again. So he's gotta do some martial arts move and sit down with her practically climbing on his shoulder. "Come on babe. Sit down here so I can get your breakfast ready."
"No." Well that's gonna be a tough one. She's not letting him out of her sight anytime soon.
"Fine, have it your way." He shakes his head, picking up the phone to order another tray for himself, probably. "A loon...just like your mum..." he mumbles.
"Don't be like that with her. She missed her loving father. And I missed my daddy too," Harry says, winking.
"Damn, is your eye broke or something?" Zayn retorts, but Harry just laughs, eventually causing Zayn to laugh as well. And El and I just look at each other, probably wondering how we got ourselves roped in with these two.
"Now. As much as I hate to depart, I must bec-"
But Harry doesn't get to finish because the door to the room opens and in walks...nope. NOPE. My eyes are deceiving me because I know this gutter whore did not just walk into my room. What the fuck is she thinking?
"Get the hell out of here," Zayn fires, immediately. I think the only thing that makes her unwanted appearance even worse, is that Adrian immediately begins shaking as he sits in my lap. And I may be imagining things, but I think he might be pushing himself back into me.
"I just want to see my sister. I heard about the thing. It's terrible," she says, but her face says otherwise. And if that doesn't do it, it might be the fact that she looks like she's dressed for a party, in a flowery summer dress with wedges. I've never wanted to kick someone to the floor so bad in my life.
"Cherries, no. Boom boom." Adrian hides his face in my shirt as Genevieve makes eye contact with him. I see Zayn tense as he sits next to me. And in the next second he's up and walking out of the room. He probably doesn't want to inflict any bodily harm on her.
"Hi sweetie," she says to Adrian, trying to come closer, but Harry steps in front of her. And if she doesn't find Zayn frightening, then she'll surely find a six foot something and scowling Harry a bit intimidating as he towers over her. But she just peeks around him. "Adrian," she says again, with much less patience. "Say hello to mommy."
"Get out," I spit. "Get the fuck out of my room." I fold my arms around the little boy, who's now trembling and whimpering.
I'm going to strangle her. And if I weren't hooked up to it, I would use my IV tubing to do the job.
She finally looks at me. "But I brought stuff." She pulls a large baby blue gift bag from behind her that has a pale brown teddy bear on the front. I feel all the color drain from my face as she moves the tissue paper aside. "How about...a teddy bear?" She pulls out the small, fuzzy toy and waves it tauntingly. "Or maybe...some new baby bottles, though you probably breastfeed....but I got the glass ones, at least!" She throws them down on the chair and my heart seems to break just a little bit more. "Aw, what about...this wittle blue blankie? Cause you know, my bets are on another boy..." At that she looks up, and smirks. "Oh...wait. Woops, I guess you won't be needing this stuff. Shucks."
"You bitch," Eleanor surprises everyone by saying. "You're the most disgusting human being I've ever come across. I'd be ashamed to be related to you, let alone even know you."
She looks at Eleanor, not impressed at all. "Hm...don't know if we've met. Name's Genevieve, Charlie's sister. We're twins." She holds her hand out for her to shake. "And speaking of twins," she looks back at me, "It's a shame that you won't be having a set of your own. But maybe next time."
I can't believe her. She's done some sick shit, but this takes the cake. How vile can you be to sit here and rub a miscarriage in someone's face?
"How about this... you can have my baby- for now, I gue-"
"You do realize," I look up at the sound of Zayn's voice. "That you're violating an order of protection by being anywhere near me and my family right now, yeah?" She stops smiling and looks at him. "And you violated the judge's order to stay oh, what was it...at least two hundred and fifty feet away from this child." He points to Adrian. "And that I could have you arrested right now?"
"But you wouldn't." I notice that Harry and Eleanor (who he most definitely had to hold back because she legitimately had her fist up to punch Genevieve in the head) have started gathering the kids and making to leave the room.
[It took a little more time to get Adrian to leave because he was clinging on to me for dear life. But I think he jumped at the chance, once he realized that he wouldn't have to be in the same room with his tormentor any longer.]
"Oh, but I did because..." He pushes off of the door begins walking towards her, incredibly, agonizingly slow. "While you were standing there playing your stupid fucking mind games and shoving this shit in my wife's face- which, I should slap the fuck outta you for, by the way," he says, eyeing the stuff on the chair, "I was making a call or two." All she does is blink at him. "You know, actually getting shit done."
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means the police are on their way and you're going to jail again." And Genevieve looks fricking furious. "Right the fuck where you belong."
"You're lying," she states, eyeing him.
"Yeah? You think so?" He walks up, standing right in her face. "Don't test me."
She goes to respond, but the door suddenly opens and in walks two police officers along with two members of hospital security. "You're gonna need to come with us."
She crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But you are," the female officer tells her, grabbing her by the arm. "And then you'll be coming down to the station, in case that part was unclear as well."
"This is bullshit," she sputters, fighting them as they literally drag her out of the room. "Just wait! Wait! His fucking father is coming for him soon enough and you won't be able to do a damn thing to stop it!"
Security apologizes to Zayn as Genevieve's protests are still heard down the hall, assuring him that this will never happen again. And Zee being Zee, tells them that if 'people were doing their fucking jobs, she would have never got in here in the first place.'
True, I guess.
He kicks them out and all too soon, his attention is focused back on me. "Charlie, Jesus Christ." He's perched on the bed and his arms are around me, but I don't know if it's shock or disgust or hurt or anger that I'm feeling. Or maybe it's all of that. I should be used to this. I should be used to people hurting me for reasons beyond my control, for things that I can't control. But it continues to dig deeper and deeper until I feel empty.
Is that what everyone wants? To break me? What do they get out of this- seeing me miserable and suffering? "I don't understand," I whisper. "I just don't understand."
"I know, baby." He begins rocking us back and forth as I clutch onto the sides of his t shirt. "I know."
"I'm just so sick of crying and hurting..." I whimper. "I'm so, so sick of it."
"And I'm sick of seeing you hurt," he whispers back. "So fucking sick of it. If I can be cliche for a minute, literally when you're hurting, I'm hurting too. Nothing means more to me than you do, jaan. I swear to fucking God, nothing. Well- my babies, but...you know."
There's a knock at the door again, and I'm so through with today that I can't even. Yes, that's right. I can't even. "Don't come in," Zayn shouts, but then reconsiders at the thought of it being Harry.
But you know, as life would have it, my father pops in. He wears a sheepish look as he holds a bouquet of flowers- how the hell he knew that light pink roses are my favorite is beyond me. "I...I know I'm the last person you want to see, and um...I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Charlotte."
Who the fuck called him? Whoever it is, is in for a rude awakening when I do find out. And if it's Zayn, he better know that he's gonna get acquainted real well with the couch.
"You know, you're one of those people who took your children for granted," I find myself saying.
"What?" He asks, clearly baffled.
"No, you are. You had the opportunity to have two precious daughters in your life and you and my mother both screwed that up, thinking you were doing what was best when you were both just being selfish and looking out for yourselves." I don't know why his presence bothers me so. I wish that I could find it in my heart to be nicer towards him, but it's so hard.
"Charlie, please. I'm trying here and I don't know what else you want from me. I want to make it up to you, I want to have that relationship that I know deep down you want! Please, just let be a part of your life."
"How the hell do you make up twenty two years to someone?"
"I don't know, but give me the chance to figure it out." His hands fall to his sides as he stands there looking beyond helpless. "Please."
I just turn my attention towards the window upon feeling a comforting hand slide up and down my back. I should try, I know that. Especially with having gone through this, I just don't have the energy to fight. "I honestly just...I'm...I need time," I whimper.
"Okay, and that's fine. I'll-I'll give you all the time yo-"
"I swear she's lucky I work with children and have some kind of morals because she almost caught a boot to the gut," Harry grits, marching right into the room. "Fucking- oh. Who are you?"
I need to clear my head, figure some stuff out, you know, and I can't do that with everyone here and emotions at an all time high. "Can everyone just leave? I just..." I abruptly stand up, moving the portable IV pole with me and going right for the door. "I'll be back."
Here's the thing. I'll be right back turned into me doing at least twenty laps around this unit. The plus side? My nurse and doctor will be happy. And surprisingly, I feel a little bit better. I've toyed with the idea of giving my father a chance and ultimately decided what's the worst that can happen (aside from being disappointed). I've also set Genevieve afire in my head a thousand and twelve times, so that helped. But true to the Charlie fashion, all good things come to an end. And that happens for me when I see a pregnant woman on the floor, here to visit her grandmother.
And as creepy as it is, I stand stuck in place just watching; her husband and two sons with her. So many nurses come up and pat her on the shoulder, some even rubbing her belly. I think I overheard her telling one of the nurses that she's thirty four weeks and they're expecting their first girl. And her husband's just as excited about it, it would seem.
I start to tear up a bit as her infectious smile radiates to everyone around her. This isn't fair. This isn't fucking fair.
"Hey, come on. Don't do this to yourself." Big hands are on my hips, soon enveloping me in a hug from behind. "Come with me. Could use a kip."
"A kip?" I sniffle.
"A nap. I just laid the kids down and the doctor came in too. She said by the looks of things, we should be getting discharged soon. So until then, come lay with me."
I simply shrug my shoulders, and allow him to lead us back to the room.
//
I'm so glad to be out of the hospital. It was starting to depress me- more so than I already am. I've been keeping myself busy since being discharged a week ago, getting things in order for the changing seasons, doing a little (read: a lot) of cleaning and seeing my shrink. That's helped, and along with her and Zayn, I've begun to heal.
I haven't called my dad, though. I will, I mean...yeah. But I did learn that Zayn was, in fact, the one to tip him off about me being in the hospital. So given that, he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was to learn that he'd be sleeping on the couch for the next week.
Anyway, yeah, I've been trying to keep busy. I took some personal time off from work, but ended up only taking a couple of days. Little did I know, Zayn bought my really, really expensive computer software and a new Macbook so that I can work from home when needed. Angel.
So between absorbing myself in my charts and a little retail therapy that may or may not have included some early Christmas shopping- don't judge me- and new clothes for the kids, I'm in a better place than I was last week.
It's not easy, but it is what it is. I know I'm never, ever going to forget, but I need to be strong for my babies.
"Have you seen my other sneaker?" Zayn calls out from upstairs.
I roll my eyes. "Which one? You have like, eighty pairs of sneakers," I yell back.
"The gray one."
Right. "Sadly, I know which one you're talking about. It's down here in the living room, under the piano, I think."
I hear him all but running down the stairs as I'm speaking. He goes down the hall, coming back seconds later with the sneaker. "Shit. I don't even wanna know how it got there."
"I think Liyana threw it at Marley when he wouldn't share his cookies with her."
"I feel like my two year old daughter shouldn't be chucking sneakers at people."
I look up at him and grin. "Are you all that surprised?"
He smiles at me, his tongue tucked behind his teeth as he leans down and slips the sneaker onto his foot. I take in his outfit for today; he looks really good. Very casual for a day in the office. "Okay, so maybe I threw a couple of sneakers in my toddler days." He walks up to me, placing his hands around my waist and pulling our bodies together. "Are you gonna be alright here? I've got to go make up that conference from last week, but I shouldn't be too long. Luckily, they're letting me give it over Skype."
"Letting you? Don't you make the rules?"
"True." He holds my gaze before placing a soft kiss to my lips. "You'll be fine?"
"Yeah, I'm good. I'm just gonna-"
"Don't you dare fucking clean. This place is spotless," he laughs. "You could take the kids somewhere? Need money?"
I scrunch my nose up at him. "Yeah, maybe we'll go see a movie. And no, I don't need money, Mr. jillionaire."
He gives me a flat look. "Whatever. Just don't go see Finding Dory without me. I heard it's fucking hilarious."
"You're such a dad."
"What? I've got a soft spot for the fishies."
"Yeah, yeah. Now get out of here, you're going to be late."
"Am late. Love you." He kisses me once more before pulling on his sweater and heading for the door.
"Have fun!"
"I'll try, Cherries, but I'll miss you too much!" He calls out, closing the door behind him. Heart eyes.
Now...what to do...
A/N: So, here's the next part! Let me know what you think!
Thank you for your suggestions- some of them I've read, and others I will definitely add/have already added to my library!
Also, I read a few posts about people who have either gone through what Charlie's experiencing or know someone who has, and I just want to send you all my love and support. If you need anything, let me know! <3
And I love supporting everyone's works, sooo check out BlUe by 1Dlover1432 and I'll do the same!
And with that being said, until next tiimmmeee