One day to the wedding
Two of my favorite things in the world: Harry and trains. I was fascinated by both of them, loved them, and combining the two together brought me indescribable joy. Harry, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. He checked his bag twice before we left, emptying it on my bed only to pack it again, thinking that he had forgotten something. I had never seen him being so agitated.
I loved trains, however, much like the last time I had been on a train, the ride seemed a little longer than usual and the closer we got to our destination, the more nervous I got.
Obviously, Harry felt the same. The whole time, he looked out the window and held my hand in silence. I was okay with that. I hadn't intended on having a long conversation on what was going to happen the next day but instead had decided on giving him the space that he needed. I think he was grateful for it, as he gave my hand gentle squeeze from time to time, or sometimes pressed sweet kisses on the back of my hand. In return, I offered him supportive smiles and pretended that I didn't notice his left leg shaking up and down.
Until we got to our hotel, Harry and I barely exchanged a few words, but when we finally settled into our modest hotel room, Harry couldn't keep his mouth shut. Now that we weren't in public, he probably allowed himself to lose it a little.
The weird thing was that he wasn't even talking about the wedding, seeing his family or anything relatively close to that. Instead, he rambled on and on and on about his job, about this new car that he wanted to buy and about some of his friends that I had heard the name of a few times but had never actually met. Clearly, talking about his everyday life helped him settle in some way. Maybe he tried to remind himself that he had something normal that he could go back to once this weekend was over, that his life didn't revolve solely around the few days ahead.
I sat on the bed with my legs crossed as my eyes followed Harry hurriedly walking aimlessly around the room. He was making all kind of exaggerated gesture as he talked, something that he never did, and it fascinated me. Even after all these years of knowing him, I was discovering new things about him.
"That's crazy, isn't it?"
That had me looking straight into his eyes. I hadn't really been paying attention to what he was saying, too fascinated by his non-verbal.
"I'm sorry, I zoned out," I apologized. "What were you saying?"
His whole body slacked and he came to sit next to me. He let himself fall onto his back and threw one of his arms over his eyes. "I'm rambling," he noted. "I'm sorry. I've just been thinking too much on the train and I can't think anymore. I'm trying to keep my mind busy with other things, but it's not working."
I let out a small chuckle. "You were being so gesticulative, I've never seen you like this," I told him before following his lead and laid on my back next to him. "Nervous?", I asked, although I obviously knew the answer.
He nodded and I turned on my side, resting my head against my hand and putting my other hand on his chest. "I promised that I wouldn't push you, but I'm always here for you if you need to talk."
"I know," he replied as he moved his arm away to take a look at me.
Slowly, he leaned in to press his lips against mine. Even if I knew that every kiss we shared held love and affection, to Harry, this kiss was mostly to help him settle. It was fine by me, it made me feel like he needed me. When everything went to hell in his life, he came to me, every time. I gladly played the role of his anchor in the middle of an unsteady sea. This time was no exception.
It was a big step for him, coming back to our childhood hometown. A big destabilizing step. That, and the fact that his sister was getting married. He hadn't even met the groom yet and knowing Harry, even if his relationship with his older sister hadn't been in the best shape in the last two years, his protective instinct was kicking in.
"I can't believe that she's getting married," he whispered after a few minutes of silence.
One of his hand came to hold mine that was still laying on his chest. He then started to play with it, flexing his fingers between mine, turned it over and observe it as if it was his first time seeing it.
"Would you want to get married one day?"
His question surprised me so much that I gasped and almost choked on air. It was subtle though, even if on the inside my mind was going crazy.
As most girls, when I was younger, I had imagined getting married with my prince, in an exotic location and surrounded by everyone important in my life. As I grew up that idea evolved into something a little more realistic and even got to a point where marriage didn't really matter to me and the only thing I really wanted was to spend the rest of my life with someone that I loved madly. I couldn't care less about the piece of paper and surely didn't want to get married for religious reasons.
And although my idea of marriage had evolved over the years, one thing had stayed the same for the past five years: whenever I imagined a scenario, Harry was in the middle of it.
But these were just fantasies, especially in the last two years when Harry was going through a rough patch. I had come to believe that Harry wasn't able to love anyone, that he wasn't able to commit. That idea had evolved too in the last few weeks because Harry had proved the opposite to me. And I had to admit that lately, I had let myself hope for a long and happy future with him.
Still, this really wasn't a question that I would've expected from Harry.
I blinked and opened my mouth a few times before actual words came out of my mouth. I didn't want to seem too keen on marriage and scare him. We were still so young and our relationship had just started so there was no way that I was considering marriage in the near future.
"Eventually, maybe," I ended up replying as casually as I could.
He shrugged. "I never really saw the point in getting married," he admitted before giving my hand a light squeeze while I tried to hide how disappointed I was. "But that's all I've been thinking about on the train, and now, I don't know."
I decided on waiting for Harry to finish his idea. This was starting to be a rollercoaster of emotions. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them be crushed.
"I didn't see myself getting married, but again, I didn't see my sister getting married either," he sighed before turning on his side and facing me. "It just seems like time is going by faster than I thought. We grew up, life went on, and I didn't even realize it. I was too busy focusing on what happened instead of moving on. Everyone around me did, and it feels like I'm the only one that didn't."
I caressed his cheek, he just kept on surprising me tonight. It shouldn't surprise me that much, after all, he had taken big steps lately, all of them indicating that he was slowly coming to term with everything. I was proud of him. Still, I didn't expect him to so bluntly voice his thoughts.
"I don't know what to tell you, Harry," I answered honestly. It was true, I didn't know what I what supposed to say, because I couldn't figure him out, didn't know how to react without him feeling betrayed or hurt or angry.
He had reasoned this on his own, and I thought that it was how it was meant to happen. And he seemed to agree with me.
"You don't have to say anything," he said, smiling sadly. "I'm just sharing. As a thank you."
I frowned. "A thank you for what?"
"For being here, supporting me," he explained, running a hand through my hair, his eyes never leaving mine.
He smiled softly before shuffling a little closer to me until our nose touched and our lips were millimeters away from each other.
"Thank you," he whispered. His lips were so close that I felt his hot breath fan over my face. "I am this close to losing my mind, but having you here, it settles me. I don't know what I would do without you."
I leaned in until our lips barely touched. I had gotten his message loud and clear. "I love you too," I mumbled against his lips, hoping that one day he might understand how much I meant it.
He was the one to seal our lips together, connecting us in a way that was ours. Making me feel everything that he felt, everything that he wouldn't show me. And although his love and affection for me were predominant, I could've sworn that, although he tried to hide it from me, I felt a growing panic.
.
.
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I don't think that I need to tell you guys that this book is on a slow update schedule haha Still, slowly, we're getting closer to the wedding day and I'm excited.
Are you guys still enjoying the story ? I'd love to have some feedback from you guys. Some of you already comment that you're enjoying, but the percentage of comment vs the reads is really low, so that my not be representative.
Anyway, one last week before school starts again for me, what about you guys ?
Please don't forget to vote and comment :)
Lots of love,
Karry xx.
p.s.: an update on the boy that I talked about a few chapters ago - He asked me out a third time and canceled again haha so that's over. But mama don't care because mama has two other dates coming up hahahaha #oops