Today I am going to be released from the hospital. I have been healed almost completely with just some small scars that are now visible along my arm and leg, but enough more me to leave this depressing place. Time had flew by so much that a week had gone by just like that.
It was weird not only because I hadn't talked to Yein since our fight, but Jimin had also been busy preparing BTS's new choreo with Hoseok so we haven't spent time together since he had left the hospital. The good news was that Jungkook and I had gotten somewhat closer, since he was the one who spent so much time with me in the hospital. Although it was only for a few days, we had managed to cause a ruckus by playing pranks on the doctors and nurses by hiding their things which made them go slightly insane.
I looked at the blank white ceiling that has been staring at me for the past few days. Ever since the incident at the park, it's only gotten me more curious as to what has happened in my past to have me scarred like this.
Should I go back to seeing a therapist? I already had doubts from my past therapists who had all failed at trying to help me regain my memories. It only brought me despair rather than comfort. Showing up to a sick-ridden place that looks like a happy preschool on the outside, but is really an asylum waiting for you to go even more insane on the inside.
But do I have a choice? This has been the farthest I've gotten to finding out more about myself than I've ever had in the past ten years.
I received a call from Jungkook, interrupting my thoughts, letting me know he was done with practice for today.
"Are you still in the hospital?," he asked me.
"Yeah, I'm just about to change and pack up the rest of my stuff."
"Okay, I'll pick you up and we can go for some ice-cream? I'm really craving for some right now," he beckoned.
"Sounds like a deal," I agreed getting up from the uncomfortable bed that I've been practically glued to this past week.
I trudged the black duffle bag that Jungkook had brought for me on my second day here out into the hospital lobby. He had taken my hotel key and gotten some clothes for me before even asking to. He even went as far as to grab some undergarments. Imagine the surprise I had when I saw the matching lace black underwear and bra inside of the bag. His face was even more hilarious.
I pulled out the notebook Jungkook had also brought me and plugged my earbuds in. I was working on a new song even though I've had fifty bajillion others that were unfinished. There just wasn't any inspiration that was happening. Everything seemed to be at a blur at the moment and I couldn't come up with anything.
A pair of Timberlands came into vision above my notebook. I pulled off the earbuds immediately recognizing whose shoes they belonged to.
"New song for me?" he joked.
"Once Yein apologizes it will be," I said under my breath.
"What?"
"Uh, nothing," I said. Oh man, he heard me.
He shook it off thankfully, "Well, lets go!"
Once we arrived I ordered a regular vanilla ice cream cone for myself and a double chocolate swirl with hot fudge for Jungkook.
"You're such a boring person. You just got vanilla," he stated with a look of disgust.
I shrugged, "I don't really like sweets."
He gave me a funny look that made him look like a cute little bunny.
"That's like saying you don't like life."
"Hey. Growing up with so many little kids that get super hyper hasn't given me the best impression on sweets," I eye-rolled at him.
I could immediately see his face change to one of sympathy. I hated that look the most.
"So, you ready for the party tomorrow?," he asked changing the topic.
"Do I really have to go? I'm not really in a partying mood."
"Well you aren't right now, but you will be tomorrow! And of course you have to go. You promised us you would."
"I only remember promising Jimin. Not you," I said with the most seriousness that I could muster.
His face fell, and I couldn't help but laugh at his cuteness. "Then go for Jimin," he scoffed turning his body away from me looking in a different direction.
"So you don't want me to go for you? And here I thought we were becoming great friends," I teased.
"Wait-I mean-That wasn't-Damn," he huffed and his face hardened. With a posh accent he said, "Oh, mighty and great Halla, may I have the honor of being the reason you go to the most extravagant SH party of the year?"
I couldn't help but melt a little inside. Even though he was trying to make fun of the situation, he still happened to give me butterflies on the inside. I gave him a curt nod and waved him off like a queen would to her servant.
We both kept laughing until our ice cream had been delivered, and we headed out to the park that we both were oh-so familiar with.
"Are you sure you want to go back? I mean last time-"
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me," I smiled up at him.
I went to go sit on the swing, forgetting about what happened last time, and Jungkook took the seat on the swing next to mine. My eyes gazed back toward the charcoaled slide with the small dent on it. Most people would have be scared to set their foot back on the place where they've experienced a traumatic event before, but instead it made me more curious.
"Did you take your med-" he stopped abruptly as my head started pounding and another image flashed through my closed eyes.
My hands went straight to the side of my head as I felt the sharp pains that felt like stab wounds enter and exit vigorously through my head.
"Shit," he cursed under his breath.
I fell off of my swing, and prepared to hit the rocks like last time, but instead I fell into a warm embrace. He pulled me into his lap and laid my head on his shoulder. He leaned over and grabbed my bag that had fallen with me. He rummaged through it looking for something.
Just like last time I could hear the voices again. The voice reminding me that as long as I had the bracelet everything would be alright. But this time, I could visibly see a little girl that looked like me, and another boy as the other voice. I could see them underneath a bright yellow slide on a playscape. This playscape. It was only then did I realize these really were all flashbacks that I've experienced as a child.
I slowly opened my eyes, and could finally breathe normally again. I looked up and saw Jungkook staring at me with an unreadable expression. He placed his hand out in silence, giving me the pills that I had forgotten to take this afternoon and a bottle of water.
After I swallowed the pills, I realized what position we were in. My heart started beating faster as we were practically cuddling, and stood up quickly.
"Jungkook?" I asked as he was continuing to sit in the same position with an unreadable expression.
"Wha-What did you call me?" he stuttered.
"Jungkook?" I replied slowly. Was he playing with me?
"No," he got up looking me directly in the eye. "While your head was hurting. You kept calling out the name Kookie."
"I did?"
"What happened? What did you see, Halla?"
"I don't know. I think I'm having flashbacks from when I was younger."
"What does that mean? What did you see?," he asked again more persistently.
I was too embarrased to tell him the truth. The truth of me not remembering my past made me feel like a fool. An idiot. Not remembering your past is like not knowing yourself. How could he understand that? I told Jimin, because he was someone who I connected with so quickly that I knew I could trust everything with him. He was like the brother I've never had. But Jungkook, he was different. With him, I felt like I couldn't place all my burdens on him. After his childhood friend that he was too pained to tell me about, I couldn't let him experience anymore worries in his life. He was already fragile enough.
"Maybe next time," I smiled up at him.
"Halla," he looked at me sternly.
We continued making eye contact in silence. His dark brown eyes were staring so deep into me, that I could feel myself start to melt. How can he effect me in a time like this. I quickly turned my eyes to the slide once more, tearing away from his penetrating gaze.
"Later, Jungkook... please," I said. Even I could hear the desperateness in my voice even though I was trying not to show it.
He let out a huff. "Fine, later then. I'll walk you home."
"Thank you," I whispered as he led us out of the dark dead park. Inside I regretted not telling him, but I also knew it was better for his own sake. One thing I knew for sure was that I needed to find that boy. The boy who's presumably named Kookie.