Catarina did not look too pleased. Next to where Magnus's agent was seated, was the director, Raphael, tapping his foot so quickly against the floor that Alec thought it was starting to blur into his vision. Even Magnus seemed to be more tense next to him, and Alec had never seen him like this before. The Magnus Bane that was sitting next to him now was sitting on the edge of his chair directly upright, and his eyes were dimmed with seriousness and determination. He felt for a moment, like he was completely foreign to Alec, he was more like the successful actor who had strived through everything, he was more like the celebrity Alec saw him as.
Alec's mother was there as well, and he wasn't so sure if that was an improvement to the room. Maryse Lightwood just seemed to make everything so tense, so nerve-wracking whenever she was around.
"Alexander has completely no experience whatsoever with filming and starring in anything at all?" Catarina's voice was cool and controlled, but Alec sank a bit lower into his seat when he heard the tint of annoyance that laced her expression in bitter blue.
"No," Maryse said, "None. He's never been to an acting school, or a photoshoot, or anything."
Catarina sighed, rubbing the back of one hand over her eyes, and Alec could tell how tired she looked. There was a brief moment of quiet before she turned to look over at Raphael, who was looking alight with a burning flame.
"It doesn't matter, Ms. Loss," Raphael's tone was professional as well, "I'm a director, and I can sense that there is something inside of him that will make him perfect for this role. We need him to be in this movie."
"I'm not sure if all of you are aware about the process it takes to actually recruit a new actor into an agency," Catarina continued, and her voice was impatient, "it's simply not something I can do with a quick flick of my fingers, you know. This sort of thing takes more time than I bet any of you could possibly imagine."
"Can't you speed up the process in any way?" Magnus was the one who spoke up now, and he leaned in more towards Catarina's desk as he spoke up.
Catarina looked up from her desk, which was currently littered with too many papers. She looked so tired, and the way her face was pulled together, and it seemed to be drawn into herself, made her look older than she really was. Alec had seen all the passion that had been in her as she did her job, and the way she tried to hold herself up high. He knew, though, no one could stay that strong forever.
She locked eyes with Alec. For a moment, just the two of them looked at each other. Alec didn't know what she was thinking, it was as if she was simply too good at hiding her emotions. She let out a long sigh, blowing bits of hair out of her face as she started to right something down. Everyone watched as her pen scribbled across the paper, filling out the form quickly. Her eyes seemed to blur for a moment as she locked them on the small, black print. At the very bottom of it, her pen paused for a moment. Then, Catarina Loss let her pen slide easily over it like water, filling it out with the last thing it needed, her signature. Alec watched as the dark in pulled and twisted together easily, like the lines of a dance, in a version of Magnus's agent's name. Catarina moved onto the next paper. Alec listened to the sound of the rustling paper, just like everyone else did. As Catarina did her work, no one said anything. There were no noises to be heard in the agent's office. Alec could barely hear the sound of his own breathing now.
Magnus was quiet next to him as well. Slowly, cautiously, as if he wasn't quite sure of himself, Alec reached out from underneath the desk they were sitting at to take his hand. His palm slipped over the back of the other man's hand, and he gave it a small squeeze. Magnus moved his own hand to clasp it over his, as if it was what was anchoring him to the world. Alec didn't know why it felt so nice, the fact that Magnus could take comfort from a small touch from him. His mother was right there, but she didn't seem to notice. She was too focused on Catarina and the papers she was filling out. Alec would dread the day when he would tell her, and he had no idea how she might react. His mother, he knew, was not someone who was very open to new things that changed in the world. To her, the world would always remain calm and still, and even as it revolved, nothing would change. To his mother, the world was made of ice, and everything would be perfectly frozen inside of it.
He knew that he would have to tell her someday, there was no possible way he could continue to hide this forever. Still, that day had not come yet, and Alec wished that it was as far away as possible. For now, underneath the table, he continued to hold onto Magnus's hand, taking comfort in the warmth of it, and how gentle and soft his skin was. Alec didn't think he could ever get used to Magnus's touches, how they were like soft butterflies. Every time they touched, it seemed to spark and electrify Alec in a way that was still completely foreign to him.
"It's done," Catarina told them, and she shifted the papers over into a folder.
"Thank you, Catarina," it was Magnus who spoke up, he was still holding onto Alec's hand underneath the table. She nodded wearily, and waved a hand as if she were to dismiss them. All of them took the hint, Catarina Loss had more things to do, even though she deserved to relax for at least a couple of months. All of them, Raphael, Maryse, he and Magnus, all of them walked out of her office. Once they were outside, to pretty much everyone's surprise, it was Maryse Lightwood who turned to her son first, and there was a bright light shining in her eyes when she spoke to him.
"Alexander," she was using his full name, just like she always did during something important, "You have no idea how proud I am of you right now. This is something amazing, and I know that you'll do just amazing."
"Thanks," Alec said, and before he could say anything else, he was majorly surprised when his mother pulled him into a tight hug. She didn't hug him as much nowadays, and it was a serious surprise. In a bit of shock, he hugged her back, and thought of all the times she had hugged him just like this when he had been younger, and not so much aware of the world around him.
Then she let go, and she seemed to straighten her back. She nodded to Raphael and Magnus, then she walked down the hall. There was no doubt that she was already thinking back to all the work they must've been doing back at Shadowhunter Gossip Headquarters.
"That one," it was Raphael who spoke up, and his voice was interested, as if he was studying a new animal that he had never come across before, "I never thought that she looked much like a hugger. But hey, I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover."
"No you can't," Magnus agreed. Raphael turned to Alec then, and there was something that Alec didn't really understand hidden in his incredibly dark eyes. It had passionate determination, maybe a hint of concern in it, but there was something else as well. It was a look, Alec thought to himself, which could only be described as a look that a director might give an actor during a film. The idea of him, having a part in a huge film production like this, Alec honestly felt more nervous and excited. He felt tense, and unsure of himself. He tried not to feel the slow, creeping panic that was starting to sink inside of him. Alexander Gideon Lightwood had never in his life before acted in anything. He was just always the one that might behind the camera, and watching the people who acted out in front of him. The camera being focused on him, it always felt like a cold, harsh glare, that was judging him in every movement he dared to do in front of it. There was a reason why whenever Shadowhunter Gossip had to appear on TV, Isabelle and Jace were usually the ones who were on the screen. Alec would always just bee in the back, where it was safe and secure for him.This was so nerve-wracking.
"So, Lightwood," Raphael said, his voice was slow and steady, "How are you feeling about acting in this movie? You know that no matter what happens, there's no chance of backing out, right?"
Alec really didn't like the way Raphael Santiago said 'no matter what happens'. He really didn't want to know what would happen when he acted in this movie. The best he could hope for was that his role was small enough that if he messed up or stepped out of line, that the film could continue rolling and shadow his mistake. The last thing he needed right now was for even more people to be counting on him and then failing all of them miserably. He didn't think that he could bear it if it was all his fault that this film became a disappointment. Maybe he had rushed in too fast about this without thinking. He tried to take even breaths. Magnus seemed to notice how worried he seemed, and he moved closer to him so the two of them both were facing the younger director.
"Raphael, please," Magnus said, but there was something very protective in his voice, and Alec didn't really mind it, "You're making him nervous. I'm sure that Alec will do his best, and that'll be enough."
"He can't just 'do his best'," Raphael said, and his tone was serious, "being part of one of my films is a privilege. He has to make sure that he'll come through for everyone, or else the rest of the film won't work. The way a movie is filmed requires everyone, to the backstage technicians and the stars of the film, to do their part. I need to know that Alexander will be able to do his part."
Magnus turned to look at him, and Alec stared back at him. The golden flecks that tinted and gleamed inside of Magnus's emerald eyes seemed to glow even brighter then. Alec wondered if perhaps in another life, he might've been someone who was really able to do magical, and unnatural things. There was so much emotion in his eyes, all of it that Alec was able to see just was he looked at him. It was impossible to hide everything he was feeling, and Alec wondered if perhaps that was what made him such an amazing actor. He acted and thought with everything he had, as if it was an old habit that he couldn't quite get rid of. How could Alec ever be able to compare to him?
"Trust him," Magnus said to Raphael, but he didn't break his eye contact with Alec, "Alexander will come through."