Frappé
To strike or hit, quick action of the leg and foot.
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Did you ever wake up from a dream and have that feeling that something good happened, but you can't remember it?
And then you do, it is a warm fuzzy memory from dreamland, an occurrence that never really happened, and yet you remember it as if it did.
You play it over and over in your mind, wishing you could go back to sleep and return to that dream, hit play and see what will happen next. But alas, we have no control in dreamland.
"Holy macaroni! Manganganak yata ako ng wala sa oras. Are you for real?" Hands on her growing belly, Elaine squirmed as I laid down the entire detail of the tryst I had
I was having a hard day. A day that I wished would start over from the beginning so that I could get out of the right side of the bed.
It was just turning that preternatural gray that heralds the coming of morning. I woke and stretched my pleasantly sore body. When I remembered what caused that soreness I blushed. I rolled over in the wide queen size bed and stretched, expecting I'll be greeted by those large expressive brown eyes but Travis was not in bed. Where on earth could he be?
"Travis?" I slipped out of my bed and gathered my clothes. Dressing quickly as I kept stealing glances around my room hoping he'd show up. I sat up, and looked out the window.
I wanted last night to happen but in the cold light of day I didn't know how this was meant to work. Did this make us a couple? Was it a one night stand? Where we even friends? I didn't know the answer to any of those questions and if I was honest enough I was too scared to even ask.
I know he must have felt my hymen. How he must hate me. How he must view me: as a pathetic and sad creature. I know a 23 year old, virgin girl seems unbelievable and ridiculous. Not completely innocent, and not entirely without needs.
But I never wanted to go too far with a guy; true, part of me did want to wait for Travis to take me but I had planned on that not being for years. I'd stopped when I realize Travis' clothes were gone
Then I noticed a note on my lampshade with Travis' penmanship on it "Thanks for the night - T"
He'd taken my virginity and now he wasn't even here to talk about it. Didn't men want to talk about these sorts of things? I was unsure about how to proceed with Travis now.
By the way he made love to me, I knew Travis wasn't a stranger to women anymore. I bet he'd learned early to have his dalliances elsewhere while I was gone. Somehow, the thought of it was not very inviting. It made my heart cringed.
Amidst of my thought, My phone vibrated violently on my nightstand. I quickly reached for it hoping it would be Travis. My heart beating fast as I said "Travis?"
"Huh?! Travis?" With that playful high-pitched vibrato, I knew it wasn't him. This is just one of those face-palm moment which frustrates me a lot
"I called when I heard your voice mail. Were you actually expecting him? Ahh.. Ikaw, Nik ah!"
The silence on the other end of the phone prompted Elaine to say, "Monique, hello?"
"Long story, Laine."
"I have the whole day for you, meet me at Hearts and Cupcake by 10"
"What?!" I quickly glanced at my alarm clock "but it's 9:45!"
"Exactly" I somehow felt her smirked the way she said it "Kaya kung ako sa'yo maliligo na ako pronto"
That's how I ended up being held up with Elaine's so many intriguing questions right at the moment. She scrutinized me once again with those eyes of her. I proceeded to talk for a half hour, telling Travis' cousin Elaine about all of the things that had happened last night with Travis.
I was terrified at first, but it became easier when I realized I could get everything off of my chest, talking to someone about my chaotic feelings and out of balance emotions.
Elaine said little other than nodding occasionally and making sounds of agreement and pleasure.
"So you and my cousin, did the deed and then he left a "thanks for the night" note on your lampshade?" She scowled in disbelief at the thought and I could only nod in return. We were standing side by side on Hearts and Cupcakes's dirty kitchen trying to fix our own lunch.
She face turned red, her hands raised and her fingers spread wide as if ready to strangle her cousin; the more I talked the more exasperated she became. "What a d*ck! Ugh! I can't believe he did that!" She threw her hands up in the air and grunted "I am so embarrassed to be related to that asshole"
"But God help me Laine, I didn't regret what we'd just shared"
Elaine froze from her hysterical reaction and eyed me like I grew two heads on my neck "You are so in love with Travis"
I couldn't bring myself to contradict Elaine's conclusion because it was the truth or wish that I could go back in time and never went on 7th High. No, that just wouldn't be close to honest, and I was honest to a fault. The truth was no matter what consequence I would face for this choice, if I had the chance again, I'd make the same call.
"Yeah. I still am pathetically in love with him" . It might make things... Hell, I didn't know what it might make things. "Not that I did stop from the beginning"
"What?" Elaine asked in disbelief. "Have I heard that line somewhere? Gossip girl maybe?" she teased, wanting to lighten my mood. Her efforts were apparently well appreciated since I was now smiling like a hyena.
"Funny" I sarcastically replied, turning off the stove under the meatballs while I whipped up a small vegetable salad. I sighed "I told myself not to fall for someone who doesn't love me. The agony, the obsession, It was nothing as consuming and hurting as exquisitely as loving someone who doesn't love you back... anymore"
"How sure are you that my cousin doesn't feel the same way anymore?" Elaine asked not taking her eyes off of the knife as she cut the cucumbers like an expert chef.
"Well, he said that he hated me for a couple times already and that—"
Elaine chuckled, shaking her head "Nik, The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference"
"Laine, last night he was a different guy from our mini-reunion. He was sweet. Far cry from that furious hulk I've reunited with but I can't hold on to that just because we had sex right? He hates me"
Hands on her hips Elaine uttered "Don't think he hates you, Nikki." She paused and looked at me square in the face. "It's just that it's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt. He's just hurt the way you left him"
"I didn't do that you know. My mom has been manipulating my social accounts for years and I only discovered that she blocked Travis on my Facebook and skype. She even kept his mails hidden from me"
"What?! How?!—Okay. This is too much to digest" Elaine caught herself before her voice escalated any further; she had to stop talking just to catch her breath. "I knew your mom is not Travis' greatest fan but how could she sink that low?"
I said softly, trying not to rile her up any further "Yeah and I only discovered it recently so I came back"
"Then, You need to tell him!" She was just as upset. She had to take a drink of water, hoping to calm her nerves.
Recomposing myself, I said "How would I even start? He wont even listen!"
"Make him listen!" She argued mixing the ingredients on the bowl. Taking a deep breath, Elaine added, "Nik, you might want to think about talking to Travis. He's angry at you for the way you left him, but we all know he loves you. Maybe you can get through to him."
A stunned silence overcame me. I stuttered, "I... I don't know. He probably hates my guts after... after..." I shrugged unable to continue whatever I was ought to say "Maybe I'm denying the sad fact that Travis was just the type of boyfriend God gives you young, so I'll know loss for the rest of my life."
Seeing my distress, Elaine turned her face to me and murmured "Oh stop it you! Stop thinking Travis' The one that got away and besides, Happiness is a choice. Things in life make it difficult, but at the end of the day you control your own happiness and you can't blame yourself for trying"
I cleared my throat though I didn't speak as I helped in adding the cucumbers to the rest of the already chopped vegetables then poured in Italian dressing and stirred.
"So.. What now?" I asked after a long doubtful sigh
And then like a weird maniac Elaine was, She turned around with that really wide Cheshire grin on her face "I have an idea!"
Elaine laughed and I could only smile because there was something in the strain evident in her face that somehow made me a little nervous.
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The empire building of the Quiñones was humongous. It is a building of a 75-story skyscraper located in Midtown Makati. Overall, the Building is generally thought of as a Philippine cultural icon throughout the year. The building is owned mainly by the Quiñones but aside from that, there are also, from what I've heard from Elaine herself, 1200 investors in Quiñones Land, Inc and Quiñones corporation as a whole
"What am I doing here? This is wrong. I should go." But no matter how I tried to rationalize to myself what I was doing there, I couldn't take her mind off the task that lay before me. This was wrong but I just had to see; I just had to find out what it was like.
I approached his office door, shaking with a mix of fear and excitement. Could I really do this? I had to know; so I would do this.
"You said you are going up to see Mr. Travis Quiñones?" A woman with her reading glasses sitting on her nose said, raising her brow at me as she did. Judging by her looks, I could tell that she's about in the mid-thirties
"Yeah. I'm his friend."
She closed her log book and quickly looked up at me "Ah ah ah," She warned, pulling a pen out of thin air to plant against my angular jaw and wagging her pointer finger in my face with her other hand.
"Alam niya bang pupunta ka? I couldn't see you on my list. He didn't leave a message expecting you so I couldn't let you in."
My clear dark pools were glaring at her, warranted she deserved it after greeting me with a cold left then a knee to the gut. "Oh come on. It's an emergency"
"Sure. A booty call is always an emergency" With what she said, I turned red in the face
"Listen Lady, Sir Travis is a very busy man. He has been on a meeting for three straight hours now and I'm sure by the time he gets out of that door" She pointed out to the huge brown shiny wooden door on the far left "He'll be starved."
"Yeah that's why I'm here" I said with great patience and determination. I was holding a hand-made lunch that Elaine help me prepare for Travis. She said a way to man's heart is through his stomach. No matter how cliche it might sound, it wont hurt if I try right?
"That's still a No, miss. Maybe you could call here in the morning and let you know how Sir Travis is. It changes from day to day, and there's little use of you coming unless it's a good day. "
"Yes, I understand—and completely agree, Meldy. Again, you are an angel to be taking care of her." He sounded a bit confused. Who would come by now? The morning was almost over.
I slowly turned around uncertain if I should hide as if I hadn't heard a word or acknowledge the stranger. Our eyes met and my stomach dropped. This couldn't possibly be happening.
"Mr. Quiñones, this woman right here has been insisting to see you" His secretary said
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat "Hi" My voice sounded weak to my own ears from the moment it slipped past my lips. It was Travis.
I flashed him an alluring smile and tried to compose myself. I wasn't counting on him looking so attractive. He made me nervous at some point. But in a very twisted way, I liked it.
I gave him a wide eyed stare from my big, brown puppy dog eyes that reflected my discomfort
I stood there staring at him, memorizing everything about him. His soulful brown eyes, his chiseled features, and his brown wavy hair all had a strange effect on me.
He was the epitome of sexy: long brown hair, thick brown eyebrows, intense brown eyes that could go from being murky to translucent in the flash of a second, an aquiline type nose, thin pink lips and....a heart shaped face.
I had never seen such a masculine guy with a heart shaped face before, but it worked for him. It gave him an air of innocence which became ruined when he opened his mouth in anger.
"What are you doing here?" He asked me as his brown eyes pierced into my own. Travis looked mouth-watering amazing. Even though he was wearing a typical suit and tie, there was something about the way he carried himself that made him even sexier.
I allowed myself a little smile, noticing his hair was styled exactly the way any woman would find it sexy
"Do I have to repeat myself to you?" He snapped. Against my better judgment, my heart sank. I didn't expect it from Travis. Whatever happen to us last night?
This wasn't the old Travis that I knew. I was intimidated by him, and for a second I actually thought about leaving. Instead, I straightened up my posture. I had already run away from him when he needed me the most; I wasn't going to do it again.
"Just to check on you" I told him unsure of what to say. That was so stupid of you Monique. 'Just to check on you' really?!
I scratched the back of my head trying to keep calm. Gripping the lunch box I made for him at my back. It's just that every time I was around that man my body would react to him whether with love or nervousness and right now I wasn't sure what I feeling, but I knew that I didn't like the fact that I still responded to his presence in this crazy level.
"So what are you up to?" He asked extending his long, pale leg to step on an ant or two. I always told him that he needed more sunlight before.
"I'm actually going to..." my voice died leaving him a bit confused as he waited for me to finish my sentence. I never did which increased the awkwardness between us. "Have you taken your lunch?" I said more to myself than to him.
"Well.. " His voice died out immediately when a tall long-legged bombshell walked in. Travis lips immediately broke into a flirty smile that I haven't almost recognized
"Roxy" He said and the woman quickly returned his smile. Roxy towers over me on my average height. She has bright red hair and her olive complexioned face.She was little more than a gilded hobby horse; a mirage with the buttons, bells and whistles. She'd dazzled any man with her artificiality and the superficial charm.
She was dressed in a light gray woman's business suit with a straight skirt that came just above her knee. She looked sharp.
I didn't want to admit it -- and would have denied it with my last breath, if asked – but this Roxy looked too beautiful not to notice
He loves a woman with curves and the one he has his eyes glued on must be built like a brick house to keep his attention.
Roxy was the shiny wind up toy, the cheap masquerade doll; the frill one won while standing in the false evening light of a huckster's stand at the carnival, only to find it to be a worthless piece of fool's gold when examined in the clearer more sober light of the morning.
Even though I still thought of myself as beautiful, I found myself looking down at my own long legs, second guessing my body, wondering if I really looked as good as Roxy. I felt out of place in my sundress in the pool of executive attires, uncomfortable would be understated.
This feeling was already too well known to me. It was jealousy
"Let's go?" She asked Travis before acknowledging my presence and when she did, her smile deflated "Oh.. hello there. Are you one of Travis' crazy fan girls from the other department?" She chuckled but when no one laughed on her sick pathetic inside joke she stopped and said "I was just kidding"
I know, I know I shouldn't respond, but I want to so badly. I want to put someone in their place for once, knock that cocky smile off their face, show them up, say my piece and be done with it. The problem with people is, you can't control them. If I say one comment they must respond. So when will it ever end?
I looked at his date and I feel disgust "I know you're stupid but what am I?" Oh ya, great comeback. I watched as Roxy jaw hung for a moment "What?" I was never very good at comebacks. You have to be quick, and I'm just not able to be quick and witty at the same time.
"I mean... uhh" I stutter for a moment trying to drive the conversation plainly "I'm Monique Callejo. Travis'---"
"Old friend" He quickly filled in; brushing me off like a useless bug on his shoulder. I gripped on my hidden lunch box some more, tightening my grip as I stood on my ground
The tall, leggy red-head smiled a malicious smile that marred her beautiful visage "Ohhhkay." She said filling up the suffocating dead air that surrounded us "So we already established you're his old friend." She turned to Travis whose eyes I refused to meet "Can we take our lunch now, Trav?"
"Sure" He said finally looking at his Lunch date. The conversation had been getting uncomfortable for me and Roxy seemed to know so much differently about Travis than I did.
But the awkwardness wouldn't seize. They looked at each other but later on gazed on my direction To be honest, my thoughts are on Travis. I'm curious about his date and if Roxy is the one he said that he'll love better than he did to me
After a few moments and a couple quick breaths, I realized everything around me became quiet -- eerily quiet.
"Oh" I said trying to pull up a smile. To be honest, I don't have any idea what I'm doing, but I have to give credit on my wobbling legs for standing firm. I didn't mean to cause a scene still I'll be damned if Travis thinks that he can talk to me any kind of way without getting a positive or negative reaction.
"Don't mind me." Clenching my fists, I could feel the pure rage surging through my body "I came looking for ...." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I bit my lip trying to find an excuse at the back of my head and successfully found one "Adrian. Yeah. I'm looking for Adrian. I brought him lunch"
Stealing a quick glance on Travis for the last time, I brought up the lunchbox I made right in front of me "And I thought I should ask Travis where Adrian's office might be. This building is just so huge" I humored myself with my dead-panned laugh hoping I sounded funny enough to their ear
Looking convinced with my excuse Roxy beamed a smile "Oh! I'm hoping we're having the same Adrian on our mind right now. Adrian Capistrano?" I nodded "His office is down the west wing on this floor. Just turn right"
A rare moment of irritation crossed Travis' face, something I wasn't used to seeing. In fact, it almost looked like he was angry.
I put on a brave smile "Thanks. Don't let me hold you up. Seems like a nice day for a lunch date" I said and I found Travis working on his jaw. I blew it, and I knew it. It was the worst mistake in the world, and I couldn't take it back.
"Who would've thought it's possible? Yung gigising ka ng isang araw na wala ka nalang nararamdaman para dun sa taong mahal mo dati. Biglaan lang."
Roxy seemed confused as I do for a moment right there but Travis was not even affected. I looked into his eyes who was gazing back at me but I couldn't take the intensity so I looked away
"Let's go Rox" He led his lunch date to the elevator. Everything felt so surreal as I watched Travis escorting Roxy by the arm into the elevator. His hands on her lower back as he did
It made me ill, the way Roxy was clinging to him in return, swinging on his arm like she was half-drunk.
This was one of the worst days of my life. I should have kept my mouth shut like I had planned all along, but after the way he was so righteously a royal jerk, I had to say something. It would have been wrong not to.
Not like it had been right for me to keep silent in the first place, but I had had my reasons. Pain and hurt were one helluva hurtle to jump over no matter how many years had passed. And even now, though we weren't together, I was still feeling the pain and now with Roxy on the picture, Maybe betrayal as well
I didn't realize I was staring at nothing when the secretary snapped at me
"You know, Miss. You might as well move on. Sir Travis' not the prince charming you're dreaming of. Just a reality check you know"
I loved him terribly, but there was no way I could face him again after this. My embarrassment and shame was too great.
And after that horrible letdown, there was no way I could compete with Roxy ..whoever she is to Travis. I was a whirlwind of emotions. I felt an incredible sadness , and was on the verge of tears. It took everything inside me to hold them back.
I sighed; I had no doubt it was another text from Elaine as I felt my phone vibrating on my purse. I really could've used a friend, as much as I hated to admit it but not now, maybe this thing is too stressful for a pregnant woman such as Elaine.
Reluctantly turning over my phone, I looked at the message:
Have fun on your Lunch date xx
I wanted to cry, but as exhausted as I was, It felt like I was out of tears. and right now, I don't really know how I feel. Am I unwanted or just forgotten?
One thing's for sure, either way it still hurts.