[Come one, come all! The grandiose and mighty Phantom has returned with a self-suggested chapter. She awards herself with a cookie, and hopes to hear your laugher! (.:::.)]
Warning: This chapter means absolutely no offence intended towards anyone, Mary Sue or author alike.
Jeff The Kelpie
You stretched out your arms and cracked your neck from side to side. It felt stiff after that nap on the couch. "An update? Finally."
BOOM!
The fourth wall came thundering down on top of BEN, who was in the process of securing a thick chain around your newest fridge, which led to a cameo-painted golf cart 'hidden' outside.
With a terrified shriek (perhaps thinking it was a bombachu), the little elf dived outside, behind the little vehicle's steering wheel, and made a bumpy getaway across the road - loose chain whipping fiercely at the tyres.
You watched this spectacle from the comfort of the window, popcorn included. Jeff sidled up next to you, his curiosity piqued by the screaming.
"Was that the scenario?" he wondered aloud, causing the fourth wall to crash for a second time.
"We can only hope."
Neither of you noticed a strange warp-hole emerging in the living room, glowing livid colours of the rainbow; kinda like unicorn-
However, you both did notice what came out of it.
You whipped around with a fist raised and Jeff mirrored your move, drawing a weapon from his hoodie to hold at the ready. D/N yapped cheerfully somewhere in the background.
"Do I have a welcome mat for intruders on my doorstep? A 'free-to-break-into' sign hanging on the fence? No? Then get the hell out!"
"En garde!"
"Jeffy boy.... What the hell are you going to do with that pink spatula?"
The crazy killer turned a pretty dainty shade of rosy pink himself, and hastily dropped it in favour of snatching a switchblade from his back pocket.
"S-Sorry - mu-must've left my knives at home! Ehehehe..."
The creature who'd come through the wormhole-portal-dimension rift thingy straightened up to her full height of about 5'1.
She had nine tails swishing behind her, each belonging to a wildly different species. Including a turquoise fish fin. A pair of gigantic black angel wings fluttered behind her. Her hair was a tangle of golden blonde and rainbow streaks, still trailing all the way from the portal.
And she had cat ears.
Her eyes were bright red, yet shone every single color of the rainbow all at once, also kind of like unicorn-
"My name is Ravenbella Firefury, and I'm here to avenge a friend of mine," the girl said in a low voice, dipping her head down to give Jeff a glowing death glare.
"Er... which one?" Jeff cocked his head to one side in deep thought, counting off his fingers. He got all the way up to three before you pulled him forward to huddle up and whisper.
"I've heard about these girls. They're with the Mary Sue gang, creepypasta division. Our friendly visitor here looks like an eyesore sue to me."
"Eyesore sue?"
"They say it's impossible to draw one because they're crammed too full of details and it takes up an entire chapter to describe fully. If we don't do something soon, she'll waste away this entire chapter with unnecessary descriptions!"
Jeff glanced over his shoulder at Ravenbella, then turned back to you. "Alright then. How do we get rid of her?"
"Grab a pair of scissors from that drawer over there. Snip off her lusciously flowing mane of cascading raindow curls- I mean- her damn hair."
You shuddered, barely able to believe the words that had left your lips. Jeff gave a grave nod and raced for the chest-of-drawers.
Ravenbella screetched with fury and swiped at him with her elegant glistening ebony claws. Jeff ducked and rolled, bumping into the drawer in question.
"I WILL AVENGE MY BOYFRIEND, LIU!"
"Girl, he ain't yo boyfriend!" BEN's voice piped up.
Yes; the little elf was sitting on the windowsill, watching it all with a bottle of soda in one hand and an overflowing popcorn tub in the other.
You rushed up behind Ravenbella and grabbed her by the hood of her perfect silky soft smooth crimson cloak which was black on the outside and lined with warm velvet inside but not at all hot and stuffy because it was special.
"Ugh! Let go of me!"
"Not a chance, missy!" You held on tight, despite being whacked in the face repeatedly by the slimy glittery turquoise fish tail.
Jeff came lunging out of thin air, brandishing the scissors triumphantly. With a sweep of his hand and a snip, a single lock of hair dropped to the floor.
Ravenbella screamed an earsplitting, demonic, wolffish howl. And then she went quiet.
Her body dissolved into steam and her gravity-obeying cloak crumpled into a heap, making you double over from the unexpected shift in volume.
Luckily, your creepypasta boyfriend had watched enough Corpse Party to remember to drop the scissors before he moved in to catch you.
The lifeless vapor escaped through a certain open window. BEN got a faceful of it, and began freaking out about 'inhaling a Mary Sue'.
BEN Drowned... In tragic backstories?
An ear-piercing wail made birds fly from the nearby trees. BEN came barreling in through the backdoor, violently hacking and coughing.
"SOMEONE HALP ME! I'M DYING!"
Blood poured down his cheeks. He kept running. You legged it after him, fumbling to grab your phone to call 911 (or the local pizza place).
"What's the emergency?!" you cried out, grabbing the little elf by the shoulders and turning him around to face you.
"I INHALED A WOMAN!" he blurted out, sobbing hysterical scarlet tears.
A very long, very awkward pause ensured.
"You... you what?" you asked incredulously, wondering if you'd misheard him.
"A CHICK CALLED RAVENBELLA COULDN'T HANDLE MY AWESOME SASS, SO WHEN F/N AND JEFF KILLED HER, SHE WAFTED ONTO MY FACE!"
"... That is the second stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. Hey, there, there, it's gonna be okay..." You soothingly rubbed circles on his back as BEN hugged you tightly, bloodworks still going strong.
All of a sudden, Fluffy came bounding into the lounge with a terrified look on his little bunny face. Deez Nuts scrambled after him, tail on end.
The two terrified animals made a beeline for the window and jumped straight out with a unsion cry of 'geronimo!', leaving you and BEN dumbfounded.
"Did... Did the squirrel just talk?" BEN squeaked timidly.
A shadow passed over both of you. A mysterious cape swished. Your attention was drawn immediately to the windowsill. Someone was there.
It was a girl, lying over the sill, about 5'1 in height. She had waist-length black hair, dead straight and oiled to a sleek shine. The cape was defying gravity, billowing behind her.
Her eyes were closed - and her expression looked pretty sad, so you ignored the fact that she'd broken in to your home and went over to ask what was wrong.
"Are you o-"
"My abusive family is dead," she said in a monotone voice, cutting you off. "I killed them and burned the neighbourhood down."
"Er... okay, but why are you sitting on my-"
"I was bullied as a child by my classmates and teachers for being different and bipolar. My only friend betrayed me and stole my boyfriend."
You exchanged a puzzled glance with BEN, who shrugged his shoulders helplessly. The girl continued to speak softly, her black lips barely moving.
"I am worthless. I am ugly. I am nothing."
"Alright you've been through a lot and it's had a bad effect on your psyche. But there's ways you can help yourself; hobbies, group therapy, a dog-"
The angst sue held a comically gigantic butcher knife in her hand, and a blowtorch in the other. "I can't go on."
"NO! Don't do that! Where did you even get that thing from? Who are you?"
"Goodbye."
Just as unexpectedly as she had appeared, she disappeared. A single plume of black smoke twisted about in the air, like an extinguished candle.
BEN jumped back five feet and beat a path upstairs, triumphantly exclaiming: "YOU WON'T VIOLATE MY NOSTRILS THIS TIME, MARY SUE!"
Fluffy and Deez Nuts strolled past, acting as if nothing had happened.
Dark Link~
"Darkness! Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"What would you do if, in some crazy alternative dimension, I was in love with someone else instead of you?"
"I'd become a lovesick yandere destined to murder your new boyfriend."
Darkness ducked to avoid a duck-shaped pillow that you threw at him. He chuckled under his breath and added: "-Because, as you said, sweet angel - what we're talking about is a crazy alternative dimension!"
You jumped him and knocked him sideways on the couch, wrapping your arms over his shoulders.
"What if, in that dimension, I'm secretly a yandere too?"
Dark Link simply smiled, leaning in to give you a kiss on the head. "Even better."
And then the world went topsy-turvy, a whiplike crack screetched past your ears, followed by the couch toppling over.
You were rescued by Darkness, who held onto you tightly and rolled off before it could crush you into a flat pancake.
Before you even shook off the dazed feelings, he was already standing upright and pointing his sword at the source of the attack.
It wasn't the ghost of C/N.
Instead, it was a girl levitating off the ground, approximately 5'1 in height, sapphire-eyed and sporting a pair of neko cat ears.
Her eyes were glowing psychic purple, and her hands held a ball of fire and ice respectively. Darkness recognised the mysterious girl at once.
"I thought overpowered Sue was just a myth..."
"This isn't even my final form!" Overpowered Sue boomed. Her voice was godlike. In fact, holy light was shining down on her radiant blonde head.
Dark Link shaded his eyes with one hand. The battle hadn't even started, and it already felt hopeless. You wisely chose to crawl underneath the nearest piece of furniture.
Overpowered Sue suddenly gave a sharp cry. Her body glowed a plethora of rainbow colours, kinda like unicorn-
K A B O O M!
She... changed. Glittery sparkles and sakura petals circled all around her. The transformation was indescribable, and Phantom almost met with a terrible fate merely by witnessing it.
"I am the strongest ninja/alchemist/death scythe/grim reaper/demon/angel/mermaid/witch/vampire/creepypasta hybrid ever to live!"
"-And also part neko!" she added in a cheerful voice.
To your shock, Dark Link stopped looking worried. He sheathed his sword wordlessly - a little knowing smirk playing on his lips.
"Is that so?"
"BEHOLD MY ULTIMATE POWER!" Overpowered Sue screamed, swinging a scythe.
"All that power is going to destroy you," he said slyly, stepping back.
"MY STRONGEST ATTACK: KA-DEATH-RESONANCE-HELLFIRE-DIVINE-OCEAN-LEVIOSA-FANGIRL-BLOODBENDING JUTSU!"
To sum it up in three words - Overpowered Sue exploded.
Yes, it was messy. The petals and the glitter went flying everywhere. No corner of the living room was spared.
Upon surveying the horrifying damage, Darkness meekly turned to face you.
"I defended milady in the name of true love and honor so... split the cleanup fifty-fifty?"
"No."
Laughing Pancake
"My, my. Not bad, L.J."
The monochrome proudly stood beside a height chart that he'd pilfered from Smiley's surgery whilst the not-so-good doctor had been out.
You were volunteering at a charity carnival for the local school, and your assignment was to issue passes for a certain ride. This meant sticking with the height requirements, hence the need for a chart.
"Alright; our first customer's coming. I'm going to be here, stamping tickets. And you...?"
"I sit next to the height chart and look intimidating to discourage people from skipping the line!" L.J beamed, a sharp-toothy grin on his colourless face.
"Good boy." You gave him a pat on the head on your way to the booth.
No sooner had you taken your place that a girl shuffled to the counter. She had to stand in front of the height chart.
- 5'1.
The requirement was 5'2.
"O-One ticket to ride the [imaginatively named ride] please..." she trailed off, looking down at her shoes.
You smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. You have to be," you pointed to the chart, "this tall to ride without an adult."
"But I'm only a little shorter! Just this once, please?" she pleaded, tightly twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
L.J cleared his throat. "You heard her, kiddo."
The girl jumped around, startled until she took in the details. "O-Oh, I'm sorry... what's your name?"
"Laughing Jack."
She looked down again. You leaned out of your booth and checked the floor, trying to figure out what was so interesting about it.
"M-My name is Mary... Mary Sue."
L.J offered her an uncertain, but friendly smile. You raised an eyebrow, wondering what had gotten into him all of a sudden.
"Say... Are you lost or something, kiddo? I'd be glad to..."
"-FOR THE YUUUUUM-YUUUMS!"
With a war cry, BEN jumped onto Mary's shoulders, smashing a frying pan over her head repeatedly.
"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
"I'M TRYING!" Jeff shrieked in a panicky voice, somewhere off to the side, trying to light a matchstick from the wrong end.
Dark Link leapt out of nowhere and lopped off Mary Sue's head with a single striking blow of his sword. A shockwave blew BEN onto Jeff's face.
A gush of rainbows spewed from the corpse as it crumbled into a heap of glitter. The unidentifiable 'rainbow juice' covered everything - and everyone.
You were the only one left unscathed, thanks to the magic of glass windows.
Dripping with colour that was slowly turning sludgy as it mixed, L.J wiped his eyes, looked around at the utter calamity, and made a single remark:
"... It looks kinda like unicorn poop."
Meanwhile, At The Creepypasta Mansion...
"Is this really necessary?" Smiley drawled darkly, fidgeting with a pair of surgical scissors. He looked ready to drive them through someone's eyeball.
"You'll have your surgery back in a minute! Slenderman ordered us to take extra precautions while administering the test," explained Jeff.
"Just don't leave any blood splatters on my walls," the not-so-good doctor sighed, turning around and walking downstairs to find something to amuse himself with. Like an eyeball replica.
Meanwhile, inside the surgery itself - Smirky had been tied to a chair and was being circled by the other three nutcases.
"Now... How do we know you aren't one of them?"
"Which one of you knocked me out with a pumpkin?"
"I'm asking the questions here!" L.J barked, making a lunge and shaking him violently by the shoulders. The sharp-toothed crazy thing didn't flinch.
"-And I still don't know who saw it fit to stuff a large pumpkin into a Santa hat and take a hearty swing at my face with it."
"Listen, the sooner you start talking..." Dark Link passed his line of sight, sword glinting under the interrogation light. "... The easier it'll be. For us."
"-Question number one! Have you ever been the victim of a traumatizing event?" BEN's little voice interjected.
Smirky sighed and shifted his scarlet gaze upward.
"I was kidnapped, held against my will, and tortured for hours. They wouldn't cease, no matter how much I begged them to. Death sounded like mercy."
"When was that?" the little elf asked, clipboard held at the ready.
"It was quite a recent event. As recently as today, in fact. My intelligence was in agony. When I continued to refuse cooperation, I was nearly killed by a pumpkin, and I still don't know which one of you did it."
"Damn you!" BEN slammed down the clipboard in a huff. "He tricked me! Do something!"
Dark Link stooped down to scoop up the clipboard. The shade flipped it over to the next page. "Question number two... What special powers and/or abilities do you have?"
"If you give me your sword, I can demonstrate that 'sawing a person in half' magic trick magicians do. It's the permanent version," Smirky said sweetly.
L.J snatched the clipboard from Dark Link and skipped half the pages. Then the other half. He stopped on the final question.
"Alright, kiddo. Answer me this, and hold back the extra tongue. Where's your vulnerability? Your weak spot? Everyone has one, and guards it."
The illusionist regarded him with an amused sort of expression. "Did you really think, that if I had a weakness, I'd tell you about it?"
"Do you?"
"Maybe I don't. Maybe I do." he cleared his throat uncomfortably. The sound was raspy. "Enough of this. I need a glass of water..."
__________________
A/N: I wonder if he ended up passing the Mary Sue test...?
Words can't express how grateful I am for all of you amazing readers. They also can't express how tired I am at the moment. I sat down to write this at eleven PM, and it's now three in the morning.
[Please excuse any embarrassing mistakes because of it! XD ]
Thank you for reading this chapter of Creepypasta Boyfriend Scenarios!
If you liked it, feed the hungry chapter a lovely star-shaped cookie to show your appreciation!
And while you're at it, don't forget to tell me which bit was your favourite part in the comments.
Toodles~!
TheNightPhantom