"Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough."
It hadn't taken me long to fully come to terms with my resentment towards Tori. She reminded me a little too much of Max sometimes, running her own show and trying to take responsibility of everything. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her whenever she passed me on the hallways. Roxy had noticed more than once and every time she had to clasp a hand over her lips to mask her laughing.
It wasn't always done as discreetly as it could have been. But for that I only loved her more. Even though I had said to myself not to use Eric's sweatshirt around the others, I hadn't been able to keep it away. And when Roxy noticed my behavior, she guessed right away. It took her mere hours.
So, I had cast aside it all and put his sweatshirt on. I kept breathing in Eric's cologne as I pushed open the door to the infirmary. I needed to speak to Abby. I hoped to find her alone for once. Luckily, I did this time. She was seated on her bed, a book in her hands as she tried to make the time pass. She lit up in a smile as I ran to her and embraced her.
"Sweetie, this cologne—its Eric's." She whispered the last few words as she released me again. I nodded before sitting down on her bed. Even she recognized Eric's cologne. "Spill—what have you been up too?" She demanded as I folded my legs underneath me after I had slipped out of my shoes.
"I was restless yesterday, so I left candor and ran to the building I had showed Eric a year ago. It's where I found him after he had beaten Gabriel, where we kissed for the first time as well." I began and squirmed because Abby only smiled wider. "He was there—gave me quite a fright because he jumped down behind me, gun raised, until he realized it was me." I blew out a breath of relief, the same did Abby before she reached for my hand.
"Did you only see him?" Abby asked hopefully. I didn't have to guess who she was talking about. I shook my head and grabbed her hand with both of mine. Her eyes went wide, and she tightened her hold, tears swelling in her eyes even before I could reply properly.
"Val was there as well—he looked good, considering the circumstances." I spoke weakly, almost whispering because I didn't want any of the others to listen in on our conversation. Abby broke down and pulled me in for another embrace. "Abby, I'm going to meet Eric again tonight, shall I make him bring a message to Valentine?" I asked and she released me instantly.
"Yes—please Tavia. He needs to know I'm still alive." Abby reached below her neckline and brough out a silver chain where two rings hung, also silver, like the promise rings Eric had made for him and I. My eyes dipped to the silver ring on my finger, I spun it once before raising my eyes again.
Abby was taking the chain off, slipped off the biggest ring and passed it to me. I held it securely. At first, I couldn't think of anywhere to place it securely, then I remembered the chain around my own neck. I pulled it out from underneath my shirt and got the ring secured on the chain. "Thank you!" Abby cried and took me into another tight hug.
I returned it. We just held each other for a long time, until disturbed by the small bibs of my watch. It was time for me to go. I had to go meet Eric. Abby only reluctantly let me go when I nudged her. She half laughed, half cried when finally doing so. I waved to her when walking out the door. She returned the gesture while drying some of her tears away.
When I ran down the stairs, my hand grasped the jumping pendant and ring around my neck, holding it tightly because I was really feeling the weight of it. I escaped out into the night just as easily tonight as I had done yesterday. I was even good enough to avoid the vehicles driving around, not once did I step out in front of one of them. Not that I wanted to do it, but it just alleviated some of the pressure on my shoulders.
Eric's vehicle was parked the same place it was yesterday. I skidded to a halt, barely avoiding an impact with it because I had been running too quickly around the corner. I laughed at my own stupidity before looking up the side of the building, but Eric wasn't there. He stepped out of the vehicle moments later, another smile on his lips. He lent against the open door when I rested both my hands on my hips, a small pout present. "No scaring me half to death today?" I asked and he chuckled. Then he jumped down on the ground and I went to greet him.
His embrace was tight and very needed. I inhaled deeply, allowing my hand that had rested on the back of his neck to travel up into his hair. It was longer, showing off brown curls I hadn't noticed he had before because he kept it so short. Eric shuddered when I did and dropped a few inches. I had forgotten how sensitive he was. It made me laugh before releasing him, but not before I had stolen a kiss.
It was one he returned by grabbing a fistful of my shirt, yanking me back to him and crashing his lips against mine. I mentally rolled my eyes before returning the kiss. "Needy huh?" I asked when we broke apart. Eric shrugged and placed another quick kiss on my lips.
"Maybe—or just impatient because you're late." He sighed when we stepped appart. It made me raise an eyebrow and cross my arms, resuming an annoyed stance as he turned back to the vehicle. He pulled something out. It was a jacket which he quickly swung around his shoulders. "Stop frowning, or you'll grow wrinkles." He signed at me before kissing my cheek. I hit him playfully as he turned to the building next to me. "Race you to the top?"
He had asked but didn't allow me to answer before he had jumped, right hand clasping around a small erosion whereafter he pulled himself up to reach the next ledge. His feet were quick to find places to stand on, making his climb much easier. I rolled my eyes and followed. It hadn't been more than a few seconds before I began climbing asl well, but Eric was scaling the building faster than I had ever seen him do it before.
It made me wonder how many nights he had come here, hoping I would come as well. My heart ached at the thought and my chest constricted in guilt. I couldn't keep back the tears as I stilled my climbing. I nibbled on my lower lip, trying to keep my emotions at bay before they overtook me. It took me a while to recover, and when I did, I couldn't help but notice the silhouette peeking out over the edge not very far over me.
Eric was waiting for me. He even reached a hand down when I reached the erosion he was standing on. He helped me up before we moved into the building, but he didn't let go of my hand as he guided me up the stairs and out onto the open roof. The wind was chilling on my damp body, but it centered me, and I squeezed his hand tighter. Eric returned the squeeze before he pulled me to him. His arms went around my shoulders as he stepped up behind me.
I melted in his embrace and remained where I stood, allowing him to hold me because he seemed to need it more than I did in that moment. When Eric shifted away from me, I shivered at the loss of heat. I was getting cold, despite the warm clothing I was wearing. Eric shivered as well as I remembered my promise to Abby.
"Eric—" I grabbed his arm, making him turn back to me. "—Abby, she asked me to get this to Valentine." I dug out the silver chain from beneath my clothes, but I wasn't ready for Eric's expression. "What?" I asked and stepped closer to him.
"She's alive?" He questioned in disbelief. I nodded, unsure of what he knew. "We were told she died in abnegation, lost her life because someone shot her—" Eric had stepped closer, raised his hands, and cupped my face.
I scowled at him and cut him off. "Max shot her." My words were almost said in a snerr but I knew Eric had done noting wrong. "Roxy and Tadeo found her at abnegation after the attack was stopped—she's in candor with the rest of us, recovering from more than the bullet wound. She misses Valentine. It's hard on her not knowing where he is." I informed and showed him the ring on my chain. "Get this to him, please."
Eric's eyes dipped to the ring. I quickly took the chain off and secured it around his neck before he could object. He signed before resting his forehead against mine. "He will leave erudite then—I cannot protect him if he goes to candor." Eric signed.
"But I can." I whispered assuringly. "We've reelected leaders, I was lucky enough to be chosen again. I can protect him—like I can protect you." I whispered hopefully. "Come back with him to candor, come back to me and I can protect you." I cried but Eric moved out of my reach.
"No. I've done too much bad. I'm a traitor and a murder in the eyes of every dauntless that followed Four and Tori." Eric snapped. "My crimes are by dauntless law, punishable by death—Four will have my head if I step near candor. I've chosen my path, now I must walk it. Octavia, I love you, but this cannot make everything right, love doesn't conquer all." Eric turned back to me.
My tears had started to fall again, and the sight of my sorry state made Eric pull me into another embrace. I wanted nothing more than to have him by my side again, return to the life we had in dauntless before everything turned sour. If I returned with him to erudite, Janine would have my head. If Eric returned with me to candor, Four would have his.
At that revelation, I just cried, spilling the tears that had accumulated throughout the weeks. I had no idea for how long we stood there. It wasn't until we heard commotion from the streets far below that Eric released me. He closed the distance between us and the edge of the building with two steps, looked down and cursed loudly. "Others have seen my vehicle, we've stayed to long." He turned back to me and grabbed my hand.
He pulled me down the stairs in a run. I felt myself heave for air as the adrenaline pumped through my body. When we reached the erosion large enough to stand on, Eric turned back to me. "Here, take this on and keep quiet." He instructed as he peeled his jacket of himself and swung it over my shoulders. It was two times too big on me but had to work. He dug into the pocket and took out a cap. "Put your hair up and this on."
I took it from him as he climbed down first. I managed to gather my hair in the back, using the cap as a form of hair band before pulling it as far down as I could. Then I followed Eric, just a bit slower. But once I reached the ground, I jumped down behind him just as two figures moved towards us, guns raised and pointed directly at us. "Put your weapon down Marcus or I'll make you." Eric sneered. Shit. He was dauntless. I recognized him from the control room, always running around Max as a happy puppy.
I crossed my arms when the mand scoffed and lowered his gun. "Eric." He acknowledged, voice cold. "See if you dare—" He then challenged and Eric acted on it, hand wrapping around the back of his gun. Then he yanked it out of Marucs's hold, thrusted the weapon back and hitting the man directly in the face with it. I heard the crack and saw the blood.
His partner laughed and stepped aside as Marcus crumbled. "Ha, serves you right. It's fucking Eric." Then he nodded to Eric and turned back to their vehicle. But not before he had nodded to me as well. "Didn't know you had a partner, but hey, great that you can manage this sunflower." He shrugged, speaking directly to me, and making Eric groan loudly. "Going—we're going now. No need for more violence." He threw his hands up in defeat and yanked Marcus along.
When they were out of sight again, I began laughing. "Sunflower—that's new." I knew the man had referred to Eric's mood. But shit, it was a good one. Eric rolled his eyes and groaned at me before he opened the door to his vehicle.
"You going in willingly or will I have to force you?" He pointed inside while trying not to sound too angry with me. I complied and climbed in first, quickly scooting to the passenger seat as Eric got in behind me. He sank into the seat and covered his face with his hands. "Fucking morons." He cursed as I climbed back over to his side.
Eric lowered his hands the moment I placed my hand on his thigh. He raised an eyebrow as I settled above him. "Round two?" I asked and leaned in for a kiss. He complied with the kiss but nothing more. He gently pushed me away after a while and I leant back with a confused expression.
"I will drive you to candor—there's something we both need to prepare for. Valentine will be with you within the hour. I'm sorry Octavia but Marcus recognized you when Oliver pointed out I had a partner tonight. They all know very well that I work alone, only Val stays around me—I'm a sunflower, remember." Eric sighed as he helped me back over onto the passenger seat.
I laughed and settled with my back against the door, thigh against the back of the seat as Eric turned on the engine. It was the first time I had been in a vehicle like this. It felt strange. When Eric began driving, my eyes followed his movements, intrigued as to when he had learnt such a skill. It took but five minutes to reach candor.
Eric found a side ally and parked the vehicle before he turned to me. "I'm sorry—I wish I could have spent more time with you." He whispered. It was the first thing that had been said between us since he pushed me back into the passenger seat. I smiled weakly to him and leaned in for a kiss.
"Eric, I don't blame you. It's okay." I whispered and claimed a kiss. "Can I see you again tomorrow? " I asked. He nodded and caught my face between his hands when I retracted, pulled me back and crashed his lips against mine in another longing kiss.
"I love you—now get back inside." Eric ordered. I nodded and reached back for the door handle. It yielded and I was let out into the night. My eyes remained on the vehicle until I stepped into the light of the headquarter. Then I sprinted down the path, quickly getting to safety.