"Worrying is a waste of time. Good and bad things will happen in life. You just have to keep living and not stress over what you can't control."
No matter how much I had come to hate this peace-loving community, it still brought a sense of calm to my chaotic mindset. And there was one sight, I had come to enjoy more than anything else and couldn't get enough of. It was the sight of the night sky right before dawn. The delirious bright stars before the sun began breaking the darkness, slowly rising, and bringing with it the colors of the new day while also lifting the morning mist from the fields that I had been assigned to help with.
Chores. Not that I minded them but still they felt more like an obligation than a distraction. I inhaled deeply and took a moment to enjoy the sight of the morning sun rising before wiping a few pearls of sweat from my forehead. Despite this peace-loving community and easy-going nature, sometimes lazy nature, they sure did know how to do a good day's labor. It provided me with enough of a distraction to which I was grateful to have been given.
I wiped my hands in the skirt I was wearing on today's occasion before reaching for the basket of corn I had collected. It sat on the ground, waiting, packed and stacked with freshly picked corn. I held it tightly between my hands, letting it rest against my hip as I walked towards the truck. My brother was standing on the back of it, helping receive the baskets. When I raised mine up, he took it without hesitation before reaching a hand down. It hovered in front of me because I hesitated. I raised my eyes, locking them with his familiar ones before a scowl disrupted my otherwise indifferent expression.
They hadn't changed at all. Then I scoffed and chose to walk instead, refusing any help from him. I was not ready to forgive him just yet. He had all but ignored me when I first came here. I had tried to reconnect, but he had a life here, a new family. Most of the abnegation was in a good mood, they blended in perfectly, though a little stiff sometimes, but talking and having fun. There were a few with us in the fields. I rolled my eyes and kept to myself. It was a small walk back to amity, and one I would rather take in solitude.
When I returned to amity, I was greeted by a scowling Ezekiel. He was looking much better as the days slowly passed by. His color had returned, and he could move around now. Ezekiel even complained about the clothes more than I did. I tried to smile to the scowling dauntless while I quickly washed my hands under a nearby faucet.
But my smile did little to soothe him as he tugged on the neck of his shirt again. The orange color did look good on him. Ezekiel kept tugging on his shirt, even after he had reached me, and I had to grab his hands. "Stop it—it looks on you." I said half serious and half teased. He rolled his eyes at me and sidestepped me. It was not unlike him. Ezekiel was getting a little bored with amity. Seeing as he couldn't carry anything heavy, he was forced to do the small tasks. Quite irksome as he had frowned just a few days ago.
I kept a small smile on my lips when I followed him into the dome and got in line behind him. When a plate was handed to me, I muttered the go with happiness to the smiling woman in orange. Then I noticed Four and Tris arrive from their morning chores as well. Tris was looking rather agitated this morning, but one thing was different. She had cut her hair short. But it suited her. My eyes lingered for a while until she noticed.
My attention on her had rendered me oblivious to Ezekiel in front of me and I bumped directly into him and had to recoil, quickly taking a few steps back. "Ow—" I winced and rubbed my forehead. Ezekiel laughed and turned to me with a mischievous smile on his lips. "Shut up." I groaned, despite him not having said anything to me. His smile just got bigger before he just placed a piece of corn on my plate. "Thank you." I mumbled and stepped around him in embarrassment.
Ezekiel had really taken the brotherly role seriously. Not that he was smothering me, or that it annoyed me, I was just happy to have someone I knew around. He even kept watch and made sure I was eating properly. I was certain that I had gained a few pounds already. The foods were good and the physical labor not as tough as in dauntless. I could not run here, it would attract to much unwanted attention, and erudite had already declared martial law after they took over the government under false predicaments.
I blew out a breath when I settled at an empty table on the outskirts of the dome. Marcus and some of the abnegation fugitives that was sitting with Joanna, had been looking my way when I passed them. They knew who I was and what position I had in dauntless, a leader, a traitor—a failure. Even though I had provided them both with valuable information, I knew that they still mistrusted me. In their eyes, I should have been able to do more than what I did. Ezekiel had told me other things, things I hadn't passed on or told to anyone else.
When Ezekiel was still a part of dauntless, I had asked about the situation in the faction. Eric and Max had resumed leadership and most of the faction had followed them. But there was a fraction of the dauntless that had deflected, they had sought refuge somewhere else because they didn't believe erudite was innocent in this, but even he hadn't been able to figure out were they where. They would be our only hope to fight back, no matter how much the numbers were against us. Ezekiel had even found out that Valentine had joined Eric, but only because Abby hadn't been recovered, dead or alive. She was missing.
My hands curled around the metal plate at the thought. I bit the insides of my cheeks while tears swelled. Abby—shit. I had left her alone, not included her in my plans and now she could be in danger. It was not what I had wanted. I didn't want anyone to get hurt on my behalf, I did what I could, but was still selfish enough to forget about my friends. I was the reason Ezekiel had to flee. I was the reason Eric had followed his mother, and that Abby was gone. I wanted to scream at the plate but knew it was not the right place nor time.
I released the plate again once Ezekiel sat down opposite of me. He provided me with a small smile, clearly noticing my tears before he turned his attention to the plate in front of him. It was becoming a daily thing my tears, and Ezekiel had more than once reminded me he was there if I needed to talk or just rant about something. I dried my tears away with an angry swipe of the back of my hand. Not long after I returned my attention to the plate in front of me. I had barely eaten anything on my plate when I heard the commotion from a table behind Ezekiel.
I dropped my fork when I saw Tris flip the table around, trapping Peter underneath it. Tris advanced on the trapped boy, but before I could leave my seat properly, Four had already wrapped his arms around Tris' midsection and yanked her off him. I didn't get to feel relieved for even a second because an angry voice pierced the air. "What do you think you're doing? My office now!" It was Joanna. She had gotten to her feet and stepped closer. I dared turn my head to take her in before she locked eyes with me. "All of you." She demanded.
I nodded, resisting the urge to roll my eyes before I pushed myself away from the table. Joanna then tried to calm her faction by ordering them to return to their meals. There were many upset voices as we were ushered towards Joanna's office. It was positioned in the horse stables, above the horses, right underneath the roof. A small, but doable space. It was the third time I had been sent there in the three weeks we had all been here.
"Was I not clear that in your sanctuary here, it included no violence!" Johanna began once we all had settled in her office. Tris, Peter, and Caleb in a chair each, Four, Ezekiel and me standing. I had moved as far away from the others as I possibly could. I positioned myself by the windows, back half turned to Joanna as my eyes remained on the dome in the distance. I understood her anger, we have done nothing but be a nuisance to her faction. We stood out, couldn't conform.
She had been quite selfless, kind even. Harboring us until we found out feet again was no small feat. My nails dug into my skin as Ezekiel placed a hand on my shoulder. He had moved with me, keeping a distance to the others as well. Even though he knew who Four was, he wasn't friends with him. He squeezed harder when Joanna continued. "This has to end." Johanna folded her arms in front of her. A trait she often did.
"Well, I can guarantee you nothing like this will ever happen again." Four spoke up when no one else did. Always the diplomat. I grasped Ezekiel's hand before removing it from my shoulder. I squeezed it once and turned to face the others. The expression Joanna carried made me remain silent, she had already made up her mind this time. Our chance was gone. Nothing I said or did would make her change her mind—or so I thought.
"Be that as it may." Joanna sighed, "You cannot stay here with us any longer. Your presence, it's just too disruptive." When she added those words, it was as if the temperature dropped. I swallowed and dared look at everyone in the room. Most looked to the ground, but Tris was clearly not happy when she dared look at the leader.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and rested the other hand on my hip. A small sigh left me when Tris finally spoke up, no longer able to keep her mouth shut. "Truth is that our sanctuary was not going to last very long here anyways. Was it?" Tris was angry, there were no doubt in that. I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. Tris was one that didn't conform well to rules, nor leadership, when those who set those boundaries were cowards. "With you not standing up to Janine, that is." She shrugged.
"You don't understand us at all." Johanna almost scoffed while shaking her head. The words had been said very quietly but Tris weren't ready to give up. Violence was not the amity way, never had been and never would be. They devoted themselves to other things than the rest of the factions.
"No, I do understand you! I understand that you think you can stay out of this, but you can't!" Tris shifted in her chair. She was radiating frustration as she almost yelled at Joanna. I understood her words and her frustration, but this was not the place nor the time. "One day Janine is going to show up here and take whatever power you think you have away from you." Tris ended and I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Tris—Tris, enough. Please." Four pleaded after he had taken a step toward her. He was always the diplomat. It never seized to amaze me how calm he always managed to be in these kinds of situations. Even I had taken a step forth when Tris continued her rant to Joanna.
No matter how right or wrong she had been, there was no need to raise her voice. "Look Johanna, we just need a little more time to find out where the rest of the Dauntless are and then we will leave." Four then promised. I blinked at him, confused because I had not seen those words coming.
"And then what? Attack Erudite?" Johanna asked. She was more perceptive than she sometimes let on, no wonder she was the leader of amity. Her piercing eyes traveled around the room, settling on everyone after turn. It was her way to make sure we all understood her next words. "I will not be a party to violence." She snapped when everyone remained silent.
"We're not asking you too." Four sighed, rubbing his eyes. This was definitely not convincing her or providing her with enough reason to let us stay here. After Ezekiel had joined us and the information had stopped coming, I knew it was only a matter of time. "We just need a few more days. We haven't uncovered where the rest of the dauntless are staying." Four sounded very annoyed because our searches had come up fruitless.
But Four was right, as usual. It was the only thing that we needed to figure out. Our hard work had only provided us with the knowledge that they were hiding somewhere. Or it was what Four knew. Zephyr had found out where they were hiding yesterday and contacted me this morning. He was there when Ezekiel instructed me to use the third channel on the walkie, he knew I had it and that it was where Ezekiel had gone. The contact was risky, but he needed to know if we were still alive.
The dauntless that had deflected from Max and Eric, were all hiding in candor. I swallowed when Joanna sighed deeply. "One." She held one finger up. Tris repeated the word in confusion. "One more chance." Joanna agreed. I instantly felt the relief swell inside me. Then she turned to Tris as I turned to Ezekiel. "You see to be amity, is to forgive Tris—" Her words faded, and I didn't listen because Ezekiel was looking at me as well.
He was smiling at me while Joanna was speaking directly to Tris, but I noticed something from the corner of my eye. My eyes snapped to the windows behind Ezekiel, several grey vehicles were all driving towards amity. Dauntless vehicles with erudite markings. Shit. Ezekiel had luckily noticed my eyes shift and spun around to look out the windows when a man came storming up the stairs.
"Erudite—" I whispered when the vehicles broke through the wooden fences that framed the fields right outside the dome. They came towards the center with incredible speed. I swallowed and moved closer to the windows when one of the vehicles came to a skidding stop in front of the stable. "Four!" I called but he had already arrived at my side. I hadn't heard Joanna's order for us to stay here, it was first when she was completely gone that I understood she had left us.
Four clenched his jaw and ground his teeth as two figures stepped out of the vehicle. My eyes snapped back to the person closest to the windows. Eric. My eyes widened and I stepped up close to the windows, looking down as Max joined Eric. Joanna had stepped out to greet the undesired guests. Then Eric looked up as if he knew I was starring. In the same moment I was forced to crouch, Ezekiel had grabbed my shoulders and we had ducked down out of sight.
My eyes found Ezekiel's again. "It's Eric." I rasped, throat dry as tears swelled. It had been three weeks since I had seen him. He looked older, thinner. He was not the same Eric I remembered. His hair had been longer as well but neatly brushed back. And then that blue band around his arm, indicating he was following erudite, it made my anger boil. How I wanted to storm down there and rip it off his shoulder. It should never have some too this.
We had truly chosen differently. And we were all fucked. Trapped in Joanna's office, outnumbered and out gunned.