"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase; you just have to take the first step."
I lowered myself to the couch, sitting down with my hands covering my face and elbows resting on my knees. Everything was shifting. Valentine had gotten a concussion after his fight with Eric. When he found out he had fled the dining hall. It had now been more than a week since then. Val recovered fairly quick and was already back in the apartment he shared with Abby.
Eric was burying himself in the tasks Max gave him. He was rarely around at dinner, and I knew he wasn't eating properly. Max had not yet told us what he was up to, and it was already the last day of initiation for the current initiates. They would face the fear simulator tonight. And we would all witness the process. I groaned in annoyance before drawing my shoes closer. I took them on, fastening the leather cords before leaving my apartment.
I fled my apartment and went towards the training room. It was still very early. Once inside the large room, I lost my shirt and began wrapping my hands in protective bandages before turning towards a boxing bag. I wanted to shield my left hand from as much damage as possible. It was still very weak from the time I had it in a cast.
I opened and closed my hands a few times, feeling the tightness of the bindings before lowering myself, assuming a fighting stance. I then began a series of hits at the object in front of me. I felt the pain in my left hand almost instantly but breathed through it but I continued to hit and kick the boxing bag. It swayed but a little every time I hit it.
The workout drowned everything else out and I remained oblivious to what was happening around me. Sweat pearls formed, running over my hot, and damp body while I worked. I drowned out my sorrows and thoughts as I kept hitting the object swaying slightly in front of me. I didn't even hear the footsteps as someone approached me from behind.
It wasn't until he stepped around me and placed his palms on the other side of the boxing bag that I stilled and looked at him. "Eric—" I breathed out in surprise and lowered my hands. He looked worse than he had a week ago in the pit when fighting Ezekiel. But those eyes, normally portraying so little were filled with emotions as he stepped closer.
Our eyes only locked for a few seconds while he steadied the boxing bag between us with both hands. He then nodded and I understood his silence before I returned to my previous occupation, now hitting the object with everything I had. My anger was taking over, and my form became sloppy. "I'm sorry—" Eric whispered, and I stilled my hitting to look at him for a moment.
For a brief second, I had imagined the boxing ball to be something else. "I'm sorry too." I whispered when noticing Eric was standing on the other side of the boxing bag, both hands on it while leaning against it. I caught but glimpses of his pale exterior as I continued sending hit after hit at the bag. He looked very thin, dark circles around his blue eyes, his cheeks a bit hollow. His hair however was shorter.
"Have you spoken with Abby?" I asked, stilling my hits only long enough to ask him. He shook his head and I returned to the boxing bag, even angrier. "You should go apologize to her first—not me." I tried to remain calm as I concentrated on the bag between us instead. "I will not listen to you right now." I winced when hitting the bag wrongly with my freshly healed hand. I yelped and shook the hand.
Eric reached for me, but I recoiled and eyed him warily. He stepped back and turned his gaze down. I breathed through the pain before returning to the bag again. I hit it harder, feeling my already weak body work tirelessly. I was hot, wet, damp and every fiber in my body fought against me as I continued to hit the bag. But I could no longer keep myself at bay, my emotions boiled over and I cried out, stilling my hitting.
A tremble whacked through me before I fell to my knees. But before I could hit the ground, arms were around me and intercepted my fall. I was picked back up again in one swift move. The embrace was tight as I was guided a few steps away from the boxing ball. Eric's cologne engulfed my very being and I clung on tighter, wrapping my fingers around his t-shirt as he lowered us both to the ground.
We attained a kneeling position as my arms wrapped tightly around him. "Why?" I cried when I rested my chin on his shoulder. It was all I could get out as he deepened the embrace. "Why did it come to this—I'm sorry. I should never have hit you. I began this—I'm sorry." I continued when Eric rested his chin against my own shoulder. One of his hands moved to the back of my head, fingers entwined with my hair before he released me and brought his hands up to cup my face.
"I'm sorry—I should have told you. You were right. What Janine—what my mother is doing—" Eric rested his forehead against mine as my hands moved to his wrists. I held on while sobbing. "She knows. Octavia, she's coming for you once this trial has been completed."
"Trial?" I questioned and pulled away from him. Our eyes locked and Eric looked like he regretted his words. "Eric—what do you know? What's happening!" I asked him more forcefully, my eyes shifting between his, urging him to tell me. He was reluctant to tell me, and I cupped his cheeks as well before he lowered his hands, taking a hold onto mine before removing them.
"After initiation—erudite's serum has been completed. I know you found a vial once." Eric raised an eyebrow at me, but I didn't try to deny it. "It will single out all the divergent members of dauntless and control the others." Eric bit into his lip, uprooting the small remanent of the damage I had done. I instinctively closed the distance between us and crashed my lips against his, claiming them before he could do more damage. Eric's body pulled taught before he drew me closer, wrapping his arms around me once more.
When we released each other to breathe, he forced me to look at him again by resting both hands on my shoulders. "I regret what I said—but you must understand, I did all this to protect you. I thought—no, I really believed—" Eric's eyes shifted between my slightly parted lips and my eyes. I smiled when noticing his hesitation.
"I know you did what you thought were right—Eric it's okay. I understand." I tried smiling to him, but he lowered his head, letting it hang low while he took a few deep breaths. I moved my hands up his arms as he rested his head against my shoulder. "Eric—what's wrong." I forced him to sit back up. He had gone utterly pale, I almost couldn't recognize him. "Shit—when was your last proper meal?" I raised an eyebrow at him and forced him to look at me.
Eric growled at me but allowed me to help him to his feet. He staggered but I kept him upright. He smiled weakly and allowed me to guide him out of the training room. I remembered to grab my shirt from the floor, and wrapped it around my hips, not particularly in need to pull it over my damp body.
We were alone in the dining hall as the workers in the kitchen brought out food. One of them raised an eyebrow at us when we seated ourselves at the leader table. I ignored her and pushed a plate closer to Eric. He scoffed but took it as I took another. We ate in silence, and I tried to understand what had happened between us. I had not forgiven him, like I feared he hadn't forgiven me either. But we were talking again.
Abby and Valentine arrived next. Val looked better, though still pale. Eric stood up the moment he noticed them aprotching. Abby cast one glance between us and reached a hand towards Eric. He took it, allowing her to pull him into an embrace, he almost melted when she did. "I'm sorry." He whispered when releasing her again. He shook hands with Val who then sat down next to him. Abby joined my side of the table.
"You talking again?" She asked when reaching for Valentine's hand. I nodded when he obliged and locked hands with her. A part deep within me wanted to do the same with Eric but I couldn't just discard everything that had happened between us. "I'm glad, now let's eat, we have a long day ahead of us."
I knew what Abby was referring to and understood. I could talk more with her and Eric later. I needed to know more about the trial he had mentioned. I needed to understand what he knew. But right now, I had to get through the day, watching every initiate and their fear landscape. When I stepped into the circular room, it had not changed at all from last year.
I gazed up at the windows while stepping around the chair centered in the room. Max already waited by a small screen when we all approached him. He sent Eric a raised eyebrow before wrapping his arms around his chest. Eric stood beside him as Abby and I settled behind them. Val stood somewhere in between, looking absent-mindly at the chair. The concussion clearly still affecting him.
Once again, Janine and erudite leadership would oversee the process. I scowled at Janine when she turned towards me. She seemed a little to satisfied when her eyes shifted to Eric. She had to know about our fall out. Janine had always hated me and especially the thought of me being with her son. I scoffed and looked away from her when Four called in the first initiate.
As Four had said. It was normal to have around ten to fifteen fears and that it would take around fifteen minutes to complete on average. The fears were mostly unique but there were a few of the same fears going around between the initiates. The day progressed slowly, and when Four called in the next person, I saw it was the abnegation girl, the first jumper. Four walked beside her and something in him had changed, he was looking like one who wanted to protect that girl. I put two and two together while watching them approach the chair in the middle of the room. He had done the same Eric had with me.
We watched her fear landscape, and her second last fear was intimacy, just as mine had been. But instead of it being Eric, it was now Four who attacked her. I guessed that the fear of intimacy was quite common after all, it was the third time I had seen it today. I kept a tight hold on my arms, digging my fingernails into my skin, leaving small crescent shaped dents in my skin as I watched the screen.
We weren't even halfway when exhaustion began sweeping over me. It was a very interesting process to witness, to get an insight into their fears. There were many unique fears. When the last initiate had completed their fear landscape, it was already lunch time. There had been a break half-way, but it had been a short break.
I suppressed a yawn, covering my mouth with the back of my hand when Eric grabbed my hand and kept me where I was. He shook his head when Janine stepped towards us. The rest of erudite leadership following her. My eyes dipped to the thing in her hand, it looked like the needle Four had used to inject the serum that was used to enter the fear landscape.
I grimaced when she showed it to us. "The tracking serum in this vial, is now viable and it will benefit you all here at Dauntless. You will all get a shot tonight, the same will every other Dauntless member." Janine explained as two men, dressed in blue stepped forth. They were each holding a serum injector like Janine. They went for Valentine and me, who stood closest.
I winced again, reluctantly pulling my hair away from my neck, allowing them to inject me with the serum. I remembered Eric's words clearly but knew if I resisted, Janine would only make it worse for me. She already knew I was divergent, no need making it easy for her. The needle was placed against my skin, there was a slight pressure before the needle went through.
I jolted then the serum entered my system, then a shudder whacked through me. The procedure was over in seconds but hurt like hell. I held a hand over my neck as the man in blue changed the small vial before he moved on to Eric. "The equipment in the control room will communicate with the tracking chip. Tomorrow the trial will commence." Janine said before she left us all.
I frowned at her while continuing to rub the sore spot on my neck. Eric cursed beside me, mimicking the same motion of rubbing a hand over the sore spot before Max turned to him. "Eric. I expect you to be overseeing the administration of the serum in the pit tonight." Max ordered more than instructed. Eric nodded, agreeing to the order before Max turned away again.
When erudite leadership had left the room Eric grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. I twitched, the motion beginning at the spot he touched me, moving all the way up into my shoulder. "I need to speak with you." Eric brought me closer to him. "Let me tell you what I know—it's getting dangerous. That serum—it's not a tracking device, it's something else." Eric whispered against my temple.
Eric had lowered his head to me when he grabbed my hand. He was whispering because Max was still in the room. Abby looked us, an eyebrow raised but not for long before a smile replaced it. I returned it before Eric pulled me with him. We left the room not long after. Eric guided me back to the apartments and halted outside his, but I pulled him towards mine instead.
Once inside, we settled on the couch, facing each other. Eric lent heavily against the back of the it, crossed his arms, and swung one leg over the other. He blew out a breath before he turned his head to me. Our eyes locked and I tucked both legs beneath me. "That serum—the trial will begin tomorrow. Janine has something planned that only Max know. Even I don't know what is going to happen." Eric tilted his head back against the couch.
"Promise me you won't do anything stupid." Eric turned to look at me again, but I looked away by resting my chin against the couch. "Octavia—please look at me. I'm serious." Eric ordered. I jumped at the velocity of his voice, my eyes snapping back to his. I blinked at him and raised an eyebrow. He was not yet forgiven completely. And this tone, I would not have it.
"Eric—" I warned, straightening up. "Don't use that tone with me." I snapped, pointing a finger at him "I will not do anything stupid. I'm not a child." I then frowned when he scoffed at me and turned back to look at the ceiling above him. He blew out another heavy breath before he hunched forwards, resting his elbows on his knees as his hands moved through his hair. He tousled it before standing up.
"I'm sorry." He groaned while looking at me. His eyes were sad and there was regret traceable in them as he turned to the door, but I wouldn't let him go that easily. I jumped off the couch, grabbed his arm and forced him to turn back to me. "Octavia, now's not the time—" He growled but trailed off when seeing my serious expression
"Now's the perfect time, Eric. I have you talking to me, so now we need to talk about what happened." I began and Eric pinched the bridge of his nose. It was an action done in defeat. He was not prepared for this but that was why we needed to do it now. "I'm sorry for hitting you—I presumed I knew what was going on and my anger got the best of me. Eric, I hope you understand—" But I wasn't allowed to finish because he cupped my face with both his hands as lips crashed against mine. There had been surprise traceable in his eyes, it had been just a hint but I had seen it when he looked at me.
The force sent me backwards until the back of my legs collided with the couch. We both stumbled and landed on the couch. Eric braced himself on his hands as he landed above me. "I was a moron—you don't need protection. What I've done has only worsened it all." His eyes had darkened with lust when they traveled over me. I didn't have to guess what was going on, I already knew and no matter how much I didn't want to forgive him, I still loved him deep down.
Eric caught my lips again and I arched against him as arms traveled underneath my hips. I was raised up onto my knees before Eric shifted off the couch. I wrapped my legs around his waist when he stood up, a small shriek leaving me when he moved us both to the bedroom. But he didn't go for the bed.
Eric slammed me against the nearest wall, letting me slide down slightly until I could feel the tenting desire in his pants. I gasped and arched against him when hands traveled up my shirt, pulling it over my head in one swift motion. It was discarded to the ground when lips crashed against mine again. My fingers grasped at his already tousled hair when he began trailing kisses down my neck. He found the sensitive spot of skin behind my right ear and suckled as a hand moved to my chest, trapping the harden nipple between his thumb and index finger.
I moaned out loud as desire whacked through me. Eric lowered me completely, letting my feet touch the ground for just enough time for him to yank his shirt off and then work on my trousers. He had them pulled down and I stepped out of them before he raised me back up again. My arms and legs wrapped around him, only then to notice how he had managed to loosen the front of his own pants. My eyes widened when looking down as his own hand hand moved into his trousers.
"Eric—" I gasped when he drew his hips back, pulling out his hardened length from within his trousers. I felt it against my sex before he drew his hips back again, the tip positioning itself against my entrance. His jaw clenched as he nudged inside me, pressing forward slowly but firmly. There was only a slight heat as I stretched for him.
Eric worked in a powerful but slow pace, driving a little further inside me with each tightly controlled thrusts of his hips. The only reason he moved this slow was so not to lose himself completely. I had never been fucked up against a wall, I had always imagined it wouldn't work, and I'd start slipping down because I was heavy or something, but Eric kept me pinned between him and the wall, keeping me steady while thrusting inside me.
I looped my arms properly around his neck, arching forward to that my nipples brushed against his chest every time he moved. Eric groaned and pressed me harder against the wall, pinning me with his frame and moving both hands to my rump, supporting my weight as his thrusts grew quicker, less controlled, his cock driving deeper than before. I instantly cried out in pleasure.
And I welcomed it. My nails were digging into his back as my head tilted back against the wall when pleasure gathered in a hot bundle at the base of my pelvis every time, he drove into me. My body pulsed with the pleasure and my core ached. I clenched around him and cried out, the pleasure taking over every part of my body. Eric felt my need and moved faster, his pace increasing as he approached his own peak as well.
I was sent over the edge first, my orgasm tearing through my body, and I clenched around him again as he kept thrusting through my orgasm, driving out the last pleasure before he clenched his teeth, sheathed himself completely inside me, and came. We both cried out and I latched on harder, digging my nails into his skin, leaving behind my mark. Every feminine urge inside me cheered when seeing the scratch marks on his back, running crimson. He was mine.
Eric nibbled on my shoulder as I trembled in his arms. He squeezed the soft part of my rump bringing me closer to him before he shifted away from the wall. I shrieked. Eric then slid out of me, and I whimpered at his absence before he repositioned me on the bed. I watched him get out of his pants completely before climbing over me again. Lips found mine and I melted against him, eagerly wrapping my arms around him, wanting more.
I loved this stupid man with all my heart. I loved every part of him—every flaw.
I just loved him.