"It's hard to forget someone, who gave you so much."
I shot off the bed after the hundredth time I had turned around. I was not getting any sleep and decided to get up. 4:06 am. Shit. I pushed my hair out of my face before I cast a glance towards the empty bed when entering my bathroom. It was still as empty as it had been last night. It was a sight I reluctantly got used to as the days slowly passed.
Eric and I hadn't spoken for almost a week now. And still I hadn't gotten used to him not being around. Ezekiel had proven to be an overprotective brother as I had feared. I had seen new sides to the man because he had been around more. He had this week off before he needed to return to the fence.
He trusted his right-hand man Zephyr but not to control the other guards for more than a week. I had laughed at his words when he told me. I got the feeling it was one big family whenever he spoke about the guards at the fence. Luke had become a part of that family and he felt that he needed to make sure Roxy was alright.
She was still in the infirmary but getting stronger for each day that passed. Ezekiel even stuck around her too. I had properly only seen these new sides to him because he had been around more. He was a big goofball underneath the tough exterior, even Tadeo and the twins liked him. They were a bit biased because they knew who he was even before I became friends with him.
His leadership were legendary, like Four he had been scouted for leadership but had turned it down because he wouldn't leave the fence. He wouldn't leave his family. Ezekiel was a very private person, but I had learnt that his parents were no longer in dauntless and that he'd had a sister that died under initiation, but that was it, no one wanted to answer when I asked about it.
The man was eleven years older than me. There had been a lot of accidents throughout the years so it could be any of them. I had no chance of figuring out who she was. So that all meant Ezekiel was on his own. He proved lonelier than what Eric had been. I was glad that he had found us, but I feared he only stuck around because Eric and I wasn't talking. I had only spoken to him a few times before when Eric was with me.
They had seemed like friends, but I figured I had been wrong. But that was only until I caught them in the pit one evening. Ezekiel managed to make Eric smile. I had melted at the sight of the smile and retracted my previous fears. Ezekiel and Eric were friends. Something I hoped they would continue to be even though he kept returning to be around Roxy and me.
I moved through my apartment without thinking of how much noise I made, grabbing the few things I needed before leaving. I made sure to lock my apartment and pocked the keys before pulling the sweatshirt over my head. My hair became a bit tousled when I emerged again, but I only pushed it away from my face when descending the stairs, quickly moving through dauntless.
There were no one in the hallways and when I reached the training room, I heard someone grunt every time they hit something. It was definitely masculine. The voice rough and low pitched. Then a scream, sounding more a frustrated yell. It had me look around the open door, taking in a figure standing in front of a boxing bag, arms resting on top of the object as his shoulders heaved.
I remained where I was and waited. For a second, I hadn't recognized the person but when my eyes landed on the tattoos decorating the forearms I knew it was Eric. I frowned and retracted. I wouldn't want to be alone with him but when I moved, he heard me. I had somehow managed to rub against the doorframe, accidentally hitting it with my hand as well. Eric tensed and raised his head before slowly turning around to see who it was.
When our eyes locked, there were surprise before they hardened seconds after, and he turned away from me. I blew out a defeated breath before entering the training room. I had hoped I could get to hit something but that was not going to happen today. I kept my eyes on Eric's back as he continued to hit the boxing bag. It swayed dangerously as he increased the strength, he used to hit it.
I swallowed before turning to the open door, leading out of the room, but when I did, I came face to face with the pouring rain. Dread settled in my gut, and I groaned loudly. Just great. Just what I needed. I refused to go run in such a weather. I wouldn't even be able to climb without putting myself in danger. I slumped, feeling defeated as tears threatened to emerge. What was I then supposed to do?
I drew my arms close, wrapping them around my chest as I stepped back. I was not going to run in that weather. When I turned around, I noted that Eric was looking at me while scowling like he usually did but there was something else present. It was as if he wanted to say something to me. But he regretted and returned to hitting the boxing bag. "Seriously Eric—I hit you. I'm sorry, get over it." I rolled my eyes at him and stormed out of the training room again.
I returned to my apartment where I stayed the entire day, except to go to lunch. During the evening, Ezekiel and Roxy came to visit. She had been allowed a few hours out. Ezekiel wanted to use the time to explore and what better than to go to the pit. I had agreed because I needed the distraction as well. They both knew that very well. Ezekiel had stuck around, and I was certain Eric's scowl grew bigger whenever he saw us with Ezekiel.
Roxy was in a large sweater that I believed belonged to Luke. It almost made her vanish as she walked beside Ezekiel, dressed only in a t-shirt, properly one size to big, black cargo pats like Eric also wore. The common dauntless uniform. I remained behind them and allowed them to guide me to the pit. I trusted them but when we stepped out into the large cavern that was the chasm, I halted.
My eyes went wide when the familiar sound of water falling reached my ears. Everything came washing over me and added up with the few hours of sleep I had gotten lately, it overtook me but Roxy didn't let it because she grasped my hand and Ezekiel grabbed the other. I jolted when they touched me.
I had thought Ezekiel's idea to go to the pit had been a good idea but now not so much. I hadn't stepped out onto that bridge since the accident. Even Roxy looked affected, but she only grabbed my hand tighter and pulled me with her. Ezekiel even helped Roxy drag me across.
I released Ezekiel's hand on the other side of the bridge but not Roxy's as we descended into the chaos of the pit. Many were gathered tonight, and more sparring occurred with a lot of people watching, betting, and whatever else they did when watching the two people fight.
When we passed one of the fights, I halted. I had seen how it was Eric and Valentine. My eyes had scanned the crowd when we passed through. They looked consumed with their fight before Eric suddenly managed to overtake Valentine. He had placed a leg behind the older dauntless, tripping him while grabbing onto his t-shirt. While Val was falling, Eric pushed him towards the ground. I heard the heavy thud when Valentine landed on the ground. My chest tightened. That was more force than necessary, what was Eric doing?
I took a step towards them, releasing Roxy's hand in the process. Eric was visibly angry and allowed his feelings to take over his actions. The sparring had been friendly, but this turned it. Val groaned while he sat back up, folding his legs in front of him as a hand moved to the back of his head, rubbing the sore spot where the back of his head had collided with the floor. He even cursed, that was the first time in a long time I had heard him use such a language.
My eyes widened and I took another step towards the pair, really worried about Valentine. But Eric noticed me. His eyes snapped to me, whereafter they narrowed when I frowned at him. But I didn't cover and moved towards Valentine. "You okay?" I asked when taking a knee next to him. Val looked surprised before he nodded and took a few deep breaths. He was clearly not okay. Anger grew within me, and I was ready to yell at Eric for another reason.
"No need to give him a concussion." I snapped at him, ready to confront him as a leader and not his girlfriend but Val grabbed my hand and my attention shifted back to him. I helped him to his feet as two others stepped forth to help, they had him moved away when I turned back to Eric. "Eric, seriously! You're forgetting your strength, that could have killed him!" I yelled at him and pointed after Val. He scoffed and turned away, but I didn't let him.
I grabbed a fistful of his jacket and pulled him back to me. Eric staggered, surprisingly, before he twisted around to face me, arm raised, intending to swing at me. I had been ready for it, but someone had stepped in and locked their arm with Eric's before he could even swing it at me. "Let me go, Ezekiel." Eric sneered but the guard smirked.
"No." He deadpanned and yanked Eric closer to him. "If you want to fight—fight someone your own size, you big baby." Ezekiel continued to the horror of everyone around us. My eyes widened before releasing Eric. Most of the people gathered turned to watch the tree of us. Everyone in dauntless knew Eric and I had split. Rumors traveled faster than actual news.
Eric then threw the first punch, but Ezekiel avoided it before steering Eric around him by their still locked arms, forcing him away from me. Eric stumbled but regained himself before he discarded his jacket. Then he hunched in alarm, or preparedness. Eric was in a t-shirt now, and it looked big on him for some unexplainable reason.
When they started their fight, I knew right away that this was not sparring this was real fighting. It looked just like what Eric and Gabriel had done. "Ezekiel! Eric! Stop this madness!" I pleaded but they both ignored me and continued their dangerous dance.
As Abby had warned me, Ezekiel was quite strong. He soon overpowered Eric. It happened without Ezekiel allowing Eric to hit him more than once. Though I feared it had not been intended. Eric had managed to hit Ezekiel. It had surprised him. I saw his golden eyes widen before he blocked the next swing from Eric. Ezekiel steered Eric away again, and he stumbled again before spinning around to throw another punch at the older dauntless.
Ezekiel ducked, spun, and grabbed on to Eric's arm before continuing the forward momentum, throwing Eric over his shoulder. He landed on his back and cried out in pain. For a moment I feared it had been it but when Ezekiel stepped forwards, Eric managed to grip onto his path leg. Somehow, Eric was back up and went for a tackle, but Ezekiel never allowed him.
It was all a game to him and soon he had Eric on his knees, after he had kicked him at the back of his knees. Eric buckled when an arm was securely wrapped around his throat that forced Eric to remain still on the ground in front of him. "Apologize, you big idiot!" Ezekiel ordered, head low and leveled with Eric's ear. "If you throw such a punch at her again, I will not hold back next time. You're weak—you haven't been taken care of yourself. Wake up, or this will cost you everything. Can't you see you have someone who truly loves you—"
"Go to hell—" Eric snapped at him. Ezekiel blew out a defeated breath before he tightened his hold on Eric again. He choaked and buckled against Ezekiel. Eric struggled with everything he had, fingers locking around the forearm underneath his chin. I watched how Eric's lips turned blue. This was bad. His pride wouldn't let him tap out, nor would Ezekiel release him before he did. It was a dangerous combo. Eric simply wouldn't relent. Tears swelled when watching him grow weaker.
"Ezekiel, enough!" I ordered, trying my best not to scream at them. It brought his attention to me just as Eric tapped his shoulder. He was released instantly, Ezekiel moved away, shoulders heaving when Eric fell onto all four, coughing violently. It had taken much out of Eric to tap Ezekiel's shoulder. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I all I wanted in that moment was to reach out to him but knowing Eric, he wouldn't allow it.
Then he got to his feet. Eric staggered and stumbled forwards with a hand against his sore neck. Involuntarily I acted and reached out both my hands to steady him. It was the first time I had touched him in days. My hands rested on his chest while I steadied him. Eric lent heavily against me, slowly regaining his balance. But the damage had already happened. My fingers could feel him tremble, there were something wrong, really wrong like Ezekiel had pointed out.
My eyes widened and took him in completely, starring up into those familiar blue eyes. Eric seemed weak, thinner, pale. I hadn't noticed before he came so close to me. And then that damned cologne of his almost had me in tears. It also allowed me to see the wound I had inflicted on his lips was not healing properly.
When he had stumbled so close to me, we had both tensed. I flinched when he raised a hand, at first fearing a hit but fingertips brushed against my cheek instead, removing a few of the tears before he suddenly grabbed my hands and forced them away. Once again, he staggered, he stumbled through the crowd, pushing people aside to escape down the nearest hallway. I had called his name once, but Ezekiel had stepped forth and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Let him go." Ezekiel sighed when we both watched Eric storm through the crowd.
I felt torn right there and then. I wanted to run after him, hug him, kiss him. But I also wanted to scream at him, yell at how stupid he was. "Ezekiel, what's happening?" I asked and tuned to face him. I had gotten the feeling he knew more than he told me. The older dauntless looked pained and lowered his gaze momentarily.
"Come, I will tell you but not here." Ezekiel surrendered before guiding me with him. He brought Roxy and I back to the infirmary. Roxy needed rest and it was a place we could talk freely, seeing as there were no one else in the room right now. Roxy climbed underneath the comforter, and I settled next to her as Ezekiel pulled a chair closer. He seated himself and threw one leg over the other. "Abby asked me to look after you. She came to me and told me how Eric had become very destructive towards his surroundings, neglecting himself—shit."
Ezekiel trailed off when Valentine and Abby entered. She was furious and Valentine was looking utterly pale. I shot off the bed and ran to her, quickly helping her settle Val on a nearby bed. Her eyes softened when seeing it was me. I grabbed her shoulder as Val grabbed my forearm. "Don't let her go to Eric right now." He whispered as the nurse came and took over, asking what had happened.
"He sparred with Eric in the pit." I informed before Abby could open her mouth. I wrapped my arm around her shaking frame. "He was tackled and accidentally hit the floor with the back of his head." I continued and pulled Abby away. The nurse nodded before resuming her examination. Anther arm went around Abby. Ezekiel had stepped closer from behind and settled on her other side.
"Don't worry—I taught him a lesson. He will come around to apologize." Ezekiel sighed when Abby finally broke down. With the help of Ezekiel, I had her positioned on the chair he had pulled closer earlier. I saw Abby's tears when she hunched forward, rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face in her hands. I crouched down in front of her and wrapped my arms around her thighs. She took the strange hug and embraced me as well.
She rested her head against my shoulder as her arms went around my neck. She had allowed me to raise up so to wrap my arms around her waist instead. I heard as much as felt her sobs. She was trembling in my embrace. I fought with everything I had to hold back my own tears.
Abby didn't relent when the nurse stepped away from Valentine. I heard him speak with Ezekiel before it became quiet. I knew he must've fallen asleep. The nurse informed us it was a concision and that he needed rest. It was hard to get Abby to leave the infirmary when the nurse told us to leave. I quickly said my goodbyes to Roxy before pulling Abby up from the chair.
I wiped a few tears away before taking her hand in mine. No matter how much I wanted to find Eric and give him another beating, Abby needed me more. She only followed me reluctantly. Ezekiel helped me get her back to her apartment before he also left us. I looked after the golden-skinned man as he disappeared before turning back to the open door.
I had been in Abby and Val's apartment a few times, but it still felt strange every time I stepped inside. "Tavia—" Abby grabbed my sleeve. She had also begun calling me that nickname, Ezekiel had given me. He had shortened my name to Tavia. He didn't like the nickname Roxy had given me. "—don't leave me tonight." She pleaded.
I nodded and turned back around to pull her into another tight hug after I had closed the door with a small kick of my foot. Abby grasped at my clothes and held on. I didn't know for how long we stood there but I wanted to let her hold me for as long as she needed. It was now my turn to be there for her as she had been so many times for me.