There are glitches on this page sometimes that make whole paragraphs repeat. I tried fixing it but it's not working so just bear with me.
I was fuming as I looked through the Yahoo articles. Lafayette was everywhere, and right next to him was that fucking dick Rick Solanzki. How could he find him attractive! He was too short, too hairy. There were tons of photos from Lafayette's party, because he still had one. Him and Rick were by each other all night it appeared. Worst of all, there was a photo of Lafayette received a check for one fucking billion dollars from some guy - Micah Schumacher. A part of me had believed he might have been lying or something, and that the bet wasn't real, but here it was. A check for a billion dollars, from Micah Schumacher. To top it off, Lafayette was quoted as saying, "I won a bet against Schumacher, and so that's why he's giving me a billion dollars. I'm donating half of it to charities, though." What a piece of shit. They say there's five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I had been in denial, but now that I knew it was all fucking true - I was pissed as hell. I kept an eye on Lafayette in all the news articles of him, and Rick was in all the photos of him. He basically replaced me, because I had been in all of those photos before and I was the mystery man by his side all the time.
I was hoping he'd be upset about everyone being mad at him. His parents were disappointed in him, and this time they actually had a reason to be. Then Michael, Emilio, Vince, and Donald weren't speaking to him. Other than Donald, the other three weren't going to return to work until he dumped Rick because they couldn't stand him. I was wanting him to feel like shit, but he didn't. He was basically taking a vacation, too, because no one had gone to work since the new year. He was acting the same, even though I discovered he's a twat. He was still portrayed as an amazing person in the media and he was still doing good to the world, just not behind the world.
I got furious one day I called his office phone. He didn't answer, but then I remembered he wasn't going to his office. I tried the phone he used in his house. After a few rings, he picked up.
"Hello," he answered.
"Lafayette, I swear to god if you hang up on me."
"Emerson."
"Yeah."
He sighed. "What is it?"
"You can't end things like that, Faye. Even if you don't care, you shouldn't do it that way. You should have known that I'd call."
"What else do you want me to say?"
"Look, I can believe the bet. He gave you the billion dollar check. I know. I can believe you're with Rick. You two are constantly together. What I don't believe is that you really didn't care about me. You let me see so far into your personal life that there's no way you really couldn't have cared about me. Even if you didn't truly love me, you had to care a little."
He sighed again, tiredly. "I did consider you a friend, Emerson. I wasn't in love with you. You're just not my type and you're too young for me, but you were a good friend. I'll admit that. I liked that you really cared about me. It was something new. Rick was always gone. My family was distant. Michael and them cared about me differently. I figured if I broke it off in such a bad way then you'd get over me quicker."
"I'd get over you in any way. I don't want to because I still love you, but if you don't love me then I guess I have to."
He was quiet, and then said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I used you and I'm sorry I had to be so mean to you. I'm sorry I can't love you back. For a while there I tried to, but it just wasn't real. I convinced myself for a while that I could love you, because I started to feel guilty. You were just so good to me. I know this if far fetched, but can we still be friends?"
"We can, but I don't think I'll see you that often. I'm living with my parents."
"I know, and Rick is super jealous of you. I guess we don't have to be friends, but I just don't want to end on a bad note."
"It's fine. You know I forgive you right?"
He laughed, cackling. "You shouldn't. You really shouldn't forgive me, but one reason why you were such a great friend was because you are so forgiving."
"Yeah. So...it's really over huh?"
"It is, but I don't want you to be miserable. I'll give you a letter of recommendation okay? A great one."
"Thanks, Lafayette."
"You're welcome. I'm still sorry. I'm not good at things like that Emerson. I don't break up with people. My first boyfriend and I just sort of knew it was going to happen. Then the girl in college dumped me. Marcus is...well Marcus is Marcus. So again, I'm sorry. I'm really not as shallow as I came off. I was using you, but I felt really guilty for a while. Though then I started dating Rick and he despises you and it's just complicated."
"Are you really happy with him?" I asked.
"Yeah. He's a handful, but I like that about him. I'm always up for a challenge."
I sighed, smiling sadly. "Alright. So you really did care about me, at least a little?"
"Yes."
"And we're still friends?"
"I sure hope so," he said.
"Okay. I don't think I'll see you around that much, but if I do then, you know."
"I know. Do you really forgive me?"
"Well, yeah. I know you Lafayette. I knew you had to care about me a little," I confessed.
"Yeah. Does it make it easier?" he asked.
"To get over you? I think it does. I mean, you still consider me a friend. That's better than having you just treat me like a pawn. I'm fine with where we are now. We're...good."
"Good. Let me know when you need that recommendation."
"Alright. My grandpa got me another job so I don't know if I'll need it. I'm trying to write, so maybe I'll just publish a story and retire."
"I hope you do."
It was my turn to sigh. "Well, I suppose I'll go now. Thanks, Lafayette, for turning out to be not such a bitch."
He laughed again. "Thanks for being such a good person Emerson. I wish you were an asshole. Then I wouldn't feel like such a piece of shit."
"No problem. Bye, Faye."
"Goodbye...Em."
And with that, I hung up.
I was at the acceptance stage. I think I would have always been in denial or depressed if he said he really didn't care about me. Other things added up, like his bet and him and Rick. I could believe that, but he had to have cared about me. And he did. I felt good that he still thought of me as a friend, and a good person. Although he couldn't fall in love with me, I was still content, and I knew I'd be happier soon enough. Things were going well. My job was actually really nice. I was a secretary for a lawyer, Dennis Shreve. I actually went to school with his son, Allan. His son was working to become a lawyer, almost there, and so I saw Allen a lot. His girlfriend Shelley hung around the office a lot, and she was great company. So I was making new friends. Also, I got to see old friends, too.
Michael and Emilio came to town to visit. I took them to Titus, the best pastry shop ever.
"This place is so cute. This entire town is," Emilio said.
"It's perfect for raising a family. It can be boring if you're a teenager, but it's perfect because they don't get fucked up. They do that in college," I said.
"Are you feeling okay?" Michael asked. He had hardly smiled or said anything since him and Emilio first arrived. He looked so distraught and worried.
"I'm fine, Michael," I said, chuckling.
"How? Lafayette broke your heart."
"I know, but we're okay now."
He shook his head. "What?"
"I called him and we talked. He wanted to appear as an asshole while dumping me so then I could get over him, but I didn't believe him when he said he didn't care about me. He said he had always just looked at me like a friend. There was something about me that made it impossible for him to actually love him."
"But you made him happy."
I shook my head. "It was Rick."
His eyes turned cold at the mention of Rick. "I fucking hate that guy. He's so mean to me. But seriously, Em. How can you forgive him?"
I sighed. "Because I just know him. I know what he's like and I just understand him. I expect him to do things in certain ways." I shrugged. "I'm fine, though. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him if he truly doesn't love me. So I'm good."
"But..."
"Michael, it's not a problem. I miss him and I'm still hurt that he isn't into me and that he used me, but things are fine. I'm not going to date for a while or anything, but I will eventually and I'll be happy."
"He just can't do that, though. He needs to learn his lesson."
"It's called karma. It'll happen to him if necessary, but everything is okay."
Michael looked very sad. "But...I want you guys to be together."
I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Why? Even after this?"
"Yes! I want you to be together because you just look perfect with each other."
"If it's meant to be, then it'll happen."
"But I miss you." He was about to cry, which made me want to cry.
"Michael! Don't do this," I laughed. "You're gonna make me cry. Yeah, I miss you guys, too. I miss it all. I wish I could be with Lafayette still and I wish things didn't have to change, but sometimes that's what happens. It's hard. Change is difficult, but it becomes easier. Things got easier after Donald left?"
"Yeah, but that's because I like you and I still saw Donald all the time and Lafayette wasn't being a bitch and Rick wasn't constantly there being a bitch, too," he said.
"Lafayette and I aren't getting back together, Michael," I said. "I forgave him, but that doesn't mean I can be in a relationship with him again. I don't want to possibly end up getting hurt again."
"It's just not fair. He doesn't even care that he's hurting more people than you."
"He feels guilty that he's hurting me, and he feels guilty he's hurting you guys, too. I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better."
He sighed. "I don't know..." he mumbled.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"It's kind of my fault."
He gave me a flat stare. "Shut up. It's his fault. He's being stupid."
"You've been friends with him longer than me. Don't team up with me against him," I said.
"I know I've been friends with him for so long, but never in my life did I think he could do such a thing. You were being used, Em. Anyone would take your side."
"Michael, like I said - I just get him and I can understand why he would do all this in this way."
"I hope he gets what's coming to him."
"He really should get some karma," Emilio added.
"I don't know. I kind of want him to, but then I don't. I felt so shitty that I wouldn't want anyone to feel as bad as I did."
"You're too fucking nice. Fuck you," Michael said.
I laughed. He was hysterical when he was emotional. "I can't help it."
"This is why he felt guilty. Because you're just so nice. If you had been bitchy to him he wouldn't have cared. You know, he should have hired a bitch for his stupid bet. Then we wouldn't have liked him and neither would have Lafayette and no one would have cared."
"But then we wouldn't have met and things wouldn't have been as fun or memorable."
He sighed. "I know. Despite what he did to you, I'm glad he still hired you."
The three of us hung out for the rest of the day, and it was great seeing them. I did feel kind of sad because I was going to miss seeing them everyday, but I knew I'd get use to it. I got use to everything. We said our goodbyes later that night and I went back to my house. I actually liked staying with Mom and Dad. I just loved being close to home. Alisha visited a lot, too. Clovis was busy this time of year so he couldn't join us as much, but it was still nice to see him and Alisha together so often.
She visited me on the nineteenth after a few days of not having seen her. I was in the bathroom, taking a shower (and dealing with some morning wood) when she pounded on the door. "Emerson!" she yelled. "It's an emergency!"
I quickly grabbed my robe and threw it on and ran out the door. "What is it?" I asked.
"I'm engaged!" she cheered, hugging me.
"That's your emergency? I thought something happened to Dad or-"
"Shut up and be happy for me!"
"Fine. Congratulations! How did he propose?"
She grabbed my wrist and pushed me onto the bed so she could properly tell me the story. "Okay, so I woke up and there was a dress hanging on the door, a gorgeous hot pink dress. He left a note saying that we were going to have a fun day off. I got ready and wore the dress, adding some leggings and boots and my coat for the cold. I also put my hair up 'cause-"
"I don't care what you looked like. Get to it."
"Fine. Anyway, we spent the entire day together and he took me to all his favorite places and my favorite places. It was super unconventional. We went to a library, a museum, did fun things on the street, we did all sorts of fun things. Then we went back to the apartment and he started up a fire. We lied down in front of it and just talked on and on about everything. Then, he just proposed. It was perfect."
"Yeah..." I mumbled.
"What's wrong? Why're you crying?"
I couldn't help myself. Their date sounded like the date Lafayette took me on, and I just missed it. Yeah, I knew we were over, but that didn't mean I couldn't miss it. Sometimes people will cry over a deceased loved one even if it's been awhile since they've moved on. Being over Lafayette wasn't anywhere near as bad as having someone pass away, but I could still miss him. "I'm sorry, it's just your date reminds me of something to do with Lafayette," I whimpered.
"Oh, Em, I thought you said you were over him."
"I am. The memory was just my favorite. We went on a similar date and it was the first time we got together, so...you know. I don't mean to ruin your moment."
"Oh you're fine Em. I shouldn't have told you when I know you thought he was going to propose. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I shouldn't cry over this."
"But you can cry if you want to."
I let out a shaky breath, calming down. "I don't want to get back with him, it's just I wish everything had been real."
"I know sweetie."
I chuckled/whimpered. "You sound like Mom when you say that."
She giggled. "I can't wait to be a mom, and it's strange to think that in probably a few years I will be."
"You'll be a great mother."
"Thanks." She paused and looked down at my hand, playing with nails. "You know, you're only twenty-three. You're gonna turn twenty-four in a few months. You're still young. I'm twenty-eight. It's time for me to start my life. You should go out and have fun and be stupid the way I was before Clovis."
"You know that's not me. I want a boyfriend. I was so happy when I was with Lafayette because he was so loving and I just felt so loved. It felt great. I want that again. I wish things had worked out with Lafayette, but since they didn't then I want someone else to make me feel like that again."
She looked at me sympathetically. "I think everyone wishes you two never broke up."
I smiled sadly. "I wish so, too."
She leaned against the pillows, wiping my face. "Will you be my maid of honor?"
I laughed. "Yes, but if a guy is a maid of honor he's called the Man of Honor."
"Great. Be my Man of Honor!"
"I will! Stop yelling!"
"Go finish your shower already!"
"Fine!"
I got up, laughing, and went into the bathroom.
"Love you!" she shouted.
"Love you, too!" I called back.
I didn't want to start dating anytime soon. I decided to focus on everything else. I focused on doing my job. I bought my cousin's old car from him. I hung out with my cousins and new friends a lot, going out with them. I also wanted to find a place to stay in. Lucky for me, just a few blocks away from my parents' house and right next to the office I worked in, there were some apartments going for cheap. Within a few days I was renting it and moved in. I didn't have much furniture, and I didn't need much either. The fact that my parents were retired was very helpful. They had money to spend on me. At first I felt guilty to just take it, but then I stopped caring because they didn't mind. So they helped with a lot of things. Most of my paycheck went to rent, and if I needed money for other things then they would help out. Things felt like they were going fast, but they really weren't. January wasn't even over with, but it felt like forever since Lafayette had dumped me.
Marcus and Daniel came by to visit me as well. They wanted to take me to a club (not owned by Lafayette) and I decided to join them. It wasn't a stupid club. It had some class to it. It wasn't just a place to hook up with people, much to my pleasure. I wasn't looking for a one night stand. Having sex with someone didn't sound that enjoyable at that moment.
"How have you been?" Daniel asked.
"Good. I hear you guys are moving in together," I said.
"Yep. We already moved in. Marcus has really made the place look better."
"He's pretty messy, and has a bad taste in furniture."
Daniel laughed, and it was so good to see them happy together. Who would've thought? The first boy Lafayette ever kissed would end up with one of his ex-boyfriends? Then again, Lafayette has screwed a lot of people. I'm certain a lot of his past sex-buddies have hooked up.
"I'm glad you guys aren't talking to me about Lafayette. It seems like that's all anyone talks to me about anymore."
"We figured you wouldn't want to," Daniel said.
"Michael told us everything you told him anyway," Marcus added.
"Nice to know that you guys are gossiping about me."
"We wanted to make sure you were okay!"
"You could've called!"
"But we knew you didn't want to talk about it!"
I laughed. "Whatever. I think I'm gonna get hammered tonight. Make sure I don't get kidnapped. I don't want a one night stand tonight either. My sober yes is my consent!"
"What?" Daniel asked.
"When I was in college, they always had these photos of girls partying, and they would always say stuff like 'my sober yes is my consent' or 'flirting does not mean I want sex.' We used to steal them and put them in our rooms. My college was pretty safe, though."
"Why'd you drop out?"
"Well, I had gotten that awesome job, and then I just didn't think that college would help me. I was doing really bad in my classes because I was taking core curriculum classes, so they weren't even writing ones, and my loans probably wouldn't have gone through because of my poor grades. I took an ethics class, which was a lot harder than I thought. Like, super fucking hard. Then I took an astronomy class, and the night lab was fun, but then there was just so much to learn and the tests were so spread out." I shrugged. "College never seemed for me anyway. I can publish a book on my own, you know? And even if it's not that popular I don't care. I actually like working, which is weird. I like being good at a job, because I'm usually not good at much."
"Surely you're good at a lot of stuff."
"Not really. I'm not the brightest and I really don't have that many talents. Writing is basically where I shine best. I know random facts so I'm good at trivia games."
"You're a great friend."
"And you're cute."
"And that's all there is to me," I laughed. "Maybe because I suck at so many things just makes me a better friend. It makes my friends look better!"
They laughed and drank to that. I did get drunk. I was white girl wasted and super sloppy. They drove me home and Daniel threw me over his shoulder and carried me up to my apartment.
"Marcus," I slurred. "Did Daniel ever tell you he took me on a date?"
"Yeah, he told me," he said, smiling at my drunken stupor.
"And guess what? Lafayette said he was jealous that Daniel asked me out, so he finally took some action and took me on a date. What a fucking lie."
"Em, drink this water," Daniel said, handing me a water bottle.
I drank it, chugging it all. Then tossed it at him. "I'm sorry I moaned Lafayette's name when you gave me head."
They both laughed at me.
"Don't laugh at me. Ugh. You're the worst friends."
"Emerson, lie down on your side."
"I know what to do." I rolled my eyes and fell onto my side. "Get out of my house."
"We'll see you later, Em."
"Call us if you need anything."
They left, and in my drunken state I was emotional - like usual. I turned on the TV and cried at stupid reality show people winning the game they were playing, and then it flipped to the news. It said something about Lafayette, like usual, but I couldn't read it because I was too drunk and I didn't really care at that moment. I looked at the clock. It was past midnight, and I realized it was Lafayette's birthday. I wanted to call him, but I was so tired I ended up passing out, completely forgetting about him as I fell asleep.